ChristiaNet MallWorld's Largest Christian MallChristian BlogsFree Bible QuizzesFree Ecards and Free Greeting CardsLoans, Debt, Business and Insurance Articles

Engaged Son Living With Girl

My son is a Christian. He's 22. He has met the woman he will marry and will be engaged soon. He and she may live together. I was shocked. They know it is a sin. What can I say to them? I feel I have failed my son and if there's anything I can say now, I will. Please don't be nasty in comments.

Moderator - All you can do at this point is gently bring the topic up using scripture. He is too old to tell him what to do. Pray.

Join Our Christian Friendship and Take The Dating & Marriage Quiz
 ---Debbie on 11/3/15
     Helpful Blog Vote (5)

Reply to this BlogPost a New Blog



What do the scriptures say? If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife." (Exodus 22:16)
---mike4879 on 8/3/16


PRAY AND LET GOD WORK OUT THE SITUATION IT CAN BE TEMPTING LIVING WITH SOMEONE THAT'S NOT YOUR WIFE HOWEVER NOW UNTO HIM THAT IS ABLE TO KEEP YOU FROM FALLING AND PRESENT YOU FAULT LESS BEFORE THE PRESENTS OF HIS GLORY WITH EXCEEDING JOY WHATEVER YOU HAVE INSTILL IN YOUR SON WILL MANIFEST BUT IF HE SINS GOD WILL FORGIVE HIM WE ALL SIN IT DOESN'T MAKE IT RIGHT THE WAY HE HAS CHOSEN TO LIVE HIS LIFE BUT THE ENEMIE IS CUNNING AND HE HAS DECEIVED YOUR SON SO PRAY PRAY AND BELIEVE
---BEV on 7/31/16


\\We see you only seek ortho-inlaid eggs.\\

I don't know what you mean by this. Do you?

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 11/14/15


\\Only that fine scriptural Gold you ignore. \\

You don't actually think you're coming up with any, do you?

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 11/14/15


\\ I'll pan some more gold.\\

So far you've not found any.
---Cluny on 11/12/15

True, none appealing to you. Only that fine scriptural Gold you ignore.
We see you only seek ortho-inlaid eggs.

Eze_39:7 So will I make my holy name known in the midst of my people Israel, I will not let them pollute my holy name any more: the heathen shall know that I am the LORD, the Holy One in Israel.
---Trav on 11/13/15




Try using our apostles instructions.
2 Tim 2:23 But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strifes.
24 And the servant of the Lord must not strive, but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient,
25 In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves, if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth,
---michael_e on 11/12/15


\\You are constrained by your "orthorut", which wasn't a word either until right now. \\

You and Humpty Dumpty, too.

\\ I'll pan some more gold.\\

So far you've not found any.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 11/12/15


Trav, "foundation-ed" is not a verb.
---Cluny on 11/10/15

Lol. It is from now on. It conveyed precisely. You are constrained by your "orthorut", which wasn't a word either until right now. Thanks for the inspiration. Keep sifting the gnats, I'll pan some more gold.

Psa_105:8 He hath remembered his covenant for ever, the word which he commanded to a thousand generations.
Psa 105:10 And confirmed the same unto Jacob for a law, and to Israel for an everlasting covenant:
---Trav on 11/11/15


But remember that St. Monica welcomed her son's concubine into her home.

Remember also that a CONCUBINA had a recognized and respectable legal and social status, even if inferior to an UXOR (wife in the technical sense).

In fact, if a woman were of lower social class than her beloved, the best she could be was his CONCUBINA and not UXOR.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 11/11/15


Debbie, read St. Augustine of Hippo's life. He fathered a child at the age of 15. His Mother St. Monica prayed for 33 years for him to return to the Christian faith she taught him.

Also show him the stats of divorce rate increases much faster from that one factor alone of living together.

Lastly, tell them both they will lose the beautiful MYSTERY of Marriage by living together.

