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Can I Leave My Husband

I married a man I meet in church and faked being saved very well I might add. I do love him but he refuses to grow in the Lord and continues to verbally abuse me and my children. I trust that since God was not in this from genesis at revelation I'm making the right decision to leave.

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 ---TeeLee on 7/7/05
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I trust that . . . I'm making the right decision to leave.

---TeeLee on 7/7/05

1Cor 7:10 . . . Let not the wife depart from her husband:
1Cor 7:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband . . .

1Cor 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
1Cor 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife . . .

1Cor 7:16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband . . .
---aservant on 6/19/15

I just left may un saved husband on the 1 of June 2015. I still pray for him , but I am not his Saviour (Jesus is)
---Colleen on 6/19/15

I think that you are definitely making the right decision. My husband was verbally abusive and I stayed with him for 30 years. Recently God sent somerone into my life who gave me the courage to leave and I am so glad that he did. God does not want us to live in difficult situations and it is wrong that your children are being abused. My biggest regret is all the abuse that my children had to deal with. God is a loving God who cares deeply for you. You have made your decision - now stick to it and trust in God for your future.
---Sue on 11/16/10

hileng santos: your post makes me very sad. Thirty five yrs (35) is a long time to end up with someone like you have described. Marriage is something else. We start off in such a beautiful manner and sometimes enp up, so ugly. I would rather be on my own,living on the street or anything befor staying with this person . You are sickly as well. This ma will not be available to you if you ever get down. Then the pain will really begin for you. Try to work things out be fore too late. Find some kind of work. Move to a senior facility etc.. God bless you
---Robyn on 10/30/10

I am in a similar situation, 35 years of verbal abuse, emotional, mental and spiritual to this man. I have cataracts and some illness, when I metnioned tithing he gets mad like a dog. His brother told me to leave him but I dont have a job and if I leave him where will I get the money for rent, food etc. But 1 Corinthians 7:14 stop me for divorcing him.
---hileng_santos on 10/21/10

Look my friend. You have made a terrible mistake. This man is abusing you and your kids. You are the one your kids are looking to for protection. Do what you suppose to do: protect! God requires this is you as a parent. Leave before something ugly takes place. This is man is a person of low integrity and probably does not love the lord. You can also stay and risk someone getting hurt or more abuse for you and your kids. It may take many long hard years for this man to change. Are you prepared for this long battle? Is he worth this kind of time? How old are you? Pray about it and be led by the Lord,also.
---Robyn on 7/25/10

He isn't saved, so, therefore, he cannot grow in the Lord. I cannot say whether for you to stay or leave. Better have a little talk with Jesus.
---catherine on 7/11/10

Romans 3:23 for we have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God. What ever decission we take we must always remember to include God. Put Him in the center of our lives. We must always put on the whole armour of God daily Ephesians 6. Let Him fight our battles. Learn to feel God's Holy Spirit in any situation and remember to Pray for those who spitfully use you for they are in darkness and we who believe must let our light shine in the mist of their darkness. God is Love....Ask you Heavenly Father what must I do?
---Denise on 7/11/10

HI I am in a similar situation my husband has acually left me though. I am a christian and he is a non-believer and he has emotinally and verbally abused me greatly over the years. I suggest you should speak with your pastor to clarify your decisions but, I believe that God would not want you to suffer as he loves us.
---shell on 7/10/10

If you are being abused or your children mentally or physically and cannot take it anymore do not be afraid of separating, you are not seperating from your husband you are seperating from the abuse, in this time help in which ever way or form can be seeked for all parties. When we recieved Jesus as our Lord and Savior He did not say now leave your brains and commonsense at the door! think about it "what if this was your child, as a parent what would you do? Do not box God He is to big for a box. The bible is clear about divorce and also is very clear that GOD IS LOVE! All parties in this situation need help. God bless you guys
---Nae on 2/15/10

