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Single Dads Are Viewed

If you have single mums or dads in your congregation are they treated as well as married mums and dads are treated. Are they given help or asked if they need any help?

Also, are single dads viewed very differently from single mums? Single meaning never married - not widowed or deserted.

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 ---Rita_H on 7/21/14
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/Coming from one who lived it you, it makes sense. Thanks for sharing./ trav

i remember that i saw you and a few others that I cannot see drop cnet gloves to carry a bloody pulp of a heart with bare hands when i could not.

Thanks for caring.
---aka on 11/19/14


...but people, I beseech you: Church is not every Saturday or sunday. that is a meeting of church members. you are the church and if you listen closely to those messages, among other things, they will tell you to help single fathers. therein lies the meaning of true church.
---aka on 8/20/14

Coming from one who lived it you, it makes sense. Thanks for sharing.
A close friend of mine had to Cowboy up and raise his little ones. He is much of a man for the experience, although he wouldn't have chose it purposefully.
Blessing on you and yours AKA.
---Trav on 11/17/14


I found that attending different churches without my wife and without my children, churches did not care about me, but once the family appears, then churches have much more interest.
---sin5694 on 11/17/14


Your situation is one in ten dear, we mostly have single women who are mostly preferred by the welfare system to bring up the kids. Our son was in that situation once and he got so tired of the fight between him and the welfare that he had to let the mother of his child take over. Now, that child warns would be mums not to fight custody but to share. She is 17 now and chose to live w
iith her dad who just adores her
---Jasper on 9/21/14


Aka, thank you for your 2 latest posts here. Yes, as you say, some don't even have immediate family support but, sadly, there are Christians who are not seeing what is right under their noses i.e. people in desperate need of help of one kind or another.

Single parents (of either gender) and the elderly with no family close by, or with family who do not care, are just two such groups. Christians should be caring for each other. Loving others is one way we show that we love our Lord who never leaves us nor forsakes us.

Thanks for everyone's answer to my question.
---Rita_H on 8/21/14




there is even one more qualifier. A single parent with child(ren) and no direct family help is much different than a single parent that has family help/support.

help the ones who have none first.
---aka on 8/20/14


My suggestion:...---Rita_H on 8/20/14

my apologies rita,

i have just been recently delivered from the clutches of single fatherhood for over 10 years and my first reply was a knee jerk reaction thinking one way when you meant another.

i was just married again in june. my marriage was not my delivery. the marriage was my gift for enduring until delivery.

your suggestion is a good start, but people, I beseech you: Church is not every Saturday or sunday. that is a meeting of church members. you are the church and if you listen closely to those messages, among other things, they will tell you to help single fathers. therein lies the meaning of true church.
---aka on 8/20/14


Rita you are so right. Unless people have been thru it they don't have a clue. He could trade baby sitting ( big kids) and that would help. There are many single dads these days. I would be happy to help any single dad. They work during the day then work when they get home just like single mothers do.
---shira4368 on 8/20/14


James L - AT LAST - an answer which actually deals with my question exactly as it was asked.

This is what I have been trying to establish, whether church people are more eager to help a single mum than they are to help a single dad.

I.M.O. a single dad (like you James) would benefit greatly just by someone taking care of your children whilst you tackle certain jobs without the hindrance of having children in the house at the same time and needing you.

My suggestion:- show your pastor my question and some of these answers and ask why no-one seems to notice that YOU have needs also. He has, probably, never given this a thought - but he needs to do so.
---Rita_H on 8/20/14


Bro.JamesL .Really wish I could tell your Pastor be carefull, besides the experience, I also did volunteer at an all men facility, Dom.Vio. mean have really dire issues, raise the kids just like you mention.We need to raise the attention, a dad struggles just like a mom whose doing it alone.Your kids are going through hard times as well.If you a single dad it quite the same. If you are a dad raising girls it got to be other awkward issues you got to face...your pastor needs to be updated brother.. I am praying for you because I know spent yrs. Learning this.Keep bringing it up at church you are worthy of help, too.They should invite your kids too!
---Elena_9555 on 8/20/14




Single moms are treated as widows, while single dads aren't treated at all.

just this past Sunday, my pastor was teaching on fellowship, helping each other, etc

Three times he mentioned single moms, how it would be nice if someone would paint their house, fix their car, play catch with their kids.

but not even a mention that it would be nice for someone to come wash my dishes, or do my laundry, or plan a birthday party for my son
---James_L on 8/18/14


'Because you keep suggesting that if a man isn't raising his children then he is a scumbag'. No Jed that has not been my intention at all. I just try to keep the question as it was initially asked rather than be taken along (almost forced along) a route about which I was not asking. I initially referred to men and women who have never married but have produced a child and was asking if such single mums and dads were treated any differently from each other in your churches.

