ChristiaNet MallWorld's Largest Christian MallChristian BlogsFree Bible QuizzesFree Ecards and Free Greeting CardsLoans, Debt, Business and Insurance Articles

Husband Using Drugs

A Christian couple split after he starts to use drugs. Their pastor plays down the drugs but insists the husband returns to the marital home and that the wife accepts him back 'as her husband' because God hates divorce. Is this scriptural?

Join Our Free Chat and Take The Dating & Marriage Quiz
 ---Rita_H on 3/7/14
     Helpful Blog Vote (3)

Reply to this BlogPost a New Blog



It is quite acceptable for the wife to leave. The real question is whether the wife should always be ready to accept the husband back if he gets off his problems.

On this I am not sure, but my guess is that IF both are still class as believers she likely should be ready to receive him if he gets off drugs.

But then the question is how is she sure that he really is off drugs. That is a difficult question. Who guarantees the husband as drug free? And for how long?

Yes, God hates divorce - but God hates other things too!
---Peter on 10/21/14


How is divorce supposed to be used, aka?
---Cluny on 10/18/14

Tinking bout divorce, are ya now? Who'll get Cluny the cat?

GOD's thoughts during his.
Jer_3:1 They say, If a man put away his wife,

Jer_3:8 I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce, yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also.

Rom_7:3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.
---Trav on 10/21/14


How is divorce supposed to be used, aka?

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 10/18/14

how did the Father use it in the scripture that makes up the Bible? Please include the Apocrypha if you like.
---aka on 10/18/14


How is divorce supposed to be used, aka?

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 10/18/14


cluny,

as i said, God hates the way divorce is used.
---aka on 10/17/14




\\it is scriptural that God hates the way that divorced is (mis)used. (Mal 2:14-17)\\

It is also scriptural that Jesus called remarriage after divorce, except under certain limited conditional that not all ancient MSS support, adultery, too.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 10/17/14


The lady in the question is also past child bearing age and in her late 50s. She desires peace not abuse. She has moved to a different church, home and area to be free of an abusive drug addict and a bullying church who show her NO LOVE whatsoever and see her simply as her husbands property and 'play thing'. It has been truly dreadful for her but she is now FREE and praises God for getting her away from them all.
---Rita_H on 10/17/14

that is exactly the right thing to do.
---aka on 10/17/14


"I think you should remain separated but see your husband and tell him if he gets off drugs you are open to drug free babies."

It seems that there are still some here who think that this question is about me. There will be no more babies (drug free or otherwise) as I'm in my 70s and did all that decades ago.

The lady in the question is also past child bearing age and in her late 50s. She desires peace not abuse. She has moved to a different church, home and area to be free of an abusive drug addict and a bullying church who show her NO LOVE whatsoever and see her simply as her husbands property and 'play thing'. It has been truly dreadful for her but she is now FREE and praises God for getting her away from them all.
---Rita_H on 10/17/14


//It is scriptural that God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:16)// sin

it is scriptural that God hates the way that divorced is (mis)used. (Mal 2:14-17)

Isaiah 50:1, Jer 3:8
---aka on 10/16/14


It is scriptural that God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:16) It is also scriptural the openness to procreation in marriage as that is why God made us male and female to involve us this way in his plan for family. 1 Corinthians 7:10 says, "To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband." 1 Peter 3:5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands." I think you should remain separated but see your husband and tell him if he gets off drugs you are open to drug free babies.
---sin on 10/16/14




No one knows what goes on in a home between married couples. Many go thru same things, but God is our Rock. They must work at it together. Drugs are more common everywhere and anyone can stray. If both work it out, that is a good thing.
---shira4368 on 7/28/14


Your pastor insisted he return home. Wow, he must be a man of God. I'm divorced twice, both pastors were horrible influences on the marriage. Drugs, big deal, grow up...
---mark on 7/28/14


Alicia, if you click on your name at the end of your contribution you will find that there is a list of answers which appear to be from you. There must have been another Alicia here some years ago. It might be wise to slightly change your name (Alicia 2 for example) so as not to cause confusion. Sometimes we search other people's earlier entries and comment on them. That's just a thought - wishing to be helpful.