It is often when we are vulnerable and confused that we seek the opinion of others. Unfortunately as christians we don't always display the qualities of love and grace inherent in Jesus Christ when vulnerable people are seeking answers. However, it is in your relationship with Him that you will find guidance and hope. He understands you completely and knows the intricasies of the circumstances. His love is complete, trust Him and take His hand and He will lead you in all truth. Abide in Him, He is the true vine. He is your source and has come that you may have life - abundantly!
---Tania on 12/28/09

Yes you may leave, as Paul says in the Bible, if your husband consents to live with you , if not you may leave but the Bible DOES NOT speak about remarrying! Therefore you can separate but not remarry. If someone finds something in the Bible that disproves this feel free to reply. :)
---Danielle on 12/23/09

I am a Christian, have been for years-conservative, fundamental and have been involved in all forms of ministry, and I cannot believe some of the entries on here. I am in a similar situation although my husband does not verbally abuse me but he constantly verbally abuses the children..a curse he inherited from his parents. It is horrible and disgusting and soul destroying. My heart is broken because I never wanted this. Continued...
---Paula on 8/28/08

I wanted a Godly inheritance for my children, something I have prayed and prayed for and believed to be a promise. I am miserable in my marriage and if I try to tell him that he is abusing the kids, he accuses me of abusing him!! I cannot help him see..he is too proud and that is a sin. He has changed, there is no meekness or gentleness. My children have asked me to leave because they are so unhappy. Is this of God? Abuse is NOT of God, it is NOT His plan for us or our kids. We can show a better way. Be faithful, be a good rolemodel of Christ...but you are not required to stay in that situation. Continued...
---Paula on 8/28/08

Lovable Linda....I rebuke you in Jesus name. Get out of this person Satan, in the name of Christ!! Get out of this person spirit of hate in Jesus name!
---Paula on 8/28/08

The Bible teaches that if one of the partners is not Christian, that both are free to remain together as well as free to leave:) If you feel that you do not want to stay, then you may go:)
---jody on 6/5/08

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Fast and pray for him. Don't give up on him, would Jesus give up on him? I have a friend who's husband beat her. She fasted and Verbal abuse is as bad as physical abuse in that it can tear away your confidence and self-esteem if you don't have God in your life. In the Bible it says something marrying only believers. The fact that your husband verbally abuses you and kids is proof he isn't a believer . But you are married to him. Pray for him even if you leave him.
---julie on 6/5/08

First let me remind all readers that adultry is any form of sexual thought or gratification outside of marrige. Second, God hates divorce, but allows it under certain conditions. Unfaithfulness, abandonment, or physical abuse (you are to love your wife as you love yourself). Third, there are conditions regarding remarriage too.
---Ken on 6/4/08

I do not live in the world that most of you do.
I do not go to church like most of you do.
I struggle to believe that god dose love me and wonder if this is a mean trick for something I have done. when you point you finger, look how many fingers are pointing back at you.What ever my wife decides to do, I just want to see her smile again.
---pat on 6/4/08

Jesus himself, said divorces is not permitted unless of unfaithfulness. You said that you love him, this is good because love is not a condition, but a commitment. Marriage isnt easy, but like everything else it has to grow. And growth begins with YOU. Read and study 1 Cor 13. Also, He said that if you love those who loves you what credit is that to you (Luke 6:33). So the key is to love him unconditionally just as Jesus loves you unconditionally. Submitt it to God and trust he'll work it out.
---Kimberly_E_Walker on 6/4/08

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Alrighty then. I hope you'll both have better lives in the future without each other.
Should I, shouldn't I, should I, shouldn't I...

A wise pastor once said, God can even move through a bad decision but He can't move through no decision at all. Better to make a move or a resolve to bring peace into a household for the children, than to have misery everywhere you look.
---lisa on 6/4/08

You should do everything possible to reconcile & save the marriage. There's a difference in separating and divorce. The Bible only gives two reasons for divorce. Marital unfaithfulness and a disbelieving spouse who deserts you.

