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Ex-Husband Wants Me Back

I have been divorced for two years now. My ex-husband wants me back. He is living with this woman for financial reasons and miserable. He says he still loves me and he wishes he had never made that mistake. Should I forgive him and date him again?

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 ---Sophia on 4/6/05
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This is what I see here. This man claims he has made a mistake with his words but not with his actions since he is living with the other woman. He is not fulfilling the role of husband either since he is living off of a woman financially. This is backwards. The woman is taking care of him instead of the other way around.

Unless he really shows true repentance by his actions and not just his words he is not worthy of any respect from you or any other decent female. No female with any self-respect would agree to be mooched off of like this. He is not worthy of you. Now it is time for you to move on to greener pastures.
---poopsey on 3/25/11

For what reason?
---Eloy on 3/19/11

I personally dont belive you should go back to him...stay away from him....for 10yrs i was married and he betrayed me..i would never ever go back to him....he did apologyize..i forgaive him..but didnt forget.
---nada on 3/19/11

If he really feel his mistake from core of his heart then definately you should forgive him,I have also divoced my husband 6 years back for some big issue, but we are going to reassociate,so being a lady I can feel your emotion...My dear forgive him..I wish your new life...and pl wish for me also....
---madhumita on 8/14/10

If you go back to this man you will deserve the #1--biggest BOOB PRIZE, in the world!!! No way,hon. Please let him stay where he is. He deserve whatever is coming his way. Let him work his own problems out. You got out --now stay out!!! Enjoy your life-without him! He is not the only fish in the sea. There are many. All shapes and sizes. and some even have standards,they live by, and will be glad to have a good woman. You do not deserve what this man has done to you. And he is telling you what he is doing to the other woman! What else does he have to do or say, to prove to you he is scum. Stay away!
---Robyn on 6/22/10

If you really love him you should take him back.However it will not be easy, but anything worth having is worth working for.
---nekishia on 6/22/10

Shameika: My condolences, sister

I was in a similar situation, except that my former wife (who left me, I did not want her to leave) does not want to return

Your situation seems vert difficult for you

---peter3594 on 5/17/10

I am currently in similar situation. My ex-husband filed for divorce from me one year ago. He re-married a woman months later and for the past 5 months, he's been saying he's made a big mistake by leaving me and our 2 young children. He says he is staying in the marriage for financial reasons and is miserable. He wanted to come home to me and divorce her. Lately, I have found out that it was all a lie. He was "happily married" and I was just the side kick for him. I believe the hurt and rejection from his recent deceit was far worse than the initial divorce. Be careful with your ex. It is hard to handle re-opening yourself for more hurt.
---Shameika on 5/17/10

Don't believe him.....if he strayed once he will do it again..................he left you get on with your life and tell him to move on.......
---camille on 12/8/09

Forgiveness is that christians show and do. If you have prayed about this situation proceed the way God told you and don't question what He says and ask a man if that makes sense. The bible says God hates divorce.. so if you guys get consuling He'll help you get it better than it was before. You could pick up a new one but is that God's best for you or your best for you. All good things they say come from God honoring your vows will honor and bless Him and you. Pick what is not yours and have problems that's all
---gena on 8/10/09

Please Please do not do this. You are divorced for a reason. Chances are he left you high and dry holding the bag of bad credit. He is with this woman because of financial reasons, he probably has used all of her resources and now he is ready to move on. There is a word for this and it is a narcissist google it. Trust me I actually did this and am painfully and financially regretting it. Save yourself the hassle and move far far away from this situation. He is looking to use you AGAIN!
---Margie on 2/15/09

I believe that you should. Besides God says for us to return back to our husbands. You need to forgive and let go and let GOD.
---Ramona on 2/2/09

um... I just read through this whole thing looking for answers... and I just happened to notice Sophia posted this three and a half years ago... what ever happened ? Did Sophia take him back ? ...
---Michele on 12/8/08

Please pray for me I have the same problem ...divorced for over 10 years and every year he has asked to remarry me.
---Deb on 11/24/08

No one else can answer that for you. If that is the desire of your heart then you would need alot of wisdom. Get very serious counseling before you do anything. Make sure he is not just crying to you because he's broke or lonely. Make sure if you do re-unite with him that you are as morally pure with him as you would be with anyone else ex husband or not. You got divorced for a reason. Make very certain all those issues are settled first.Lots of counseling my dear and TONS of prayer.
---becky on 9/28/08

Well I have the same problem after almost 17 years.
---destiny on 11/28/07

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Some people will be miserable no matter what they have. I would enjoy dating him again and enjoy his company if I were you, but move very slowly. Be very aware of any situation that he seems less than content with your company. Make sure that he will not be miserable you after a short time.
---April on 10/30/07