I also failed to say earlier that I will pray for your own very similar problem.
---Rita_H on 6/11/14


Alicia, thank you for coming in on this question I asked. The lady is now free of the man and also free of that church and we, her friends, think that the elders acted in a truly despicable way. God did not make women to be doormats for men to wipe their feet on but to listen to some men speaking about these things you would think that this is exactly how they view a woman's role.

This lady is now free, happy and content with her hew life, living alone and knowing that God truly cares for her.
---Rita_H on 6/10/14


This is the first time I've been on this site. I was looking for someone else who understands what I am going through. I stumbled across this blog. Some of your comments although well meaning were not from someone who has walked a mile in this womans shoes. My husband's drug addiction is destroying my marriage. I have fought for over 20 years to keep us together. This woman reached out to her pastor for guidance and it seems all she got was judgement. I know the heartache this woman feels everyday. God has given us free will to make choices in our lives. I can't imagine he instructed a pastor to take that away.
---alicia on 6/9/14


wivv: In many ways you are right, though being with his wife may help the husband get clean.

I think the biggest thing, even if the husband does not, at least at first 'get clean', is that the husband does go to his wife, apologise, and ask for her forgiveness. Afterwards the two of them can work to see how to fix it.
---Peter on 4/20/14


Read These Insightful Articles About Stocks


In one way the pastor is correct- God does hate divorce. In Mt. 5:32 Christ pointed out that a man is not to divorce his wife except for adultery but are there other "avenues to travel"? What about separation? To say the wife must go back to the husband is just giving the husband an excuse to continue using drugs. In my opinion, I'd tell the wife that the husband has to take rehab and get "clean", not to mention his need to repent. To make a wife to go back may bring with it physical harm and other dangers.
---wivv on 4/20/14


Lidia/Elena, I don't believe that Lydia was trying to impersonate anyone. Many people have names similar to someone else's. Don't allow this to worry you any longer.
---Rita_H on 4/3/14


Thankyou, so very much Sis.Rita. it makes me feel a bit better. I hope the person will be able to get a hold of the problem and talk it out with the Lord.
They can talk to the CNT people, can't they and get it straight?
I am praying for them.
God help them to realize it is not right.
I would never take over someone fon or whatever..
Love of Jesus!
---elena_dacosta on 4/2/14


Lidia, I knew immediately that comment was not from you. You have 4 numbers after your name and the other person spells her name differently from how you spell yours. Please don't be anxious about this. My answer was not to you at all but to the one who made the comment to which I took exception. God bless you, so glad you are back with us.
---Rita_H on 4/2/14


Read These Insightful Articles About Diabetes


Sis.Rita guess what ? Sis.Rita in no way was that answer to you from me becuz my fon broke down3/7/2014 and just till today 4/1/20
I had NOT been.on CNT. Sorry my sister, someone else try to.imitateme..those who know me if you really go thru that text...nothing like myself. I am upset but not going to lose sleep over it! Going to.chsnge my m.o again on CNT. This is not right. I do not know who.it is but definitely not me! Love agape goes out to you Sis.Rita.
---Lidia4796 on 4/1/14


Lydia, if you were in a similar position to this lady and, after counselling from several officials of your church, you found they cared more about the 'conjugal rights' of your husband than in keeping you safe and getting him into rehab then I believe you'd feel differently about this. If not, I am ecstatic at the thought that I have not been taught as you have been taught.

There is no wonder than some churches won't accept women as elders - they are afraid to do that as they would never get away with giving such ridiculous advice if some women held higher office. These men are overstepping the authority given by God but are not used to being challenged.

This lady has changed church and the husband goes nowhere at all now.
---Rita_H on 4/1/14


Rita H I your advise is not saving the couple's marriage at all. No marriage on this earth began perfect. Parties just decided to make their marriage work and become perfect. Love conquers all handles.If the two love each other they will get back and you will be surprised. Do not put asunder........If the two are from functional homes they will get back, but if its dis functional, they need to heal first for the marriage to work.
---Lydia on 3/28/14


Rita H: To correct my mistake, just put his/her name. The advice is still the same.
---wivv on 3/27/14


Send a Free Thank You Ecard


wivv, this isn't about me. My husband has never taken drugs (except those prescribed by his doctor).

