Acceptable to Date A 16 Year Old
I'm turning 20, have a close friend who is turning 15. Parents adore me and wouldn't mind me dating her, later of course! I feel wrong thinking about dating her later like when she is 16 but everyone else thinks it is okay. Is this wrong? I will be 22 then. Is that a bad age gap? 22 and 16?
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---Nick_Nolen on 5/25/05
Helpful Blog Vote (49)
okay, i'm a sixteen year old girl and i'm dating a twenty-two year old. we are very in love with each other, but i can't explain this to my mother she just won't stand for it. so take her parents "adoring" you to heart, enjoy it because on the other side of things life is very hard.
---bretaa on 3/29/11|
Ok, While she is living in her parents home you shouldn't date her without her parents EXPRESSED blessing, no matter how old she is, not just "They adore me and wouldnt mind"
The bible never talks about dating, it talks about marriage. Are you in the season of your life were God is calling you to be a Godly husband?? Is she in the season of her life to be a Godly wife?? The Bible doesnt give instuctions for "Godly dating". But it does tell us that God will never give us anything we cant handle and I think that includes things we arent ready for. In other words, All knowing God will bless you with your wife when your ready to be her husband. And not sooner.
---Robert on 10/12/08|
It's great that her parents would not mind if you dated her. But, I agree with you. A twenty-two year old man is considered an adult, but a sixteen year old is not yet an adult. You may want to wait until she is atleast eighteen. Then, both of you will be adults and better able to make the wise choices that dating sometimes requires.
---Susie9547 on 10/13/08|
As a widower, I would tell you that 68 is also a vulnerable age
---alan_of_UK on 10/8/08|
not at all!....as long as you know it's a relationship that has substance as in you feel very strongly towards her :)
---Bianca on 10/8/08|
I'm afraid i have to say yes 16 is still a very vulnerable age. And you are both still quite young. I think you should both go your separate ways for a little while. And give her a chance to grow.An age gap of say 25 and 19, will not raise so many eyebrows
---steve on 9/28/08|
Pamela :-You are a wise mother having detected the wolf in sheeps clothing I write this to reinforce your excellent decision.You hint at a husband,He should be debarred and exposed for the louse that he is.That is putting it mildly
---MIC on 9/15/08|
My 16 year old daughter is currently in a relationship with this kid who will be 21 in April. First we liked him quite well. Once he was comfortable around us at home, school and church his truer colors became obvious. Now nobody approves of them as a couple. He is immature, controlling/ abusive and has expressed himself profanely toward us, our neighbors and our church congregation. Our household rules are enforced with a strict curfew. He is no longer welcome. Our daughter is learning a hard lesson. I'm praying for her lesson to be over sooner than later. Knowing that once she is eighteen she can do as she pleases she'll be fine if we have done a good job instilling values into her. This prayer God will answer.
---Pamela on 9/13/08|
All Good things come to those who wait.Intellectually women mature faster than men when she reaches HER age of Maturity her ideas may change.Explore the reasons why you want to marry this girl and If she will be agreeable 'then' NOT NOW.The spiritual side must also be examined more closely than the physical side.What you are contemplating is a binding relationshipTake it easy let the rose bloom leave the Bud to unfold, by itself. it does not need your help.Pray for guidance and if all signals are green AFTER SHE MATURES.Then You both will be thankful you waited and have stories to tell yourGR Children.
---MIC on 9/12/08|
Question should be why you're led around by nose by other people TELLING you that you should date her
...don't explain if she wants to date you only telling us everyone adores you
you seem a bit immature for a 20yo maybe thats why youre attracted to girls who are still in high school if socially inept with girls your own age without friends your own age to talk to
a 15/16yo girl should be attending school hanging out with her friends going to school events studying and enjoying a carefree life before she becomes an adult
5 years isn't an age gap but it is when you date a minor
if you started dating adults then your fantasy should subside
---Rhonda on 9/10/08|
i think this is totally ok. im a 16 year old girl and my boyfriend is 25. i understand this situation very well. i never was one to hang around with people my age. i am totally in love with my boyfriend. he is in love with me. love knows no numbers that we call age. and as long as its ok with her family who is going to press charges to even get you in trouble? the only way they would even concider this case would be if her parents had some kind of problem with it.
---laura on 9/8/08|
look i dont think an age matters in any relationship.other people might think its a bit weird but if you love someone then date them! stuff everyone who thinks its wrong, the only thing that should matter to you is her!
---steve on 1/10/08|
It is not wrong for you to have feelings for her. You see people everyday that has an even larger age difference. I am 16 and my boyfriend is 21. I live in SC and the age of concent is 16. I think you should see what the age of consent is in your state and if she is at the age of concent then try it. I have been with my boyfriend for almost eight months. So just take a chance at it but make sure you check the age of consent for your state before trying to get into a relationship with her.
---samona on 12/28/07|
It would depend on the girls emotional maturity ,even then you must remember she is under age and truthfully speaking,jailbait. I dated and married at 16 and my husband was 22,we have been together 52 years,but that was a different world back then and some of my friends married at 14 or 15. Now it is frowned upon. Pray for wisdom and if you date her,be willing to protect her and cherish her with respect. Go to church together and doubledate with other Christians.
