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Living With My Boyfriend

Living (not married) for 15 years with mentally abusive boyfriend, God called her out in 2003 but no door ever opened to leave but she kept believing for deliverance, then a door opened to leave but her boyfriend had a stroke, Gillian Barr syndrome, now should she stay and take care of him or still leave?

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 ---Elizabeth on 10/30/13
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To all here, even a relationship that has been evil in the past can be redeemed, in the sacrifice of a believer for a so-called boyfriend.

Many times this sacrifice is not possible because the believer will be drawn back into sin, but there are still cases where the sacrifice is not only possible, but demanded by God
---Peter on 11/26/13


Sis. Lidia, amen to that. The person should leave, and make herself right with God. She has been in that relationship way too long.
---Mark_V. on 11/26/13


Hello! bro.Mark, bro.Adetunji all respect Sister, I know from experience, over 23 yrs. Very bad relationship..
look your child may be like you .. living in fear!! copy cat you! are you goin Loose it beat him up! Like I did
( just let you know do not stay it will get worse) I am not proud.

I had left in stead of afraid never would have my broken arm.told Dr. Leave it just like it is.. I will never let myself fall into this again.

I did my time. I got my degree , D.V. and went to help others NOT make my mistake. He will get along believe me. He knows how to manipulate..
Pardon me it is best be frank, this is serious. Car packed. Trust God! LEAVE!!! In love I say this. Lidia
---Lidia4796 on 11/25/13


Elizabeth, it is time to get right with God. you have taken this sin way too long. If you are a true believer, and really have a passion for Christ, you would have done something already. Your children crying makes no difference. Fear of him should not make a difference either since he cannot do much now. Do not look for excuses to stay.
It could be your door out. You have no clue what God is doing. Follow Christ, and He will provide for you someway or somehow. Trust in the Lord.
---Mark_V. on 11/23/13


Well he is coming home this morning and I'm still here. packed most all mine and my daughters stuff in the trunk of my car that I was going to take and part with a lot but then when the day came down to it I couldn't leave because of several reason's 1. Fear, I know not of God. fear of actually leaving and if right thing to do 2. my daughter crying her brains out never seen her cry before
---Elizabeth_aka_Kricket on 11/22/13




Elizabeth : Seek direct God's counsel on this matter again. You are lucky HE has spoken to you on this issue once. It is a difficult thing for men to see the future, God's counsel will be future compliant.
---Adetunji on 11/4/13


Elizabeth: Loving your neighbor does NOT include staying in abusive, emotional or physical, relationships just because your abuser becomes seriously ill and unable to care for himself.

As I said, if you have made sure he has people that will care for him when you leave, you should feel free to leave. Self-preservation and the safety of your child should be your FIRST priority.

Love the Lord God with all your heart soul and mind is the First Great Commandment. Jesus said, "If you love Me, you will obey Me." How is staying in this incestuous relationship loving the Lord?
---Grandma on 11/3/13


Elizabeth, I tried to post something, but it didn't get through. You keep posting stuff that other, so-called believers are telling you. Have you searched Scripture for what God says?

Biblegateway is an online Bible search engine. Go there, and search for keywords on any subject. I'll give you some Scripture I know by heart, but don't know the book, chapter and verse off the top of my head.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind."

"Jesus said, "If you love Me, you will obey My commands."

"Flee fornication."

"Avoid all appearance of evil."

Pray.
---Grandma on 11/3/13


this is a you tube preacher thinks about my situation, he thinks I should take care of him, do you think he is right or wrong?

"If you are living in SIN then you must repent. If you are NOT then there is no problem... Your lust has been turned into an opportunity to serve out of LOVE and NOW you have an issue of the heart.

You need to ask GOD to remake your heart to obey his will in LOVE"
---Elizabeth_aka_Kricket on 11/3/13


This is why I am asking
Galatians 5:14

New King James Version (NKJV)

14 For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
---Elizabeth_aka_Kricket on 11/3/13




Elizabeth: I feel bad for you, because you were given unGodly counsel by that pastor and other Christians. I don't know what brand of Christianity those others are, but they obviously don't follow the same Bible I do.

Since your disabled boyfriend has family to care for him, you would not be wrong to leave, and start a new life on your own, working on your relationship with the Lord.

You may be called all sorts of horrible names by his family, and even may be questioned by friends. The important thing to remember is that you, as a believer in Jesus Christ, answer to Him, and only Him, in this decision.
---Grandma on 11/3/13


well someone told me to be consistent with either caps or lowercase for my name but now I see people are using both so from now on using Elizabeth aka Kricket :)
---Elizabeth_aka_Kricket on 11/3/13


It is obvious that you love your sin more than you love Jesus. KarenD please explain?
I was literally my bags packed out the door in couple weeks then this happened to him my feelings did not change on leaving because of the main reason of him not marrying me. But been seeking council on the situation and 3 Christians I know including the pastor of my church has rebuked me for not choosing to stay and be like Jesus in loving your neighbors but to me it's accepting and tolerating sin all in the name of love and not putting God first but then I ask am I wrong? so I come on here to get more opinions, so please explain?
---Elizabeth on 11/3/13


Elizabeth - You need more than a roof over your head and I truly hope that you have access to a different roof.

It would appear that his children see you (and want you) as his carer. Unless his carer is all you want to be for the rest of your life, get out of there.

