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Spanking A 13-Year Old

i just heard a question on dr.laura, from a man who was concerned that his ex-wife was spanking their 13-year-old son too hard. has our society become so liberal that we tolerate partial birth abortions and get upset over minor things?

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 ---steve on 4/7/05
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Lets get our priorities right here, abortion, drugs, crime and wars are the evils that plague our lives not the fact that we discipline our children

lost in your pride of ownership? funny how today children are treated and "disciplined" by ignorant lazy parents who treat them like "owned" animals

Children today will be the ones having abortions using drugs and committing crimes

no discipline or abusive discipline offer the SAME results

BOTH are extremes and both produce wicked fruits
---Rhonda on 1/17/09

Lets get our priorities right here, abortion, drugs, crime and wars are the evils that plague our lives not the fact that we discipline our children, yes we all use different methods, every child is different so need a different type of discipline, we have a large family, some of the children we paddle some we spank some we don't, each method keeps the child on the straight and narrow.
---Jenny on 1/16/09

Lalaland, if I were your parent and you don't behave, since disallowing you from watching TV doesn't upset you, I wouldn't give you ice cream.

Now, that should make you behave, right? :))

When kids behave, they are doing themselves a favor because they grow up to be good citizens.
---Paul2 on 1/14/09

Ok. So I am a 13 year old girl. I do not get spanked or grounded or really anything at all. Neither do any of my sibs. We aren't perfect but when we mess up our parents don't really do anything. I have to say that taking away my phone or t.v. would not matter to me! Or most of my friends. You have to handle each kid differently. Their is no set rule book. I'm 13 and I understand that!
---lalaland on 1/14/09

Kids should be trained from when they are babies to learn the meaning of NO. In most cases, all we have to say is NO and mean it. They'll eventually get used to it and will obey.

In hte case of 13 year olds, it would be wise to speak to him or her and make them understand that what they are doing is wrong and that you're concerned about them and want to help them.

I hate spanking.
---Paul2 on 1/8/09

America, the nation of Cascading Decadance.

Decadence leads to a Nation without a Moral Compass.

A Nation without a Moral Compass will become a reprobate people.

A reprobate mind is one controlled by evil continually.

All this starts when discipline and correction is avoided in youth.

Jesus said, Take heed to yourselves: if thy brother sin, rebuke him, and if he repent, forgive him.

GOD will not forgive you unless you repent.

Yet christians today disobey Jesus when you
forgive when there is no repentance under the falsehood of LOVE.

You sweep their sin under the rug and allow the sinner more reasons to do worst and treat him as if he were illegitimate.

You act better than GOD!
---Anthony on 1/7/09

Wow! A 13 year old?? really?? No--spanking is out at 13. Try other things--like taking away cell phones, computer time--etc. Stuff that really matters to them. Most 13 year olds know at that age--that a few minutes of pain will soon be forgotten, but take away their cell phone or internet for a week--and OUCH!! That hits them where it hurts without any physical violence. 13 is just too old to be spanking.
---cindy on 1/6/09

I do not think a 13 yr old should be physically hit with a belt. Discipline and punishment at this stage. Unless the child attack first,then you would have to defend yourself,somehow. Or risk perhaps, death.
---Robyn on 1/6/09

We are a god-fearing family who practice love AND discipline, when a child errs they must know that they have done wrong, we only paddle the 2 eldest (teens) in a firm and correct manner, the 2 younger ones we only spank with the hand. The paddle does tend to focust the childs mind sharply when applied in the correct manner, it works, never have to use the paddle more than twice on the same child per month.
---Jane on 1/6/09

I think that whatever happens at home stays at home as far as spanking goes. If I had a daughter i would be very strict and especially if they are 13 and they act up the parent has every right to spank them but i don't condone using wood paddles and canes
---michael on 11/21/08

Maternal spankings for a 13-year-old boy suggest that she's desperate to maintain control and he's a bit of a slow learner. Especially if these are formal over-the-knee punishments, they shouldn't be happening very often at all. How would the ex-husband have known about them anyway? And what does he consider "too hard"? Maybe Mom is actually trying her best to be finished with the spankings, if Junior would only make more of an effort to behave himself.
---BruceS on 8/23/08

