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My Boyfriend Is Always Too Busy

I've been in a christian relationship for a while. I've done my best to be available in everything we do together, but the problem is my boy friend always claims to be busy and I get the feeling he's trying to avoid me. What should i do?

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 ---barba9636 on 5/26/05
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Tell him plainly what you are telling us here on this blogsite. He stays too busy and you are feeling neglected. You need more of his time and attention. If he balks--start making plans to find someone else. Move on with your life. Don't waste anymore of your precious time on this person. If he cares--he will let you know. It will not be easy to just walk away but it does get easier over time. You must leave in order to hold onto your dignity and self-respect. If you stay you will surely develop low self-esteem and resentment toward this man. Everything in your life will begin to fall apart. You don't want that to happen.
---Robyn on 9/19/10

Is this a one-sided christian relationship?

many women are strung along by men who claim they want a relationship YET actions are far from their declarations

True Christian men make their intentions known - they don't play games using work or "being busy" YET never really available for the relationship they started OR in many cases just fell into

like many women of today it appears as if you most likely drop everything to be with him whenever he feels up to it ...and I'm certain (experience teaches) it is always last minute

either way - stop chasing him

get busy

live your life and move on ... most women who do this find out the men they have been pining after don't follow
---Rhonda on 9/8/10

my dear, i know what you are going through is not easy. i have just started dating some one who eventually started being busy, doesnt communicate, $ when he says that we would talk at night, his phone would either be off or dosent pick. this wasnt easy for me, i descided to seat $ talk to him for about two hours because this was hurting me. eventually he opened up to me that he realise that he was slow as a result of his past relationship $ he wanted us to move dear seat down with him, find out what is going on, may be he is slow $ he is taking his time, may be there is something wrong that is going on in his life. listen to every word that he talks, this will give you a basis on whether it is fair to move on or not. Look unto God.
---champion on 9/8/10

Maybe he REALLY is busy or could be that he is a workaholic. Mine told me that he is proud that he is working like this while others are without work. I've found that guys really value their work and use that to try to impress women. My guy works 15 hour days and I work and go to school and I'm a single mom of 5 so we are BOTH busy. It does get lonely somedays and I wonder why we are in this relationship. We do call everyday though. Why don't you confront him about whether or not he wants to end the relationship because he is too busy. He may see how this affects you what he is doing. No one is going to be there 24 / 7 honey.
---Joyce_Mascio on 7/1/10

Don't be emotionally trapped for years wasting your time. Move on. Some (supposed) Christians will waste your time, and everyone looking from the outside will presume you are having a relationship, but you are just being a fool. I don't want to upset you, but I have been down this road and it is better to get out of it and never again have such a relationship. Make sure from the word 'go' that the fellow has a serious mind and is only interested in you, and only in marriage, not forever 'going out' or 'being together' which will cause gossip. It is for your own good that God is showing you the boy is not serious. Get out. Wait on the Lord. Wait for the right man to come along not a foolish boy.
---frances008 on 6/19/08

I would do like Jesus told the apostles when they enter a town that rejects the Word. Just shake the dust off your sandals and move on!! No use wasting time or energy on someone who can't get their priorities straight. Jesus also chastised Mary (Martha?) for being "too busy" to visit with him while he was at their house and preferred to work. Let your current boyfriend cuddle with his job or whatever else is making him "too busy" and you go after someone who genuinely is interested in human beings.
---Chreema on 6/19/08

I agree with Jill.... spending time on oneself always pays off in the long run...

Be Blessed !!!
---Gayla on 11/11/07

Julie says, "men enjoy mystery a challenge" > in God's love with a sister special to me, I'm finding that things can have a way of being mysterious, not for me to figure out and make predictable. After all, God's ways are "past finding out" (Romans 11:33), so, if I'm in **God's*** love with a person, I won't be able to figure things out and make things predictable. Every day, I need to "be on my toe-sies", be appreciative of what I have with her, and not take for granted (o:
---Bill_bila5659 on 11/10/07

If he seems like he's trying to avoid you, then he probably is trying to avoid you.

The exceptions are finals week, sickness in the family, working overtime, and the playoffs. At those times he's probably ignoring everyone, and you shouldn't take it personally. Give him some space, but let him know you're there when he's ready to pay you some attention.

Just don't spend your life waiting for him to call, that's all.
---Nancy on 11/9/07

I can see that someone special to me might want to have time away from me so she can pray and reflect and seek God for Himself. So, I would want her to put me off, for when she needs to do this. If he is busy with prayer and seeking the LORD, good for him. And this gives you time to also make sure you are getting closer to God. Your number one priority is to help each other get closer to God. If this is not what's he busy with, while you are, this is all you need to know (o:
---Bill_bila5659 on 11/9/07

Barba, I'd say your relationship with him is unique, and so I must not be too fast to tell you two how to do things together. Each successful couple brought together by God can have their own strange and funny ways of doing things that work for them.

But if you are not pushing yourself on him and you have been offering so much more than he says he wants to share with you, and he has said so . . . maybe he has already answered your question.

