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No Happiness Without A Man

I know what scriptures say about God being my ultimate lover. I need to hear from women who have dealt with the loneliness of not having a relationship with a man. I struggle with feeling like there is no happiness if I do not have a man in my life.

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 ---Ellie on 5/4/05
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Dear Ellie: Because of circumstances, I have been divorced and "alone" but rarely lonely for over 25 years. I found that the closer to God I become, the more He fills the empty spots. For a long time I had no really close male friends, then when I was stronger in the faith, more confident and living on my own, God sent me two wonderful guy friends. However with or without them, God is first in my life. I pray the same for you. Trust Him. He'll send just the people He wants for you to know well and love.
---Elsie on 8/30/08

Well honey. You have bought into the Ultimate Lie. You can be happy without a man in your Life.I pray God will open your eyes to the truth of this matter. Having a man is good and right but not having one can also be fulfilling. Jesus is the Ultimate Lover. He will never lie to you, leave you or forsake you. He takes care of you and does everything well. There is no man alive who can match that. But I do understand your concerns.
---Robyn on 10/9/07

you must understand that while being joined is god's will it may not be for us all ( i am single too but i have so much on my plate and need to be in line with god that i need no distractions). read pauls teachings on marriage. it should bring some comfort. better yet jump in a relationship! you will see! it opened my eyes!
---amelia on 10/9/07

Seek happiness and joy in the Lord Jesus Christ first. If the Lord intends to bring a Godly man in your life than wait on the Lord and be patient, which is something all of us who are Christians struggle with frequently. I have been down the road you are describing and through my own experiences I am slowly learning to wait on the Lord. God Bless you!
---Cynthia on 10/9/07

Having a man in your life is no guarantee of happiness.From what I have seen, sometimes it can cause a lot of unhappiness and misery. Life without a guy is far less complex than with one..So enjoy your single hood.You are not missing much.
---souria on 10/9/07

I've been in and out of relationships for most of my life, and I called off my previous 8 year relationship two years ago. Since then I've really struggled to remain single and the loneliness is at times excruciating. I'm working on my relationship with myself, enjoying life as much as I can. Trusting God at this time is a real struggle but I am getting there. Be encouraged, you are not alone....I am beginning to see that I actually can be happy without a man in my life...and it's all because of Jesus.
---shela8978 on 5/22/06

Divorced 25 years, alone ten. As I watch the x with his third wife and in bliss, I cry as well. Thought would always be with him, not grow old alone. Dating, a joke. Am restless. But I stay as busy as I can. I often wonder will there be another. I keep remembering, it is not good to be alone.
---sherr on 5/10/05

Put your faith and trust in God for a help-mate daily and moment to moment and you will never regret it. Someone who's been there ! May God bless you always.
---Darnel on 5/9/05

Hello, Kristine. I like your lines. I passed the lowest stage in my life and I realized that the thing that could make me happy is the truth that I came alone in this world. I also realized that GOD has given me the potentials (when my mother conceived me) for me to be able to live. In other words, it is up to me to be able to live happily. I know there are some "drought" (as to man's perception)regarding God's blessings. Droughts may come but as long as "the tree is rooted to the ground and had spread its branches well during the good days",that tree will survive.
---linda6546 on 5/7/05

Hope this brings u some comfort, everything everyone else has shared is true, the one thing nobody mentioned is that the Lord does not want u to be alone if He knows that u were made to be married. He will bring that man if u wait, focused meanwhile on the Lord, thank Him every day for your mate, and pray for that man, that wherever he is he is doing fine and that he is blessed and looking for you. M
---Mariana on 5/6/05

Linda you are so wise! True happiness begins from within, and no man, nobody, with the exception of God, can "make" another happy. I'm alone and have discovered a rebirth of a childlike innocence and love of the world, which I did not have in my relationships. Alone doesn't have to be lonely. It can be enlightening to get to know oneself and befriend oneself and God.
---Kristine on 5/6/05

I am a Christian Single Female. I too desire marrige. However, it's not become my idol. I do not covet or idolize marriage. Obsessively thinking and or too much focus on anything other than the LORD GOD Almighty, getting to know HIM on a very personal/intimate level, growing closer to HIM, acknowledging HIS Sovereignty, and spreading HIS truth (Gospel) is an idol. Whatever you're focus on is your god. Whatever you desire to develop in your live moreso than you desire a closer walk w/GOD has replaced HIM & has become your god. That's coveteousness and idolotry - which HE teaches against.
---RLee on 5/6/05

