ChristiaNet MallWorld's Largest Christian MallChristian BlogsFree Bible QuizzesFree Ecards and Free Greeting CardsLoans, Debt, Business and Insurance Articles

Moral Houserules OK

My sick twin sister lives with me. I allowed my other Sister, her daughter and 3 grandkids to live with me. 3 times warmed my niece not to sneak her boyfriend over night. She did. I found out. 30 days was given to move out. Was I wrong? Because I don't think so. What say ya?

Join Our Christian Dating and Take The Relationships Quiz
 ---Nikki on 6/29/13
     Helpful Blog Vote (5)

Reply to this BlogPost a New Blog



I just hope your niece's life can be chaged like mine was, but in a better way!
Blessings---Peter9556 on 7/18/13

Yes, Peter I pray as well.
I am 41 years old also.
I know the long journey God set out for me.
She is only 20 years old and the world telling her sin isn't sin.
At her age, we both at least didn't have our society soaked with sin as now.

My duty is to pray for her and my other family members.
As I wish they are praying for me.
But if not, I am still praying for them.
God is Merciful, and I trust in His Mercy.
---Nikki on 7/19/13


Nikki: 'My niece and others her age think we are backwards and old fashion.'

Nikki, I'm now 41 years old, and I was stricken, logically by God, though I knew it not at the time, at the age of 13, by the knowledge that I was immoral. I found a Bible in a hotel drawer, and read the sermon on the mount, and it was not until 8 years later that I became a Christian, but I knew for 8 years that there was something wrong with me.

So remember that even at a young age, like your niece, something small (no-one when I ask then remembers that night in the hotel when I found the Bible, but it changed my life) can change one's life

I just hope your niece's life can be chaged like mine was, but in a better way!

Blessings
---Peter9556 on 7/18/13


francis:

When the Apostles were preaching, there WAS no NT yet, so the Bereans could only have been stidying the OT.


Jed:

In the KJV, "fornication" is mentioned 5 times in the Old Testament, four of which were symbolic (i.e. referring to a country, rather than an individual). None of these instances were commandments given to Israel (like "thou shalt not commit adultery"). That is, it was never specifically listed as a crime, with an attending punishment. It may have been reviled, but not illegal.

NIV says "prostitution" instead. Note prostitution was also not illegal, else there would be no need for a specific command forbidding priests' daughters from prostitution (Leviticus 21:9).
---StrongAxe on 7/15/13


Really? The Old Testament never addresses fornication?
---Jed on 7/12/13


many on these blogs seem to rely on the Old Testament in all things,
---StrongAxe on 7/12/13
Interesting - worthy of examination

Acts 17:11...searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so.

Were they searching OT or NT?

Matthew 21:42 Jesus saith unto them, Did ye never read in the scriptures,
Mark 12:10 And have ye not read this scripture,
Luke 24:27 he expounded unto them in all the scriptures
John 5:39 Search the scriptures,
PAUL Romans 4:3 what saith the scripture?
James 4:5 Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain,
1 Peter 2:6 Wherefore also it is contained in the scripture,

Which of these writers uses the word " scripture" to refer to anything in the NT?
---francis on 7/12/13




Jed:

No, I didn't say that.

I was just pointing out what the Old Testament had to say on the matter (or not), since many on these blogs seem to rely on the Old Testament in all things, such as Sabbath observance, etc.

Many people also try to retroactively read New Testament sensibilities and doctrines back into the Old Testament text, which simply isn't there.

Under the Old Testament, extra-marital relationships were a civil offense against a woman's owner. Even prostitution wasn't illegal. It was despised, and forbidden to priest's daughters, but to nobody else.
---StrongAxe on 7/12/13


StrongAxe, you're statement is a little confusing. Are you actually saying that premarital relations is not a sin?
---Jed on 7/11/13


No Peter, you didn't say anything wrong or harsh.

You said the truth. My niece and others her age think we are backwards and old fashion.

I tried to tell her that God never ages.

In time I hope she realize her wrong.
---Nikki on 7/9/13


Nikki: I understand that this is making your life very hard, and I hope the things I write about trying to make things easier or more forgiving are not making your life harder.

I would certainly be quite angry, I must confess that

I just hope that your niece will realize that what she is doing is wrong, and sort her life out

Not just about her boyfriend, but generally to be a more moral person

Blessings, and sorry if I said anything that upset you
---Peter9556 on 7/8/13


Should this also be done in the HOUSEHOLD of God?--francis on 7/6/13

Yes, because my sister repented to God and by telling me the wrong.
My niece and other sister (mother of the niece) refused to say sorry. They did several days later.