I disagree with forgiveness being a part of moving on without a chance of reconciliation. If so be the case then Christ forgives us but he will never accept us back into the fold.On the contrary the Bible talks about forgiving seventy Times seven not without wisdom of course.
---Carla5754 on 10/28/07

Under no circumstances would I take him back. He has run out with this woman and now wants to make a beeline back to the nest. I would not allow it. She has probably caught on to his little game and has probably kicked him out. Don't play seconds to anyone. Find someone else and start fresh. Don't back track. No good.I could forgive him but that's it. Forgiveness helps you to move on and put him out of your life---completely.
---Robyn on 10/26/07

You should forgive him, of course, but let the outcome of your friendship first in Christ determine the outcome of your future. My Ex is currently seeking alternate housing after being denied by the woman of "greener pastures". Most important is to offer scripture, steer him back to the church and offer wise counsel - nothing more at this point. Pray for wisdom and clarity on dating again and our Lord will undoubtedly offer answers in His time.
---Rida on 10/25/07

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I would highly recommend not to do this. Both my ex-husband and I are remarried. We had divorced because of adultery,(him not me). Anyway my ex-husbands marriage started falling apart, so he tried to break my current marriage up by telling me similar things that your ex is telling you. So you know what I did? I witnessed to him and shared the good news of the Gospel with him. I was not saved when I was married to him. Point being God gets the Glory. Amen!
---Cynthia on 9/25/07

I beleive your ex husband does NOT know what love is. First He would have to be a God fearing Man and that he is not living with a women. He needs to be on his own. and going to church trusting in God. Know what it means to be a Husband cont
---denise on 9/25/07

A husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. sounds like to me he just is unhappy. Feeling quilty realizing that the grass wasn't greener on the other side.
I would get clear signs from God
---denise on 9/25/07

The bible says if a man devorces his wife he has made her to be an adulteress which is bad. But Jesus said, if a man does that he is not mary another woman, so the only option he has is to come back to his ex-wife for re-marriage. So it is the best idea in the sight of God to have your husband back if you love him. It is in the Gospel of Matthew the scripture which supports this. Amen
---Peter_Mafohla on 9/24/07

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no do not take him back. i was married for 20 yr to a guy just like him he did this to me for 20 yrs..he left my children and i homeless living in a car for 8 months would i do it again oh no never think about its not worth it move on and dont look back.
---jacqueline on 9/24/07

Sometimes I am ashamed at the ignorance of some women. Go back for what? You got out of this horrible trap and now you want to go back. He sounds like nothing but bad news. Trouble with a capital T. If he's living with a woman for financial reason, pray tell me, what do you want with him? He want be able to do anything for you. Whose going to pay bills, buy food and so on?I hate to say it but you are devoid of understanding,sister. You need spiritual help also. Forgive him and forget about him.
---Robyn on 7/13/07

NO DO NOT GET BACK W/HIM. He is lonely and with another woman. I know I am living the same situation. Don't look back - move forward!!!
---Ex on 7/12/07

No one said what caused their divorce in the first place. if it was through infidelity, you are whistling in the wind to ever take a man or woman back that cheats. once a cheater, always a cheater. when storms hit, they are off again to calmer waters. love, trust and respect are essential in a marriage. missing one of those and you are doomed to failure. it is only wishful thinking that happiness and stability would be present in the home in reality.
---ashley on 5/23/07

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No, I wouldn't. You have been divorced for 2 years, he's still living with another woman. If he loves you as much as he says he does, he wouldn't have waited 2 years to want you back. And besides if a person wants the biblical verison. Once you get divorced you can't go back to that spouse. De 24:3-4, Jer 3:1.
---Rebecca_D on 5/22/07

You should give him the chance to make you happy again. My husband left me about 2 years ago and I miss him so much. I don't want anyone else. I know if he didn't have another woman in his life he would come back to me. I love him so much and I don't want to see him have kids with that woman. I want my family back. My kids want their dad back!
---Amy on 5/22/07

Yes, forgive but you do not have to date him.(I suspect you're already with him) Give him time to go through Gods Discipline. I married 30 yrs ago, divorced in 1998-2 yrs later- my ex wanted to remarry.Well big regret. We are separated again and even our children tell me "I told you so" I'd say,"Run from him as fast as you can if possible move to another state. Because when he comes with I love you, hug,hug kiss,kiss--you can't think straight.
---Eloisa on 4/18/05

His wanting you back can be genuine and can be desperation. In my not so humble opinion I suspect there is some genuine feelings in his heart. It's up to you to find out if this is the case. Pray plus seek some professional advice.
---Albert on 4/15/05

