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Why Opposition To Spanking Kids

Why is there such an opposition to spanking these days? From what I can see, verbal abuse hurts kids much more.

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 ---curt on 5/2/05
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Yelling is the new spanking. I had a friend whose mom yelled at her. She said she'd rather get a hairbrush because getting yelled at was like getting all beat up inside where no one could see the damage. Her mom just went on and on until she ran out of steam. By the time her mom was through she felt like dirt instead of punished, hugged, and forgiven.
---Alice on 7/2/11

I was first spanked as a child when the age of just four years. My father spanked my bottoms four times in a row.I have also seen that he spanked my brothers also. My father used to spanked our bottoms when we did any wrong thing. But today we are living as good people because of his spankings
---kapu on 2/9/08

Children are smarter then some of you seem to be giving them credit for. I have two neices who are both under two and they both understand what "no" means though they , (naturally) don't always obey. They both understand what "Danger" means and after a little bit of patience and consistency, fairly frequently stay away from that which they've been taught to stay away from.
---BeckyH on 8/1/07

Also want to say that no one method works in every case with every child. Some children need little "punishment", but all need "discipline"
---Donna2277 on 10/10/06

Malcom, touched on an important point. Punishment administered OBJECTIVELY (as by the school head-master) is most effective. Perhaps that's one reason military training often helps kids who've had no discipline. The Drill-Sargent doesn't manipulate, he commands. I don't buy the idea that corporal punishment produces violent behavior. Most of today's youth have not been spanked...have they proven to be LESS violent because of it? The tongue can cause deeper, more permanent scars than any "rod".
---Donna2277 on 10/10/06

Parents have been spanking their children for over 6,000 years. Today we can see the affects of not disciplining with the rod has done to our society. Since World War II, child-rearing experts have said that spanking kids leads to violent children. Children who were not spanked became teens in the sixties - a very turbulent time in history. A time where children raised up against the establishment and the parents. Now you can see the affects of the children of those teens by turning on the daily news.
---Steveng on 10/9/06

Hit kids and they'll learn to hit. They'll learn to be good so they wont get hit, not because it's the right thing to do. Verbal abuse is bad too. Plus, there are alot of things in the Bible that we do not do anymore, hitting kids with rods should be one of them.
---sue on 10/9/06

Whatever form of discipline is used must be with the love of God in order to be effective.
---christina on 10/9/06

Curt stated why spank a kid they are not dogs we are more advanced. Well Curt if you believe that we evolved from monkeys we are probably not that advanced lol. The world was such a nicer place when parents were actually really disiplining there children now its turning into snooty brat generation.
---Alicia on 10/8/06

I think one of the biggest problems with spanking is that not many people can spank a child without being angry. I have hated spanking ever since I saw my friend say "they aren't going to make a fool out of me" and kept spanking his unruly daughter because he was enraged. I also don't like the idea that my fiance hits his children with a belt, but I don't have any right to say anything because they are not my children. We must seek God's will in disciplining children.
---Shelly on 8/14/06

Here in Australia it is against the Law to spank your children in public -- if you are caught doing it you get fined or go to jail. This I have no doubt then carries over into the home. Could explain the verbal abuse, which does harm a person much more than physical abuse. I was verbally abused as a child and at 53 have still not recovered. This Law goes against God's Word which says in Proverbs "Do not spare the rod".
---Helen_5378 on 5/31/06

we are living in a world full of unruly young offsprings .. (not all of them).. only some and who has no respect for anyone. All because some iresponsible human beings made it law not to spank a child and of cause, some parents disciplined not their offsprings. The bible clearly agrees with spanking to correct. When man started to reject God and the truth, society began to crumble...
---jana on 5/30/06

Chris is right on this one!!

Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Proverbs 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.
Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.