---Darlene_1 on 12/12/07|
my brother and his wife have about the same age gap. i think she liked him since she was 12 but if he liked her he didnt show any intrest untill she was of age and then waited till she was almost done with collage till they married. hes a lawyer shes a teacher and they have a great marrage. moral of the story wait till your both mature and in the right state of mind.
---Kraus on 12/12/07|
yes thats sick, look you can go to jail for that, the court won't like the excuse " everyone said it was okay" 15 is a child 20 is an adult grow up and face reality.. inless you want to be know as a lowlife, sometimes ppl will tell you to do something wrong to make themselves feel better.
---emily on 12/12/07|
Consciously breaking a man-made law (that isn't in conflict with God's law) is contrary to the apostles' teachings.
Romans 13:1 - "Let every person be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.
1 Peter 2:13 - Submit yourselves for the Lords sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority
---AG on 10/23/07|
It may be better if hey stick to each other as friends instead of dating each other.
The original post was sent three years ago. By now they are either married to each other or married to someone else.
---Caring on 10/23/07|
Well that is the reality of Relationships and if your too immature for the light bulb to go on and understand it's complexity WITH commitment, Then appreciate this young girl (for the girl she is) and allow her the Years to mature understand and experience life without the emotional pressure of your lust. True God related Love comes from responsibility to prepare and plan with total commitment for your wife to be and family. Not having casual affairs with Girlfriends!
---Carla5754 on 10/22/07|
How many of you can take the place of your parents and do a better job than are doing in the position that you now in!
Then consider dating with a minor who has no life experience other than a love sick youth with no other life skills than puberty!
---Carla5754 on 10/20/07|
Even though you are still very young yourself,you are older than this young girl. You are an adult at 18. When she turns 18 she can decide for herself, what she wants to do. Until then I would keep it strictly platonic. She is jail bait for you.
---Robyn on 10/19/07|
You are both too young to understand the moral/ethical duties of adulthood nevermind the complex responsibilities of relationships right now you both should be engaged in educational affairs not emotional affairs. especially the one's that cut short the well being of Youth should you both get it wrong!
You wouldn't be dating no daughter of mine put it that way.
---Carla5754 on 10/19/07|
Especially a 15 year old. However I appreciate your concerns and being considerate enough to be asking Christian opinion on this matter.
Just remember that it's because we as mothers have been there worn the T'shirt and thought it fit until we realised it was way tooooooooo big even after 22. YOUR YOUTH is just tooOOOOOOO precious to throw away throw away because of fellings or this so called word called LOve.
---Carla5754 on 10/19/07|
Nick::Allgood things come to those who wait.If you can learn restraint,reservation & respect for 3 years she will have developed into the woman you admire not desire. Patience is a mother of Virtue.May sound old fashioned. But so is the instituition of Marriage.
---Emcee on 10/18/07|
you better believe it wrong, wait 2 years or 3 if you like her so much. If u can't then think on this, Does going to jail mean anything to u? and right now they might not have a problem with it, but that girl ends up pregant then they will quickly turn on u. So leave her been for 2 to 3 years if u care so much about her.
---ANN on 10/18/07|
You'd better believe it's wrong.
I'd have a pile of rocks and a slingshot sitting by the door, ready for you.
You don't sound adorable to me.
---Bob on 10/18/07|
.if i had a daughter, i would never let her date at sixteen, that is just too young.
---steve on 10/18/07|
Personally, I am 16 years old (I will be 17 in 2 months) and my boyfriend just turned 20 three months ago. There is a 3.5 age difference with us and it is no problem! I feel as long as it's legal, it's okay! In your case, depending on your state (but for most it's 16) it is illegal to be dating this girl. Find someone a little older, besides, have you talked to this girl about it? I think you should talk to her about what you guys want to do. Wait until she's at least 17 or 18 or find someone else!
---Brittany on 6/4/06|
Jacob on 4/26/06 I can understand how you feel as neither one of you have grown up and matured yet.
---Elder on 4/26/06|
You say "she is the most fantastic person ever." An 11 to 13 year old child is not the person they will be when they grow up. You are "in love" with a child. Having feelings for someone does not make it a legitimate relationship. Witness the extra-marital affairs in which people profess to be "in love." Being "in love" does not legitimize the realtionship any more than being addicted to a drug makes the addiction ok.
---Bruce5656 on 4/26/06|
I think it is fine. I am totally in love with a 13 year old I am 20. I have been talking to her since she was 11 and think that she is the most fantastic person ever. I believe it depends on the two people not age. If you love her and she loves you it's great.
---Jacob on 4/26/06|
I am in almost the exact same situation with a girl. It is nothing sexual mind you. I am so tired of everyone in this day and age thinking that a relationship is a thing to be held in such carnal regard. Its about getting to know someone first and foremost. Nothing more. You have to go with your heart. God speaks through the hearts of the pure.
