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Having Rape Flashback Problems

I was molested & raped alot I thought it was over it happened again 2x recently. I had a hard time getting over it I want to get married to my boyfriend. I am scared cause I don't want to flashback when I have sex with him. What should I do he knows and understands and still loves me.

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 ---andrea on 4/26/05
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i know the feeling all to well.i still wake up at night screaming he is in the room. i was raped by one of my hubands friends when i was 18 and pregant ( only a couple mon.) with our first child. my husband tells me when we are together that any time i feel the need to stop tap him on his shoulder and tell him. it does get better but never goes away.
---Lonestar on 2/21/08

I got married. I was raped 3x last one on May 9,2000. I told my Husband everything when we dated. I have agoraphobia, getting SSDI, trying to go to a support group. I know in my heart how better things can be. i was also attacked by my brother!!! I passed out when I had that blackout. Just hold your head high and don't let these things stop you from gaining happiness!! Go to therapy and ask for cognative therapy and behavioral therapy. Art therapy helps to paint or color or whatever!!!
---Keri on 8/25/07

My friend I have been there too, molestation is rape in another form, but all in all it is rape, take it from me I know, you must go to war against the "tormenting spirit of rape", but you need to know how to get rid of the rubbish it has planted in you, to much to say not enough time to say it. This forgiving yourself advice, how can you forgive yourself of something you did not commit, and did not ask for, like I said I know, track me down and I can show you the way out.
---Stephen on 3/11/07

Hi its me again, I reread what you wrote, and what I had wrote was more for afterwards, sorry, now you said it is still happening? that you thought it was over but it happened 2 more times recently..Yeah you need to report it, the person needs help, he needs to get off the street before he hurts others like he has hurt you.mary4964
---mary4964 on 3/11/07

your boyfriend knows, he understands and he still loves you, then have him help you by putting this guy where he belongs. then afterwards of what I wrote will help you heal as well. but for now get that guy where he belongs please...And I wish the best for you too, and you are in my prayers, God loves you...mary4964
---mary4964 on 3/11/07

I am 62 yrs old and I went thru this same thing ,my father raped me at 9yrs of age. I started flash backs at 40 yrs, God taught me at 50 yrs that I needed to take control of my mind and train it to be renewed and think on things that are lovely,honest good report and all good stuff, it works thank God. I had forgiven because that is a choice, feelings to forgiving come after the choice.
---Geraldine on 3/11/07

forgiveness is the key to your problem, if you learn to forgive yourself and the people that have done this to you, you will be free from all of this. it is not easy but God will help you through it,thats how i got through it! God bless
---makgomo on 3/11/07

If the rapes are still ongoing, report it to the police immediately and get away from where you are.

It sounds like your boyfriend loves you, may be his family can provide a home for you while you sort yourself out.

Seek counselling from a local rape crisis center or its equivalent. They can help you.

Keep Jesus in your heart and don't shut out your faith community. Ask for their prayers, you don't need to be specific about why you need them.

God Bless and keep you.
---lorra8574 on 3/10/07

EMPOWER yourself by reporting these crimes. Don't think that this is something that can be "swept under the rug." If you let this perpetrator slide, you are only endangering someone else. If your fiance loves you, he will comfort you & help you through it. He will be gentle & understanding, and he WILL take no for an answer when you are not in the mood. Get counseling BEFORE you are married. Otherwise, your relationship may be doomed to failure until you have healed from your wounds.
---Crystal on 3/9/07

I suggest you go to a rape councillor, try to talk things through, perhaps get your fiance involved to find ways of dealing with it now. Its good he knows and supports you, in my old church I had a friend with this problem, she didn't tell or deal with it at the start of the marriage and she struggled. You have value, whatever happened in the past was not your fault. You have no reason to be ashamed - you deserve to love and be loved. God bless xox
---Khadijah on 3/9/07

When I was little I to was molested and I was raped when I was 6 months along with my second son, Yes I am a rape survivor. Having had both to live with most of my life has been rough..when bad things happen to us we pretty much have 2 choices, 1. dwell on it the rest of our lives and have it control our lives, and even destroy our lives, or 2. use the bad things that has happen to us and help others. Encourage others that are going through these things.
---mary4964 on 3/9/07

my sister was also raped and she held it in and never talked about it, she went through alot of pain, I bugged her to talk about it, share it with others and she finally did, now she has learned she is able to feel better about herself, she is able to help others that is going through the same thing. I have helped others as well.mary4964
---mary4964 on 3/9/07

being molested most your life and then being raped is a very hard thing to get over, it will actually never leave you, but you can learn to live with it. I didn't have any unforgiveness toward my dad, I loved him, I didn't have any unforgiveness toward the guy who raped m either.God helped me through it all and God can help you through it all.
---mary4964 on 3/9/07

