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Can I Commit Adultry

My husband has had Alzheimer's disease for 10 years and is now in a Nursing Home and doesn't know who I am. I'm alone and very lonley. Is it wrong to have a relationship with a man?

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 ---Shira4999 on 6/16/05
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Bless you Donna, thank you. :)
---Mary on 1/5/11

Even 'just scraping by' in America is better off than half the world population status has been and currently is.
---micha9344 on 1/5/11

Mary--With this recession there are lots of people just barely scraping by,and scared like you.
Let Jesus be your confidence and your strength.I will pray for you. Blessings!
---Donna66 on 1/4/11

part 2: oh before I forget, I'm not a welfare recipient, just to make myself clear. I do live on disability and right now it's the ONLY income my husband and I have so I'm scared but trying to just stretch every dollar to a mile lol!
---Mary on 1/4/11

Hmmm...good point Donna.
---Mary on 1/3/11

mary--//the majority are poor// The "majority"? No, not in this country. There are countries where the majority REALLY are poor...they'd give anything (if they HAD anything) to live like welfare recipients in the U.S.
---Donna66 on 1/3/11

Francis: "So your thoughts are that she should infact [sic] commit adultery because she is not under the law."

Of course not! It is my way of illustrating the absurdity of the belief that the Christian is exempt from the Ten ommandment Law.

We are on the same page!
---jerry6593 on 1/3/11

As long as you are still married to your husband, then, YES, it would definitely be wrong and sinful to carry on with another man. You married your husband "For better or FOR WORSE". You need to stick with that vow if you really care about what GOD thinks, and about your husband. Seek GOD's real Will in this matter, please, for your own soul's sake, before you do something that you're really going to regret.
---Gordon on 1/2/11

Act 15:24 Forasmuch as we have heard, that certain which went out from us have troubled you with words, subverting your souls, saying, [Ye must] be circumcised, and keep the law: to whom we gave no [such] commandment:
---micha9344 on 12/31/10

So your thoughts are that she should infact commit adultery because she is not under the law. Are we troubling her by saying she should not commit adultery?
Now if she does not commit adultery is she under the law, and thus fallen from grace?
---francis on 1/2/11

Mary: Peace!
---jerry6593 on 1/2/11

It's okay Jerry, I just asked, I didn't know what you meant is all. :)
---Mary on 1/1/11

Mary: "Are you talking about the rich having to pay a few more taxes?"

No! I'm talking about the inculcation of the marxist ideology of "class envy" in our country (US) in order to advance a Communist dictatorship form of government. Is that what you want?
---jerry6593 on 1/1/11

Act 15:24 Forasmuch as we have heard, that certain which went out from us have troubled you with words, subverting your souls, saying, [Ye must] be circumcised, and keep the law: to whom we gave no [such] commandment:
Gal 3:2-3 This only would I learn of you, Received ye the Spirit by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith? Are ye so foolish? having begun in the Spirit, are ye now made perfect by the flesh?
Luk 10:27 And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind, and thy neighbour as thyself.
Mat 22:40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
Eph 5:8-9, Gal 5:22-25
---micha9344 on 12/31/10

Jerry: how in the world do the "poor steal from the rich" in this country where the majority are poor or getting poor? Are you talking about the rich having to pay a few more taxes?
---Mary on 12/30/10

John: Sounds like you're describing Obama's America, where the poor steal from the rich to "spread the wealth around".
Hmmm??? I wonder if he was born Dec 25th.? :)
So, do you believe that all Ten of the Commandments are still in effect for Christians? I do too.
---jerry6593 on 12/30/10



"Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven."
---John on 12/30/10

John: Sounds like you're describing Obama's America, where the poor steal from the rich to "spread the wealth around".

So, do you believe that all Ten of the Commandments are still in effect for Christians? I do too.
---jerry6593 on 12/30/10

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If the Ten Commandments are no longer in effect for Christians, then what's wrong with a little adultery?
---jerry6593 on 12/29/10

And if you're short of cash just steal it! Again make sure its a place where G-d is not looking.

Hey! I see you neighbor bought a new car. You should have it! If not go break his windshield and scratch the paint. It should be yours!

Call the Police on your other neighbors and set them up with false evidence and testimony so they go to jail.

Have a nice life!
---John on 12/29/10

If the Ten Commandments are no longer in effect for Christians, then what's wrong with a little adultery?
---jerry6593 on 12/29/10

I think its wrong because I see a vowel as a promise that must b kept and for sickness and in health is what caused alot of divorses but I think you should pray for God to guide your footsteps and I will pray w u
---Briteny on 12/27/10

I wish that the moderators would learn that there is an E in "adultEry"--and it's a FOUR syllable, not a three syllable, word.
---Cluny on 12/27/10

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You husband has Alzheimer's disease, every time he is with you, it is like he is with a new woman. So technicaly you have a new man everytime you are with him.
---francis on 12/27/10