Questions do tend to take on a life of their own but if any can answer the initial question as it stands I'd be glad to read them.
---Rita_H on 8/18/14



Jed if you read my initial question you will see that I acknowledge the existence of dad's bringing up children alone and they are the ones I was actually asking about. ---Rita_H on 8/17/14


I am well aware of that. I am not talking about them. The fathers I am pointing out are the ones who do not get to raise their children, by no fault of their own, but because the mother left with the children and denied the father his parental rights. Are these men scumbags also? Because you keep suggesting that if a man isn't raising his children then he is a scumbag. I'm just pointing out that it's not always by choice. You don't seem to be able to comprehend that.
---Jed on 8/17/14


Jed if you read my initial question you will see that I acknowledge the existence of dad's bringing up children alone and they are the ones I was actually asking about. However, if you look further down the answers you will see where I mention how different things are in the U.K. and I stated that I, personally, know only ONE man who is actually bringing up his own child alone. Here it is easy for fathers to abandon a child and allow the state to pay for all its needs. Some have several children to several women but care for none of them.

I am not here to argue, I just asked to understand how different things are where some of you are and the answers I am receiving show that there is a BIG difference.
---Rita_H on 8/17/14


Rita, when you say things like "Single dad means a father raising his child.on his oen because the mum is not present. The others are just immoral men with the capability to reproduce", that statement leaves no room for good fathers who have had their children ripped away by the mother, by noice of their own.
---Jed on 8/15/14


Jed
"Rita, don't assume that if a father doesn't have custody of his children, it's his fault or that he is a bad person."
I assumed no such thing and thought that my earlier posts here would have made that abundantly clear.
---Rita_H on 8/15/14


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BrotherJed, you sure are right..I have a real private experience, many years ago taught me....men are really suffering and it not the same justice
I have been voice this ever since...
They need to be heard. Men need really a chance. ..
It is a one side issue. I have my own private guarantee yes, you guys need to be heard. Not every man is bad. Not every case the same..
---Elena_9555 on 8/13/14


Rita, don't assume that if a father doesn't have custody of his children, it's his fault or that he is a bad person. I am thankful that my wife and children and I are all together. But many good fathers have their children ripped from their lives undeservingly by selfish vindictive women who care more about inflicting emotional pain on their ex than they do about their children growing up fatherless. As I pointed out, unfortunately, western society views children as property of the mother.
---Jed on 8/13/14


Well,Sis.Rita, in my opinion Men get a bad rap, in our church,the women alot are not saved, yet.They go off and just leave the kids..the men I see them gentle, responsible dads..not like my own dad left "go to the Store"never return. I feel for the men, they get here, alot miss treated by the
system.I have seen one woman said she was at my home, she was never at my home.Her husband was shocked.I was as well, she left and sneak see another guy and left the kids at the church..she got a hard wrk husband.She thinks she "got a better side him...wrong!"
These are good guys who probably grew up like I did..
Love of Jesus!
---Elena_9555 on 8/13/14


Single dad, or single mom (mum), denotes who does the majority of raising the child(ren)

I have two kids, by two different ex-wives. The first one was raised by his mom - even though I gave child support, had regular weekends, etc.

I was not considered a single dad, even by myself.

my younger one is with me primarily, sees his mom sometimes. I am a single dad now. And his mom was not a single mom before she remarried
---James_L on 8/10/14


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Jed, I will just add more point before leaving this subject. In the U.K. there are men who have fathered many children by several women (none of them his wife). These men would never consider themselves to be 'single dads'. They actually brag about being 'studs' but take no responsibility for their offspring - leaving all that to the mothers and to our benefits system (which enables people like these men). I know OF many men like this but I personally know ONE who has 3 daughters to 3 women and provides for none of them - from choice.

The term 'single dad' means to me a man bringing up a child or children alone because mum is (for one reason or another) not around. The others are just immoral men with the capability to 'produce'.
---Rita_H on 8/10/14


Jed, I apologise for my abruptness in my last posting addressed to you. I have limited vision and often misread things. I thought you'd said "that does NOT answer my question" when you actually said "that DOES answer my question". I must learn to slow down when reading here and, maybe, use my magnifier more often. Please accept my apology.
---Rita_H on 8/9/14


Of course, there are many fathers who are separated from their children not by choice, but because the mother left and ripped his children away from him. Rita, you make it out like if a father doesnt live with his children it is by choice, or that he must have been a bad person. Not hardly. Fathers are often victims of a twisted society that views children as sole property of the mother. Courts will often take children from a perfectly good father and award custody to a scum of the earth mother just for the sake of keeping the children with their mother, while disregarding the parental rights of the father.
---Jed on 8/9/14


Jed I can only tell you of those I know about. I'm not psychic. Our land is probably littered with fathers who don't even know that they are fathers because their former girlfriends moved away (or some other scenario) and decided not to tell him he had a child. This could happen because of his violence, alcoholism, just being a waster --- who knows? I certainly don't but I DID make it clear that I was speaking only of what I KNOW.

HOWEVER, because I know many single mothers it is obvious that there are father out there - somewhere. That does not mean that they are single though, it means that they are ABSENT. That is a different situation.
---Rita_H on 8/9/14


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I personally know just one father who lives alone with his child.

