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I Really Hate My Husband

I want to leave my husband. He joined our church, then he had a stroke. I left my job and devoted my time to caring for him, taking him to dr. appointments and he calls me bad names and threatens to beat me. I help with my father and brother. Marriage was shakey before the stroke, I'm afraid I really hate him.

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 ---debba4697 on 6/30/05
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Hate is NOT the opposite of Love. INDIFFERENCE IS!
---John on 12/28/10

the lady that said she hates her husband should realize that after a stroke a person is not always there self and says and does things that they would otherwise not do.
---lloyd on 12/25/10

LARRY:I think you were harsh: "How long will you let devil molest you?" We know: the more we mature in the Lord, the more we will recognize when the devil attacks, envades our lives, perhaps this lady, under tremendous burden, is a young believer, trying her best to do what she should.

I agree, we all have CHOICES, love, or hate, laugh or be angry. We MUST choose to not hate, or to harbor bitterness in our lives towards anybody, for when we do the Bible states, 'IF WE HARBOR BITTERNESS IN OUR HEARTS, THE LORD WILL NOT HEAR OUR PRAYERS."

HAVE YOU been in the same life, or walked in this persons shoes? Unless we are them, we cannot say what we would do.

We all as believers, need to hold her up in prayers.
---OKC_taxlady on 12/22/10

I hate my husband? but i stay with him because of Christ. Jesus said love your neighbour, love your enemy. how can you say I love God hating your partner. honnestly i have days where i could explode because of my wife, but i never let my anger sleep over. even if i have to wake my sweet up and reason with her untill morning. and usually when i'm offended, i'll explain and then apologise for every my overreaction. my wife was the oposite, she shuts down. and in the beginning I had a hard time . i would apologise when it was not my fault and she would say nothing. now because of my behavior she started also voluntarely to apologise. how can you stop hating? decide. and look on his strong points, even if that is only one. God help you
---andy3996 on 12/14/10

Satan always attacks first at the point of relationships, so he is in the game and you've given him 1st and 10. Hate is a choice.
When will you tire of the enemy molesting you?
---larry on 12/11/10

What spouse hasn't felt the same way? Sickness weakens marriages.Remember: satan seeks to destroy OUR lives, marriages.

What I did worked, restorations, healing emotionally, physcially. What we couldn't do, GOD did through us.

I asked the Lord to LOVE my hubby THROUGH ME, I couldn't anymore.My spirit shattered, felt unwanted, unloved.

By praying, Lord to LOVE hubby THROUGH me, God worked miracles,(Work in progress!) Was IMPOSSIBLE for me.

You might try this, also counseling, women's group. You'll be encouraged, and see how very special you are, your care isn't in vain.

Hope this helps, sweetie. Can't see the future. Hard to understand the WHY's. Lean on the Lord, get strength from HIM who loves you both.
---OKC_taxlady on 12/11/10

Don't allow the devil to have victory over you God is love there is no hate in him if your husband continue to be abuses toward you talk to ur pastor or someone you can trust don't let hate keep you in bondage.
---Louise on 12/11/10

\\I also hate my husband, the only reason Im staying is i made a vow to God, until death do us part,\\

You also made a vow to LOVE him.

Love is an act of the will, dearie.
---Cluny on 12/11/10

I also hate my husband, the only reason Im staying is i made a vow to God, until death do us part, this means that I am frequently haveing thoughts of wishing he would die, I repent daily and have daily prayed for the Lord to intervene and resolve this and nothing changes, horrible, angry, unloving, husband every day for almost nine years threats to leave does nothing, i tell him i am suicidal. nothing ihave kids that i adore though and could never do anything, I hate this terrible marriage and i do nt know why nothing changes and no willingness to change inspite of suggestions, asking god to change my heart to enable me to love and still unable.i feel trapped.i feel there is no hope and Im going to have this evil life with this evil husband
---loralee on 12/9/10