If fear is ineffectual, why is "the fear of God" the beginning of wisdom?
---Criss on 5/11/06

Your post that I commented on sounded like you were opposing physical consequences like spanking. I just wanted to point out that this method is scriptural. Of course you should reward and praise them when they do good, but we also MUST remember that we are parents, not their best friends. We are responsible to guide them and sometimes we will have to be stern. Even if we feel guilty about it. Otherwise they have a great chance of being spoiled.
---chris on 5/10/06

Correction, used Biblically, is simply a "realigning of a mindset" or a "steering of the ship back on course". A ship is steered with a rudder and the rudder of this ship we call the soul is the tongue not the hand.
---Linda6563 on 5/10/06

Wisdom will warn a child of consequences and we do that. We talk to our children and share the wisdom of God in Christ and Him crucified when we do. We share with them the consequences of sin by showing them Jesus on the cross and the benefits of yielding to righteousness by showing them Jesus raised from the dead and then pray that they heed wisdom. Heeded wisdom is greater than correction anyday. Correction is needed after there is a problem. Wisdom heeded prevents a problem.
---Linda6563 on 5/10/06

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Have you ever thought that maybe the consequences in and of themselves are punishment enough and that when our children come to us, they are looking for grace and mercy instead of more punishment? Someone to talk to, someone to understand, someone who will comfort them in their affliction? Not afraid, not ashamed, not anxious about more torment? I have seen so many "pastor's kids" who were taught, prayed with, and then controlled go crazy as soon as they turned 18.
---Linda6563 on 5/10/06

He may warn us of the consequences (the natural result of the choices) but He doesn't stop us from choosing to heed them and He doesn't beat us up when we don't. He administers correction to us by speaking to us and comforting us from all our afflictions. Again, this isn't a "who is right and who is wrong" situation. It is a matter of conviction and conviction comes by the Holy Ghost. Just be fully persuaded in your own mind.
---Linda6563 on 5/10/06

And now we are able to remind them who they are in Christ and they listen because they see we, as Christ, accept them as they are. I would rather them make 100 mistakes and have their heart given respect than for them to make one, be punished, and still have none. Even Father allows us to make choices, even when they aren't good ones.
---Linda6563 on 5/10/06

One more thing: our children, afraid of punishment, were hiding their choices (sounds like Adam in the garden when he fell). Now they are coming to us and asking our advice before they make them. In other words, when we stopped demanding their respect and trying to mold them into OUR idea of a perfect child and simply began to listen to them and accept them as they were, they gave their respect freely.
---Linda6563 on 5/10/06

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As to what the Holy Spirit said to me, that is what He said to me and is not contradictory to anything the Word says. I know my Father's voice. P.S. I am sorry I misspelled your name in my last responses. There is a "Criss" and a "Chris" and I mixed the two and spelled "Cris".
---Linda6563 on 5/10/06

Cris, this shouldn't be a source of contention at all. It is a matter of conviction. I cannot make my conviction your conviction and you cannot make your conviction mine. If the conviction of your heart is to spank them, then do so. The only difference between the way you see it and the way I see it is how I view my Father and the rod (His correction).
---Linda6563 on 5/10/06

And if you always spank your children for the evil things they do and never reward them for the good (reward reckoned of debt and not of grace), that is out of balance too because all they will ever know is your displeasure instead of your pleasure. A child who only knows the displeasure of the parent will, at some point, rebel because displeasure is all they know.
---Linda6563 on 5/10/06

When we went from "consequence mindedness" to "relationship mindedness", that is where we began to see the change in our children. I prefer to respond to them in the image of my Father rather than to react to their deeds. I want relationship minded children whose hearts are full of respect, not deed minded children full of contrary submission.
---Linda6563 on 5/10/06

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I am not saying I have never spanked a child. I am saying that I know that spanking doesn't always work (and rarely has with our children because of the "fear factor"). I want my children to be able to come to me and be in relationship with me and not be afraid of the consequences. We choose intimacy through communication over trying to whip flesh into shape.
---Linda6563 on 5/10/06

Father brings correction with His Word, not by beating up His body. A father (or mother) who is walking in the light should be able to speak a word to his/her child and that word result in faith in that child toward godliness. As to the rod, the rod comforts (Psalm 23) so correction apart from comfort would be out of balance.
---Linda6563 on 5/10/06

2- you claim the Holy Spirit quietly whispered to you, "That reed (or rod) used for anything but comfort will serve to do nothing more than to beat the curse deeper into someone's mind."