** trouble wirh the law if we warm a child's bottom that needs it.

there are laws in place about BEATING children not spanking

warming young childs bottom is correction ...spanking 13 yo is perverted serves no purpose ..."liberal" parents don't use "Gods Word" to continue spanking well beyond age 10 ...lazy parents with little intellectual abilities to communicate effectively with their older children use force

older children make mistakes love concern by TALKING it happened creating new guidelines boundaries by taking away privileges time with friends activities where they think about consequences of their actions working toward restoring these it's called teaching
---Rhonda on 8/16/08

You may call it liberalism, but Our society is sick, sick, and sick, some more. So I'll call it sick. Spanking a thirteen year old is sick. Killing babies is sick. Bunch of sickos. Causes me to throw-up!
---catherine on 8/13/08

Minor? Sick.
---Deb on 8/12/08

It seem so. Doctors can kill the unborn or elderly, but parents are in trouble wirh the law if we warm a child's bottom that needs it.
---BIILL on 8/11/08

Some children respond to physical discipline some do not. For some it is appropriate and others there are more effect methods of disciplines.

Children that respond to physical discipline push the boundaries more than those who don't.

Those children that are of this character who are not disciplined as children have reduced capacity to cope with, comprehend or respect consequences. There needs to be a serious diffirential bewteen physical punishment and physical discipline.
---Marty on 6/15/07

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I was spanked pretty regularly as a child and I consider myself to have turned out pretty well (I'm 24 now). I believe the last time I received a spanking was when I was 11 or 12, and I was careful about the choices I made as a teen because I knew that no age was too old. Even one spanking at the age of 13 might deter the child from considerably acting out again later on. Many people see spanking as abuse and they call it "beating"; however, when a child misbehaves, they need to be corrected!
---Missy on 6/15/07

No one should ever spank a child to death but with a reasonable controlled clap on the fleshy part of the hinney as Jay claims! should be efficient, If one thinks it becomes habitual or your about to loose control one should consult professional help. It is now not against the law in Britain to spank a child with reasonable effects, This came in when kids were getting out of control.
---Carla5754 on 5/5/07

Steven, every generation has it's 'rebels' or whatever you want to call those young people who are in the process of growing up and figuring it mom was a 'flapper'! (and that was in the '20's)
---sue on 5/5/07

I think kids are getting better and better, not worse. I guess it just depends on which kids your looking at.
---sue on 5/5/07

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my kids grew up with spankings and they are healthy, not in jail, mentally balanced, all have good jobs and work hard.
---shira_5965 on 5/5/07

Ok. Lets look at history. For over 6,000 years, parents have used spanking rather successfully. It wasnt until about 1945 when child development experts condoned spanking causing the child to grow into a violent person. Look now where our children have turned into from the beatniks in the late fifties, to the hippies and now turning our children into Goth. I pity the children living ten years from now.
---Steven on 8/11/06

My 16-year-old daughter decided to stay out all night one time. When she dragged herself home at 5:30 a.m., I met her at the door with a switch I had cut from one of our trees. Let me tell you, she felt that switch on her backside BUT GOOD. I'm NOT sorry, and she has NEVER even thought about it again. She will be 18 in January, and tells her friends, "No, I can't! You don't know my mother." Taught a lesson? I think so. Not for one second can anyone convince me that I was out of line.
---Crystal on 8/9/06

That is abuse spanking a 13 year old.
---Helen_5378 on 8/9/06

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The mother who spanks her 13 year old son too hard should be imprisoned for child abuse. Anyone who calls themselves a christian has no business inflicting pain on a child. After all, inflicting pain on children (and adults) is the specialty of the musilims (the practitioners of the religion of violence)
---Steven on 8/9/06

I agree with you Alan. There are limits to everything. We aren't even supposed to see the private areas of a child that old. Obedience to the word of God is the main thing using the brains God gave us. There are differences in spanking, humiliating and child abuse. Spanking is scripturally sound when used right but not child abuse or humiliation.
---Frank on 7/11/06

Frank, if "I learned very quickly to fear their authority and to do as told because they loved me" presumably you learnt as a toddler, and the spanking did not need to go on into your teens? By then other methods of punishment are more appropriate.
Also it depends oj what you mean by spanking. Some here seem to think strapping a 16 year old girl on a bare bottom is appropriate. I don't.
---alan8869_of_UK on 7/11/06

There is a huge difference between paddling a little child who runs out in the street, and stripping an adolescent of their pants and hitting their bottoms. One is loving discipline, the other is humiliating child abuse.