Genesis 50:20 is a good one to read. It isn't a rape case but they done Josh wrong, and God turned it around to make the wrong right The bad things can be turn around to help others that don't know. It will make you a stronger person spiriutally as well..Learn to forgive, learn to let it go give it to God and put it at the foot of the cross and walk away, and God can use you and make the bad the good for you.
---mary4964 on 3/9/07

You are very lucky you have one who loves you, my husband stood by me all the way as well as the rest of my family. my sister was carrying her 3rd baby when it happend to her as well, her huband was not a nice person, he was no support for her at all, that the baby he would not raise a bastard baby, she gave the baby up, found out later that baby did belong to her husband and now she the baby is in my sister's life..Thanks to God, it could only have been Him who brought her back...mary4964
---mary4964 on 3/9/07

First thing that you have in your favor is a good man who wants to marry you and loves you in spite of the knowledge of the rape. I've known rape victims whom boyfriend/husband didn't want anything to do with the person. I am a rape survivor and 'Cleansing Streams Ministry" helped me a lot during one of their retreats. It took me eight years to be able to even voice what happened to me.Prayer, fasting and praising God will help bring forth your healing.
---Eloia8896 on 5/2/05

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Only God can heal these painful memories. Satan wants to steal your self esteem, your hope of a happy future. Jesus came that you might have life and life more abundantly. He has given you authority over all the power of the enemy. Ask him to show you how to use that authority to overcome this situation. The Holy Spirit can lead you into all truth. In Jeremiah God says that he has a plan for you and a hope of a good future.
---ann_G on 4/29/05

Talking about that part of your past will allow you to heal-God will use you to help others of this same bondage and pain.
I would suggest the book by T.D.Jakes "Woman you are loosed".
God Bless you sister,
---shearon on 4/29/05

Andrea I understand that you cant see this now because I couldn't God can deliever you from this pain Seek Him love Him w/all of your spirit soul & body God is bigger than all of this He has a plan and a purpose for your life Allow Him to work in you & through you Allow Him to heal you He can use you to help heal others with your testimony God will
lead you who to talk to and minister to.
---shearon on 4/29/05

Do you know how to get delieverance? When you get so low, that you can't get any lower, and you completly humble yourself to God. Sometimes you can't see where you are until you look up from flat on your back, and it's at the point you see you through God's eyes. What I am trying to say is, you need to humble yourself to God, come like as a little child. God can/will deliver you from this bondage. I am saying this to myself as well. this is what God has revealed to me, just the other night.
---Rebecca_D on 4/28/05

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I have read these comments and most of them say go to a counselor, etc. What about going to the best counselor there is Jesus? It is good that you have someone to confide in. But taking your problems to a counselor, may work for some people. but Jesus is the only who can help you. Satan bring back your past, so you can dwell upon it, and dwell upon it until your at your wit's end. Deliverance isn't easy, and it take God Almighty to give you deliverance.
---Rebecca_D on 4/28/05

It takes time to get over such things. People who have been victoms of such things need to be delivered of this. I too am one of them. Some will tell you to "let go, and give it to God". That isn't easy. If someone whom hasn't been in this situation, it is easy for them to tell you "just to let go". It takes time, and alot of God's help. Stand on his word, I believe that God won't take us to a place and not have a way out. The best counsler to go to to, who can actually help you is Jesus. He is your friend when your friendless, comforter when your comfortless.
---Rebecca_D on 4/28/05

Step one is to forgive yourself. It was NOT your fault. Sometimes we blame ourselves for letting things like this happen to us. I know I did for a long time. The next step is "let go and let God". That was some of the best advice I ever got. Give it all to Him. Also, sit down with your boyfriend and discuss your feelings. You must be open and honest about what you are going through. His love for you will help him understand. You just need to go slow.
---Kim on 4/27/05