Sounds contradictory to what the Bible says, so which one should I follow???
---chris on 5/9/06

Linda, The bible says:
Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Proverbs 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.
Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. cont.
---chris on 5/9/06

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We'll NEVER agree on this subject! A child is COMFORTED by boundaries. Have you ever seen the runaways who say they wish their parents had been harsher with them? There is a certain sense of security for a child when they understand breaking the rules = punishment. Granted, not all offenses call for corporal punsihment. There is an age when it is no longer appropriate, but I have three adult children who are law-abiding, happy, healthy adults thanks to RULES & consequences for breaking them.
---Criss on 5/9/06

Linda....Amen and amen sister. Let us train up our children with unconditional love rather than making every attempt to control their thoughts, feelings and actions. Give them consequences for wrong behavior, there are effective ways to do this without hitting them. Is the "the rod" used to guide rather than strike?
---sherry_g on 5/9/06

In my family spanking was done infrequently, calmly, by the hand, on the posterior, Usually there was a warning. I can remember "testing' as all children do, just to be sure where the limits were. If I got a spanking, I knew I'd broken a really IMPORTANT rule, even if I didn't fully grasp why. In my teens, reasoning worked just as well. I never obeyed just out of fear. I really wanted to please my parents. The hurtful thing was not spanking, but that they never told me if I had done anything well.
---Donna2277 on 5/8/06

I have been a private school principal for 30 years. Whenever parents enrolled, they had to agree that for certain offenses, their child would receive a spanking.
I probably had to spank one child a year. I would explain the offence, ask the child if he agreed with the offence, pray with him and then spank him. I would pray again.
I never remember a student rebelling against this form of discipline. Never done in anger.
Most times, the problem was corrected.
---Malcolm on 5/8/06

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Sherry_G, we have the same thing going on with our 15 year old. The seed of mercy and grace in Christ is greater than the seed of rebellion or any other seed. We can speak the truth but it is better to walk in it and be the light they need. Walking in the light in this case is to not put them in bondage but to release them into the hands of Father by sowing His seed of forgiveness and mercy instead of the seed of judgment and control. It is amazing to watch the change in our son.
---Linda6563 on 5/8/06

One day I was reading about that reed that beat the crown of thorns into Jesus' head. As I was reading it, the Holy Spirit quietly whispered to me, "That reed (or rod) used for anything but comfort will serve to do nothing more than to beat the curse deeper into someone's mind." Excellent words to live by.
---Linda6563 on 5/8/06


Amen. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. If you read Isaiah 40, you find out what that comfort is the gospel. Train UP a child in the way he should go and, when he is old, he will not depart from it. UP is a dimension, not a direction and to train them up is to train them to walk in the light. The path of the just is as a shining light, shining more and more unto the perfect day.
---Linda6563 on 5/8/06

She tends to make good choices nowadays because of a desire from within, not from fear of me. What is "the rod" anyway? Is it really a stick or maybe the shepherd's rod(not used to beat the sheep)?
---sherry_g on 5/8/06

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" Steven, Spanking is not abuse. If you have children I suspect they rule in your home!!!!You must be a weak, weak person."

When we are weak, He is strong and in our weakness, He is made strong. It was when my husband and I started valuing and respecting our 15 year old son's relationship with us more than our being right and trying to control him that Father God began to make Hismelf as wisdom and strength known to both him and us.
---Linda6563 on 5/8/06

There are two ways to assault, striking or grabbing. It is violence. Discipline is teaching a child. God showed me the error of my ways when I spanked and popped my child in the mouth in her younger years, she became immune, it would have taken harsher hitting to change her behavior. I stopped this ineffective so called form of discipline. We grew closer she began to show improved behavior because of mutual respect.
---sherry_g on 5/8/06

Steven, Spanking is not abuse. If you have children I suspect they rule in your home!!!!You must be a weak, weak person.
---Thomas on 5/8/06

"You want logic? a child may change her behaviour under threat of a spanking.....What happens in the absence of parents....does not modify her behaviour because she has not become responsible and capable of making decisions she has just learned to avoid being spanked."