Without marriage his children are his next of kin so maybe the time has come for you to allow his 'kin' to take care of their own and you start taking care of yourself. You can do it with God's help. Ask Him for that help.
---Rita_H on 11/2/13


Elizabeth...It is obvious that you love your sin more than you love Jesus.
---KarenD on 11/2/13


willie c:
his 2 kids are from his first marriage and are in their late twenties my daughter is by someone else we got together when I was pregnant with her her biological father is not in her life have tried on numerous times he knows where I live and has phone number but wishes not to. boyfriend has been like a dad to her. he is not mean to her but does not play an active caring role to her either.my daughter knows the truth I have raised her to know the truth and she is fine knowing.
---Elizabeth on 11/2/13


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If God called you out, I would consider this means you belong out.

Cluny . . . I checked earlier posts. I did not see anything about three children.

Elizabeth . . . have you and he had any children with each other? Or, is your daughter by someone else? And who is any child of his by?

And have you been faithful to each other?

It sounds like he has not kept his word, for marriage. And I think a real common law thing is by mutual desire, not just being together, nor by some sort of emotional terrorism guilt-tripping you to stay. In America, we have a policy of not negotiating with terrorists!
---willie_c: on 11/2/13


Something occurred to me, Elizabeth.

After 15 years of cohabitation and 3 kids, you MIGHT be considered in a common-law marriage.

That would mean that to leave him, you would need to get a LEGAL divorce.

But the laws differ from state to state. See a lawyer.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 11/1/13


Hi, Elizabeth (c: We love you and care about you, and we are praying God's blessing for you, including that He will personally guide you.

You are not married? And he has not kept his word that he will marry you? You have not obligation. You are free to do whatsoever our Groom Jesus has you do.

So . . . then . . . Elizabeth . . . are you engaged to Jesus???? Have you trusted in Him to save you, forgive you, and keep you with Him for all eternity as a member of the Bride of Jesus? This is first.

"casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)
---willie_c: on 11/1/13


It does sound like this man needs home health care and similar assistance and support. Stroke victims, as well as GBS patients, need it.

In charity help him get what he needs, but YOU take care of yourself and your children too.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 10/31/13


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Cluny: I think you meant 'talking' instead of 'taking.'

People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
---Grandma on 10/31/13


You should only stay and take care of him if that is what YOU wish to do. Don't do it because he wants you to or because members of his family would rather you did it so that they won't need to do it.

If 'his' kids are not your kids and you want out then take that opportunity whilst you are able to do so and end the mental abuse.

Don't allow the stroke to change your mind about going. There are hospitals for that and, as he's not your husband, you are not duty bound to do any of the caring. He doesn't deserve it if he's treated you so badly.
---Rita_H on 10/31/13


\\they just keep saying it's my job to take care of him when he gets out.\\

Why is that if you're not married to him?

BTW, you may not know this, but "Elizabeth" and "elizabeth" are considered two separate names here on the blogs, so you might want to be consistent--either upper case or lower case.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 10/31/13


Cluny you said "Make sure he's registered for all home health care he can receive and LEAVE." well His parents taking care of his bills until he gets out and his kids took care of paperwork with his work short term disability, he was going to retire early in 4 years but if he can't work he has partial retirement he can take too. took over his parents home after they retired and moved, pays no rent also has a twin brother so I'm not worried if he won't be taken care of his family is capable they just keep saying it's my job to take care of him when he gets out.
---elizabeth on 10/31/13


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OK, Elizabeth, it's clear now that you're taking about yourself. Your referring to yourself in the third person was a bit confusing.

Make sure he's registered for all home health care he can receive and LEAVE.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 10/31/13


Bryan you said "your faith gave you 15 years together" in a way yes one of the fruits of the spirit is longsuffering.
---elizabeth on 10/31/13


Only one time I could have gotten out, 2007 I got an apartment secretly, he found receipt in my purse next day, he flipped out kicking walls screaming begging me not to, would marry me bought me a ring then refused to set date, told me wait and lay off his butt about it or it wouldn't happen if I didn't, so didn't mention it again until the month leading up to his stroke Sept this year because I believed God woke me up, wanted me to leave. Arguing about marriage he would always say if I had "relations" with him more he would, now he said "I would marry you if you didn't rely on everything from me" which I don't I buy everything for my daughter and I, he "puts roof over my head" the phrase is embedded in my brain
---elizabeth on 10/31/13


I have not had "relations" with him for at least six months or more and the mean stairs and verbal abuse was picking up which always does when I refuse it so I was planning my escape so to speak and three days before he had the stroke while cooking dinner he said "give me some sex" I said "no were living a lie, were not married, marry me then" he said "You don't even know the truth"
---elizabeth on 10/31/13


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Are you talking about yourself or someone else?

That's not too clear from here.

If it's about someone else, it's none of your business.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 10/31/13


Bryan Sorry living with someone 15 years does not make you married in God's eyes. I asked him the same question and his response was the Samaritan woman at the well, Jesus said to her you have been married five times and the one you live with now is not your husband, so that scripture right there proves living together is not marriage
---elizabeth on 10/31/13


I think marriage is what God created not the church. I think your married to the Guy you have been with him 15 years. Do you still need a ceremony. How if he is still abusive, I don't think God would condemn you for leaving or staying. Your faith gave you 15 years together. That is pretty good must people don't last 15 minutes.
---Bryan on 10/30/13


If God OPENED a door...the answer is step through it and walk with God...Why stay in hell n sit with the dead?
---HoneyBee on 10/30/13


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