I understand your loneliness. But please do not torture yourself. A man is not the source of ultimate happiness. It is yourself. The way you accept reality counts so much for your own welfare. We have to accept the fact that when we came into this world we came singly out of our respective mothers' womb. In other words,we can live even without a man. I am not married. I am living alone. I am not lonely. I am teaching physics, keeping a big garden, attending to rabbit, and six dogs. Aside from that, I keep a circle of single teachers as friends, and I live near to my immediate family.
---linda6546 on 5/6/05

No happiness without a man; no happiness with one, from what I see out of most couples. Happiness is due to happenings. Get your joy on from the Lord. Then you will get it together. If you can have real true joy from the Holy Spirit no matter what is happening to you, You will draw people to you and you won't be lonely anymore.
---Julie on 5/5/05

Thank you all for your encouragement. To give more info...I was married for 25 years, divorced now for four, ex remarried last year, dated a little last year after ex remarried, no relationship since August. Kids are grown and gone. Two cats keep me company.
---Ellie on 5/5/05

I feel the same way as you do, but instead it's with the opposite sex. Sometime I'm tempted to start going out with non-believers, but then the Holy Spirit makes me feel guilty for having such thoughts. Please pray for me that the Lord helps me to find a Godly Spouse and I will pray for you too.
---Eddie8467 on 5/4/05

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To be wholly fufilled you need to fill up with God's word. God is everything and all you will ever need. Until you can be content being single you will not be content with being a couple. There will always be something missing. I had to come to a point of being content as a single mom. Now I have peace of mind and know that all I need is God so no matter what happens I can have joy, peace and happiness in being filled through God's love. Pray and ask God to bring a contentment into your heart. Fill your heart with his word instead of your desires for a man/
---Marla on 5/4/05

Hi Ellie,I know you asked for women to respond to your question but believe me men go through the same thing.Actual happiness is I believe a state of mind,we choose to be happy or not,yes we need to be content no matter what but i think what you're looking for is companionship with a male,that's normal.many of us would like a friend of the opposite gender to do things with,talk to,hug or whatever,there's nothing wrong with that,just keep a close relationship with God and don't compromise your morals or ethics to be with just anyone.I hope you find what you're looking for,God bless you.
---RUSSELL on 5/4/05

I picked a whole day, and wasn't going to get off my face before the Lord til I got an answer. Layed on floor with bath towel, for crying, and started w/Lord, "If you don't do something about these desires, I will." Then, I prayed. I prayed scriptures, sang, and told Him everything. Everytime I wanted to quit, I asked myself if I had resolution, and had to stay on floor. I snot-nosed cried. The Lord brought to rememberance many things of which I repented. Didn't quit til I had peace. The result was God put a gift of comfort and peace on me to be single. God equips us to do His will.
---laura on 5/4/05

I have gone through different emotional stages after my divorce, from dating a lot, then not dating at all, and now not wanting to date but instead, prepare myself for the husband chosen by the Lord. I do not want to date the worldly way. I won't settle or compromise ungodly morals because I want what God has for me. There are many who confess Christ, but few who possess that true relationship with the Lord and his righteousness. It's not in what type of job, education, or social criteria he holds, but is he genuine and love the Lord with all his heart? That is very important!
---Eve on 5/4/05

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Jesus says that we should not be "unequally yoked". Your neediness for a man might attract you to your worst nightmare! If you have a void in your life without a man, then ask Jesus to fill it! He will heal any hurts that might be causing you to believe that you NEED a man. Trust the Lord to send the right man for you, in His timing. Meanwhile, work on your relationship with Jesus. God bless you.
---Monica on 5/4/05

Dear Ellie,
i'm young but i understand what how you are feeling. i used to think that i had to be with someone tofeel normal, happy, liked by others....thats not true. i realized that being so persistant on finding 'him' was leading me farther from God. Iprayed earnestly and realized that God knows that i'm ready to deal with a relationship spiritually AND physically He'll send someone. As of right now i'm seeing someone; its not serious but i got what i prayed for. i was patient and i was 'rewarded' for it. ''Wait on the Lord and He'll supply your needs'' and wants (if their His will).
---Cathy on 5/4/05