That does answer my question. You are excluding single fathers who don't live with their child full time. Fathers who don't live with their children because they only have partial/joint custody, or only visitation rights with their children are single fathers too.
---Jed on 8/8/14


Jed, please note that I used the word PERSONALLY. Single fathers exist, I am certain. Some will be truly single (as in never having been married but will have a child - somewhere). I personally know just one father who lives alone with his child. There will be a mother somewhere but I don't know her. All others are unknown to me. Some single mothers have children by men who have abandoned them (so as to remain absent from the child they produced) possibly still living with a wife and other children.

Some women never wish to see again the man who fathered their child. There are many women bringing up children alone in U.K. but far fewer men doing the same but I know, PERSONALLY, only one.

I hope that clarifies what I meant Jed.
---Rita_H on 8/8/14



I, personally, know only one single dad.
---Rita_H on 7/24/14


I truly find that VERY difficult to believe. Are you sure you aren't referring only to single fathers with full custody?
---Jed on 8/7/14


Aka am not aware of any other U.K. user on C.N. at this point in time so if I requested U.K. answers only I'd have to answer myself. Now that would make very interesting reading - wouldn't it.

We have far more single mums in U.K. that used to be the case but maybe not as many as you have in U.S. Single Dads are rare here because Mums tend to get custody when problems arise and it's rare for a mum to abandon her child. It's easier for a man to walk away from a little being he created but did not carry for nine months and did not give birth to.
---Rita_H on 8/6/14


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"Aka, you sound as if you are wishing to start an argument - forget it. Take my question as it was asked"

Rita H, I am not trying to start an argument and I am addressing the question as it is asked. You did not put in a qualifier and I assume that you know this is a world wide web. "mothers" are out of control here in the US and I can only address the question from my POV. If you want UK only responses, then say so.
---aka on 7/27/14


Yes James, it would seem to be very different where you are. It is rare for a mother to abandon her baby here but it does happen occasionally I know. I find it very hard to come to terms with though. After giving birth to my own (and I have a large family) there is no way I would want someone else to bring them up. I, willingly, gave up my career to have my family. I could never give up a baby. Fortunately my husband was also with us and was a hands-on dad.

Single parenthood, regardless of which one does the caring, must be very difficult indeed and they all need support.

When there are single parents in our churches I'm sure that God wants us to help when necessary.
---Rita_H on 7/26/14


RitaH,
it could be that things in the U.K. are different from here in the states...

Single dads are much more common than 20 years ago. I am a single dad, been one since my son was 6 months old.

here in the states, it has become easier to abandon a child.

Look up "Safe Haven Law"
---James_L on 7/26/14


Aka, you sound as if you are wishing to start an argument - forget it. Take my question as it was asked or ignore it. I am in U.K. maybe you are elsewhere, things are not necessarily the same.

Thank you Elena - always the beautiful respondent to everyone who posts here. How sad that we have all that sea between us.
---Rita_H on 7/25/14


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Aka,is NOW that I am referring to, not something from the dim and distant past.

---Rita_Hon 7/24/14

Then if That's so, then you are out of touch.
---aka on 7/25/14


Hello,Sis.Rita, got to tell you...This is the best church I've been to, we have very good Single Dad's, they are good hardworking, the women have yet, to come up a bit, many come in our time
meals, their kids running all over! I must tell it like it is..the Pastor is too, kind and they are easy going,yes! I come from a different culture in that respect, the kids have to give respect in public or hmm it's "lights out!"
I brought it, up at one session, the women need to be watch their kids and some of them, will go in go out and leave their kids. The Pastor did put a stop to the kids always mess with the piano. NO HOME training.
The men are very courteous! Praise the Lord.thankyou, Sis.Rita.
Love of Jesus!
---Elena_9555 on 7/25/14


Aka - It is NOW that I am referring to, not something from the dim and distant past.
---Rita_H on 7/24/14


"It's rare for a woman to do that..."

Your age and related bias is showing. Things are MUCH different now.

and that bond thing has been distorted since the garden-of-eden gate.

there is nothing like a mother's love and there is nothing like a father's love. in the Father's economy, they are one love.

any other way is of the world.
---aka on 7/24/14


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I, personally, know only one single dad. He was handed the baby on the day it was born and he (with help from his mum) have brought him up. He has the respect of many people.

It is more usual to see single mums because it is easy for the man to walk away (maybe just 'disappear') and never do anything for the child. It's rare for a woman to do that because it is very difficult when she carried the child for nine months and possibly breast fed for some time etc. Their emotional attachment is like no other feeling in the world.

All churches that I have had involvement with have been very supportive of single mums.
---Rita_H on 7/24/14


One of the ordained ministers in our congregation is a single dad.
---KarenD on 7/23/14


Everyone in our church is treated like everyone else. I don't think we have any single dads in our church right now. But we always hold baby showers for women who are expecting, whether they have been married or not.
---love.jesus on 7/21/14


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