Peter is correct. Matt 18:15-17 applies.

But the 30 days was given as part of the law of our state.
You can't kick someone out without notice unless your life is in danger.


He won't be able to last an entire year with them under his roof.---KarenD on 7/7/13

Good news, I just came from his house today.
My niece went to Church today.
(As she claims)
I hope for my brother's sake esp the children's sake it will go as God wants it to go.
---Nikki on 7/7/13




francis:

You said: Should this also be done in the HOUSEHOLD of God?

Note that this was not illegal under the Old Testament law. It was, at best, a civil tort against the girl's father (i.e. when a father married off a daughter, he received a bridesprice for her, something he could no longer do if she was no longer a virgin. Therefore, the man in question had to either marry her (and pay the bridesprice), or, at the father's option, not marry her, but he still had to pay the bridesprice. Thus, a matter of civil, rather than criminal law - unlike murder, adultery, and other serious crimes).
---StrongAxe on 7/7/13


Nikki...Want another laugh???? That year will probably be 1-2 months TOPS!! He won't be able to last an entire year with them under his roof.
---KarenD on 7/7/13


Francis: You are quoting only part of a section. That is a section talking about 'sexual immorality that is not seen even among pagans'.

I do not think we can include bringing boyfriends over among that.

Why do you not consider what Jesus says in Matt 18:15-17 about dealing with a 'sin against her aunt' (the aunt being Nikki) slowly, in the hope that the niece will repent(and Paul's comment in Gal 6:1 is similar )
---Peter9556 on 7/7/13


My sick twin sister lives with me. I allowed my other Sister, her daughter and 3 grandkids to live with me. 3 times warmed my niece not to sneak her boyfriend over night. She did. I found out. 30 days was given to move out.
---Nikki on 6/29/13
Should this also be done in the HOUSEHOLD of God?


1 Corinthians 5:4 In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when ye are gathered together, and my spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ,

1 Corinthians 5:5 To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.
---francis on 7/6/13


KarenD, I know you are serious and this is a serious matter, but your comment gave me a good laugh. Thanks, I needed that.

Nikki...Since your family is set on enabling these people, they will never take care of themselves or their children.---KarenD 7/5/13

My brother is only giving them 1 year tops. He isn't emotional as I am.

I just spoke to him today.
He told me he told them they have to take the kids to church every Sunday.
Plus, watch Christian cartoons or kids shows daily out of their many secular shows they already watch.

He rather have them going to a Catholic Church, but he is willing to accept any Christian Church.

God has answered my prayers.
They moving in tonight.
Both already have jobs
---Nikki on 7/6/13


Nikki...Since your family is set on enabling these people, they will never take care of themselves or their children.
---KarenD on 7/5/13


Read These Insightful Articles About Diabetes


I feel bad for the kids. To grow up with an immature, irresponsible parent in poverty is horrible. I saw way too many such kids in my teaching career.
---Grandma on 7/3/13


Nikki, I believe you did the right thing!

Eli the priest's sons were wicked and Eli didn't do anything about it, and look what happened to him.
1st Sam 2, 3, and 4.
---trey on 7/3/13


KarenD, the mother finally was able to get a Job 3 days after she moved in with me.
She quit job when I gave them 30 days stating she didn't have a way to get to work.
But I did give her my car 3 days after they left.
But, she still didn't go back to work.
She could have worked at any fast food place since now she has the short but valuable experience.

The grandmother works part time at a department store because she doesn't like fast food places.

This as well they will have to learn they have to work if they want to eat.
Oh wait, NO they don't. This wonder Country gives them free food. About $700 worth a month. Plus WIC.
Remember there is a 5, 2 and 3 month old child. Plus to 2 adults.
$700 Really???
---Nikki on 7/3/13


Nikki...Why aren't the two adult women working?????
---KarenD on 7/3/13


Read These Insightful Articles About Depression


KarenD, the grandmother was aware the boyfriend slept in my house. Even my twin sister knew. I was the only one who didn't know.
That's why the grandmother left with her daughter.

I told my niece, she gave up a good home for herself and her children, a car (an older car I let her drive), a job and self respect for a man.

They are all going to stay with my stricter brother.
He is an army man. He can handle them better.
I pray they will thank God, and use this time to get on their feet.
---Nikki on 7/2/13


You have my prayer, God keep your sister close.
---A_servant on 7/2/13


aka...Might as well call CPS now if this mother is already making these kinds of stupid decisions. This way the grandmother can get custody of the kids now instead of later.
---KarenD on 7/2/13


//That's why I warned her 3 times, because I didn't want to kick her out.
I was trying to teach her to think about her decision before making it.

