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How To Handle Divorce In Church

In some countries, divorce is not allowed. How would a Christian church handle someone who separated from her ex and is living with another man? Her chances of getting a divorce are nil - only way out for her is common law living. Should she be accepted as a member of a church?

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 ---Albert on 5/13/05
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If the unbelieving spouse leaves let him leave. A brother or sister is not bound in such cases. We as christ followers need to start understanding what a true believer in Christ is and what a sinner or unbeliever is. We all including self need to start obeying the word of God wholeheartedly. When we obey his word completely ourselves then I think judge matter more clearly.
---Tiffany on 5/20/10

Hi Donna,

As far as I know perhaps a year or two ago the Irish people lobbied for divorce reforms but it was denied. There is also no lawful act for Abortion, this is what keeps the religion in the public eye. It's staunch religious grounds on divorce and Abortion.

They also would not allow women priests/bishops yet failed to deal with the priests who were sexually abusing young boys over the decades it is still a current Issue. A apparent tearful apology was made by their pope but nothing fundamental in terms of sacking those involved I could be wrong on the last bit.
---Carla on 5/15/10

That is true in South and Central America and countries like Brazil.

Since divorce is so hard to get they just stay together. The divorce rate down there is WAY lower than in the USA. Close to 90% of the people stay married for a lifetime.

That should tell you something.

Here, "no fault" divorce is common - even in the church. One woman friend in our singles group told me, and I quote: "My ex and I just fell out of love..."
---obewan on 5/15/10

carla --- I understand. You are talking about what a CHURCH will not allow.
The RCC, the main church in Ireland, may look at divorced persons as unworthy.

I suspect, however, that the COUNTRY of Ireland recognizes and allows divorce. But I could be wrong.
---Donna66 on 5/15/10


In Northern Ireland you are unable to get divorced so people just live separated.

The church of God of Prophecy once would not allow you to take membership if you were divorced and remarried with your husband or wife still alive.

I don't know where they stands now, some churches are accepting anyone as the numbers have more than halved in the last 10/15 years
---Carla on 5/15/10

"What should I do now?"

Learn, understand and accept. Matt.18:7: "Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come, but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!"
Mark 10:6-8 echo Genesis 2:24, but know that we leave father and mother but, in the beginning, which parents did Adam leave? Only God, his will for Adam's purpose and his instructions which revealed His Will. He cleaved, yet faulted God in his God given flesh and brought hardship. Thus, the hardness of your wife's heart set you free to marry, for you seek to honor God in your flesh and in your mind and in your spirit.
Abusers also, lose the promises and their inheritance
---Nana on 5/13/10

Just curious. In what countries is divorce not allowed? In some, a wife cannot obtain a divorce, but I know of none that do not allow a man to divorce his wife.

Is there anything a woman can do to persuade her husband to divorce her?
If so, what would that be?

If the culture doesn't allow her to divorce, I'm not sure she should be denied membership in a church,(but she might be denied some church responsibilities)

But I don't believe this question can really be answered by a Christian who doesn't live in that culture.
---Donna on 5/12/10

well said Larry, Well said

Who said there are no men of God Amen to that Larry Amen.
---Carla on 5/12/10

Well the membership in a physical church is not of much value. She needs to reconcile her fellowship with Christ in terms of obedience. There is no substitute for repentance and obedience.

Things will get worse and even if the church turns a blind eye God HATES divorce and nothing the church family can do will ease the consequences of divorce which is often worse emotionally than the death of a spouse. Its God's law of sin and consequence.

Prayerful and mature women should meet, pray and put her on the road to restoration.
If she refuses to leave the "other man" have nothing to do with her for she will infect the faithful.
---larry on 5/11/10

You rightly said: The bible states that you are now in Adultery, so ask your self if you have committed Adultery is it worth you both loosing your souls?.

Put it like this, if you stole you get saved, you depart from that stealing spirit and steal no more.

If you Murdered you get saved, you depart from that murdering spirit and Murder no more.

If you commit Adultery, you get saved depart from that Adulterous spirit and commit Adultery no more.

And so on.

Repent Turn completely around in the opposite direction and change what you did. save her and yourself.
---Carla on 5/11/10

Well that figures Alan,

If she is not permitted to re-marry anyway the problems biblically is solved forget the feelings or long drawn out emotions you cannot serve with emotions or indeed feelings but you can through the newness of spirit, for God is a spirit and they that worship him must worship in Spirit and in Truth. self cannot do it, it's takes the hidden man of God within us all. (paraphrased)

However if I am going to serve with a clean heart and the right spirit have faith and not waiver not that I can see what is going to happen but... I must possess a hope that God will look after me.

So to the fatherless, widows, abandoned, destitute,loved,unloved, married and unmarried. Everyone basically.
---Carla on 5/11/10

Albert, and Nana: The big question is one I asked some months ago, causing some very good comments:

We are told that (RSV): whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another, commits unchastity

I take it that I also have committed unchastity, as my wife divorced me (I did not wish for any divorce) and then I remarried

What should I do now?

Any comments?

