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Husband Doesn't Want Me To Work

I want to work. My husband doesn't want me to. He says it will make him look bad if I do. He's a preacher. I am 46 and he's 68. I've argued with him about my future and if he dies I have no income. What to do? I have a 16 year old at home.

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 ---pam on 6/2/05
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As the church submits to Messiah, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. There's no need to worry and about what you'll do tomorrow for our Father knows your needs. You may think you need to plan, but you'd be better off seeking His plan instead. For now, practice obedience to Him and avoid strife with your husband. Someone else suggested a home-based business. Run this by your husband and the Father in prayer, if all agree, this may be the right option for you.
---AlwaysOn on 2/8/08

Another view: You could work at home and earn money. Home businesses are very popular. You have a 16 yr old and not little babies. You could start a home daycare,tax business,consulting business, credit repair,music lessons,tutoring. There are many businesses you can do over the phone(telemarketing,survey business) to name a few.Your spouse is kind of old-fashioned.But it could be worse. I hope he is not as rigid in other areas of your/his life as he is with this issue.Blessings
---Robyn on 2/7/08

I do not believe that God cares if a woman works. However, children should not raise themselves. There are other factors to consider. God is an all knowing God and He is also a fair God. Now, I realize that there are scriptures. But some holy women in the bible worked. Ofcourse, they worked for God. If you are Christian you can work for God even at walmart.
---catherine on 2/7/08

Pam, You could do freelance writing. There are children's magazines and mags that accept poetry etc. And there are greeting card companies that accept submissions. And of course, there is the local newspaper. I hope you the very best.
---Kella3336 on 2/7/08

Perhaps you should direct his attention to Proverbs 31 (the ideal wife). I'm sure he must have read it at some point in his career.

He'res a woman who runs her own houseuol and her own business, and has a great reputation and sells her products at the city gates.
---StrongAxe on 2/6/08

Praise God, most men wants you to work. I believe that it should be your decision. I do understand your insecurites. I do not think that your pastor husband should care what other people think. "Make no reputation for yourself". Jesus didn't. He didn't care what people thought about Him. No, He stayed focused right to the cross.
---catherine on 2/6/08

I was in a similar situation. This is what I wish I had done 20-25 yrs ago. Perhaps it is not too late for you.My spouse did not forbid me to work,the only difference. I just worked if and when I wanted to. That said. Let your spouse earn the money since this is what he wants to do. Pay the bills,him,yourself and make investments with the rest. Build a nest egg for the future and you won't feel so insecure about your income and your not working. Pt 2. Blessings
---Robyn on 2/6/08

Part 2: You will not be left without an income if your spouse die. You should receive his SSec,savings,checking,retirement benefits,real estate,if any and other monies available, if you all have that.At least SSec,insurance proceeds and any money in savings/checking accounts.
---Robyn on 2/6/08

Have you considered to be a mystery shopper? I have checked it out and it is real. A company gives you money, you go to stores and rate the customer service, there are questions you must ask in different departments and you keep what you buy, when you get home you do your paperwork over the internet, send it in and get paid. I do know that Wal-Mart has mystery shoppers.
---Rebecca_D on 2/6/08

I can understand why your husband feels the way he does (consider his generation; they had the same ideas, too), but I know well your own point, too. For our generation, 2 income households are the norm for survival.

Have you considered a home-based business of some kind? I don't know what your skills are, of course.....
---Jack on 4/21/07

part 2... My hope, Pam, is that you'll turn to the Word and prayer and seek the counsel of other pastor's wives. Do the pure thing, not the culturally accepted thing. Our greatest security is in the Lord, after all, He is really our provider, not any man.
---daphne9987 on 6/30/05

Alan, yes, pride is stupid, but is her husband the only one showing it? The 1st issue I see is that she's "worried" about the future. The 2nd is that she's "argued" with her husband about it (her words, not mine). Scripture is pretty clear about "unbelief" and that wives should "submit" to their husbands.... see next note...
---daphne9987 on 6/30/05

My last blog was rude about your husband & I have thought again. Maybe he is worried that if you start a career now, you will not be around to care for him when he gets older and infirm. If you do get a job, you should reassure him on this point.
---Alan_of_U.K. on 6/20/05

If yuo have spare time, it is yours to do as you will

This seems to be one of those stupid situations where a bone-headed man expects his wife to obey him.

He is being selfish, and controlling
---Alan_of_U.K. on 6/20/05

I believe that you do have to consider your future and that of your 16 year old. The longer you leave it getting back into the workplace the harder it will become. Any skills you acquired when younger will be outdated and retraining will be required. The sooner the better I'd say whilst you still feel able to cope with that. I can understand your husband but pride is getting in his way, worrying what others will think. It's none of their business.
---Xanthi on 6/18/05

It will make your husband look bad to whom? To God? To humans he wants to impress? Why don't you both study Deborah in Judges chapter 4? This married woman was a political figure that judged and led the entire country of Israel. Fulfilling your role, and having provision for retirement, is more important than somebody being prideful about what other people think. Those other people aren't going to provide for you in retirement or speak for you when God asks you how you used the talents he gave you.
---flor on 6/6/05

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Dear John,
68 is 3 years over the legal retirement age in Canada. Many men & women do enjoy taking manadatory retirement at 65 or early retirement at 60. Ministry does continue forever. God never retires so why would we? Forms of ministry change at various stages of life.
Her dilemma was not retirement but his death and then income. So I made several suggestions that are valid.
Thank you for your point of view.
---barbara67 on 6/4/05

Dear Pam,

I really like Lisa's answer, but with prayer of course. God bless you!

Barbara, who is to say that he should retire? That should be between God and him. Please don't think that I'm getting down on you, I just want you to see that retiring at a certain age should not apply to ministry. Look at Billy Graham. God bless you too Barbara.
---John on 6/4/05

Why dont you enquire about volunteer work. This often can open doors to paid work opportunities and its allows your husband time to adjust to the concept of you working outside the home. After all, it seems like its the money thing that's his issue.
---lisa on 6/3/05

He is supposed to be retired. And his pension should be yours. Check to see if his pension will continue after death. Some do and others go into 1/2 and others disappear/stop. Look into his pension fund and insurance program and see if he has a savings account. And does he get a government pension too? And would you?
Savings could be put to use for an income with investments - a good banker might know how to help you.
How can you own the house/ and personal possessions. And is there a will?
---barbara67 on 6/3/05

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Well, what I would do is just pray that God would change his mind and I would not worry about the 'after' if he dies. You could always do benevole work and go visit the less fortunate that don't have a husband that takes care of them...xox
---Cathy on 6/3/05

I know plenty of pastors whose wives work. I also know plenty of men from his generation who believed women could work outside the home. My dad was one. My father-in-law another.

Pray and ask the Lord to open your husband's eyes to your needs for a career and security should something happen to your husband.

I don't understand how you working would make him look bad.
---Madison on 6/2/05

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