I made the final decision because I knew I had to decide to whom I would show loyalty. God
I never stopped, or will stop praying for her.

Nikki - this is matthew 18:17-19 such that she will experience the loss of community to hopefully God can speak to her to come back to you.
---Scott1 on 7/2/13


Shop For Church Audio Video


A_servant, you hit it on the nail!
That was my concern is that she might not be getting the same Christian environment as in my home.
That's why I warned her 3 times, because I didn't want to kick her out.
I was trying to teach her to think about her decision before making it.

I made the final decision because I knew I had to decide to whom I would show loyalty. God
I never stopped, or will stop praying for her.

BTW, I had let her know she could return. She doesn't want to return because she is mad at my twin sister for telling on her.
I told her she needed to stop making excuses. My sister couldn't tell on her if she wasn't doing anything wrong.

I think she knows now my house rules are too hard for her.
---Nikki on 7/1/13


Nikki...I say you call CPS on this niece (aka mother) who brought a man to spend the night with her children in the home.
---KarenD on 7/1/13

nikki, i hope you are not this stupid. the CPS is the brown shirts of DCS. An agency for which i worked.

you do not want to go there.
---aka on 7/1/13


If proper warning was indeed given, then you are not in the wrong, but please consider that she may not receive the Christian influence she might have received in your house when she leaves. It is your decision, but is reprimanding the answer, or kicking her out completely? Either way, God will use this for His glory, but you should still pray fervently on this matter, such decisions should not be made from feelings, but from the spirit of God.
---A_servant on 7/1/13


On the other hand, "one strike and you're out" may be a bit severe---StrongAxe 7/1/13

You might be correct. But, you have to remember you are man.
This boyfriend is stronger than I.
Plus, I don't know who he is. Just because my Niece loves him and is made a child with him, it doesn't mean I have to trust him.
My generation is different (41yrs old) but I think some women are crazy to allow men to stay over who are not there husbands.

I don't know what was in his mind. He sounded and looked like a nice kid.
But, I don't plan to be the featured victim on '48 hours' neither.

I fussed at him as well, telling him he should never stay in a house where he isn't welcome. He can go to jail.



---Nikki on 7/1/13


Read These Insightful Articles About Bible Study


Nikki...I say you call CPS on this niece (aka mother) who brought a man to spend the night with her children in the home.
---KarenD on 7/1/13


francis:

Your quote is correct. But remember, it says:
"ye present your bodies a living sacrifice". It is a personal commandment. It says nothing about forcing others to do the same and judging them if they don't. Jesus ate with prostitutes and thieves. He didn't say "Sorry, I can't eat with you, because you don't measure up to God's standards of righteousness".

I also think Nikki is right, in that she has the right to set whatever reasonable rules she wants for house guests, and they have the choice to either follow them, or seek hospitality elsewhere. On the other hand, "one strike and you're out" may be a bit severe - after all, Jesus said to forgive seventy times seven times.
---StrongAxe on 7/1/13


You were absolutely in the right!
---Catherine on 7/1/13


Nikki: You are in a difficult situation. On the one hand, and rightly so, you want your household to be righteous, while you also do not want to break it up while one person is sick.

The other question here is how important, both for family peace and for the household to run, is it for your sister (not the one who is ill, but the other one) to be in the house).

If it is really important for her to stay, either because your sister who is ill needs them or because you can't take care of them, you may have to let them stay.

It is sad that your niece has two kids with two fathers.....
---James on 7/1/13


Read These Insightful Articles About Bible Verses


Nikki: I apologize I miss understood that piece of information. I pray that you have found peace and strength through Jesus in order to stay strong as your niece shares her "not so happy" feelings with othe family members. I pray the rest of your family can identify with the position your niece put you in and also agree that your niece left you with no other choice but to follow through with what you warned her would happen if she disrespected your house rules.
---Sherri on 6/30/13


Sherri, I am sorry, my niece didn't sneak her boyfriend twice before, but I warned her 3 times not to do so before she did that and only time.
You are correct. She is going around telling my other family members how I threw her and the kids out.

James, only 2 of the children are her kids. The boyfriend is the father of the youngest child.
The other child is the grandson of my Sister (mother of the threw out niece) and nephew.
My sister left with my niece to show solidarity I guess.
---Nikki on 6/30/13


Nikki...I think 30 days was very generous. I would have set time limits for them to live with me in the first place. These adults should all be working, except your sick sister, of course.
---KarenD on 6/30/13


Nikki, your decision was 100% correct. Your house, your rules, regardless of who the other people are to you.