Tell the young lady, MEN love women to keep some mystery in their lives.

Men love the game of chase and find. Chasing quits quickly after marriage if everything is caught before marriage.
At an old age a man stops chasing -fatigue and happy to relax with the woman he chased/caught earlier.

Ask Darlene, she would know better than I.
---Nicole_Lacey on 11/11/15




Cluny, I'm just asking questions. I claim no authority at all.
---john1944 on 11/10/15


Trav, "foundation" is not a verb.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 11/10/15


Cluny, okay, I will ask: What qualified Paul to write any epistles to anybody...
---john1944 on 11/9/15

Paul, an Apostle by his own words/election. He is a very self centered person, referring to him self over 356 times. He does use scripture at times to verify his statements to "All" Israel. Noteworthy, thing about Paul, and seen here, is that Paul is referenced more than Christ! Hundreds of times more than the prophets. Where he does mention the prophets no one acknowledges them for a witness. They cannot, for the prophets speak too Israel.
Paul is last and should be the last studied. A person should be foundationed with Christ and the prophets before utilizing anything of pauls...the self elected apostle.
---Trav on 11/9/15


\\What qualified Paul to write any epistles to anybody,\\

His office as an apostle, as I've already said.

\\ and what qualified those who recognized the inspiration of these books?
---john1944 on 11/9/15\\

The Holy Spirit working through the leaders of the Church in the first few centuries.

Now, how are YOU qualified to question the authority of the accepted Pauline epistles, and who appointed you to do so?

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 11/9/15


Surprise! I agree with Cluny on this one. When I see young adults make decisions that are against what their parents supposedly taught them, I wonder what the parents are really like outside the church and inside their own homes. Example is the best teacher.
---KarenD on 11/9/15


Cluny, okay, I will ask: What qualified Paul to write any epistles to anybody, and what qualified those who recognized the inspiration of these books?
---john1944 on 11/9/15


Read These Insightful Articles About Diabetes


\\Paul never had kids so what qualified him to give advice?
---john1944 on 11/9/15
\\

His calling from God as an Apostle.

You might as well ask what qualified St. Paul to write ANY epistles to ANYBODY and what qualified those who recognized the inspiration of these books.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 11/9/15


People are often ordained before they have children. Paul never had kids so what qualified him to give advice?
---john1944 on 11/9/15


\...I'm an ordained Elder and Teacher. All my sons are cohabiting, they have children, no longer believe in neither Christ or marriage \\

Cluny says: And just how did you manage to get ordained when you obviously did NOT raise your own sons in the admonition and fear of the Lord, as the Bible teaches?
If you can't lead your own sons to Christ, where did you get the idea you could lead anyone else's sons or daughters to Him?
---Cluny on 11/8/15

With no animosity towards TL...Cluny is exactly right.

1Ti_3:12 Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.
---Trav on 11/9/15


So true David. Thank you.

Cluny a parent can lead a child to Jesus. But they cannot force them to follow him.

Only one of the my three children has chosen to no follow Jesus. For that I am very grateful. But each day I still pray for all of them.

Agape
---Samuelbb7 on 11/9/15


Read These Insightful Articles About Depression


Debbie
Perhaps your son just doesn't see it as sin. And if he believes he's not under the Law, he is right.
How can he sin if he is not under the law, when sin is the transgression of the Law?

(1 John 3:4)KJV
Whosoever commits sin transgresses also the law: for sin is the transgression of the law.


If a person believes they are not under the law, they will come to believe they are above the law.
Was this the meaning of Paul's teaching?
Many believe so, and this is why in many cases, the only difference between the believer and non-believer, is the believer goes to church.
---David on 11/9/15


\\Be encouraged! You're in a much better position than I, and I'm an ordained Elder and Teacher. All my sons are cohabiting, they have children, and no longer believe in neither Christ or marriage [as the Bible teaches] \\

And just how did you manage to get ordained when you obviously did NOT raise your own sons in the admonition and fear of the Lord, as the Bible teaches?