You Have EVERY right, and condonment to HATE the things he does to you. He seems like he is still harnoring sin in his heart, adn most likely TONS of unforgiveness. Its eating him up inside, and the stroke is God trying to wake him up. Now I dont how old the post is...and how bad, and or Good it has gotten. But Stay with him. He has yet to beat you. Stay. He hasnt cheated. stay. And PRay pray pray. Like never before. Pray that God would take the hate of HIM, and replace it with a empathy of sorts. But the things he does...Keep SHOULD hate them..they are evil sins...Dont hat him. Pray to Jesus. Keep going.
---Rob on 12/6/10

you need to go to the word of God and to God himself because hate is a path to hell. we have to deal with bad situations. and we have to go through hurtful things. but if you go through them with God as your guide then the sting of much pain will be relieved. put your trust in God and let him be your guide. Give God your problem and trust him to work it out for you. give God 10% of your time each day that is 2-3 hours a day and watch him change your situation.

God can Handle your pain if you trust him with your problem.

try it and see
---Gail on 10/25/10

Divorce him, God is forgiving and there are special circumstances for a divorce abuse is one that you really should not put up with. If you have tried everything, and nothing is working then it's best you get out for the safety of you and your kids. I'm sure him being violent and abusive is something that you can handle but when you have kids, you sometimes need to put your marriage aside and ask yourself if your kids are in a safe environment? I pray that things can be fixed, but if things do in fact get worse then I also pray that you find the courage to leave.
---sad_wife on 10/24/10

Tess, I pray God gives you the grace to conceive ALL His Word. Anything is possible if you believe. Keep praying & do not let anyone discourage you from this truth. God loves you as much as he loves anyone. He is no respecter of persons. What he has done for one he will do for all but it is according to your belief.
---fay on 6/15/10

My husband has brain injury I feel like Im looking at a ghost. He relies on me for everything and I want to be the one person to care for him. He has become so violent physically and verbally towards me as well as our children. How can I care for him Im so afraid of him. Im finding it hard to Love this new man.
---tess on 6/13/10

well, if you divorce him and remarry, youre commiting adultary, and if you hate him, your a murderer before god. try youre best to find love for him.
---Jesus_saves on 5/29/10

When one has a stroke, part of the brain is actually destroyed.
he may not be aware of the consequences of his action. Sounds like a moderate to severe stroke.
Anyway better or worse
---francis on 5/28/10

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How difficult it is to deal with a stroke for everyone involved! Be aware that stroke effects different people in different ways, depending on where the damage was done to the brain. I would not give a stroke victim unfettered access to a bank account for the same reasons I would limit someone suffering from Alzheimer's.

Stroke sufferers have been changed physically, emotionally, and tempermentally. In most cases, the "old" personality returns over time. Get yourself involved with others who are going through the same thing, so you may realize you are not alone in you frustration. Others' experience can be extremely helpful for dealing with the complications of stroke, both for your own sanity as well as your husband's.
---Elaine on 5/26/10

I guess strokes do strange things. I'm trying to cope with my husbands. He's 47 years old and sick because of diabetes, heart troubles, TIA's and now stroke. He's not the same person. We're living on just my income and I'm hanging by a thread of sanity trying to stay focused on God to get me through...and my husband goes and pays $600.00 out of our checking account that was to go to our mortgage on a trip to Las Vegas with a friend. I don't know if this is impulsive because of the stroke or not, but I'm furious!
---Renee on 5/25/10

Sometimes you do feel like that. I have. I shake it off. Don't allow it to get into your spirit. There will be othertimes, if you know God, compassion will rise up inside of you. Satan, is your enemy. Remember this. It really helps.
---catherine on 2/8/10

Hate is a choice just as love is a choice.
Your going through some hard times. God allows hard times to graft us into trusting God and maturing us as christians. Your husband Joined your church and then had a stroke. You are upset because every one met him and liked him and then the stroke. You are blaming him for the event that has shacken up your world. And you are angry with God. But do not want to admit it. You have even ask God to take your husband. Nothing requires you to care for the man, divorce him and put him in a nursing homes if you must. But lets get honest here. You love him and are worn out.
---Thomas on 2/7/10

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It's wrong to hate.
---Angel11 on 2/7/10