If you had just reprimanded her she would, almost certainly, have done it again because she has already shown that she does not respect your rules.

How would you ever feel comfortable going away for a few days and leaving her in residence? You would never be able to trust her in your home.
---Rita_H on 6/30/13


Read These Insightful Articles About Arthritis


Nikki: I think giving her 30 days to move out was a very kind gesture on your part. Personally, after the 2nd time you caught the boyfriend in your house (giving her a free pass the first time is understandable) you should have made her move out immediately! By allowing her to stay, you will only enable her to try and get away with sneaking him in again.
---Sherri on 6/30/13


I firmly believe that you cause a greater disservice to loved ones by enabling them to "keep getting away with bad behavior" because you will feel bad enforcing your rules. She made the choice to disrepect your rules, not you, so you should not feel bad at all! Be prepared for the guilt trip she will probably lay on you! But, stand your ground and enforce your rules. She will either sink or swim and remember she chose to put herself in the position of having to pick one or the other. My experience is once they sink, they learn to swim real fast.
---Sherri on 6/30/13


Is your niece's boyfriend the father of these three children, or are they children of someone else?

If they are his children, it might finally be time to get married......

If not, things are disappointing

You have not done anything wrong, though you were placed in a very difficult place
---James on 6/29/13


good fences make good neighbors. robert frost

boundaries are imperative to help others gain perspective and you to have peace of mind.
---aka on 6/29/13


Read These Insightful Articles About Asthma


My sons lived with their girlfriends. I asked them to simply respect my wishes, and not sleep together when they stayed with me. It wasn't a rule, but a request. I made it clear to them I wasn't being critical or judgmental. I raised them to obey God's Word, and told them as adults, their relationships are between them and God now.

How old is your niece? If she's a minor, why isn't her Mom enforcing some rules about her behavior in your home?

I don't know if there's a right or wrong in your situation.

I believe God gives us second, third, chances, to an infinite amount. If it were my problem, I'd share my beliefs, and tell her if she wants to sleep with her boyfriend, to get a room, or stay at his place.
---Grandma on 6/29/13


Nikki: Seven people, counting yourself under one roof. This has nothing to do with your twin. It has a lot to do with your other sister's daughter & her boyfriend.

Are you saying you told your niece not to sneak her boyfriend into your house for...three times & three times she did so anyway, & each time you found out? So, now you've told, who, your other sister & her daughter to vacate the premises in 30 days? Or does the eviction apply to your niece & her children only?

Bottomline: It's your house, your rules & if others living under your roof choose to disrespect you then you have every right to put them out "immediately"!
---Leon on 6/29/13


30 days was given to move out. Was I wrong? Because I don't think so. What say ya?
---Nikki on 6/29/13
Romans 12:1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, [which is] your reasonable service.

You are 100% correct in your action are biblical and justified

No immorality should take place under your roof
---francis on 6/29/13


Nikki,

I thinkyou would be wrong if you were begged to forgive and did not relent. "how oft should I forgive my Brother, up to seven times?" The threat is probably all that is needed, if you really want to witness the nature of God to them more is required of you.

You were right however to establish rules and enforce them, remember the bowels of compassion God had in enacting forgiveness, "Father Forgive them, for they know not what they do."

He'll forgive any who truly repent in tears for their sins, if there's even a hint of rebellion remaining in her tone however reject her, this God also does.
---Pharisee on 6/29/13


Read These Insightful Articles About Cholesterol


You have the right to sent limits for behavior in your own house, and guests--including your niece--should respect them.

If she doesn't want to follow them, she should live elsewhere.

Your house, your rules.

One question--who all did you order to move out: just your niece or everyone? Either way, you were reasonable.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 6/29/13


I don't know you well enough to say what I think about you.

But I think of: "nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3) I need to be concerned about what I could allow into my mind. Be an example of how to love, not only enforcing against what is wrong.

Do not let my mind have a "one-night stand" with >

self-righteous criticizing, while I am "not egg-zactly" so with it, myself

unforgiveness

comparing myself with others, and I am the superior one

"Do all things without complaining and disputing," (in Philippians 2:14-16)
---willie_c on 6/29/13


No, you were not wrong! It was your house, and she was showing great disrespect to you and your rules!
---wivv on 6/29/13


Copyright© 1996-2015 ChristiaNet®. All Rights Reserved.