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Dad Is In Jail For Incest

My dad has been charged and inprisoned and now released from prison for incest with my niece(his granddaughter). My question is: How can I honor my dad as God's word says when he has hurt our family. I have two daughters and a son and they have not seen my dad in over 6 years.

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 ---Kat on 5/24/05
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I can believe it anon. I can believe that this type of abuse causes mental conditions that an internet community cannot begin to fix. There's not enough sympathy in the world that can fix these kinds of problems.

Only God alone can fix a broken home and a broken mind and He may use professionals and a medical facility to help you.
---Rebekah_Martin on 12/24/07

I would let the father see the children but absolutely never without supervision.Psychiatrists say they can never be cured.I truly think anyone can be cured/delivered if they have a true born again expierence,However,only God knows if they are or not so I wouldn't take the chance.Forgive the person but watch them and tell them why.Jesus forgave those who killed Him and we're to do the same.
---shirley on 12/22/07

As a survivor of incest by my father for over 5 years I would not allow my children to see him even to the day he died....I forgave him for what he did to me but forgetting the pain and torture is something I will never ever forget...If you want the children to see him then make absolutely certain that the visits are supervised and let him know that the visits must be have your children to think about here...even enlist the help of your pastor in helping with the supervision....
---Fran8674 on 12/21/07

When people hurt us it may be very difficult to accept and forgive them, even a lifetime of praying for God's help about it may be necessary. I know that many civilians murder Jesus every day with their lives, but still innocent Jesus dying on the cross forgave those who killed him. So we must look to Jesus for help in these matters, and he is more than able to go to those places where only he can go and restore what was damaged.
---Eloy on 3/18/07

You must always honour your father, and that means sending him to prison and to psychiatric help so that he will not continue to sin.

It means being aware that this type of sickness is likely not curable, therefore, you honour your father by not allowing him to be in a position where he can molest children.

Honour your father by doing what is right in God's eyes and in accordance with the laws of your country.

Pray for your father, and seek the courage to forgive him.
---lorra8574 on 3/18/07

The bible says honor thy Father and Mother, this means with your life in the same manner you honor God if you live righteous before men it brings honor to your parents and to God, But if you have a devil for a father don't have anything to do with him.

1 Corinthians 5:9 I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators:
---Exzucuh on 3/18/07

1 Corinthians 5:1 It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife.
1 Corinthians 5:4-5 In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when ye are gathered together, and my spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ, To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.
---Exzucuh on 3/18/07

No one should condone this sin. If you know for sure that he committed it that is different.

There are many men who are charged with this crime that didn't commit it.

The way you honor him is to keep your mouth shut and not condemn him. That doesn't mean that you don't monitor his actions and watch him.

People that need to know then warn them if you see your monitoring him doesn't control him.
---Elder on 3/18/07

Your #1 job as a parent is to protect your children. Forgiveness is a choice but it does not mean that you have to grant free access to your children to a sexual predator. No matter what relation this person is to you. Protect your children
---Mary on 8/13/05

I to was molested by family members. Please protect your children and if you feel the need to visit your dad. Do it alone and realize that he cant be the dad you want him to be. He has chosen a different path. Forgiveness will heal you, forgiveness does not mean you forget but you let go and let God. In addition, make sure you explain what he did to your children. Think if something happened to you and he ended up with your children.
---Destiny on 6/29/05

My dad molested me and my three sisters since we were in diapers until early teens. Wish I had had the sense enough then to have him locked up then, it was not talked about way back. Told him I would call the police if he didnt stop and he threatened me. My own dad. Now we are grown and have emotional problems, not small ones at that. What is it that a man and a dad at that, can do that to a little child. I am healing, but the others are scared for life. He never apologized and died alone in his sin.
---anon on 6/29/05

This is a difficult situation. Your father has paid for his crime and done his time. Honouring your dad is showing love, respect, grace and mercy to him even though you or anyone else thinks he does not deserve it. God showed us His grace and mercy by dying for our sins.
The key to overcoming the hurt is to openly talk about issues that are or may be secrets within family. Encourage honesty between family members so that incest cannot be hidden anymore. Sin feeds on secrets.
---darling on 6/29/05

I am 54 years old and I remember every sordid detail of what my dad did to me and my sisters. He died never saying he was sorry. Left four women with mental problems you wouldn't believe. For years I had thought about putting him in prison for his actions, we all did. But I believe the life he led in his later years, were prisonlike in itsself.
---anon on 5/26/05

Regardless of the number of years in prison, the statistics show that child molesters do NOT have a good recovery rate. Therefore, you must protect your children - keep them away! You must "honor" your dad by being respectful. Did he ask forgiveness from the family? He may think his pedophilic behavior is OK. However, you must forgive him, not necessarily reconciling; otherwise the bitterness can destroy you. Is your niece getting good counseling? Blessings dear one.
---Elsie on 5/26/05