I agree with the medical definition. Your husband probably can't control what he saying and doesn't mean the hurtful things that come out. You should look for good friends, support in the church, etc. to help you through this very difficult time. The Lord doesn't want you to leave your husband as He values the sanctity of marriage but your husband may need more in home help such as a home health nurse, etc. This person could give you a break. I will be praying for you.
---Tiffany on 2/4/10

Debba -- A little medical info---A stroke is brain damage caused by either a clot that cuts off circulation to part of the brain or a hemmorage that has the same effect.
Because of the brain damage, a stroke victim is often not the same as he was before the stroke. He may be more impulsive,
suddenly doing things his good judgement would not have allowed before. He may cry or laugh more easily and may have trouble getting started with things he wants to do.

He probably says things out of frustration that he doesn't really mean in his heart. But if he loved you before, he probably still does and is grateful for your care though he doesn't verbalize it.
You have BOTH been through a lot. Don't be too hard on yourself or him.
---Donna66 on 2/3/10

Well darlling is he right now able to do somethings for him self, or everything for him slf and you wnat to leave him I think that you should leave him, and get with me my user name on is Ernea9348, and by the way how old are you, and are you living near West Hialeah, because this is where I liveso if you some one to talk to I am here for you.
---Ernesto on 2/1/10

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Perhaps your husband sustained some organic and pysiological damage from his stroke which is causing his irrational behavior. Take him to see a doctor that does MRI scans of the brain to diagnose if there are any abnormalities.
---Eloy on 11/27/09

i really feel for you, i have to believe that you must be going thru a slump and will pull out of it. you are deffinately a greater person that far most of us to do all you do. I don't think it would help to say you will recive your blessings in heaven, i'm sure you know that. i don't know how people like you do it. i know of a nother story like yours and have always feel they are the most amazing person i will ever know
bless you
---TRACY on 11/26/09

I just told my husband that I hate him. I feel terrible about it, I can't take the words back, he will always remember that I said them. Why would I say such a hurtful, mean thing? I knew I shouldn't say it before I did - things have been rough for a while now and I do hate how we act and what causes me to feel this way. He won't acknowledge that he has a problem without blaming others or trying to change the subject on other family members and their situations. How can I keep supporting his actions?
---Pam on 11/24/09

It sounds like God is putting your husband on the operating table to be dealt with for some reason. Now he resents being incapacitated. Try to understand how he feels and forgive him. Say the Our Father slowly and carefully. Learn that unless we forgive others from our hearts, we will never be accepted into Heaven.
---frances008 on 4/29/09

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I am really pleased that I found this blog because my husband just told me to shut up and that I talked too much. I thought I really hated him. I read the reply from lee about the divorced lady who is a constant complainer, always finding faults with others. Nags but should ignore husbands faults and spend time in prayer as God can change the heart. I repented and prayed that God would soften both our hearts. He came downstairs and said sorry and we made up and both laughed. I will be more loving towards everyone in the future. Whatever happens to us and how people treat us love and prayer is always the way forward.
---Deb on 4/28/09

I would wonder if your husband doesn't need some sort of counseling? In my 1st marriage my ex got his hand caught in a machine at work and ripped his hand apart. He could no longer work,., had alot of therapy and surgery for the hand and he changed alot-becoming more angry and just not 'right'. He really needed counseling because of what happened to him and how he dealt with it. Maybe your husband is dealing with some of the same things. Pray about it. I will pray for you.
---cindy on 1/15/09

There was a time when I was that other man. I was called abusive both emotionally and verbally. I denied it. I tried to get help and found it didn't help. but then I found a resource that changed my life. I had control issues. Sometimes the controlling spouse uses verbal and emotional means to hurt others because of his pain and anger. The spouse knows not to be physical but has usually grown up with emotional and verbal abuse.

And from another standpoint most controling spouses know something is wrong they just don't know what. They want it to be better but don't know how. It becomes self defeating.

Could he have control issues?