God cares. When lonely, we need the Comforter. When I hurt, I find solace in walking and pouring my heart out to God. I pour out pain, God pours in grace, peace, hope. My friend, a relationship can lead to hurt and regret. There is a Special Man who says, "Come unto me all you who labor..I will give you rest." Bring your hurts to Jesus and draw on His grace. Father, we pray for sister's husband and for her feelings of being alone. O LORD, let your healing flow through husband's body, make him whole. O LORD, bless sister with Your grace. Surround her with ones in Christ to hold her hands and walk with her, every step of the way. Be glorified in her life and in the life of her husband, we pray in Jesus Holy Name. Amen.
---roger on 12/26/10

So where is your heart and where your love? did you marry your husband only for better, and not for worse also? Ask yourself this, If you were in his place and he were you, would he be asking the same question that you are asking?
---Eloy on 12/27/10

Shira: Aren't you one of those who believe that you are no longer under the Law? What's stopping you?
---jerry6593 on 12/27/10

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ROMANS 7:2 For the women which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth, but if the husband be dead,she is loosed from the law of her husband.
---RICHARD on 12/26/10

Oh yes sure!
Just find a place where G-d can't see you!
---John on 12/21/10

Donna 66
"..."as long as we both shall love",

I can't imsgine that being acceptable to any Christian wedding service !!!

I hope not, anyway.

It destroys the whole concept of love and commitment on 12/21/10

Your situation is common. Those who have the most difficult time are those who are still young and perhaps not married for long... such as when a serviceman comes home with paralysis or a brain injury and his young wife views all her hopes for the future as dashed.

You, on the other hand have had a long and apparently healthy marriage. Your husband needs you NOW more than ever, as a advocate for him in his world... now full of strangers.
Don't let your attention be distracted from this final loving responsibility. If you couldn't be faithful those last few years, most would understand.
But if you are (or were) your conscience will be clear. Begin a new life in peace knowing you have acted righteously before God.
---Donna_Smith on 12/21/10

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alan-of-UK...Not just the Anglican churches use this vow. Until recently this was the vow used by virtually all Protestant churches. Many couples now write their own vows, since they see the traditional one as too restrictive. Some have changed the line..."as long as we both shall live" to..."as long as we both shall love", which (IMHO)almost destroys the meaning of wedding vows altogether.
---Donna66 on 12/21/10

Wivv ... In the Anglican church, the marriage promise goes further stil. It says "for richer for poorer, in sickness and in healthv... till death us do part"

Which binds even closer in these sad circumstances
---alan8566_of_uk on 12/21/10

While I feel for your situation, it is wrong to have a relationship with another man. You married for "better or worse", and this is the "worse" part. You just can't break your marriage commitment because the "worse" may be worse than you anticipated. Caring for someone who has Alzheimer's is tough, even if the person is in a nursing home, but the Lord understands this and will give you the needed spiritual and physical strength to honor Him IF you request it.
---wivv on 12/21/10

The sins of the Flesh are the ruination of mankind."Pick up your cross and follow me"Is it worth losing your soul for a spasm of pleasure? Compare that that against ETERNITY.
---Emcee on 10/23/07

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Yes, shira it is wrong. You husband is still alive and you need to go see him even if he doesn't know you.
---shira_5965 on 10/23/07

Exodus 20:14, "Thou shalt not commit adultery."
---Bruce5656 on 4/28/07

Shira: I really feel for you in this situation. However, your marriage vows should mean something to you. Think about the legacy you will leave for your children and grandchildren.

You are not alone in your desire for a male companion. There are many in your situation, as well as widows and divorcees who would like to have a relationship, but the Lord has witheld for some reason.

Obey God's Word, and leave a Godly legacy for your family.
---Madison on 8/5/05

I have a lot of sympathy for you. As a long term care nurse, I have dealt with many in this same situation. God is the one who will judge you and you need listen to what God is saying to you. To those who condem you.. shame on you all..You have obviously never been in this situation.
---Robert on 8/5/05

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Yes! It is wrong to have anytype of intimate relations with a man not your legal spouce. While I can sure understand your position, when you married it was for life - regardless of the circumstances, even Alzheimer's. Sorry! There are plenty of social groups, in the church, and outside of the church you can be a part of, and I'm sure there is some sort of support group for the spouces of Alzheimer's.
---WIVV on 8/4/05

YES it is wrong, you married him for better or for worse. He may not know what you are doing, but GOD does. If you are lonely then come to ChristaNet's chat room, many lonely people there that have found good friends. Or get a pet, they can be very comforting.
---mary on 7/12/05

NO, you cannot have a relationship with someone else. If you are not a Christian, then I guess you can do anything. If you are, then you must wait until something happens to him.
---lupe2618 on 7/12/05

Jack, I think the site puts up the heading. Yes, it is wrong. I know of no Bible reason why you are free from you word just because he has a disease. Science has found that so much is communicated through the sense of touch. Would you be keeping your vow before God to have a relationship with another than your husband?
---Wayne on 6/25/05

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I'm sure that you are quite physically and emotionally capable of committing adultery, and therefore can do so.

However, you MAY NOT do it if you take the Decalogue seriously.

