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Why Does My Church Judge Me

Why is it that after following God my whole life, in the church, when my husband leaves me [no fault of my own]. I now get judged differently. Example- no longer invited to socal events. Not wanted to work with children. I'm still the same spirit filled person I was.

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 ---laure5469 on 5/31/05
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No church has the right to judge you and sense they did maybe that church isn't the one for you. You probably need to find you another church that doesn't do that.
---ANN on 7/21/07

I would very cautiously consider the counsel of the godly here. If the Word says to forsake not the assembling of yourselves together and someone else says to run from that assembling, then I am going to hook up with the Source who inspired the Word and not walk in the counsel of the ungodly. Catherine, if you are so full of light that you can discern who is righteously motivated and who is unbelieving, then perhaps you are more needed where they are.
---Linda on 7/21/07

When the world was plunged into darkness because of the fall of Adam, God didn't sequester Himself in heaven. He came to where the darkness was. He who ascended first descended into the heart of the earth. God has determined that light would shine in the darkness and light is more noticeable in a place where darkness is rampant. After all, it was the darkness God spoke the light into.
---Linda on 7/21/07

Those who are so full of light who sequester themselves from darkness are not fulfilling purpose....and their light becomes darkness because it is not being used.
---Linda on 7/21/07

I like Mima's answer...
---christina on 7/21/07

Because most church going people just go so they can brag to everybody that they go to chruch.
---sue on 7/21/07

There is only church that in the book of acts but people pulled away from the church died for to start there own Doctoring and now start there own church i heard two day at the beauty shop that some of the smaller babtist churches are merching together to make bigger church
---Betty2 on 7/21/07

Well That is an easy question, and the answer is that most people who attends church are unbelievers and they are not fit to judge anyone. God does not know them. Get out of the church and find some real peace. Be not equally yoked with unbelievers this scripture also includes worshiping. Take not communion with UNBELIEVERS, THUS SAIDITH THE LORD.
---catherine on 7/20/07

This happened in our church too and I found that most people just hear a few rumors and react on them. We addressed the entire situation publicly and cleared the innocent persons name whose spouse had run off with another man. That worked out well and the entire church is supportive instead of judgemental. The people deserve to know the facts.
---john on 7/20/07

Hi, Laure . . . I got kicked out of a nursing home where I was visiting. Ones were sure I was railroaded. But as things sank in, later, in prayer, for years later, I have seen how I was wrong, TOO. This has helped me see how I can relate more sensitively with the LORD and more considerately with people. I was good to people, there, but I don't want to be the same person I was then. It's so better after growing more in God's kind and gentle and nicely quiet love.
---Bill_bila5659 on 7/20/07

I would consider leaving this church and finding a more accepting church family. It is your choice. You don't have to stay among these fakes. Make a better life for yourself.We sometimes make very poor choices in life and then wonder why things are so bad. Go where you can serve and enjoy God.
---Robyn on 7/20/07

If one is not in the Holy Roman Catholic Church, he or she is not in a Church.

This is not to say one can't be Christian or receive Salvation outside the only Church, but I mention this because many people around here seem to believe they are actually in a Church when the truth is they are not.
---Brenda2 on 7/20/07

Christ Jesus founded one Church only. It is Universal in the form thousands of Parishes but there is still only one REAL Christian Church. People can call Protestant buildings Churches all day, but they are not Churches. I even call them Churches much of the time, but they are not real Churches. God didnt found the Baptist Church for example.
---Brenda2 on 7/20/07

Please consider a different approach. There is such a thing as praise ministry. and here's how this could work in this situation. Ask the Lord to bless the people in your church particularly the people who are treating coldly. Stay right with the prayer of calling for blessings on them, it is my belief you will be pleasantly surprise as the Lord works.
---Mima on 7/20/07

You could try inviting some people to your house instead of going to theirs.
But it also takes time to let them re-adjust to your new situation.

Time and prayer and patience on your part will help. But still you are hurt and only God can heal.
---barbara67 on 7/20/07

laure5469, I was in a similar situation, still attending the same church after I was separated from my husband of 24 years. . When I made the decision to attend church in a new community, I started fresh.!! I am blessed to be in a beautiful church family, where I sing and teach sunday school. I am happy to serve God with others who love the Lord and find peace and love there. I want that for you laure!! God wants to bless you and for you to be happy in Jesus while you minister to others. Brend6336
---Brenda on 6/9/05

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When my husband left me, my church and Pastor were very supportive, but other churches assumed it was my fault, quoting every "good wife" scripture that exists. I had singing and speaking engagements cancelled because "if I couldn't keep my marriage together, I couldn't very well minister to anyone else." I had to stand and trust God, and know that the situation didn't change who I was IN CHRIST: Accepted in the beloved! Above and not beneath. Chosen, peculiar, royal and holy.
---Lorie on 6/3/05

I don't have problems with the pastor. he has told me he doesn't know what I'm going through. He is honest in his lack of knowledge. This chuch was a new start. I have made a comitment to it. It does need me. I was married 15 years {went to a different church then} and came to this one later. I have been going to this one 10 years. I think I was going through...ANOTHER HOLIDAY ALONE.
---laure5469 on 6/2/05

Laure5469, reading some of your later postings here, apparently there's more to the story than you were able to tell in your original question. It's hard to explain things fully in just 50 words--or even 85.

