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A Non-Virgin Looking For Marriage

I am looking to get engaged in 2 years, thanks God. However, I am not a virgin. Is there a Scripture(s) that say yay or nay in either direction? I love this man, but he deserves someone pure...not sloppy seconds.

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 ---Chante on 4/22/05
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Chante: If this is how you look upon yourself(sloppy seconds) you need to hold off on marriage right now. You are not ready honey. You are already your own worse enemy. You need to raise your self esteem before entering into marriage. What makes you think this man you want to marry deserve so much more than you? Come on now.He's not all of that. Is he a virgin? I doubt it.
---Robyn on 8/28/07

I have no verse to tell you right now but I can say that you ARE pure in Jesus Christ! He has washed you in His blood and sees you as pure now that you belong to Him! To say that you are a sloppy second is to say that He cannot purify, which is a lie! You are the daughter of God and we all sin sexually at one point or another. If anyone has ever thought of someone in an unpure way, they need the Lord's forgiveness as much as you did after you sinned yourself...xox
---Cathy on 8/27/07

One more thing: If samueldekyim were correct, then who would a woman go to for a DIVORCE if the boyfriend she had sex with did so with another woman too?! As I said, ridiculous! At the very least, there has to be some kind of a "commitment" made to each other; not just a sinful act, marriage is a "specially agreed to relationship" that 'goes beyond' two people 'living together' (and having sex).
---danie9374 on 3/12/06

(2) IF any country exists where there is no such thing as a 'legal marriage' (is there?), then Christians would _still_ verbally commit themselves to each other before God (and others if possible) rather than just 'live together' or worse as do many NON-believers! No, Scripture does not consider "sexual immoratlity" as marriage.
---danie9374 on 3/12/06

(1) Jenny and ALL: Just wanted to stress what "samueldekyem" said is WRONG! Sex does *not*=marriage! That's absolutely ridiculous because if true, Paul would have to of dealt with that in at least one epistle; esp. passages where he discussed marriage (due to all the Gentile Believers of which some must have had sex before marriage; Corinth had many prostitutes)! Romans 7 discusses marriage as something LEGAL! Sex outside of 'legal marriages' is *SIN*; not marriage!
---danie9374 on 3/12/06

Dear Jenny, Sex outside of marriage is fornication I can"t see how it is marriage. Anyway Jesus forgives all sin if you ask.
---Thomas on 3/11/06

Jenny, Jesus will forgive you for any and all sin. Mose"s gave the law of divorce, and Jesus said I have came not to change the law. I believe Jesus wants us to remain married but I also believe Jesus forgives us our sins if we ask him. I am so glad man is not my judge!
---Thomas on 3/11/06

Dear Jenny
.Sex is marriage so if you are not a virgin ,and your sexual partner is alive then you are married to him so you cannot take another boy lover, or you will have two husband, the more the men you have sex with the more husbands you accumulate and they must all die before you can take another man. This is the thing many dont know.
The question is not whether you are a sinner or not that belongs to God,
---samueldekyem on 3/10/06

Jennie ... as a man perhaps I should add one further comment. If he does what he says he does (do everything except actual intercourse) either he must have exceptional self control (impossible I would say since he is with girls willing to behave in that way) or there must be something wrong with his masculinity (much more likely)
Christian conscience would not hold him back in that situation. So all ways, you are best off without him.
---alan8869_of_UK on 2/8/06

Thanks for your responses. Allan, yes, he did ask me directly about my history and I was honest. Then he told me about his and his behaviour. He did seem quite judgemental and hypocritical to me, especially seeing he sees nothing wrong with what he does with these women.
---Jennie on 2/8/06

Saleem, why did you copy Chanta's question word for word and make no comment?
---Ann5758 on 2/7/06

Jennie ... your "great Christian guy" certainly is not that. You deserve better than him. you are lucky he has left you. I'm not sure that you need to tell the next man your history, unless he talks about his too.
---alan8869_of_UK on 2/7/06

I am looking to get engaged in 2 years, thanks God. However, I am not a virgin. Is there a Scripture(s) that say yay or nay in either direction? I love this man, but he deserves someone pure...not sloppy seconds
---saleem on 2/7/06

Jennie, I don't how you led your life before (and don't need to), but if you've lived morally since becoming a Believer, and he hasn't, then 'his actions' are really worse! Doing what he did, means he only had sin (not true love) on his mind! From what little you said, you're better off not spending time with a guy like that! Message me if you need some honest help (nothing more) figuring that out. God wants what's best for you!
---danie9374 on 2/7/06

Miguel, where is scripture does it say that you must "remain in the situation you were in when God called you"? I don't believe that is scriptural.
---Ann5758 on 2/6/06

Jennie; his actions aren't any better. For he still lusted after the flesh, he too done things that shouldn't have been done. We all have a past, but the good news is that Jesus has forgiven us from our past sins. If this man thinks your no good because your not a virgin, you don't need someone so judgemental.
---Rebecca_D on 2/6/06

