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Give Daughter Back To Abuser

My husband abused my daughter and I now know he did it in a previous marriage. He says he has now repented and wants to reconcile. Do I believe God to forgive him and trust that to be enough to continue with the marriage and how do I support my child at the same time?

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 ---confused on 4/24/05
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You are the only protection your daughter has against a known abuser, for her sake, how can you take a chance?What kind of abuse?If sexual, NEVER put your child into the clutches of her abuser.If physical abuse, if he's NOT changed,next time he could kill her.It has nothing ro do with believing or trusting God,it has to do with knowing abusers rarely change.Is he a new Christian,what brought about this socalled change for a man who's abused before.Your child comes first.Don't believe everything your husband tells you thats an old line "I've repented or changed".Protect your child.
---Darlene_1 on 2/27/08

If he has really repented then he needs to mend his relationship with God. Think of your daughters mental & physical state.He needs help & without y'all living there. Yes God does want us to forgive.God doesn't want your child to be in any danger though.Your child needs help also. Don't push this under the rug and go on. It takes alot of time for your daughters sake. Keep praying and pray with your daughter as well! She is the one that truly needs all the prayers she can get. I will pray for you all also.
---nanny on 6/19/07

I apologise Alan, my fault for 'shooting' before 'looking at the target'.

Forgive me.
---Prodigal24 on 6/13/07

John, I was just wondering if your uncle spent any time in prison for abusing his daughter?
Please get your daughter away from him fast as you can. Pray.
---sue on 6/12/07

Prodigal ... # 1 Did you think I wanted to know the answers to the questions I raised?
I did not.
Perhaps I should have said that these were questions that Confused should be considering, so that she can make up her mind what to do.
She did say she was confused, so it was intended to help her clarify her mind
---alan_of_UK on 6/12/07

Alan of UK - mind your own business; insensitive.

To the mothers of these horrendous abuse of trust, let alone the emotional damage, my heart breaks for you.

LEAVE!!! period - do not allow any 'churchianity' christianese guilt trips, you ARE CHRIST'S daughters - your bodies, mind, soul, will, spirit, emotions is His temple; charge him, leave him and the Lord will look after you.
Peodophiles CANNOT be TRUSTED TWICE!!!the welfare of these children MUST be first.
Psalm 91
---Prodigal24 on 6/12/07

He has defiled the marriage therefor on just grounds you should dovorce him. You always forgive as we are forgiven By God. You tend to your childs needs as God would tend to us.
---Sonya_Stewart on 6/12/07

When I was little I had an uncle do the same thing to his daughter. The married couple let another relative close by take guardianship of the child. The daughter never being alone with dad but spending as much time with mom, friends and family as possible This saved the marriage and kept the child safe. Everything turned out fine to this day. The marriage lasted until death did them part.
---john on 6/12/07


I just recently found out that my husband sexually abused my 4 year old daughter. I am in the process right now with getting an order of protection against him and also the police have a pending case against him. It is not easy, but you are her mother and you have to take care of her. Your husband betrayed you as well as your daughter. You should never ever put your daughter in harms way again by being with him. You need to get away from him and never go back.
---Dana on 6/12/07

How old is yuor daughter? Is she his daughter? Does he still live with yuo? Do you want to be reconciled with your husband? Has he been prosecuted? Do you believe that God forgiving him necessarily removes these urges from him? Do you satisfy him sexually? Why does he feel the need to abuse a child in has care? What does your daughter say about this?
---Alan_of_U.K. on 4/9/07

you might not know this but what he has to her can never be undone. i believe that as a parent the love for your child should come right after your love for god. you can't sleep on his "i've changed words" . im 16 and if my mom kept a man like that around me i would probally run away or worse because i would never be able to feel safe living with the person that hurted me and know that he is free to hurt me again anytime he pleases. .
---kat1 on 7/31/06

No way, do not go into a live together marriage. Support her by never leaving her alone with him, not making her live with him, letting her work out her own forgivness and relationship with him. Do you know that she could be taken from you??? You are to take care of her. What do you want her to learn. That she is valued,important,loved, respected. It can really mess her up. Forgive does not mean willing to risk.
---Alexandra on 3/17/06

the choice must be the child because the child is the one that can't be protected and if you don't the state might come in and then you have no choice what would you feel if the state ripped your baby away. because of a promise let a counselor a professonial help you through this beth3496
---beth_Ann_Christensen on 5/3/05

