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Say What April 2015

Mom goes to reformed baptist church. Is widowed, church goes by 1689 doctrine. They have chosen couple men they approve for her to choose to marry. Mom doesn't want to marry if not for love. Church has shunned her for her refusal. Any verses to say about it?

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 ---brie_lane on 4/1/15
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The church was simply playing the role of a matchmaker. Isn't matchmaking the Jewish tradition? Why was it a tradition? I do disagree that the denominational church would turn their back on her if she declined. This is one reason why I advocate that christians come out of denominational "churches" - when denominational churches have too much control over a christian using man's worldly doctrines.

Besides, did Eve have a choice in the matter of taking on a husband? :=)
---Steveng on 4/5/15

"She is not receptive to anyone outside her church." Brie, Perhaps she will be receptive to the bible and what it has to say concerning widows, and their treatment by those who should/would be spiritual guides.
Ex 22:22>Deu 27:19>Isa. 10:2>Jer 7:6>Mat 23:14>MK 12:40>LUKE 20:47. "Honour widows that are widows indeed." 1 TIM 5:3
---Josef on 4/3/15

Thank you all for your sound advice. Unfortunately, she is not receptive to anyone outside her church. She says it is the end of days and satan is more diligent than ever. I got the movie "Gods not Dead". I told her she would like it. She looked at the title and stated she would not watch anything that was was a wolf in sheeps clothing. We had her talked into talking to a lady that got out if the church. Mom mentioned her. I said what a great idea. Now she wants nothing to do with her because she will not participate in heresy. I think I need a Christian deprogrammer.
---brie_lane on 4/3/15

Christ gave us freedom to serve Him and no where did He give the Church,any Church the right to tell a person who they should marry. That isn't in the Bible. It's terrible they put her out when they didn't obey them but she is better off away from that Dictatorship. God Bless
---Darlene_1 on 4/2/15

Brie, your mum is being 'taught' by bullies. The sooner she leaves that church the better. They will, no doubt, curse her and tell her how bad it will be elsewhere but she must ignore that and get out of their evil clutches.

She might need guidance from true Christians as to where to go instead but it won't hurt her to stay home (away from any church for a very short time) whilst she asks for God's help and guidance from fellow 'true' believers in God's Word.

I hope she finds peace in this and a new church family very soon.
---Rita_H on 4/2/15

St. Paul advised younger widows to remarry, but older widows, who are "widows indeed" to keep themselves for Christ alone.

I can't give you the exact verse, but it's somewhere in 1st Corinthians if memory serves.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 4/2/15

Mom ... Is widowed, ... doesn't want to marry if not for love. Any verses...
---brie_lane on 4/1/15

You Mom is as free as Divorced Israel was freed. Now found as the "Ten Virgins" by Christ death.
A 2nd New Marriage Covenant Heb8:8. Mutual Love.
Jer_3:14 Turn, O backsliding children, saith the LORD, for I am married unto you: ...
Hos 1:11 Then shall the children of Judah and the children of Israel be gathered together, and appoint themselves one head, ...
Hos_2:19 And I will betroth thee unto me for ever, yea, I will betroth thee unto me ,...
Hos_2:20 I will even betroth thee unto me in faithfulness: ...
Hos_2:7 ... then shall she say, I will go and return to my first husband,...
---Trav on 4/2/15

No one has answered her question yet.
Verses anyone?
You know-the Word of God over the opinion of man.
Start with 1Tim 5.
The whole chapter weaves in and out of the responsibilities of and to widows.
Also, in dealing with the "if not for love":
1Cor 7:8-9 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
Both 1Tim and 1Cor dealing with not giving Satan a foothold, whether in adultery or other means.
1Cor should also speak to her Church's heart - "It is good for them if they abide."
---micha9344 on 4/2/15

Too bad your mother goes to a church that follows such modern doctrine.

Orthodoxy follows first century doctrine.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 4/2/15

Brie, what is so very sad here too is that once someone has been brainwashed that they have no FREE WILL, they begin to believe it, and are in bondage to that teaching, never exercising God given free will. To step out and exercise free will, after being in bondage of never being allowed to is, especially at your mothers age, going to be hard. Cults also rob those in their cults of free will as well, and turn these folks against their families or any outside influence that threaten their hold and control they want to keep over others.

Show your mom the verse that pastors are not to LORD IT OVER their congregation, but to be examples only. And introduce your mom to how cults work. HBO has a great one on Scientology now.
---kathr4453 on 4/2/15

Brie, REFORMED Baptist is Calvinism. So what you have here is Calvinism's attitude towards women. My sister while stationed overseas with her Husband went to one of these, and what she told me about these classes the women had to take, and a list of things they were to be OBEDIENT to, where a wife could not say NO...ever ever, not even that one week out of the month.....being taught BY A MAN....YIKES? Calvinism believes the man OWNS the woman.

It's a cult Brie. Get your Mom to a sound church or with grounded Christian women she can get counseling. This is so awful what they are doing to her emotionally and psychologically. That's what CULTS do.No scripture OT or NT practiced this. They TOOK CARE OF Widows. But not like this.
---kathr4453 on 4/2/15

The problem is, well....I call it brainwashing. If you miss a class or service you are required to notify elders with a good reason. If you question the church or its teachings you are put in 'spiritual discipline' til elders deem she has learned. She agreed the other nite that she has had doubts, especially since they insist she marry one these men. Then sunday came and she went back to be spiritually disclipined because we led her into doubt. So now my brother and I are 'of the devil'.All of this is testimony to why she feels she must obey them. Is there scripture about marrying into a loveless marriage. Church says they are to take care of their own and she needs a husband to care for and instruct her before God.
---brie_lane on 4/1/15

Wow, Please tell your mother that what they are doing is not Biblical. The church does not decide who one should marry. This is a first for me. I've never heard of anything like this except maybe in the offshoots of LDS, but then again, women and children are married off against their will without any choice. This comes a close second. Sounds like there are a couple widowers who need a nursemaid and cleaning woman. That would force your mom to give up her social security, if she is getting her own. Tell your mom to tell them this, she wants a prenup, protecting all her property that belongs to her.....and she will get a lawyer to look after her legal rights and assets, at the mans expense, or the churches expense. Then see what they say.
---kathr4453 on 4/1/15

Is your mom looking to get married? The church can't "MAKE" her marry against her will or to marry someone she doesn't want to marry. Their legalistic doctrine is not Bible sound. While they have their backs turned to her, she needs to skedaddle out of there & find a church that's rooted & grounded in the true teachings of the Bible "ONLY".
---Leon on 4/1/15

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