If you can't lead your own sons to Christ, where did you get the idea you could lead anyone else's sons or daughters to Him?

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 11/8/15


I can relate. We were in the same situation a decade ago. We just loved them and prayed. They eventually got married.
---john1944 on 11/8/15


Be encouraged! You're in a much better position than I, and I'm an ordained Elder and Teacher. All my sons are cohabiting, they have children, and no longer believe in neither Christ or marriage [as the Bible teaches]
I Believe that the Truth will come to their hearts, and they will embrace it in good time. I pray, fast and plant seeds of faith.
I'll add your son to mine...
---Truth-Lover on 11/7/15


Send a Free St Patrick's Day Ecard


Hi Debbie,

Thanks for reaching out.

My heart goes out to you.

I cant even begin to imagine the pain, disappointment, and the sorrow you feel right now as a mother of a son making this horrible decision.

Focus on the family has great resources that could be of a help to you as well as free licensed Counselors you can talk to about your situation.

The number is (800) 232-6459.

You can also google focus on the family.

Also, family life (800) 358-6329 you can talk with E-mail Mentors as long as you need to help you.

google family life

What has worked for other mothers in your situation is they talked with their husbands who had a talk with their sons.
---john9346 on 11/3/15


I suggest you gently try to speak with him and start by asking him "Do you truly love this girl?" Let him answer. Then ask him, "Do you want the very best for her?" Let him answer. Then simply ask him, "Do you believe God will pour out His blessings on her if you two are living in sin?" I would then drop it and let him think on that. Don't push it.

Also, pray, pray, pray, before, during, and after your conversation.
---trey on 11/3/15


Let your son make his own mistakes. He is responsible for his own actions. Although you say that "he has met the woman he will marry" it does not mean that he will marry her. They are not even engaged and talking about living together so it is possible that neither of them is a Christian. Suggest they read the Fifth Chapter of Ephesians before making their decision.
---KarenD on 11/3/15


You are not responsible for the choices, even their bad ones, of your adult children, so do not think you're responsible.

You might want to ask WHY they choose to cohabit before marriage--and even if they are anticipating matrimonial privileges. THAT would be a sin.

Even if they are sharing a domicile, but not but not bedroom, I agree it looks bad, and we're supposed to avoid even looking like we're doing wrong.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 11/3/15


Read These Insightful Articles About Bible Study


My Dad and Mom gave up on me a long time ago. The only thing you can do is pray, and continue to love him. Gentle nudges will only push him away.

Prov 22:6 says, "Start children off on the way they should go,and even when they are old they will not turn from it."

Pray for me,
the unworthy monk Brendan
---Monk_Brendan on 11/3/15


What you can do is pray for him and her. Since he is 22 yrs. old, if he doesn't know where you stand on the subject, he won't want you bringing this up to him. Make sure you make his "woman" your friend because if you don't you will force him to make a decision as to whom he will side , and it probably won't be you. Let him bring up the subject if it's sin or not - although he probably already knows. Make sure you don't 'push' him or his girl friend away, but also make sure they know how you feel about this. (It's a matter of loving the sinner but hating the sin.)
---wivv on 11/3/15


They know it is a sin. What can I say to them?
---Debbie on 11/3/15

The moderator has given you great advice. Accept your son the way he is but pray that God would change his mind. As a father whose son made many mistakes, your best weapon is love.

Until then, perhaps the following verse says it all.

Luke 8:46 "But why do you call Me Lord, Lord and not do the things which I say"
---Mark_Eaton on 11/3/15


Yes, I know he is too old and I can't tell him what to do. I was maybe wanting personal stories or things that might help explain? They seem to think since they will be engaged - it is ok.
---Debbie on 11/3/15


Read These Insightful Articles About Bible Verses


Copyright© 1996-2015 ChristiaNet®. All Rights Reserved.