Dear Confused,you can best support your daughter by standing by her and do not bring someone back around who might be tempted to go back to his old ways,the devil knows of his weakness and you can bet he'll be there to tempt your husband.Above all,protect your child,she deserves that.May God be with you.
---RUSSELL on 5/1/05

It is never worth the safety of your children.
---bar on 4/30/05

As someone who has been abused, for her sake make a choice! You shouldn't make her live in the same house as her abuser, even if the blood of Christ covers it all, there is still trauma after abuse! If you want him back, you'll just have to find her a place to stay where he cannot have contact with her...Sorry but she shouldn't have to live with someone that abused her...
---Cathy on 4/28/05

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I would seek counseling for your whole family. I would also make sure that he is delivered from generational curses by having him attend an Encounter workshop.
---rebec8436 on 4/28/05

The most important thing is your daugther right now. Get her help and counseling. Sometimes we make big misstake that can not be fixed. This sounds like one this man did. He can be forgiven, and Jesus can deliver him. But he has done damage that just can't be turned around so easly. He has lost out on a family and should let it go. You can forgive but is almost impossible to ever trust him again.
---Linda2tk on 4/27/05

I agree with all and especially Darlene 1, its a well documented fact that abusers of children do not "change". They have a lust and desire for a particular age usually and you can bet your bottom dollar he will do it again or is perhaps doing it to others. It is your moral obligation to not only protect your child from any further exposure but also to get the legal authorities involved so that he is branded as a sex offender and others can be protected also. Do it and do it now. There is no room for emotional manipulation on his part. He has a sickness which wont go away.
---lisa on 4/27/05

i have been in a similiar situation, with myself i moved out with a friend and her husband, he forced himself on me 4x, i moved out, she begged me to move back, said it wouldnt happen again,i fell for it she asked me to marry them, i said no she asked me to sleep with them, i said no again, she drugged me did what they wanted to, i guess what he did wasnt good enough, my advice to you end the marriage you can forgive, dont put your daughter in that position to be hurt again please if he done it to her how many others were there he change but can you ever be positive that he wont do it again
---andrea on 4/27/05

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I would not take him back and take the risk of him hurting my Daughter again. Forgive him but don't trust him. He may be saying he has repented just to get you back. I would not take the chance. I agree with curt, only take him back after your Daughter is grown and out of your house.
---a_friend on 4/24/05

Forgiving him is one thing. Putting your daughter in a potentially dangerous situation AGAIN is a different story. I work for a prison system and can tell you I deal with "abusers" (physical, emotional and sexual) quite often. Many are "return" offenders. If they do it once, there's a good chance they'll do it again. Naturally, they're going to tell you they've changed and it will never happen again, but nine times out of ten, it DOES! Don't risk it ... better safe than sorry.
---Helen on 4/24/05

You need to protect your daughter. She is your priority, not some loser who claims to have repented. Why would you risk MORE damage to your daughter? Why would you even consider taking the side of a molester over your child? This may sound harsh, I want to get my point across clearly.
---Becky_S on 4/24/05

NO! You need to stay away from abusers! Do not let your children near him regaurdless of him being their father & him repenting. The courts would have a field day & CPS.
---candice on 4/24/05

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Get Law Enforcement in your area involved. When your husband gets out of jail tell him you will talk about his repentance then.

This awful sin carries a punishment with it. Make sure he receives it. It will do him good in the long run.
---Elder on 4/24/05

tell him he can "reconcile" with you after your daughter is grown up and out of the house. forgiveness, yes..... putting your kid in danger? NO.
---curt on 4/24/05

The first thing you need to think about is that it is your obligation to protect your daughter. Talk to your daughter also. Include her in the decision making process. Many abusers think that they can stop when in fact they can not. Has he gotten counseling. You also need to get counseling. I have been in your daughters place. What kind of abuse was it?
Prayer helps.
---Sharon on 4/24/05

In my opinion you must put your child's feelings first, not your husband. Your daughter needs all the support, maybe even professional. Abuse can destory a person. I'll pray for you and your daughter.
God Bless!
---Mary on 4/24/05

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What was the abuse? If it was physical, such as hitting or something like that, the three of you can resolve that. If it was sexual, that is criminal and that would be between your husband, your daughter, and the legal system. If it was sexual and you know it, you are hurting your daughter and yourself by concealing the offense.
---gregg on 4/24/05

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