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My Girlfriend Dating Two Guys

I need some advice. My friend is dating two different guys. I just found out about it and I don't know what to do. Should I talk with her or should I tell the two guys? I am really not sure what to do.

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 ---Amanda on 5/26/05
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What is the problem if she dates two different men? If she has not made a commitment to either, there is no problem. I dated a couple of different guys at the same time last year. I was not committed to either. I think you should mind your own business.
---Madison on 8/12/07

I guess I have to ask... why do you think it's is any of your business. I dated a number of people at the same time before I married my wife (29 years and counting). There is nothing wrong with going out with more than one person. It's better than tying yourself down. There are a lot of posting here from people who have "married the wrong person." That comes from not meeting others and finding the person that God wants you with. Why you feel you have to talk to anyone?
---NurseRobert on 8/11/05

There would be no point in talking to the two guys - she's just find two more. If your relationship with her is that of future marriage, talk with her first, but leave her. If it's a matter of her playing the field and you are just one of the "contestents, would still talk with her and see if she's interested in a more permanent relationship. If not, you may want to back-off, and start "playing the field" yourself.
---WIVV on 8/10/05

Elsie, just a thought. If our friend is actually doing something wrong and will be hurt or hurt others, we are privileged to share with them. If my buddy is about to walk onto a minefield, wouldn't I warn him? True the choice is his, but as a friend, I want what is best for him. Likewise Amanda will honestly want to save her friend from grief. If she believes it wrong and dangerous to be dating two guys, then she can share that concern and her reasons for it. To talk to the two guys would be wrong.
---Wayne on 6/18/05

Dear Amanda, Why do you have to do anything about it? It is your friend's decision. Telling the two guys is definitely a no-no since it doesn't involve you. What's up? Why do you want to do anything? Blessings!
---Elsie on 6/7/05

Just quickly in response to Jacks reply, as the Bible only talks about Single Betrothed or Married, that doesnt mean there is no advice for those who are dating (or going out as we call it over here in the UK). Men are still to regard their girlfriend as a sister in all purity, fleeing sexual immorality, not looking at them lustfully. However, in my view going out should only be for as long as it takes to decide (prayerfully) if you will marry them.
---Ben on 6/2/05

Though there are different ideas on dating and friendship, it is great that you are concerned. If your friend truly is being untrue or unfair to either of her friends, then you should pray for love and wisdom in sharing with her alone. On the other side, as a man, I would encourage my special friend to have all the friends possible during this time since I want her to KNOW that I am the one for her, before commitment, and not have misgivings later. We seek the others happiness.
---Wayne on 5/28/05

This got said:

"But if she is remaining a woman of integrity and satying within the Biblical guidelines of 'dating,'...."

I don't mean to sound argumentative, but I do not understand how one can stay within the "Biblical guidelines" of a social practice that the Bible says nothing about, in fact, one that didn't even EXIST in Biblical times--or most other cultures until fairly recently in the USA and the West generally.

(This is a question I've asked elsewhere.)
---Jack on 5/28/05

Talk to your friend. Are they just friends or dating? If she is dating 2 guys it is not right if she is friends with 2 guys no problem. know where she stands before judging
---M. on 5/27/05

I have male friends, more than2! I am asked out to dinner or other outings by each of them, I see nothing wrong with that. We are friends and I like all of them. Someday, I will 'narrow down the field' if I start to feel 'special' about one in particular, and the feelings are returned. Until then, I see no wrong in having more than one male friend, we are doing nothing wrong.
---Rosa on 5/27/05

If they are only dating, they are seeing if they fit for a permanent future together. If you have concerns about your friend or if her actions are out of line, then you need to talk to her. But if she is remaining a woman of integrity and staying within the Biblical guidelines of "dating", support her and be there for her; dating is stressful enough. A true, righteous friend is who she needs at this time in her life; be honest and support her.
---Barbara on 5/27/05

Your friend needs to make her own decisions. I don't condone her actions but she is the one who knows what is right for her and if she is acting outside of God's will then pray that He gives her conviction to stop. I also think that before you make any decision you should pray and find out where you are being lead. He's the one that will give you the words to maintain your friendship and the kindness to change her heart.
---Auror3743 on 5/27/05

The verse about man having one woman and vice versa does not apply in this case. The context is talking about married people, not the unmarried. Not that long ago, it was normal and even desirable for a woman to have several suitors until engagement.