Any believer who can't see that is blind to reality.
---Madison1101 on 7/10/06

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Heb 12:6 "..the Lord disciplines those He loves, and punishes everyone he accepts as a son." (the comparison is made to earthly fathers). The KJV and NASV use the word "scourges" (which means to whip or flog)Even if not taken literally, it's a severe punishment... less drastic, however, than "stoning" the disrespectful son as was recommended in the O.T.
Today, if other methods fail, I see nothing wrong with spanking (13 might be a bit old, but that depends on the child).
---Donna2277 on 7/10/06

Alan, I was raised in a generation past and wasn't emotionally scarred or having thoughts of suicide or murder or feeling picked on as the psychologists that have no children claim I should have been from being spanked by my parents. I learned very quickly to fear their authority and to do as told because they loved me. The lack of parental respect today sickens me.
---Frank on 7/10/06

I do not condone child abuse but also know that rebellious children are a type and shadow of a rebellious church going to hell. Prov.13:24, Prov.22:15, Prov.23:13,14 Deut.8:5, Heb.12:10, and for us adults as well, Rev.3:19. There are more than enough scriptures to show that children should obey their parents and the parents should chasten, or spank them when needed.
---Frank on 7/10/06

Frank you are clearly an enthusiastic supporter of the spanking of children, and you seem to insist that it is a biblical commandment that we spank children. Can you please show the scriptural support for yuor view?
---alan8869_of_UK on 7/10/06

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Another thought. If a person belives a psychologist over the word of God as they see it written and reject the word for the psychologist's words, who is their god? Jesus said thou shalt have no gods before me as steal, kill and rob. That loving advice about the child doing no wrong may come from a god that robs both child and parent of salvation. All that cometh before me are theives and robbers. What do they prefer before him? man's words or God's?
---Frank on 7/10/06

The judgement seat of Christ is "PAYDAY" and eternal life for those who believe and obey but damnation for those who don't believe and manifest it through rebellion. I don't want to see my kids reap the wages of sin from their time spent in my house and I don't want to follow them knowing I should have and could hearkened to the word of God rather than what I thought or wanted.
---Frank on 7/10/06

God is a God of order and even in the parable of the eleventh hour laborer he starts at the last. The scriptures cannot be limited to merely one message as there are countless sermons from one passage as there are countless branches on the tree of life. Many parents will wish they had heeded as Proverbs says beating him with a rod will deliver his soul (eternal part) from hell. The Lord's thoughts are not ours and forsaking chastisement will spoil the child of salvation.
---Frank on 7/10/06

That Frank is a new interpretion of "the first shall be last & the last shall be first"
Thanks for the insight.
---alan8869_of_UK on 7/9/06

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Frank are you quoting from Matt. 20:16? If so this verse is talking about people who are saved later in life than others surely, stating that although they had a shorter period being Christians their reward will be no less than that of 'long term' Christians. I can see no connection with children being born later than their parents and, therefore, being judged first.
---M.A. on 7/9/06

2. The word says the first shall be last and the last shall be first so all of the parents that refused to punish their children out of "love" will have the opportunity to watch their children cast into hell. Since the children were born last they will be judged first. Then the parents can think about their refusal to hearken to the word of God and their children's torment forever.
---Frank on 7/9/06

1. Anyone that thinks Jesus would not spank a child is robbing their child of salvation by allowing disrespect towards parents the Lord hates. the word says he will laugh at them in their derision and dash their little one against a stone. HE commanded that rebellious children be put to death. Some of this goody-goody religion is going to damn a lot of children when they grow up and are hated because they direspected their parents.
---Frank on 7/9/06

In the UK it is now illegal to spank a child of any age. As a result teachers are unable to control their classes and parents are unable to maintain any discipline. Spanking should not be brutal or even frequent, however most children are quickly broughg into like with a sharp slap and older delinquents should be punished with the cane
---Nick_Clarke on 7/8/06

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Let's picture this: Jesus spanking a child. NO WAY! Yes, he would correct the child, but he would never hit a child. To strip them of their clothes and beat them induces only shame, and they will associate pain with love. And, teenagers? If you treat teenagers like children, they act like children. I am disgusted by what I read here.....don't try to justify these actions to anyone, just imagine how you will justify it to Jesus or God. I don't believe in hitting children.
---Nancy on 6/23/06