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I am so confused. I met a great Christian guy and I confessed to him that I am not a virgin (I am 31, he is 34). He said he IS a virgin, although he has made out with a lot of girls, gets naked with them and does "everything" but actual intercourse. A day after our chat, he told me he couldn't date me because I am not a virgin and didn't wait till marriage. What is that about??? How are his actions better than mine??
---Jennie on 2/6/06

Dear dear Chante,If non virgins weren't allowed to marry, there would be few christian marriages.There's enough scriptures to convince you, you are born again, made new every morning, though your sins be as scarlet,you are made white as snow, He makes all things beautiful in His time.If you don't believe this, then you don't read and meditate on your bible enough. If Christ accepts you and cleanses you from all sin, (and He has) then you are surely good enough and deserving of the man you love. He is blessed to have someone like you love him. YOU ARE FORGIVEN! GO IN PEACE AND SIN NO MORE.
---lisa on 5/7/05

If you are a widow, it is okay that you marry again. If you are not a widow, then you should remain single. You must remain in the situation that you were in when God called you. If you are married, do not seek a divorce. If you are unmarried, do not seek to marry. But of virgins, there is no command from the Lord. Read 1 Corinthians Chapter 7.
---miguel on 5/3/05

Don't be so hard on yourself. Confess your sin to God and ask him to take away all your fleshly lust and to give you a new life. He has promised to clean the slate. As soon as you accept that you will be a virgin again in a different way for sure but in a no less important way,and your friend should have no reservations to marry you! Best wishes.
---Pierr7958 on 5/2/05

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Although what others have said about being pure now through God's grace is true , there will still be wordly consequences that you should be realistic about. Such as , you may compare your husband to past lovers and this could cause discord also , get checked for diseases if your other partners have past partners as well.
---BeckyH on 5/1/05

you can email me anytime u feel like.i will be glad to talk with u.
---johnny on 4/30/05

I have been where you been when it comes to not being a virgin. I used this as an excuse to say I am not good enough. As time moves on, John 3:16 & 17 become more powerful. Jesus came to save, not judge. In Him, we are new creations and He is faithful to forgive our sins, as we confess them(1st John 1:9 & 2nd Corinthians 5:17).
---Paul on 4/29/05

hi - you are not a sloppy second but a redeemed child of God. I am available for a honest relationship.

---stanley_chetty on 4/28/05

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If you are born again, you are pure in the eyes of God, child. Jesus' blood covers all sin. The only thing that God can't do is remember sin.
---rebec8436 on 4/28/05

I know how it is to walk in your shoes. I have needed to let God heal me and my thoughts to see that I am no longer a 'sloppy second', that I am His daughter and that he forgave me. Anyone who's ever had unpure thoughts needs to be forgiven as much as we needed it when we came to Christ, understand? XOX
---Cathy on 4/26/05

The phraze you use "sloppy seconds" is best refered to a woman in a rape while the men after the first would be named to that phraze. We all sin, you seem to have repented and this sin was not even aganst your boyfriend now so that being said he should not have a problem with it but you need to be open and share and by the work of the holy spirit all things will be made whole between you both. A union of two in that way there is a unwritten contract between the two that has to be broken and you need to go to the one or others to ask them to forgive you and release you.
---kirk on 4/26/05

Jesus told the woman at the well,go and sin no more,have you asked God to forgive your past?if yes,and you meant it,you're forgiven.What is more important is that you remain faithful once your married,and who is to say your man is pure?Will he still be pure when you get engaged?forgive yourself, and move on.
---RUSSELL on 4/24/05

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If you are pure at heart then you are fine. Your boyfriend shouldn't be concerened if you are a virgin or not. If he loves you then he will take you as is! Don't think of yourself as a sloppy second, think of yourself as a perfect match for your boyfriend.
---Rick on 4/23/05

Since you are a born again child of God, this is the answer to your question, and it is found in the holy Bible. Romans 8:1-3 Therefore, there is now no condemnation(adjudging guilty of wrong) for those who are in Christ Jesus, who live and walk not after the flesh, but after the spirit. Also, 11Corinthians 5:17...Therfore, if any person is in Christ Jesus, He or she is a new creation, altogether) The old condition has passed away) Behold the fresh and new has come. God Bless you sister.
---Barbara on 4/23/05

Remember dear, you are loved by Jesus and He will never love you more than He loves you right now. You cannot do anything to make Him love you more than He does already in this very moment. Trust and look to Him to confirm who you are to marry. He will show you, if you ask Him. If it is not this man, than Praise God! You don't want to be married to the wrong guy! Right? Of course not! Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Prov. 3:5
---Lin on 4/23/05

God loves you and scripture says that "He loves us very dearly." Don't ever ever ever forget that and Remember: Jesus told the woman who was living with a man who was not her husband that He didn't come to judge, but to "Go and sin no more." You see, Jesus came to forgive and save each of us the first time He came to earth. The next time He comes to judge. Those of us who are born again will not be judged.
---Lin on 4/23/05