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I have experience with this . You can't believe he really loves you while living with another woman . We can be stupid when it comes to a man . Bottom line is if he does not live a Christian life and is committed to the Lord first he will never be who you should have . Joyce
---Joyce on 4/14/05

The bible teaches that if a man divorces his wife and remarries then divorces his second wife he should NOT marry his first wife again. In this case it sounds as if the man has not married a second time but is living with another woman so be very careful Sophia, it's a huge decision.
---F.F. on 4/12/05

Sophia here, to make things more clearly on "My ex wants me back"...I caught him with this same women, I threw him out and I divorced him. After 6 months by himself this same woman took him in. My girls visits with him all the time and I hear from them of their relationships, so to find out they fight all the time. I do love him, I am lonely and this is not the first time he asked me back. I did told him that he will need to leave her first before I start dating him. And he said he will.
---Sophia on 4/8/05

What were the reasons for the divorce and now request for re-marriage? What makes you trust his reasons? How do you define love? Is he going to divorce his second wife to make the first one right? Forgiveness is not an option for Christians. We need to forgive no matter what. However, trusting someone for your life and letting go of the past mistakes are two entirely different issues. Again, your decision to date him may not need to depend on his claims of "love". I believe he is still committed to his second wife and one needs to respect that.
---Seble on 4/8/05

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Matthew 6:33 - But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
SEEK HIM WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND THEN LEAVE IT IN HIS HANDS. (he will add unto you things for your good, trust him)....Jan4876
---Jan on 4/8/05

True love as in the pages of the Bible is Agape love, that which loves despite of what ever is being loved. Besides there is no blessings in divorce at all in the Bible. We must all fall in love many times, but with the same person in relation to marriage. Forgiveness is a gift of God that only those who have known and experienced God's forgiveness will know. When you forgive, you imitate God and receive God's blessings. Praise God, he messed up, not you and you have the joy of taking him back and making him whole with God's help. Love, praying for you.
---Chakravarthy on 4/8/05

I don't think he's living with another woman for financial reasons.
---Lois on 4/7/05

I believe that once separation has occurred (physically), a 'line' has been crossed. That line is how a husband cleaves to his wife.

Having been divorced as well, in my opinion, if your husband 'wants you back', he is mistaken to look at you in some way like a possession, or simply 'picking up where he left off'. If he wants you, he needs to understand that this entails a brand new relationship.

If he is serious about wanting you, he needs to demonstrate a genuine desire to woo you, court you ... want you, as his bride.

And, of course, you have to want him as well.
---Robert on 4/7/05

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That depends on his motivation. If he desires to be godly, and take care of his mistakes the best he knows how, then I would be all for the reconciliation. But if he is not living for the Lord, and has no desire to, I would wait upon the Lord in prayer for your ex to change before allowing him back in the home. God can restore your marriage, but you both have to be willing to do things God's way. I pray that he has pure motivations and if not, that he will one day.
---Katie on 4/7/05

Your ex-husband does not deserve even a fraction of your attention. He is a cruel person. He is not mindful of the feelings of other people. He only thinks of himself alone. First, he hurt you by leaving you alone and lonely. Now, he is thinking of returning back to you, without thinking that by doing so, he is going to hurt the feelings of the other woman.
---Jeanette on 4/7/05

Was it a wedding before God, was it in the house of God? If you love him still and you feel he is sincere I would give it a second chance. Now I am not a woman, I am a man but if my ex-wife came back to me I would feel obigated to let her back in even though she tore apart my family and tried to destroy me. Only because if God puts people together then it is forever.
---Marc on 4/7/05

Sophia, you never said how you feel about him. Would you really want him back?

He leaves you, divorces you, lives with another woman, depends on HER finances....hmmmmm WHO'S finances will he depend on IF he leaves her?

I'd of course forgive him, and then gently tell he's made his bed..etc. This guy is bad news!
---NV_Barbara on 4/7/05

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This man's behavior is highly suspicious to me, and I would not immediately take him back. If he is with another for financial reasons, it sounds like he's a user and not a good Christian soul. I'd be very careful in this situation. Being alone can help you get closer to God, and find the right answers. Don't do anything hasty.
---Kristine on 4/6/05

I have been where you're at,dear.Don't be the 'other woman'while he's with the other woman.He is not FREE to be with anyone if he is still living in her home.If it's God's will,have him leave and trust God for the finances.If he said he can't,won't,or just give him more time.Cut your losses and move on.He may want his cake and eat it too.I'll pray God will give you wisdom and peace.
---linda on 4/6/05

This is an opportune time to test his sincerity, Sophia. ONLY if you know for sure that he has left this other woman, then you can take Becky's advice. Pray,pray,pray.
---John on 4/6/05

Certainly not whilst he is still living with this other woman.
---Alan_of_U.K. on 4/6/05

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