Nice to meet you, sister, I like your profile.
---Bill_bila5659 on 11/9/07

What works for me is with someone very special to me I do not take for granted that she wants to share with me. But each day I pray about if and how God will have me relating with her, that day. And I offer myself to her for if she desires to talk, etc. . . . each time. And what I get for an answer is what I act on, because I TRUST her. In God's love together, you are in trust together for each other, sister. Otherwise . . . if you're not, this may be all you need to know (o:
---Bill_bila5659 on 11/9/07

I know how you feel. If the man does not make time for you when he is working and he is out of work for you then you need to move on. Dont be a doormat. You are too valuable to yourself to let a man make you feel like you are beneath him. Let it go. If he feels that something good is missing in his life then he will come back to you. If not you find someone that respects you because when you look at it it is about respect. Caring is such a weak word. Love and respect is what comes to play. Good luck
---BERNICE on 11/9/07

Barba, you should not have to ask such a question. If he's too busy for you find someone who is less busy. Give him what he wants and then you find what you want and need. Problem solved. Or you can go on accepting his behavior toward you. If he is too busy to be with you now, you may as well forget about marriage. He won't change. I would be looking around for something else.
---Robyn on 8/30/07

I am in the same situation and I feel that they do not value us and put us at the bottom of the list. We need to create our own lives
---Jill on 8/28/07

It's entirely possible that "he's just not that into you," as an author on the subject has stated.

If boyfriend was honest, and cared, he wouldn't leave you guessing and date you only at his convenience, because you make yourself available. It may also be that he's interested in someone else.
I'd advise you to cut your losses and move on. Find someone who is honest and cares more about YOU, than your availability.
---Pat on 7/18/07

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I have learned to trust my assumptions unless they are really far out. You cannot make someone want to spend time with you any more than you can make them love you. I certainly wouldn't chase after him if he is avoiding you, only to get your feelings. Find other things to do. If he cares, he will notice your absence and seek you out. If not, well, that says it all. Blessings
---jody on 7/18/07

People make time for those things that are important to them. If your boyfriend does not have time for you now, he will not change when he is married. Sometimes, we busy ourselves to block us from dealing with issues in our lives. You need to talk with your boyfriend about the problem. If the situation does not change, move on. Joy9988
---Joy9988 on 7/18/07

Leave him, if he does not value your company then he does not value you. You deserve better.
---Marcia on 7/17/07

Sorry to say, he's probably not really interested, partially because you're always available and desperate. A lapdog always turns someone off. They begin to wonder if you have any interests in life other than trying to snag a man.
If you run after his car and chase his tires, no doubt he'll drive off into the sunset without you.
---Brad on 7/14/07

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It's not a good idea to put all of your hopes into a boyfriend or girlfriend. When they dump you, making an emotional comeback is difficult. Christian dating should be different from the world. Quite often after the dating process begins, Jesus takes a backseat until the wild emotional rollarcoaster comes to an end.
Jesus should be first, then you won't be hanging around, waiting for the telephone that never rings.
---Brad on 7/14/07

i know my boyfriend is too busy for me 2 hes always working and i dont get to ever talk to him after school he never calls me i dont know what i should do maybe we should talk to him about it. good luck
---Katy_Patton on 5/17/07

If he gives a genuine reason for being busy give him time, but if he gives lame excuses I think he does not love and care for you. People in love should spare time to be together so as to know each other.
---Nancy on 3/18/07

I can understand how you feel.My other half is very busy with work.He tends to be away and reassuring texts or phonecalls are not a key feature.I always try my hardest to make time even when I'm busy.It has been disheartening but there are other good things about him which are worth remembering in times of low.I read a book on 'secrets about men every woman should know'by Barbara De angelis.Maybe this book could help if you decide to stand by him.May God bless you
---Siti_Mitchell on 7/19/05

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Sorry, but the question seems a bit vague--you say you do your best to "be available" for what he says he is too busy for. If he is inviting, how can he claim to be busy? If you are making plans for him, it may be true that he is busy at that time. Communication here is important and while we may at times plan for the other, it is important that we let the other make plans. He maybe just saying you are taking a leading role and he prefers to lead/plan/ask.
---Wayne on 5/28/05

Perhaps you should start to base your relationship on a bit of communication and talk to him. No one here knows if he loves you or not ONLY HE knows this so ASK HIM!
So many relationships are lost due to lack of comminication. TALK TO HIM NOT STRANGERS.
Iwould hope if you ever planned on marrying you would talk to your husband.
---Shaz on 5/27/05

Please dont let a man drag you along,he doesnt love you,.What did christ say to the church,how are we to love each other?Its just an excuse not to find time for you.It sounds as if your in love with thinking he loves U,your a good person ,you dont see the lovlessniss in him
---kathy on 5/27/05

How does Jesus treat his bride? How do you treat Him as a husband? You put each other first and dote on each other. Does this line up with how your boyfriend is treating and respecting you? And vice versa? Commitment requires time and open communication. Though you are not married, dating serves to point us to the 'right' person...if he continues to avoid you, then it's confrontation time, and if no willingness to change, then you must end the relationship.
---Christine on 5/27/05