---John on 3/7/06|
I'm 17 and recently fell in love with a 14 year old girl that i have known for a couple of years. We have been going out properly for 2 months now, and I have never been happier. As long as you refrain from having sex with her, and are with her purely through love and nothing else, I think its fine. Good Luck
---MattUK on 12/30/05|
Steve ... not true everywhere. Sex is legal at 16 in the UK
---alan8869_of_UK on 12/16/05|
, i don't mean to be judgmental, but a man has no business dating a girl who is not eighteen yet. there is a reason it is against the law, even if no physical stuff happens.
---steve on 12/16/05|
i think its perfectly fine..if u guys refrain from doing sexual things that is..im in love with a 23 year old and im only 16..i feel your pain..because i dont know if he feels the same way..i know he loves me but is he in love with me??Confusing..
---angie on 12/16/05|
I'm 20 and i'm currently in a relationship with a 15 year old girl over the internet. We have yet to meet. We've been together for almost 2 years.i was 18 and she was 13 when we started "dating." so far things have been great. her mother seems to like me. I've talked to her on the phone
---randy on 8/23/05|
There is nothing wrong with dating a 15 year old. There is a vast difference in living experiences, though. However, it's really a matter of "can you stand the heat." For a 15 year old to be dating a 20 year old, it's something for her to brag about - for a 20 year old to be dating a 15 year old, to your friends, it's a matter of "robbing the cradle" So if you can take the "heat" from your "friends", do it, especially if her parents don't mind.
---WIVV on 8/10/05|
I think it was fine. I would let my daughter date him. That is after I get to know him very well! Its just dating. They don't have to get married.
---Kio on 6/15/05|
I think it is totaly fine. I have been dating a 16 year old for a year now and I'm 21. We get along grate! She relay seems more mature than me most of the time. If we can we'll stay together for as long as possible! You do know that this is very common. And no I don't live in a small town!
---Eric on 6/15/05|
She's 14 for Pete's sake, WAY too young to date anybody! Her parents should be scolded for allowing this!
Make yourself scarce until she's about 18, then see how you both feel.
What would you, at nearly 20, have in common with a 14 year old?
---A_Mom on 5/27/05|
The fact that you are asking complete strangers should give you a hint that maybe you aren't ready for that kind of age gap. Just keep it in prayer and be friends with her until God makes it clear to you what you are to do. Seek advice from those that know the two of you (preferably the parents) rather than strangers. In all our good intentions, we may mislead you in this arena. God bless!
---Katie on 5/26/05|
Normally I would see nothing wrong with age gaps, but when one is an adult and the other really still a child, I think it would be best to wait.
---bethie on 5/26/05|
Age should NOT be a deciding factor when in a relationship although you dating a minor can pose a serious problem in more ways than one...my late husband was 12 years older than me and we NEVER had a problem with age difference and my brother is 48 and his wife is 22 and they have a child and there isn't an age problem but if you love this girl I would wait a few years...like they say....anything worthwhile having is worthwhile waiting for...let God make this decision for you....
---Fran8674 on 5/26/05|
Sounds to me like you live in a VERY small town (or at least small religious group) if parents are trying to set you up with someone so young! Have you graduated college yet? Or are you going to work on a farm the rest of your life? Young girls haven't got a clue about how much they will change their minds on things in one year, let alone a few. Will you both be Believers then? Has anyone prayed to God about this?
---danie9374 on 5/26/05|
She is too young to date seriously amd it would not be a wise move to date a minor! So, look for a young lady more your age! It is still not cool to rob the cradle!
---Pierr7958 on 5/26/05|
My step-sonm was 22 and his now wife of 12 years was 16 when they met at church. They only saw each other at church or if her family invited him over as a part of the family until she was 18 and then when she was 19 they married. It's called courtship and more people should try it regardless of the ir ages or any age difference.
---rachel on 5/25/05|
You HAVE to read the book by Eric and Leslie Ludy 'when dreams come true' (when God writes your love story)!!!
---Cathy on 5/25/05|
Some young people are very mature at 16. In times past many girls got married at that age (just stating a fact ... not saying I approve of young girls getting married). I suggest honoring her parents wishes and stipulations. If she means that much to you and you feel you can wait for her, then wait. Jacob had to wait 14 years for Rachel (Genesis 29:15-30). It would be a great opportunity to strengthen your character.
---DoryLory on 5/25/05|
I suggest you find an adult, 18, or 19 years old to date. You can wait till she is 18, otherwise, she is a child.
---Madison on 5/25/05|
When she is 18 and you are 24. Then she will be old enough for you to date. Until then, she is her parents' little girl. You keep in mind that she will always be God's little girl and she is your sister.
---Julie on 5/25/05|
She is a minor until age 18.
You wrote, "I feel wrong thinking about dating her later like when she is 16..." Go with the feeling!
Explain to the girl and her family that you don't want to go with a girl under age 18.
There are enough women 18 years old or older to choose from.
---Ulrika on 5/25/05|
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There is a six year difference between the two of you, now while many people may say that age makes no difference, it does. You are both on completely different maturity levels, and she is still considered underage until she turns 18... Unless you are going to wait for her until then, I suggest you set your sights on somebody more your age.
---erika on 5/25/05|