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My In-Laws Are Not Very Nice

I have been married for five years to the same man and his parents still can't accept me. They pretend like they like me but they keep doing things that confuse me. His mother is nice to me when my husband is around when he leaves she ignores me. We are all Christians. How should I handle this.

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 ---delia3546 on 6/6/05
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This is a hard place to be in friend. You married the man but will have to deal with his family,sometimes.If you complain to him , he may see you as a troublemaker. If you go to the family member(s) they will definitely make it seem you are wrong. No one wants to be told they are wrong or in error. Tough place to be in. I would try both approaches. If neither works, I would shake the dust from my feet, with them. I would try to keep my marriage intact but if he goes against me, in this, I might get out of the marriage. Just to be free and have peace of mind.
---Robyn on 8/23/10

No doubt it sounds like the in - laws Are out - laws causing some confusion.
---Lawrence on 8/5/10

Delia, be consistent in being nice to them. Some of my family did not accept my new wife because she belongs to another denomination. My wife kept treating them nicely and never offended their beliefs and today, they all hug her and love her dearly.
---Albert on 5/18/07

Alice,You hit the nail on the head about jealousy My daughter and her new daughter-in-law had this problem and it was both of them
well my daughter realised something had to give are she would lose her son So she was going to some retreat and my daughter ask her daughter-in-law to go with her and she did and things have changed 180degrees between them These poor men get caught right in the middle
---Betty on 4/3/06

Hi Delia, My MIL is the big struggle I have in life right now. She mocks & says mean things to me. Her first & only comment when we got engaged was,"Did ya' get that ring at the 99cent store?" Hard to imagine, huh?! I pray for her spiritual growth & believe that God doesn't want us to keep returning to hurtful situations, it isn't 'love thy neighbor but not thy self, it's "Love thy neighbor AS THY SELF." A true , clean heart is always blessed so rejoice in your blessings in this. : )
---Marie on 1/2/06

You say she isn't nice to you when he isn't around, so why not leave with him? I have similar issues. I've learned to only see them with my husband, and limit my time with them. It has wreaked havoc. Back away from them, and don't look for their acceptance any further. Discussing this with them will make matters worse.

Your husband may still be in the process of leaving. Unfortunately, leaving comes very difficult in some families but it is a man's responsibility. Encourage your husband.
---anon on 7/12/05

I can totally relate, my MIL does the same thing to me, she is not speaking to me at present and refuses to apologise for hurting me (very prideful) she is sometimes nice to my face then in anger spits out what she really thinks. Just cleave to your husband and limit contact if you have to. You are not married to them.
---Julie on 6/23/05

We have not taken anyone away from anyone. The bible says a man shall leave! He left, you didnt take. And besides, children are not ours to take anyway. We are all God's children and are only on loan to our parents for raising. The MIL and PIL need a attitude change if there is a problem.
---lisa on 6/8/05

A MIL and FIL can be downright mean, or try hard to hide their resentment. We have to remember we have taken their sons away (and we have, because God tells us to leave our parents.) All I can say is hang in there, do things for them so they know they haven't been abandoned, and try not to be uncomfortable around them. They can be intimidating, but don't let that keep you from doing what you need to do.
---anon on 6/7/05

My advice is that its best only seeing your mother in law when you are with your husband..go there when he goes and leave when he leaves. If it gets noticed by his mother in law, then you may mention something then. Otherwise, just do as I suggested and be polite when you are around her. You have no more obligation then that.
---lisa on 6/7/05

Hi Delia, don't be despared. One thing you need to understand abt mother-in-laws in general is that they tend to feel jealous over the daughter-in-law simple reason they are afraid of losing out their son to another woman.With God grace for us, you just hv to continue to pray for God to make a way for both you & your in-laws to hv a better relationship. Keep smiling.

alice 7/6/05
---alice on 6/7/05

Dear Delia: Is there a way you and your husband can go to your mother-in-law and lovingly explain what you are experiencing? Does your husband know what's going on? There is alot of clearing up that needs to be done here. Certainly, her actions are NOT Christian. Search your own heart and be sure there is nothing there that you show her without knowing it. However, you have a right to know what's going on.
---Elsie on 6/7/05

Talk one-on-one in private with your mother-in-law, honestly how you feel, just as you have done here. She may have some motives for her behavior, like subconscious resentment for taking her son away from her, or something else. Hopefully you both can resolve the separating estrangement.
---Eloy on 6/7/05

All i can say is pray.
---mary on 6/7/05

Relationships are strange. The two ladies who mean the most to your husband and his welfare should have more in common that just him. Remember, very few girls are good enough to take a boy from his mother in her eyes. She "knows" he could have done better but you took him from her. Find other things you have in common-silence and resentment on the part of both leads to deciding who is hubbie's #1 girl. Momas do not give up easily and are hard to compete with.
---chuck on 6/7/05

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