Just addressing these maybe all he needs to change and in turn change your life as well.
---Christopher on 1/15/09

i understand and i hate my husband also..i feel bad bit i do
---paula on 12/20/08

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sounds like he is angry and taking it out on you .you need to pray ask god to show him though you his love.i dont think you hate him you just are hurt by him which causes anger.two angry people together is not will have to give and let god work to change things and that might after be depends on how much you wont things back to normal.
---nikki on 6/26/08

I dont know quite what to say I was in a situation with my FIRST husband kinda like yours he was paranoid and I DO mean paranoid it was one knew what exactly was wrong with him he eneded up with a brain tumor he died of..I still feel badly about the whole thing though
---Shara8343 on 6/9/08

You already do your duty w/your immediate family. There is no reason for you to continue w/a man who threatens you. Get rid of this man & cling to your family & fellow Christians for support to walk away. E-mail me for support if necessary. Anytime. You deserve it.
---Melissa on 7/20/07

To ---KELLY on 6/29/07, we pray for your abusive pastor husband. He has been deluded into thinking himself God's macho man, but a man who beats any woman is a coward. Look up on the internet local help for abused wives, and contact them. It won't get any better unless you act! You can't cover up for his sins! To the sister who wants to leave, the same abuse seems to be present. Get out!
---harold on 6/30/07

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Hey, I understand totally what you mean. you see, my husband is a pastor of a church. I as his wife am the first lady of the church. But he beats me atleast three times a week. He looks and talks to other wemon without my knowing what is going on. And I really think I hate my husband too! I can't even call him by his name. I have to call him and so! Thats a shame. But if you get any helpful info on what to do please email me asap! WE can get through this, I know we can!
---KELLY on 6/29/07

Try and remember that Satan is the Person to hate. God hates wickedness. And all unbelievers are God's enemies. No matter how you feel about your husband, God's feelings are worse. People, all people, Had better wake up and realize, that God knows who His enemies are. The reason that we have so much wickedness in the world is because, noone knows the true God. God told Jeremiah, "Do not pray for those people they are too violent, if you do I will not listen to your prayers".
---catherine on 6/14/07

Honey, you have been dealt a terrible, terrible blow. It's going to be tough to leave him now. I feel so badly for you. You are in hard spot.I pray God will bless you for continuing to be a wife to him, in spite of his bad attitude and ugliness toward you. Look to the Lord for your help and strength.I know it would be easy to do, but please don' t let this hatred eat you up. It will if you let it. You must depend on the Lord as never before.
---Robyn on 6/13/07

My husband is a total liar.. Everything is a lie.
---Kobe on 6/13/07

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My dear sister. Marriage was designed by God to last. However, because of man's disobedience, this does not always happen. The Lord understands. He would not want to see His people unhappy. Go before the Lord in prayer. You are a GOOD woman. You deserve a better life. You can live without the feeling of guilt. Remember...God understands your heartaches.
Be Blessed.
---joshua_richardson on 5/15/07

'Know what it's like to feel you hate..anyone. What you really hate is the stroke,illness, & the hard work without appreciation. When any person is ill, it can make them, 'hateable'. It's harder to be the one who knows you are being a real jerk. Strokes literally put visible damage in the brain. It's the illness that's talking. It's hard, but God wouldn't want you to leave. You've worked hard; that's love! Not hate. If you do leave, do so w/counsel. You'll regret it if you don't.
---cheryl on 5/9/07

Perhaps you don't really hate him, but you hate his behavior,I don't know which word is best to used since this is what you say. But consider the fact that if you worked in an old folks home and was paid you would have to have some constraints on how you really feel since your being paid, and ask yourself if your reward in heaven is not much greater than your sacrifice here on earth. Ask God for strength/deliverance/ patients.
---Carla5754 on 5/8/07

Beloved you are in a very very bad situation. My heart goes out to you. If you truly hate your spouse, you might consider putting him in a home or seek other help for him. Perhaps seek a divorce,also. I feel the bitterness is going to grow worse and you or he might resort to hurting each other. I feel letting go would be the best thing to do. Seek the Lord on this to make sure you are in order. Dont know if you are a believer or not. Is your spouse saved? That make a difference.God bless you dear.
---Robyn on 5/7/07