It's not being "liberal" to spank at 13 year old - it's stupid. There are more effective ways, for example, taking away a priviledge that will effect him. While he might "straighten out" with a spanking for the short term, the long term damage makes it not worth it. (I approve of spanking; but not a teenager.)
---WIVV on 5/18/06

Give sincere and true respect to a normal child and that respect will be learned and returned. Kayla and hubby you are destroying your daughter's psych and your relationship with her and her relationship with others for a long time to come.
---sherry_g on 4/12/06

Kayla - you are abusing your daughter, not disciplining her. You should not allow any man to touch your daughters bottom with or without clothes on. This is sexual abuse. I hope you will reconsider your approach and apologize to your daughter. The one that we want to hug the least is the one that needs it the most - please give her a hug and love her. You are doing great harm to her - please give more thought to your approach. Your family is in my prayers.
---Linda on 4/12/06

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There is a difference between a spanking and child abuse. The goal is to find the equal balance between both. To spare the rod will surely spoil the child due to parental disrespect which is not acceptable in scripture. To abuse the child is to harm the very ones that our precious Jesus likened acceptable faith to. The Lord delights in a just weight and an equal balance. Judgement is being perverted now of days dear.
---Shari on 3/22/06

Donna: Not sure why I replied that way. Sorry.
---Madison on 3/22/06

Madison--What made you think I was disagreeing with anybody?
---Donna2277 on 3/22/06

Patty_F., harming your child enough to leave a mark, let alone cause permanent damage, has been a felony in the state of California since 1949!

You may not feel like it, but you were severely abused! And most people who were abused as children wind up abusing their own children.

Please don't do that to your kids! That's not the love of God! He has much better ways! Break the cycle! Ask for help!

Remember, it's the kindness of God that leads even children to repentance (Rom 2:4)!
---Jeffrey on 3/13/06

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Donna: I do not believe that anyone here is opposed to spanking a child at an appropriate age. 13 is too old for a spanking. There are other ways for discipline to be given. There is a line between a spanking and abuse.
---Madison on 3/13/06

I must be an old fogey, but I am shocked at the way today's kids talk to their parents, using profanity and insulting street language. And parents take it and say nothing! I believe in spanking children with the hand when they are young (not teens)for defiant behavior and deliberate disobediance. Kids get security from consistant limits enforced by parents who take control. The effect of violence on TV and video games worries me more than spanking from a strong loving parent.
---Donna on 3/13/06

My Mother was very God-fearing and determined that if we disrespected our elders then she would order us to take our clothes off. Once we were naked under the eyes of God, she would spank us with a leather belt under we had red behinds. This is how we grew up strong and Christian. I still have a limp from the permanent damage but I am Bible-based in my life.
---Patty_F. on 3/13/06

Kayla, I would take that child out of your home and placed in foster care if you let your husband touch her bare backside at her age.
---Ann5758 on 2/11/06

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Kayla, If this is not a wind-up and if you lived in the U.K. your husband would probably be locked up for child abuse and you also possibly for encouraging him.
---M.A. on 2/11/06

Kayla: In the US, you are guilty of child abuse, and your husband could be charged with sexual abuse.
---Madison on 2/11/06

hi im a mother of a 13 year old and grounding did not fill the punishment so she nows when she mouths off she gets a SPANK from her father bare butt and sent to the corner. Straight after no pants nothing by the way I have to get her out of the corner now.
---kayla on 2/11/06

Megen, "spanking" your dog will not keep it from running into the street, it will only make it afraid to come to you. Spanking a teenager is not appropriate..
---NurseRobert on 1/5/06

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Michelle, you are an adult in the United States, and as such, do not need to be disciplined by a parent. When my son was 19, I threw him out for breaking my rules. That changed his attitude entirely.