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Sorry to say this, but if he's too busy now, then if you were to get married, he'll be too busy then. How long has this been going on? If for a reasonable length of time, then I'd advise you to break the relationship off.
---Chris on 5/27/05

I know how you feel. My ex-boyfriend was just too busy to spend any time with me. I found out much later that he was dating someone else, they got engaged and, a short time later, they got married. If your boyfriend really loves you, no matter how busy he is, he will make time for you. If he doesn't make time for you, you're not really a priority in his life. Pray to God and surrender this relationship to Him and see what happens. Good luck.
---Nock on 5/27/05

Girl I'm N this same situation. So don't feel like U R all by yourself. People on here have given U some sound advice. I've had 2 learn 2 let God take control of it ALL. We're talking 13 yrs. here. As 4 Rachel. I think U should have left well enough alone with your 1'st response. What might seem "PETTY" 2 U is another persons heartache. I guess U never had this problem.
---sheia on 5/26/05

I think that you should play the same game on him, and be too busy for him, and if he complains then tell him what he's been doing to you, being too busy for you. And if the relationship breaks apart because of this then he is not the right guy for you. You have so much time on this earth and you need to make every day count. And most of all put it in God's hands. God makes all things possible.
---Andrea on 5/26/05

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First, ALWAYS pray for God's leading.
Listen to what God tells you. If you don't receive an answer right away, don't fret. For now I would let your boyfriend call the shots. Wait for him to call you, don't make plans and spring them on him. If there are long lapses, I'd tell him 'sorry, but obviously you both have lost interest in persuing a relationship.' God bless you sis.
---Rosa on 5/26/05

FOR GOD HAS NOT GIVEN US THE SPIRIT OF FEAR BUT OF SOUND MIND AND LOVE.Pray to the LOrd if your boyfriend is really the LOrd's will for you to marry him if not ask the Lord to guide your steps in dealing wiht your boyfriend.Always pray to the Lord and surrender your relationship to the Lord and be patiently waiting on our God.Always praise and give thanksgivng to our Almighty God as HE knows what is good for your life.
---maria on 5/26/05

First, don't jump to any conclusions. Christ said 'Judge not...' go to him in a spirit of understanding. Ask if there is something troubling him and if he says not tell him what you have noticed and how it makes you feel. Wait for his reaction. You may be surprised to find that he did not realize what it is doing to you. If he does not respond positively move on giving him your blessings. Remember you are God's child and deserve the best.
---Charl4494 on 5/26/05

Personally I would chose to permit the friend to have space, men enjoy mystery a challenge, chose to not be so available, you may see a difference, a person in hot pursuit of your company, Be true to your self,if it does not feel right, trust your insticts, step back and exam the relationship, you deserve the best, do not settle, srive for Gods best.
---julie on 5/26/05

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ooops the response posted was not for this question
as to this question i have no advice really
sounds prettty petty to me
---rachel on 5/26/05

if u really love someone,u'll never be too busy for them.u deserve better.tell him how u feel.if he doesn't change,he's not right for u.
---chioma on 5/26/05

Here's some very controversial whatever you want. After all you already are. Here is a law of God you need to be ready to accept. You reap what you sow.
---rachel on 5/26/05

From my experience he is not "into you" and probably is trying to avoid you. I woke up to that fact with a recent boyfriend because he had plans or he was tired or for some other "non-reason" a date would not happen. I finally stopped the train and said, "Are we dating or are we just casual friends and whenever it's convenient we meet up?" --he liked my friendship but that was it but now that's not even happening. Stop the train and ask some questions.
---shara8479 on 5/26/05

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Dear Barbara: If your "boy friend" is claiming to be busy, he is probably sending you a signal that he is not interested anymore and may not know how to discontinue the relationship. If so, he should be telling you this up front. I would suggest you do not call him unless he calls or speaks to you. Ask him if he is interested any longer. You don't want a relationship with anyone unless you can be honest. Blessings!
---Elsie on 5/26/05

I am sorry to hear this. Sadly,I can relate all to well. My ex boyfriend was ALWAYS busy, and the only time he had for me was really when he wanted to make the time for me. I had major issues with this.In the end I prayed over it and the Lord urged me to move on - now granted it was hard to do, but I am managing. Here is one of my favorite quotes: "Do not allow anyone to be your priority when you're just their option" Pray over it and do whats best - the Lord has nothing but the finest for you
---Steph on 5/26/05

Move on with your life and find someone who is serious about a relationship...sounds like this guy only wants you around when it is convenient for him...there are plenty of men who would enjoy the chance of having a Christian relationship but seriously pray about it and take the next step and move are putting your life on hold for him so have a talk with him first (communication is very important) and let him know you are moving on...that may wake him up....
---Fran8674 on 5/26/05

He is trying to get the message to you, just does not want to hurt you....Look for some one that will appreciate you....
---JEAN on 5/26/05

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