Please ask yourself this. What does a man do that God and you can't do yourself? Do you think you are one half of a person without one. Realize this, your first relationship is with God only, until then you will always feel empty and lacking inside. Learn how to sleep, talk, dress, put your make-up on spray perfume on,get your hair done for God first, the rest will follow. Date Him first, TRUST me on that one. I dare you to date the Supernatural Power that created you. You might learn that no man can treat you better unless God ordains it. Learn what God has to say by dating Him first.
---Selma on 5/4/05

I'm young but i know how you feel. I used to feel if I had no one's love I simply could not go on. Then I found God and i have faith god will bring me the purfect man. I am a person who loves to go out and I am often impatient. So serving god keeps me busy. I am happy and content now. I have faith that god will fulfill all my needs. Remember God's timing is purfect and is always right on time. Sin the bible, see how he got impatient he was? Re-read the bible story of Abraham and Sarah it will bring you enlightenment and will build your faith chria8654
---christina on 5/4/05

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Dearest Ellie,

Only God can suppy all of our needs. He is our stength when we are weak. A man does not complete us, God does.I am really very sorry for what you are having to go through, it hurts. Surround yourself with good solid Christain ladies.
No weapon against you shall prosper. You will get thougth this, one day at a time.Christ will carry you when you cannot walk on your own....if you chose to let Him. It is your choice now, you have no one to answer to but Him.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
---Geri on 5/4/05

My husband and only child were both killed several years ago, and I do know loneliness. Several years after their death, God placed a desire for a husband/mate back into my heart. As I waited for Him to bring this man into my life, and I do date, I grew very discouraged. Until I began to pray and to focus on becoming the best woman and future wife I could be when God knew the time was right for me to be married again. I left my discouragment at the Cross, and begin to live my life one day at a time. I trust in God and His Timing now, and that has brought great peace.
---Vea8555 on 5/4/05

Philippians4:11-13 Not that I speak in respect of want;for I have learned in whatsoever state I am ,therewith to be content.I know both how to be abased,and I know how to abound;everywhere and in all thingsI am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and suffer need.I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.Note: Put Christ first,even before your own needs .Jesus keeps in perfect peace those whose minds are stayed on him.Look at what you have,not what you lost.
---Darlene1 on 5/4/05

I'm dicorced and I don't believe that we need a man to keep us happy. If and when you don't have a relationship with a person God fills that gap in ways only HE knows. When does this happen when you spend time with Him. The devil will try and put all sorts of ideas in you mind, but you have to fight him with the Word. At the right time God will replace whatever the devil has been taken from you.The Word of God says the Joy of the Lord is our strenght and in those times when you feel lonely remember God will not allow you to be tempted above what you can handle.God loves you Trust HIM.
---anastasia_sedith on 5/4/05

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I do know what you mean. I believe You can have a fulfilling life as a single with God as your Ultimate lover. Still, I believe that the desire for a romantic relationship is from God. As a 28yr old single Christian, I struggled for years. Finally, I told God my desires and have left it up to Him. Now, I just live life one day at a time. I hope to get married one day soon, but in the meantime, I try to fill my life with interesting things....good friends, family and activities that I love. Try not to focus on the loneliness, but count your blessings and enjoy your life. Dont standstill. Live.
---Onyih on 5/4/05

Dear Ellie!
I'm a woman having been separted from my husband after 27 years marriage. So, I feel myself very lonely from that moment, when my husband has removed to his new lover. I have two sons, who aren't with me at this time. really, the facts aren't known by them yet. I don't know, what do you feel, but if you write down and share with me your feelings, it could be good. I don't know, how are you alone. have you ever had any relationship, or you feel alone yourself in a reletionship. if you have time, please, write me! my english isn't so excellent, sorry for the mistakes! elisa
---elisa on 5/4/05

If it's any consolation, we single men also feel the same way as you women. But i feel God's unmistakeable presence, when i pray in thanksgiving for all that he has done and for all of his goodness, and when i have nothing he is all i really want. Nothing really matters when you love your Lord more then anything, really more then anything.
---Eloy on 5/4/05

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