If any man be in Christ, he is a new creature. Old things are passed away, behold, all things are become new. Your deliverance from the past is not something you have to wait on and look forward to. It is something Jesus has already completed. Walk in the light of His love that redeemed you from those things that war against the soul.
---Linda_Smith on 4/27/05

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Trust that the Lord Jesus Christ has completely sealed up your old life and all its memories in a tomb and walk away from that place free of the dominion of anyone or anything other than Him. Every time one of those thoughts rises up, cast it down and bring it into the obedience of Christ, His obedience to death. Look to Him alone. Reinforce the victory of Christ in your life by walking on all the power of the enemy. He has given you power to tread upon serpents and scorpions and all power of the enemy.
---Linda_Smith on 4/27/05

I know exactly what you're going through as I am a survivor of incest, sexual torture and rape at the hands of my own father....I thought I was over it till one day I sat across from my boss at a party and swore he looked exactly like my father and the flashbacks hit me hard...from that moment on I spent 2 years in therapy trying to go on with my life....I told my late husband who was my best support system....counseling is definitely in need some good Christian books on this subject as are in my prayers as you deal with this....and remember Jeremiah 32:27, 33:3...
---Fran4857 on 4/27/05

What you must do;don't let fear of what may happen when you marry prevent you from having a full life.Rape is not about sex, although the man used that as his weapon of choice,rape is violence.Those who did that are men who hate women and want to punish and hurt them.It is nothing like being in love and expressing that love as husband and wife.Get into a good Christian group of women who have been through the same thing.If you allow this to ruin your life it like you are still being raped every day you live.Pray.Jesus does help heal.
---Darlene_1 on 4/26/05

Counseling is definitely the answer. You will continue to have flashbacks until this issue is healed completely. The Lord can and will heal you. Don't try and bury it as it will come out in many other ways. Seek out a Christian but professional counselor/psychotherapist.
---Christine on 4/26/05

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You must first start your recovery by fighting back. Report the rapist to Law Enforcement and prosecute in court. If he rapes you he will rape others.

You can forgive him but that doesn't mean you can't bring him to justice.

If you allowed yourself to get into a compromising position just make sure it doesn't happen again.

Next, seek Professional CHRISTIAN COUNSELING.
There are solutions and answers to your dilemma. You just need to find and accept them.

Remember when your boyfriend becomes your husband he will be your partner, and that will make the difference.
---Elder on 4/26/05

i wish there was something i could do to turn back time and prevent your abuse. however, i can tell you that sometimes things like this stick in our minds because on some level, we might not have forgiven.
---curt on 4/26/05

My few words to you is that you should seek counciling and to find someone who you can confide in to talk to cause thar can help alot.I, myself is a guidance councilor and if i could send you my e-mail address i would cause cases like these needs to be dealt with properly and to ensure that you are not scared anymore.But have faith and the Lord will surely help you and i will be constantly praying for you as you do so too.Take care and God bless and i'm really, really sorry that i cannot be of more assistance, bye.
---mella9384 on 4/26/05

Andrea ... my heart goes out to you ... how can I apologise for what other men have done to you, but I must.

Albert says tell as few people about this as possible, and I think he is right. I think when you are married, both you and your husband will not want other people around to know about the horrors you have been through.

When you are married, I hope and pray that you will find that making love to your husband is beautiful.
---Alan_of_U.K. on 4/26/05

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Please believe me I want to be compassionate, even though I believe you should bring the individual to justice. Hopefully he will go to jail for a long time and you should also see a Christian councelor to help you rebuild your life and then build your relationship with your friend. You should not marry until this has happened.It will take time but you will find healing in the Master's hands.
---Pierre on 4/26/05

Seek professional counselling. It maight take time to find the right counsellor, but stick with it. You might also want to join a survivor's support group. Remember that the feelings of anger, fear, helplessness, etc...are normal when going through the recovery period. I was in an abusive marriage in which I was beaten, raped, and mentally abused. I had nightmares and flash backs for years after we divorced, and even after his death. I had remarried a very gentle, loving and compassionate man and he helped me more than anything. Above all, pray. God can heal this quicker than anything.
---Judy on 4/26/05

Go seek Christian coumseling... and Deliverance...... the enemy Satan meant to harm you but Jesus will deliver you and heal you completely...... go to the Lord.....
---cheryl on 4/26/05

Seek professional councelling and talk about it to as few people as possible.
---Albert on 4/26/05

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