It is time to grow up and start acting like an adult, and not giving into spankings.
---Madison on 1/5/06

I am 19 and I get spanked my mom is a single parent and grounding did not work but spanking does improve my behavior and it is biblical it hurts for awhile but grounding is for days or weeks. and I USUALLY get three to four swats on the butt.
---MICHELLE on 1/5/06

If it is necessary to go on thrashing children after the age of 13, something must have gone wrong either in earlier discipline, or in the relationship between parents and child.
---Alan_of_U.K. on 4/24/05

sorry, becky. i have to disagree. too many kids today don't grow up until much, much later.
---curt on 4/21/05

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Also one more thing- even if you do beleive in spanking throughout childhood thirteen is definetly to old to be spanking! In old testament times thirteen was considered the age when a boy became a man!
---BeckyH on 4/20/05

So I think taps on the hand can be employed to get across the point to a two year old that it is dangerous to touch a hot stove e.t.c. but other then that spanking should be a last resort and ot done out of anger or while still angry. This teaches a child that it's okay to harm others when you are angry and it also teaches that those who love us may hurt us and that this is acceptable.
---BeckyH on 4/20/05

If all we want are obedient children then our children will not be equipped with the ability to make their own wise responsible decisions. Also regarding the "spare the rod spoil the child" argument- It has also been said that if your right hand causes you to sin then you should cut it off. Have any of you cut off any limbs lately? Of course we can not spare our children discipline for that would be irresponsible parenting!
---BeckyH on 4/20/05

Megan made a comment about if you spank your dog when he runs out on the street to make sure he doesn't do it again and don't do the same to your child then you love your dog more. Do you think that a thirteen year old human only has the reasoning capabilities of a mutt ? Why not try reasoning , communicating with a child instead of beating them for every minor transgression. We should be striving for responsible children not(merely) obedient ones.
---BeckyH on 4/20/05

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Julie, you sound like you had a tough life. maybe that was just a bad summer for you, but if you want to talk, i'm in the chatroom.
---curt on 4/18/05

I got my last round of "spanking" the summer I was 16. Mom broke all of her wooden spoons on me. I think all kids should get "lickens". The bible talked about bruises and rods when disciplining children. My mom believed the bible. I think I turned out pretty good ;)
---julie on 4/18/05

I would be concerned about the motives of the mother at this point. I can see no good coming of this punishment. It sounds as if she is angry and taking her aggression out on the teenager. Or, is it a turn-on?
---Nancy on 4/18/05

Is the ex-wife the mother? In proverbs it is written, 'Raise the child in the way he should go.' If the ex-wife is not the mother, there is a problem between two unrelated people, the son and the ex-wife. What did dr.laura say?
---gregg on 4/9/05

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I can't believe that anyone would spank a 13 year old. Not that I don't believe in spankings, however I don't think God ever intented us to use them as a constant all the time means of disapline to direct them. (direction should be the main goal behind any disapline) I believe there is an age when your goal as a parent is to let go and see where your preperation for adolecense is taking them. Guide them in making their own choices and reaping the consequences for the wrong ones. With a 13 yar old. Take away their electronics. It hurts worse then a spanking.
---Tammy on 4/9/05

i agree. that man sounds like he is trying to get even with his ex-wife, and who knows if his story is true. also, why do so many people act shocked at a thirteen year old being punished, but not at a one year old being treated the same way?
---curt on 4/8/05

I agree with Becky, if I started spanking my son when he was 13 we'd both end up laughing to hard! I think spankings should only be used to TEACH little kids (over 2 yrs) about dangerous situations.
---sue on 4/8/05

I reserve spankings for disrespectful behavour, otherwise, I normally use time-outs or grounding when kids get out of line. To keep things balanced, I also award the kids for good behavour. I do not 'bribe' my children to encourage good behavour as I have found it to be unsuccesful. They must earn the reward before they can get it. I must always be careful not to 'over-reward' them or it would make them think that I am trying to 'buy' their efforts.
---Timothy on 4/8/05

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I have to agree that a 13 y/o is way too old to be spanked. I, too, have a 13 y/o son, I can't image spanking him. I think we would both end up cracking up. I mean it's a little ridiculous. I was thinking about this question and I have to ask, if she is still spanking him at 13, in what other ways is she treating him like a small child? That may be part of the problem.
---Becky_S on 4/8/05

If the child has done something that deserves a spanking, then you should spank it. I heard a man put it this way, He asked someone if they spank their children, and the person replied, no I never spank my children. So then he said,"If you have a dog that runs out in the road for some reason and you finally catch it, what do you do to the dog? Any human would probably spank the dog so that it will know that if it runs in the road again that it will get a spanking. If you discipline your dog, but not your child, then you love your dog more than your child."
---Megan on 4/8/05

Hey Herb, where have you been all this time?
---Alan_of_U.K. on 4/8/05

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