---peter3594 on 5/11/10

What you've got away with posting that ... it must be only me the serial Adulterers have strength for lol

---Carla on 5/11/10

Better to remain celebate and alone than to sin against God.
---Elaine on 5/11/10

"We have a current case in UK where a man has fled the country whilst on trial for massive fraud, of which he is guilty. He has abandoned wife & family who are now destitute.
Is she only allowed to consider remarriage if he commits adultery? & How would she ever find out what he is up to in another country?"
---Alan_of_U.K. on 5/14/05
Alan, what these legalist forget is that God's laws are for the welbeing of God's people and to define them against the rest of the world. Therefore, they forget that those who habitually live defrauding, beating their spouses and comitting what have you, they have abandoned God, Christianity, and why should they be given the benefits of any promises?
---Nana on 5/10/10

NO, NO. She is living in SIN, and God does not approve. So, what are you gonna do? We do not judge. However, God does. Must obey Him....Now, when you are saved the sentence is lifted. You are no longer a criminal. However, God does expect you to a life which is pleasing to Him. Too many Scriptures telling us how God feels about host of stuff---sins.
---catherine on 5/7/10

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No she should not either the persons she is with be allowed to sign into a place of Godly worship unless it is for forgiveness councilling and repentance.
---Carla on 5/6/10

A christian church really has limited authority when it comes to our personal lives. A pastor is suppose to watch over our souls and spiritual growth. His authority does not extend to our home life and personal life. The most the church can do is not to let this person hold a position of leadership or authority within the church until they get this issue resolved. What people do in their personal lives is just that, personal.
---Robyn on 8/27/07

i need to know this also because i am in the same boat.i have left my husband of 25 years and i am now living with a i damed to hell for that?i love my lord and i just need to know how to handle this
---mary on 8/27/07

I believe this is how they would handle it: They would follow the opinion of Paul in I Cor. 7:10,11 since that is the only opinion in the bible on that subject, 'To the married I give this command(not I but the LORD): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does let her remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.'
---gregg4933 on 5/14/05

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We have a current case in UK where a man has fled the country whilst on trial for massive fraud, of which he is guilty. He has abandoned wife & family who are now destitute.

Is she only allowed to consider remarriage if he commits adultery? & How would she ever find out what he is up to in another country?
---Alan_of_U.K. on 5/14/05

Albert, if divorce is illegal in her former country, but now she is in this country where it is legal, then she could seek a divorce in this country. i would still advise her to seek legal counsel. And without knowing the facts, perhaps she should remain married to her husband in the other country and stop her live-in affair.
---Eloy on 5/14/05

No one can enforce the staying together of any couple. If, after making efforts to rectify the problem, a marriage doesn't work, remaining together will bring a life of misery and if the "sin" of divorce is not committed, other sins of anger and who knows what, will be committed instead.
---Albert on 5/14/05

Albert, You say that some countries don't allow divorce. God, in the beginning didn't allow it either.

In my opinion, if Matthew 19 was truly enforced by the entire world, Our divorce rates would go down.

Think about it: If you knew once making the marriage decision, and it didn't work out, that's is it. Game over. Would you be hasty to make that decision? Would you thoroughly check out your prospective mate in their faith?

By the way, why did she separate?
---Tom145 on 5/14/05

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Albert, How many times is that question going to be asked before somebody tells the answer? I 'm not floating in the clouds. This nation (the US) is being torn apart by that. People are not thinking. God does not help in that situation, He only forgives in this life. In the next life there is no cover, no hiding, no adultery, no ex's. That happens in what you would call hell.
---gregg4933 on 5/14/05

Eloy, some countries do not allow divorce so some people may get stuck.
---Albert on 5/14/05

Paul, I'm glad God does not hire certain CN members because many people would end up in hell.

Some countries allow divorce - if someone remarries then it's ok - other countries do not allow it so the poor person has to either stay single or live common law.

Marriage is in the heart and not the papers we sign. Are we at the mercy of the local laws?
---Albert on 5/14/05

Albert, I'm thinking the elders of the church would look at the facts and make a decision. Kate, get a new mentor;it's too easy to negate God's directive with human logic. Mary, people only go to hell because they reject God's salvation. And they only stay in fellowship with God by obeying His commandments. How important is that to you?
---Paul on 5/14/05

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Gregg, you gave a generic question which I have read on CN millions of times.

There are no tricks in the question but painful reality. Stand on solid ground and don't float in the clouds.
---Albert on 5/13/05

Her chances of getting a divorce are not nil, for in today's society it is extremely easy to get a divorce. If she's joined to another man, that's bigamy, and no it is not acceptable. I'd advise her to seek an attorney about a divorce.
---Eloy on 5/13/05

What do you mean that common law living is the only way out?

Kate- check Malachi 2:16, and 1 Cor. 7:12
---Tom145 on 5/13/05

Also, aren't we under grace and not the law? Not that we can do anything we like and shrug it off, but Gods Grace is also our legacy through the blood of Jesus Christ. And, I'm not speaking against Israel because I firmly believe God isn't finished with His first love. But isn't great that we get the chance to experience His love?
---Kate on 5/13/05

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God says we should be married & he knows our heart but you should have faith enough to trust his will in your life even if it means being single. you never know if you put your faith above this man God can make all things work. He wants you to put him above all and just have faith. You keeping this man and sinning using Gods temple your body is showing him that he isn't #1 in your life.
---Judith on 5/13/05

I am getting my marriage annuled after only having lived with my husband for a week. He lied about everything including his faith so I left. I have wondered if I did the right thing and my spiritual mentor told me something that made me feel much better. She said God Himself is divorced. He married the nation of Israel and put them aside because of their disobedience. He is also remarried because He grafted us Gentiles in. Something to think about.
---Kate on 5/13/05

Isn't that adultery? I won't throw a stone, but just accept that this is where you are at.
---Fay on 5/13/05

I wonder, is this a trick question? The answer to this question is you can go to church and keep your mouth shut and not tell anybody that you are living with another man, but when you die and judgement comes, guess whose spirit will be there to testify? There will be two spirits there to testify and you will not know which way to go; you will be torn apart.
---gregg4933 on 5/13/05

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