How so very true this is. I wish I had the time and space to share my own experience of this with a fifteen year old boy who is just now realizing just how hard it is to grow up.
---Linda6563 on 5/8/06

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Hitting a child in the face or smacking them in the head is abuse. A spanking is NOT abuse IF it is administered with a little common sense and love. Why would the Bible say "Spare the rod and spoil the child," IF corporal punishment were wrong? The world is sooo messed up because parents do not want to follow God's guidelines. It's just too hard. Now, we have a generation of kids who have no respect for authority and nothing to fear at all. BRATS!!! And it is the parents who are at fault!
---Criss on 5/8/06

hitting a child is child abuse no matter what spin or excuse a person uses to try to justify it. The most disgusting are the ones who do it in the name of their religion. The devil causes suffering also so that is at least one thing child abusers have in common.
---steven on 5/8/06

hitting a child is child abuse no matter what spin or excuse a person uses to try to justify it. The most disgusting are the ones who do it in the name of their religion. The devil causes suffering also so that is at least one thing child abusers have in common.
---steven on 5/8/06

You see I personally don't see spanking as wrong. I have 4 kids and I really dont have to spank them often. Also they understand why they are spanked. I talk to them before and after. I figure if I do it now the police won't have to do it later.
---adan on 4/24/06

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I'm not sure if it's just me but sometimes I think it's all propoganda. The government takes discipline out of the parents hands more kids in the system.
---adan on 4/24/06

Spanking has gotten such a bad stereotype these days that people think they will get their kids taken away. well, some people get their kids taken away but not from that(more from stupid things). I have spanked my son but i don't do it often because it doesn't solve everything. i mix it with other forms of punishment. too much spanking can rebell a child to its parent.
---Jeannine on 6/21/05

Hi Curt, I betcha your kids would not do all those bad things....until they got away from you, then look out!
---sue on 5/14/05

,if i did have kids, you can bet they would quickly learn to never swear, steal, lie, disobey, or do anything that God said is clearly wrong!
---curt on 5/14/05

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,alan, i never said i wanted any kids.
---curt on 5/14/05

Curt ... I am glad that you wish to remain a virgin after you are married. That means you will not have the opportunity to spank yuo teenage daughter.
---Alan_of_U.K. on 5/14/05

Is it possible that it is because we have "found a better way" than God commanded? In administering justice, rulers-parents are the ministers of God unto this very thing--Romans 13:1-10. Punishment is not a way to force change, but to reveal results of wrong course. True change comes from a changed heart. Before we punish, we should pray. Then often once will last a lifetime.
---Wayne on 5/14/05

Liberal!?? No, not me. I'm not political at all. I just care about us humans. Seems to me we could think up a more intellegent way to teach people rather than hitting them. Of course it works, so does terror.
---sues on 5/13/05

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...sue, you sound like you're kind of liberal. lets face it, some things work even if they are not politically correct.
---curt on 5/13/05

Curt, I dont know what to say to your post! Hitting is wrong. Disapline your child with LOVE to TEACH them. Not by hitting to scare them! I think humans are a bit more advanced than dogs. Please dont treat children like you're training a dog. Spanking a 15 yr. old girl is sick.(mho)
---sue on 5/13/05

believe me, if i had a 15 year old daughter and gave her a spanking, she would not think it was a joke. she would definitely want to avoid getting that much pain again. girls are much more sensitive than boys are.
---curt on 5/10/05

I'm far from a liberal Curt, but at 15 spankings are a joke to teens. Since you have no children, I think it would be hard for you to understand proper parenting.
And WHY do you think its more effective on girls?
---NVBarbara on 5/10/05

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i think spanking works on all ages of kids, especially girls. liberals will disagree, but thats just the way it is.
---curt on 5/8/05

Bethie , you make a very important point. We must address children as individuals. Intelligent , feeling, unique individuals. They are every bit as human as us. Jesus seemed very fond of children and so perhaps we should follow his lead and instead of demanding respect from them , command it by being respectful ourselves.
---BeckyH on 5/7/05

Every kid is different and respond differently to methods of discipline. I was a daydreamer (still am), so for me time outs and groundings meant more time dream. Yet for my brother a very outgoing person, grounding him was the end of the world. And speeches or yelling never worked for either of us, remember charlie brown cartoons? When the parents talked all you heard was "wah wah wa wa wah wa", well that's all I heard when my parents started. So what works for some isn't gonna work for others.
---bethie on 5/7/05

my mom gave me plenty of spankings, even beyond the limited age range most people prefer, however, i actually learned to behave because of it. especially in the later spankings, i would try to avoid getting another one.
---curt on 5/6/05