BTW--please note the PROPER SPELLING of the word:


There is an E in it. It does not end in "-try".
---Jack on 6/24/05

AMEN 'A friend'. Shira read that carefully, you took those vows, now when the rubber hits the road you want to back out?
What would you want for him him if the roles were reversed? No matter how you reason it, its adultry. All the years you've had together, and you want to be free NOW when he needs you most?
---NV_Barbara on 6/21/05

adultury is WRONG and is a sin. Do not use your husbands illness as a way to justify it.
Your husband is still your husband. He may not know you but YOU know and God knows.
My aunt had same problem she stood by her husband to the last day. He passed away a couple yrs ago and as a widow she was then free to find love again. She has no regrets for waiting over 10 yrs. and living up to her wedding vows to love, honor and charish till death do you part.
---Marla on 6/17/05

Yes, there is lots of scripture on this subject and the bible clearly states that you can not do this, unless you want to sin.
---Angie on 6/17/05

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I think what you are thinking about is very wrong,it is aldtry.your husband is kneed to pray for the good
---Lena on 6/17/05

Dear Shira4999, What you have been thru has been devestating, especially if you once were very close with your husband and loved each other deeply. Now your husband has become a 'stranger' and you are left a still-married woman who is overwhelmed, confused, angry, and lonely; seeking solace in the arms of another. Reach out to Jesus, thank Him for giving you __ years with your husband, and ask Him to comfort and console you, and give you strength...HE WILL. Blessings.
---Irene on 6/16/05

He maynot know who you are, but you know who he is. Remember, In sickness and in health, til death do you part.
---a_friend on 6/16/05

Adultery is sin. Sin leads to guilt. Guilt torments.

King David suffered and had to repent - Psalm 51.

By faith Moses, when he became of age, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter, choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin, esteeming the reproach of Christ greater than the treasures of Egypt; for he looked to the reward. Hebrews 11:24-26
---barbara67 on 6/16/05

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till death do u part
---tia on 6/16/05

In the field of gerontology, the current thinking is that there is a level of awareness when you are near your husband which is not apparent. Don't neglect him whether he knows you or not. Stay focused on Jesus and He will fill your lonely soul. Pray for your husband and you-------ask God to give you strength and wisdom. I am sorry for your aloneness but you would be wrong to have an intimate relationship with another man........your wedding vows are still in place. Blessings to you my dear!
---Elsie on 6/16/05

yes it is wrong. Do to others exactly what you want you want done to you.
---Eloy on 6/16/05

I woud consider this as a major lack of respect for your husband and the whole family .So yes, I think it would be very wrong!
---Pierr7958 on 6/16/05

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Shira4999 you are 64 years old, married and involved in another relationship and seeking blessings from the forum family.

I for one cannot condone your behavior. What message does it send to the younger folk? What damage does your lifestyle do to the message of Christ?

Why can you not have a female friend for fellowship?

You must reconsider your thoughts and actions. You have failed in your marriage vows and duty to God.

Repent and return to the Lord.
---Elder on 6/16/05

In this situation, my advice is to adhere to your vows: "in sickness and in health" and advise you not to have other relationship with other men.

Pray for your husband and be there for him.
---Albert on 6/16/05

My Dearest:
It is wrong to commit adultery no matter what. The marriage vow I am assuming was for better or worse, in sickness and in health. Your husband is ill. No you many not commit adultery. Yes, you are lonley, the Lord is your husband and always was. You need to get closer to him.
---Carol on 6/16/05

Shira it would not be wrong for you to have a relationship with the right man. The only right man would be the Lord Jesus Christ.

When you get so involved with Him you will have strength to battle the other desires.

I know your relationship with the Lord is lacking because of your question. Because you asked it shows that you still desire to do the right things.

Stay pure, for marriage keeps wives and husbands pure, help your husband in his time of need and draw closer to Christ.
---Elder on 6/16/05

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I am so sorry to hear you are going thru this.Its terrible to miss your mate and be lonely even though he is alive but so ill. I would not recommend seeking out a romantic relationship it would bring you more pain.Lord bless and help you thru this
---Gloria on 6/16/05

Whatever happened to death do us part? do they throw that out when people get married now? You are still married. There isn't anything wrong with having a male friend, but leave it at that. What if the tables were turned. I understand your lonely, but you made a vow to him for better and for worse.
---Rebecca_D on 6/16/05

Remember your marriage vows; "In sickness, and in health, unto death do us part" Be strong, and trust in the Lord. "His ways are beyond men's understanding" I 'll keep you in my prayers.
---ester8683 on 6/16/05

Yes maam it is.
Do you have a church? Do you have children grandchildren?There are many other ways to fulfill your need for companionship and ease your lonliness. I am sorry but you are married and you owe your husband the keeping of the vows as if he were not ill. IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH.
---rachel on 6/16/05

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Does 'til death us do part and in sickness and in health' mean anything to you? Hope that doesn't sound harsh but he IS your husband. Try to see the situation in reverse and then think about it again. I am 100% sympathetic with how you feel but loyalty is extremely important. Can you not deal with the loneliness some other way?
---Xanthi on 6/16/05

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