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Hello Catholic Ed...the original Ed. I have had the same thing happen, someone with the same name posting opposite views of what I have. It IS possible that since our names are common, it's an occassional or new blogger, or, someone posing as us trying to discredit us...which ever the case may be, I believe if we've been here for a while, we recognize one another, by style of writing, personal beliefs etc. Not to worry...Bless you.
---christina on 4/30/07

Hi Ed, this is the other Ed - its my name. I'm also confused why we are lumped together. I am rather certain that we have different email addresses. Sorry about the confusion.
---ed on 4/30/07

Hi Bob
It's me the original Ed.
Oddly someone is using my name who seems to have the exact opposite views as me. Oh well.
---Catholic_Ed on 4/29/07

Pray to God for forgiveness and ask Him to release you from your hatred. You are in a difficult situation and you are in need of help yourself, but do not let the devil turn this trial into a triumph for him.

I hope that all on this blog will pray for you so that you can have the strength to do what needs to be done for you and your husband.
---lorra8574 on 4/28/07

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Catholic Ed, did you write that or was that someone borrowing your name?
---Bob on 4/28/07

Dear Danielle
What is true Love? To those who find it in their partner: good luck to them. But you can find it too: in God. I have known such personal happiness in God. You can't force being in Love with your husband in a romantic way, but you can learn to Love him as a fellow human on the road through life, where you share children and a home. Focus on that and on your kids, and developing a special relationship with God. Believe you me you can be as happy as anyone else.
---Ed on 4/28/07

I feel the same aboutmyhusband I want to leave but I have no courage.I wish i did, so that I could stopfeeling this way,because really he is my friend.Not a lover.Once you decide in your heart that you have made a mistake thats it.I never loved my husband like a lover,I olny married him for the fear that I would spend my life alone.I know now the gravity of my mistake.I have sold my soul.I feel a great saddness for the years I have lost and will continue to lose.My 2 children deserve a happy family.
---danielle on 4/26/07

Lee - you are an anti-Christian and an idiot. You also hate women and believe only in your own comfort. I don't think you have ever understood what Jesus preached or have any degree of self-awareness.
---Tejara on 4/5/07

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If I were a married woman I would not leave my husband unless I was forced to, regardless of his minor faults.

We have a single neighbor woman that is now living in dire proverty, divorced 3 times and was in a terrible accident & cannot work. All of her former husbands would have provided for her materially.

One obvious problem is that she is a constant complainer, always finding faults with others. Nags should ignore husbands faults and spend time in prayer as God can change the heart.
---lee on 12/29/06

my babies daddy hates my baby.
---miss_miss_boo_boo on 12/29/06

I have been married to my husband for 16 is all about him. I am a new christian.....I try to lead by example to my husband......he has told me he will never go to church...he will never worship God. He is so selfish....mentally abusive...never phyical..but I think sometimes it is just as bad.......I don't know what to do!
---Diane on 8/8/06

I completly feel your pain and understand it. My father had a stroke; he had been a pilot for a major airline. The frustration anger and bitterness & damage to his mind did not help-he would curse and rage also. Careing for 2 adults and your brother-it is okay to take time for yourself. Metro areas have resources you can access. Check with social services for part time caregiver- medicare will supply in home care & house keeper for elderly they may also for disabled. Dont take the first no for an answer.
---carol on 5/4/06

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The big problem is with debba4697 and shahrzad. They both appear to be healthy and they both choose to hate.
The Greek word for hate is "Sane." So to be insane is to be in hate.
Both of these people have chose to be insane. I guess the husband in question did not choose the stroke.
---Elder on 8/29/05