Perhaps YOUR idea about the relationship is not the same as hers? Obvoiusly, you two need to talk!
---Jack on 5/27/05

If she is born-again, than her standards should come from the Word of God, the Bible...where God says a man should have ONE woman. Vice versa. If she is not a follower of Christ, then she has no understanding of what God clearly says is right and wrong, and therefore this makes it difficult to 'convince' her that this is sin.
---Christine on 5/27/05

Hello Amanda,
I really don't think that you should talk to your friend about the two guys unless she asks for your advice about this problem. Also, don't talk to the two guys about this because they might get the wrong idea and think that you're jealous of your friend or something.
If you're worried about your friend, pray for her concerning this matter. Let God take care of this situation for her.
---Nock on 5/27/05

Hi Amanda!!!
Sometimes people dont appreciate your concern when you try to help them. They would much rather believe the opposite. If you trust that she won't think you trying to interfere, then speak to her. If not, she'll most likely take it the wrong way. Make sure your motive is also right. Sometimes the best way to learn is the hard way, you need to decide what to. All we can do is advise you.
---Karen on 5/27/05

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Unless she is engaged to one of them what is wrong with dating 2 different men? As long as she isn't sexually involved which she shouldn't be anyway what's the problem? You really don't have any right or business to interfere unless these men are putting her in any kind of danger...other than pray for her safety you really need to stay out of it unless she comes to you for help...talking to the 2 guys will destroy your friendship with her so just start praying and let Him take it from there....
---Fran8674 on 5/27/05

My dear, just take it up with the so called girlfriend,the two guys have nothing to do with your girlfriend choice. They may not know that you even exist.
---Jimmy on 5/27/05

Her!She should know that she cant build her own happiness with another's misery as a foundation.
---Chioma on 5/27/05

Pray about it. Try to determine what your interest in the situation is, what your stance on it is, and why what you have found out bothers you. Then if it seems worthy, caringly broach the topic with your friend. It is up to her to resolve the situation.
---Ann on 5/27/05

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I don't think you need to talk to the two guys. Why do you talk to them? You'r business is with her not with the guys. I belive the right thing to do is to confront her and either give her another chance or stop your r/p.
---Dady on 5/27/05

Talk to your friend, not to the guys.
---a_friend on 5/27/05

Dating more than one is normal to a popular girl as long as there are no restraining committments like engagement or wedding rings. We must know different people to make decisions such as a lifetime partner. You check out the forest for the best tree, you do not claim the first tree or boy/man you date all the time. P.S. Find out what her secret is or she may let you have one of the boys/
---chuck on 5/27/05

If you talk to her, she will get mad at you for telling her what to do, and if you tell the two guys they will think you are jealous, and not believe you. She made her bed, let her lay in it. Otherwords I wouldn't but in where my nose didn't belong.
---Rebecca_D on 5/26/05

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Pray about it. I think talking to your friend is the best thing to do. Pray about how you would tell her. I don't know how close you 2 are, but talking to her and praying with her is an awesome thing to do...
---Drea on 5/26/05

Amanda: Are you worried that she is taking advantage of the fellows or is she dating more than one because she is not ready to go steady. If it is the former, talk to her as a friend and tell her she might want to date only one at a time, but if it is the latter then mind your own dating schedule!
---Pierr7958 on 5/26/05

Hey "amanda",
You should just let your gf play HER game with those guys. Apparently she's enjoying the attention from both of 'em so as her friend, DONT ruin that from her. I suggest you date a couple of guys yourself. Welcome to the new age my friend!
---Benito on 5/26/05

I feel that dating is a "getting to know you" phase that is necessary in order to have a solid foundation for a future relationship with the one that is best for marriage. She isn't cheating or being disloyal unless of course, she is actually in a committed relationship with one of these guys. I don't think any course of action is called for on your part - at least at this time.
---Jeannie on 5/26/05

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