If after 10 years with adult children, your church and pastor will not accept you, I think its way past time to go elsewhere where you can fit better. Sometimes a fresh start elsewhere is called for.
---Jack on 6/1/05

your right I shouldn't complain. I see my kids at chuch. but with them living their own lives, I guess I thought that when they grew up I was still going to have my church involment to fill my time and such. Your right it is just a few people. I shouldn't let words and actions hurt, I'll toughen you.
---Laureen on 6/1/05

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Marriage is a partnership, and if one partner goes bad, your church could be viewing the whole partnership- both parties- as bad. It's not right, but that's what might be happening in your case.
---Eloy on 6/1/05

Forgive me for saying this but why are you complaining. I mean if this is how you feel, ignore them.
---Rebecca_D on 5/31/05

I don't go to church for people. I go because this is where God has sent me to be a minister to others. I like the pastor & services of this church.
---laure5469 on 5/31/05

If people treated me that way, chances are I would go to a different church. Because evadently, they don't have God in them. If they did, they would't treat you like this. I don't think they don't know what to say, because they can always be a friend.
---Rebecca_D on 5/31/05

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I suggest you go to a Divorce Cares workshop. They are held at a lot of churches around the country. You don't have to belong to the church to attend it. Check their website.
---Madison on 5/31/05

But you are not the same because you've had a major life change, you were married and now you are divorced, and that is what they see. i think they don't know how to respond to you the same way as before. If you encourage them one at a time, they will better see that it's ok to treat you just like before when you were married.
---Eloy on 5/31/05

I wonder if people are reacting this way because they just don't know what to do or say. Some of us are like this with people suffering a bereavement. It is hard to know what to say without putting our foot in it. Elsie says talk to your pastor, I would agree with that as a first move and if he says that, because of the divorce, you cannot do certain things within the church (that you did do before) find another church where they are more loving.
---Xanthi on 5/31/05

I hit wrong button. will try to finish. I work nights and week-ends now.[2 jobs]most people work days. so don't match up. the people I invite are alergic to my pet. and my kids are adults.My ex left about 10 years ago for another woman.I have talked with my pastor. I can't change prconceived Ideas. I have gone through other BLOGs and see I'm not the 1st to have this happen to them.
---laure5469 on 5/31/05

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Thank you for answers I agree that it is treat not judge. it is a small town.
---laure5469 on 5/31/05

Someone once said that the Christian army is the only one the shoots its own wounded.

You need to devote the time and energy formerly given to church activities to your children and yourself--but that's normal. I'm sure you understand this, too.

But also you need friendship and interaction. Alas, so many social events are couples-oriented.

Were you in my city, dear soul, I certainly would not reject you as a friend.

Just rejecting you, though, is uncharitable.
---Jack on 5/31/05

I don't think you're being judged. I think that your family in Christ probably feels awkward and doesn't know what to say. My guess is that they are giving you the time and space to heal from this separation.
---Cathy_Y on 5/31/05

I don't know all the circumstances in your situation, nor do I have all the answers, but, I would think that perhaps the people at your church are reacting more out of uncertainty of how to act around you because of your current situation, and may be avoiding you as a way of not causing hurt. I would let it be known that I wanted to be included in these things you mentioned, even going to the pastor if needed.
---tommy3007 on 5/31/05

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Wow, Laure, what a let-down! My dear, there is no end to the lack of sensitivity in people. Our churches are full of it and so is the world. If I were you, I would go to the Pastor and tell him about this. You have a legitimate reason to question it. Of course you are the same Spirit-filled loving person. Keep the faith, pray about it, let God soften the hearts of His people. Don't despair, the Lord will help you.
---Elsie on 5/31/05

I went through the same thing when I filed for divorce (was abused). The elders called and told me to stop or I would no longer be able to teach Sunday School (which I taught for 7yrs plus coordinated their day care and did VBS too). My ex only sang in the choir!! In counseling he never cared to do the exercises the minister gave us to do. The answer to your 'Why' is that they are not spirit-filled and it's time you looked for one that is. I did, and it made a world of difference. God Bless You.
---Janet7433 on 5/31/05

I got a clue from Kathy in the BLOG on single parents. people judge because people hurt.
---Laureen on 5/31/05

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