Mt.18:6 and Luke 17:2 But whosoever shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me...
If you are married, the husband is the head of wife Mt.19:5 Eph.5:23,31
Don't do anything that would put your children in harms way (either physically or emotionally).
The best you can do for your dad is pray for him.
---Ulrika on 5/25/05

Continued;Dad threw away everything he was due from his family,respect,honor,trust when he molested that child.He became the enemy to all children of the family.Even a hug might arouse his evil desires.Don't worry about being nice to him,just protect your children.That is your duty.They haven't seen him in 6 years why now?Sex crimes continue against children because people are too quick to forget the offense.Sex offenders shouldn't be treated as normal.They aren't.Counseling doesn't work on pedophilles.
---Darlene_1 on 5/25/05

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my brother, what your father has done is a cruel and sick thing; but you must find it in your heart to forgive him; forgiveness does not mean reconciliation; keep your eyes on him when he is around your children because he can do the same thing again. pray and ask God to change him. Harold, when someone refers to Christ as the man upstairs, I find that to be very disrespectful.
---mary on 5/25/05

The Word of God plainly states people of the same bloodline plus mother-in-laws aren't suspose to have sex with relatives.The penalty was death.That is how God views such a horrible sin.That would indicate to me God didn't intend for anyone to have any further contact with those people.Prison doesn't change child molesters,in fact therapy of all kinds has been tried and failed.Why do you think there are repeat offenders if it were that simple to be changed?They look at children with lust, as sex objects.
---Darlene_1 on 5/25/05

I am curious to know if you might also have been a victim of your father. It is difficult to believe that he turned into a pedophile after becoming a grandfather and not before.
---Madison on 5/25/05

YOu have not mentioned how old your children are, nor how old your niece was at the time of the violation. Keep in mind that pdeophilia and homosexuality are NOT related--and while I'm not minimizing the horror of incest, I think (i may be wrong) it's incidental in this case.

It's a comples issue, but put it briefly, a pedophile is motivated by the AGE difference.
---jack on 5/25/05

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you can honor him by forgiving him and praying for him but from first hand experience you do not have to trust him with your kids or grandkids show respect as i have to do toward one who hurt me night after night but dont trust him to be alone with kids of any age please let him know you forgive but have your eye on him
---andre9789 on 5/25/05

I agree 100% with Sara....these other responses are well meaning but unless you are a survivor of incest you cannot even begin to understand nor comprehend the pain and scars we have had to live with...all the well meaning words and counseling help to a degree but it is a lifetime of scarring that we live with and in His time will these ashes turn into Sara I say please DO NOT subject your children to any possibility of being hurt...supervision must be a requirement when visiting.....
---Fran8674 on 5/25/05

We must HONOUR our parents. We must FORGIVE those who sin against us. But are we told to RESPECT people who do these things? We all know what forgive means. Honour I think means don't gossip to others about him, remember he's still your dad so try to be polite to him when with him. I think he'll find it difficult to get back the respect that others once had for him though. You don't mention your mum. If she's still alive she must be feeling this more than anyone, so needs your support.
---Xanthi on 5/25/05

I also am a victim of these family secrets. I've forgiving them in my own way but It's not easy to forget. All the advice giving to you are true and honest so it will be good to take them all into consideration. The man upstairs is the only one who can jugde right so leave it in his hand. Man can only do so much and they are not All right. Has his heart changed?
---Harold on 5/25/05

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Hi Kat! You mention 6yrs, that is a long time. If he is has done this crime & served his time, forgive him. It may be difficult to honour him but he is still your father, forgive him none the less. Prison is a terroble place to be, he might just need your support, he may be a totally changed person. Eveyone deserves a 2nd chance. God forgave us. Look into your heart!
---Karen on 5/25/05

Honour your dad firstly by praying 4 him that he would know the love & forgiveness of his heavenly Father. Then forgive your dad & yourself for judging him (I've been guilty of judging 2). There is only One Judge, & that's the Lord Jesus Christ to whom we all must give an account. Lastly ask the Holy Spirit 2 help you honour your dad, & He will.
Shalom from Misha
---Mishon on 5/25/05

That is very sad! I was molested and raped by my grandfather from 1st memories till age 12 when I finally had the courage to tell. It still effects me to this day and I am 29. PLEASE!!!!!!! don't LEAVE your children alone with him. If you want to have a relationship with him, do it alone, with your children not involved. Where you close to your dad before this? Did you ever suspect anything? Ask him, but that won't always be the truth either. Be careful please, so sorry!
---Sara on 5/24/05

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