This couple are now separated. The wife is in a safe house being cared for by my friend (who is also the wife's friend) and the husband does not know where she is. She's changed churches also so that the pastor cannot interfere in her life any more.

I think she is very wise to make that move.

God does not wish a woman to be mentally abused by her husband and then forced to go back to him by the church.

Some pastors really do lack discernment.
---Rita_H on 3/27/14


Concerning this situation you write about, the pastor is wrong. What is needed is separation, and stay separated until he goes to and completes counseling. This may mean he has to go to a rehab facility. All the pastor is doing is giving your husband, (without meaning to) permission to keep using drugs. This is not the time for advice from well meaning friends or even a pastor - unless he's a PROFESSIONAL in drug abuse. IF the husband refuses PROFESSIONAL counseling and/or rehab., he could be "saying" he is more attached to his drugs than to you.
---wivv on 3/26/14


Cluny "vacation resort/hospital" Agreed 100% however, churches have their own rules, not always consistant with scripture. The one attended by this couple banned people when they chose but on this occasion tried forcing a couple back together in a draconian way.

Another church encourages members to attend but refuses communion until their life with God is 'back on track' and different churches have their own ideas of when a person has reached that state.

Some pastors are power hungry and take delight in shaming members in front of fellow Christians and think they can control another person 27/7.

There is little wonder some people practice 'church hopping' and never settle in one particular one.
---Rita_H on 3/11/14


\\The pastor of the church could have used his position to tell the drug user to come back to church when he was 'clean' and say that all would be praying for this to happen in the meantime.\\

There is an old saying.

The Church is not a vacation resort for saints, but a hospital for sinners.

Some people's sins might be merely disreputable, especially to those whose hidden sins are truly disastrous if they don't repent.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 3/10/14


Read These Insightful Articles About Depression


The pastor of the church could have used his position to tell the drug user to come back to church when he was 'clean' and say that all would be praying for this to happen in the meantime.

The church should have supported the hurt wife and helped ensure that she had all she needed and prayed for her also (and any children).

The pastor chose to use the draconian method and threw his weight around resulting in her now being away from her home, her church and many of her 'real' friends.

He should be told to get his life back on track before people start reminding her that he should be allowed to share her bed.

After all they've put her through it will be a miracle if she ever wants to see ANY of them again.
---Rita_H on 3/10/14


Rita, it's not the church's business to tell a married couple what to do. The pastor does not know what goes on behind the couples door. God does not expect a wife to be abused by anyone. If husbands loved their wives the way God loves the church, there would be no problems with husbands or wives. It's not the pastors right to talk about a members problems. I know you didn't say that part but it has happened.
---shira4368 on 3/9/14


We have had several women and men who chose to honor their vows BEFORE GOD when dealing with backslidden or unsaved spouses. Nothing wrong with following what the Bible says about marriage. You can either keep your vows or break them. Which do you think God likes?
---KarenD on 3/9/14


\\She was afraid to disobey but next time he disappeared (because of his drug habit) she chose to disappear also and has been placed in a 'safe house'. I know someone who is helping her.\\

Good for her!

It could be that finding her gone when he comes back home might help him to "hit bottom," as 12 Steppers say, and turn his life around.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 3/8/14


Read These Insightful Articles About Bible Study


Just wish to add to my question that this couple were brought before the church and ordered to live together again and 'resume their relationship'. The woman was reminded that she must not defraud her husband of his conjugal rights.

She was afraid to disobey but next time he disappeared (because of his drug habit) she chose to disappear also and has been placed in a 'safe house'. I know someone who is helping her.

I fail to understand why the church felt that they had so many rights over her. This is not a cult but seems to now be behaving very much like one i.m.o. His 'rights' seemed to be a bigger issue than the drug problem to the elders.

Is there ANY scripture AT ALL to back up the church's orders?
---Rita_H on 3/8/14


Well the bible says that which God has put together let no man put a sunder. I believe that's why the Pastor is helping them stay together. And marriage is full of for givings and unconditional love so she should love the husband badly enough to help him overcome drugs. If God loved us when we were sinners. Come on gal fight for your marriage.
---Lydia on 3/8/14


Copyright© 1996-2015 ChristiaNet®. All Rights Reserved.