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You can be sure your boyfriend has sinned also and that he has not told you everything. Details are not important so don't go there. Just let him know that when you were not walking as a Christian you did experience sex, but now that you are saved your heart's desire and choice is to walk according to the Word of God. If he shuns you because of past sin, keep in mind that he does not have a forgiving heart and you do not need to be married to anyone who holds unforgiveness in their heart as they will repeat the pattern throughout your marriage.
---Lin on 4/23/05

Once you repent of your sins and ask Christ to be Lord of your life you are born again and are a "new creation" according to scripture. The man you love is no more perfect than you or anyone else on this planet. Remember: "ALL" (that includes your boyfriend) have sinned and come short of the glory of God.
---Lin on 4/23/05

God has given all of us enough wisdom to discern right from wrong. pray alot to the holy spirit to put the desire of an open confession into your heart and make a clean start. tell your boy friend about your past. though the hurt may be there, yet, if he really loves you, he should understand that he has no control over your past and he should let go off past mishaps. if he is understanding and loving he will accept you and appreciate your straightforwardness. give him an assurance of your love and fidelity at all times. this should boost his wounded heart.
---olive6374 on 4/22/05

Did the Lord not forgive Mary Magdalene?If God can forgive us our sins,why cant we forgive ourselves and be joyous that we are renewed?Your boyfriend loves you for who you are,not what you have done.The past is just that.Forgive yourself and go forward and be happy!
---Susan on 4/22/05

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In God's eyes there are NO sloppy seconds! If you have repented and have been forgiven... don't forget to forgive yourself. Of course, you do tell him. Perhaps he is not virgin either but did not get around to telling you yet; get a discussion going. It helps to get such things straightened out before the relationship progresses.
---Hanny on 4/22/05

Dear sister
I try to understand your feelings and sharing this concern shows how blessed is that man having you as a partner.The scripture condemn sex before marriage,however remember it is a sin like the others and no one is pure. Remember 2 Corinthians 5:17, you are new in Jesus, all your old nature has gone away.
---Altin on 4/22/05

When you have confess your sin and truly asked for forgiveness, GOD has forgiven you... you're surely as good as new... the past is gone and GOD's grace is greater than the sin condeming your whole being as second best. Your are beautiful than ever. Though we must admit that our sins create wounds and only JESUS can heal it. Remember you are precious as a pearl that GOD cares enought that you truly be treasured by the man, GOD Will's to have you for lifetime.
---Claire_Faith on 4/22/05

Don't consider yourself a sloppy second. You have repented and have been forgiven. This man does deserve to know the truth, however. Be open and honest, he'll appreciate your honesty, even though he will be hurt. Get it out in the open, and let him know how sorry you are for what you had done in the past, and tell him God has forgiven you. Just sharing, I was a virgin who married a man with a hurtful past. He repented, then we met. He was honest and up front about it, and I loved him enough to marry him. It hurts, even now, but I'd marry him all over again.
---Heidi on 4/22/05

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If you have NOT had sexual relations since being born again, then you are indeed PURE, NOT a sloppy second. I have been married 4 times, and had countless live in lovers, but that was before the Grace of God touched me, I was born again 4 years ago, and have not had a sexual relationship since. Thanks to this site I have met someone new and am now engaged. You must be honest with your fiancee about your past, no matter how sordid it might be (he may have a past too!), and if he is a Christian, then he will see you as God does, FORGIVEN and PURE! May God Bless you and all those that you love.
---Christina on 4/22/05

i have to say i'm shocked that so many can't see the difference between a virgin and a non-virgin. while God forgives all sins, we have to reap what we have sown, so be careful what you sow.
---steve on 4/22/05

Hi there. I wanted to clarify that yes, I AM a Christian and my fiancee is as well. We have to postpone getting married b/c he's not a US citizen and I am. Mountains of paperwork
---Chante on 4/22/05

Donny, you did give some bad advice. If a couple is not married, you know it is ungodly for them to have sex. If a person who is not a virgin is a born again christian, when God sees them, He sees His blood only. We must repent of our sins and not keep sinning. She does not need to make passionate love to anyone until she is married.
---shira_5965 on 4/22/05

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Are you a Christian? Have you repented? If so, God has forgiven you.

Is the man you love a Christian? If so he will understand that.

If he is not you should not be unequally yoked.

As a side issue, if you both intend to get married, why not get engaged now?
---Alan_of_U.K. on 4/22/05

Why must you waite 2yrs? Once you confes your sins you slate is clean, there is a such thing as a born again virgin, I have 3 children out of wedlock, I asked God for forgivness of my sins and to make me a virgin again until I am married, He who is without sin cast the first stone, your boyfriend knows you have a sexual weakness why waite 2yts to get engaged, how long before you actualluy get married 3 to 5 yrs?
---shameka on 4/22/05

the issue is not whether you are a virgin or not, but whether he has a problem with that. ask him, and then you will know the answer.
---curt on 4/22/05

Nothing wrong in not being a virgin honey, it doesn't make you be a bad person so long as you are happy together is your fiance a virgin what does it matter anyway give him a long sloppy kiss and make mad passionate love to him and he will love you even more.
---Donny on 4/22/05

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