I hate my husband too, he is a selfish person , iam just 26 and i did my master, i hate hate hate hate hater him.
---shahrzad on 8/29/05

i hate my hate because he keep puting his hand on me and now i am 2 months pregnant and i am scared for my kids and my baby on the way and i dont know why he keep doing this to me i think if i los my baby there is no me or him any more and i need to get aways from him
---christina on 8/24/05

its the stroke thats making say all those things. You say the marriage was shaky before, what do you mean? was he being harsh towards you then? could he of been under some form of stress that lead to the stroke, and that stress causing him to be agressive towards you? Having to deal with a disabled/diffucult or sick husband requires that you yourself need help and support. its important you seek it.
What are the members in your church doing to help you?
---susanna on 8/1/05

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You are not alone in this my dear! It helps to talk to your husband in the most polite way possible! Tell him you understand his frustration . And tell him that you want go through this with with him! Do not blame him at this point,I believe it will touch his hurt! maybe he just needs assurance from you! But is too proud to ask? I guess this is the 'thru sickness and...' part we vow in our wedding days! Find Dr Glenn Doman. He is an expert in strokes, he might help too!
---Emma on 8/1/05

I would definitely talk to his doctor and see if he needs medication for depression. Sometimes people who suffer severe physical ailments like strokes become severely depressed.

You also need a break. You are not a super woman, but in desperate need of some respite care.
---Madison on 7/27/05

Imagine us being in your husband's place, mad at what is happening to him, and Christ being in your spot? Christ did not scrifice his life for the lawful, sinless man, but for the sinful, unlawful man. Tribulation worketh patience, patience experience, experience hope, and hope maketh us not ashame. Be strong and continue in prayer.
---geraa7578 on 7/27/05

thats an awesome answer sue.. God bless your mom. <><
---monique on 7/3/05

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i know i don't hate him, just who the illness has made him become.i cry at times wanting things to be normal again,whatever normal is.the way we were before.thanks for the replys. i think if i could just get a few days without worrying about who need meds,food,clean clothing,etc.i would come back revived and ready for round 2.thanks for the prayers, god bless u all.deb
---deb on 7/3/05

You are in a difficult situation. A stroke can affect the part of the brain that causes the person to be very irritable and angry. You, however, need to have relief from the constant care of your brother and husband. Try to take some time by having others help you; don't be afraid to ask. The local hospital usually has caregiver support groups. Also you must pray for strength. I know this sounds like easy answers but I think if you do what folks have suggested, it will help. God bless you!
---Elsie on 7/1/05

"But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you". Matthew 5:44
---Dorothy on 7/1/05

I know this sounds easy but my mom always says:
people who are the hardest to love need love the most
---sue on 7/1/05

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I think you are overworked and need a break.Strokes will cause some people to get mean and cuss,they become frustrated at their disability,also some highblood pressure medication does that too.You may not hate him as much as you do the situation you are in.If he wants to push your"upset" buttons,don't let him.Ignore him.Walk away praying as you go.See if you can slack off on some of the help you give your father and brother for just a while, to let you heal/rest.Join a caregiver support group.
---Darlene_1 on 7/1/05

Just ask yourself the question, what would Jesus do. "WWJD" HE will not hate but give love. So all I can offer you is my prayers.
---Johan on 7/1/05

While I sympatize with you, I want to remind you that the word "hate" does not belong to the Christian dictionary.
---Albert on 7/1/05

Have you talked to his Dr?? The problem could very well be the stroke. I know from personal experience, when ill, we aren't the same person. We fill guilty for being sick, and often take it out on the ones who love & care for us. Talk to the DR. & Pastor; get on your knees. As long as it's just verbal threats, I wouldn't worry. Talk is cheap and when sick, your liable to say anything.
---karen3333 on 6/30/05

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Wow you are in my prayers. Is your husband on some kind of medication that makes him act that way? Maybe talk to his doctor and find out. My dad was sick and his medicine made him act angry sometimes.
---sue on 6/30/05

pray for a forgiving heart, and to see as Jesus does. <><
---monique on 6/30/05

Deb, it sounds like you have a heavy load there. Did the stroke affect his mind, he may not even realize what he's saying. I know it sounds too simple, but pray my sister, ask him to let you pray over him. Hon, NEVER hate, it only hurts you and breaks God's heart. Bless you sister, and I hope its a comfort for you to know you will be in my prayers.
---NVBarbara on 6/30/05

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