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A child needs to be allowed to express themsleves , and in order for them to learn how to do so properly and in an appropriate manner they have to be taught how to do this.So when we spank we are punishing instead of disciplining and teaching. There's my logic.
---BeckyH on 5/6/05

As parents we shouldn't be striving for children who " do as they are told" and are only obedient but for children who are responsible and know how to deal with their anger and sadness. If children behave innapropriately they are expressing some unmet need , spanking does not deal with the underlying cause. If we deal with the underlying cause , whether it be insecurity or anger then the misbehaviour will more then likely dissapear
---BeckyH on 5/6/05

As a child gets older she fears the pain less , unless of course the parent ups the ante and hits harder and harder as the child gets older ( more and more likely to escalate into abuse!)If the child no longer fears spanking then the child will endure the spanking and go on to continue with what they were doing without having truly dealt with any consequences for their actions.
---BeckyH on 5/6/05

You want logic? a child may change her behaviour under threat of a spanking but not because she has learned the reasons why her behaviour is unacceptable , but because she is scared of being hit.What happens in the absence of parents? She does not modify her behaviour because she has not become responsible and capable of making decisions she has just learned to avoid being spanked. (and may I point out that spanking is merely a euphemism for hitting.)
---BeckyH on 5/6/05

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Well, folks, I just have to put my two cents worth in. Spanking,or corporal punishment is okay IF applied correctly. But, if you haven't taught your child/children any manners by the time they're teens, don't try beating it into them then, it's too late! You'll only make them angry at that point by beating(or spanking)them. Discipline should always follow the order of 1)train,2)correct,3)rebuke and then 4)punish.
---tommy3007 on 5/6/05

Curt ... If the teenage girks need to be spanked, it means that they have not been bought up properly and have not had effective discipline.

A small amount of "pain" punishment in the beginning is perhaps needed, to show thenm that disobedience will hurt. Then after that there are far more effective ways than corporal punishment.

I find it incredible that you live in a society where teenagers need to be spanked.
---Alan_of_U.K. on 5/6/05

"We all know that spanking works for most teenage girls"
who are "we all"? many , infact I would probably say that most on here have said it is innapropriate to spank children into adolescence! Also , just because something" works" isn't a good enough reason to use it. Beating your wife would surely "work" to make her submit. Cheating would surely "work" for getting a good mark on a test. Lying would surely "work" for getting out of trouble.
---BeckyH on 5/6/05

Just like war, I cant figure out WHY the world is still hitting kids. Cant we figure out a way to teach/get along without hitting/killing? I used to make my kids write 10 page reports on things. It worked. They learned a lot.
---sues on 5/6/05

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i don't think a logical argument can be made against corporal punishment on a kid who doesn't have a driver's license yet.
---steve on 5/5/05

oh please. we all know that spanking works for most teenage girls. also, the kids of today grow up a lot slower than thousands of years ago. so, let's make sure the rules are enforced, so lawlessness does not become the norm.
---curt on 5/5/05

sorry about posting that twice , I forgot that I had already posted.
---BeckyH on 5/5/05

I'm sorry ... have not read my NT enough.

Please can someone tell me the scrip for beating with rods?
---Alan_of_U.K. on 5/5/05

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I think it's important to note that the scripture which tells us to hit our children with rods is in the old testament , and in the old testament a boy is considered a man at 13 and this scripture refers to children , so surely it is inappropriate to hit any child over 12?
---BeckyH on 5/5/05

I also think it's important to note that the scripture regarding hitting your children with rods is Old Testament , and in Old testament times , and Jewish custom a boy is considered a man at 13. So then certainly spanking from twelve up isn't appropriate.
---BeckyH on 5/5/05

I think that for a girl , especially as she gets older , it becomes confusing. Her father is a model for what kind of man she will marry , and if this person who holds authority over her and says he loves her more then anything then goes on to lay his hands on her when she doesn't do what he says , then she may start to believe that it's okay for a mate to do the same.
---BeckyH on 5/5/05

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