If he is TRULY verbally abusive to the children then I would involve Child Protective Services.

If you separate or choose to leave, you need to not engage in any type of romantic/sexual behavior with anyone else or else you would be the one committing adultery.
---Brian on 6/4/08

I am a 46 yr old man with BPD, my wife has left me because she could not take it any more.We both have damaging things in our past but we have lasted 25yrs in our marriage with lost of struggles. The more that I read about my BPD the more that it hurts to know that I have hurt my wife so badly and I do not blame her for leaving me, that was the best thing for her sanity. We have not yet ended our relationship yet but she has to do what she thinks is best for her and I will support that because I love her
---Pat on 6/4/08

You sound like you both need councelling. I would try to save the marriage if there are children involved. Try talking to your Pastor together. Sometimes men have stress at work that comes out at home. It would be wonderful if you could salvage your marriage, there must have been love there at some time, or was it just lust?
---frances008 on 4/28/08

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In my opinion and experience as a true born-again Believer (also burdened) with a fake husband, BPD and Malignant Narcissism and alcoholism and drug addiction (all of which he concealed for majority of 'marriage') I can say unequivocally to these women, the following:

1) It is NOT ok to remain in an abusive relationship. Period.
---TheMeNobodyButMeKnow on 4/28/08

It would be less tedious to simply tell you, go on and finally get that divorce you've been wanting for more than two years - because the rest of us are so weary of hearing you whine and slander your husband every single week.
Oh, the whining, complaining and self pity is beyond comprehension.
I can't begin to imagine what your husband's state of mind is trying to decipher what's really going on.
---lovable_linda on 12/10/07

So what's holding you up? It must be the perks, and the security of a steady income. Not only that, the "business" would probably fall apart and all would come out in the open.

I would love to tell you go ahead and get a divorce. But you know, I've actually prayed for your marriage and your state of mind.
Whatever you do, don't go looking for another man, I don't care how close he is to the family business.
You could lose it all, financially, spiritually and mentally.
---lovable_linda on 12/10/07

Same for you, "Kevin".
Do not seek another relationship outside of marriage.
You don't want to be hauled off to a "home".
---lovable_linda on 12/10/07

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Abuse is abuse and it's wrong. Cease having marital relations with your husband, and if possible sleep separately (but still maintain your responsibilities such as housework, childcare, and a gentle spirit). Sad to say, it will be a matter of time before he cheats on you or neglects his children, at which point it is Biblically acceptable to divorce (in most denominations). That's only my advice though, and I could be wrong. What does the Holy Spirit say to you?
---Sarah on 12/9/07

No, You are to sit there and take every bit of verbal abuse, and probably anger and rage that pours out of his mouth, remain in this loveless and abusive marriage till death do you part, because, YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS, till your dying day, who needs love any way, its not good for man to be alone, and GOD HATES DIVORCE, so just stay and be HATED and UNLOVED, that way you can make all Christians happy with you while you have lived your life more abundantly being TORTURED, Yay hooray, can we hear an AMEN!
---Dr._Whisper on 12/9/07

Who has faked being saved, you or your husband? It is my understanding that if he is the non-believer, he must be the one to walk away.
---deb6454 on 12/8/07

Same scenario, different year.
It's really very sad.
The loveless marriage and the woman that married her husband under false pretenses.
---lovable_linda on 12/7/07

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It appears you are very unhappy in your marriage. I suggest you seek therapy, and determine the extent of the abuse against you. I also suggest you read "The Power of a Praying Wife." I do not think you have grounds for divorce from a Biblical perspective.

Your first ministry should be to your family. Praying for your husband and your marriage is a high priority.
---Madison on 12/7/07

I am going through the same thing. I am seeking the Lord for answers. It is extremely difficult to remain with a man that doesn't love me as Christ loving the church because he knows nothing about how Christ loves the church. I am hurting in every way and need HELP!
---Evelyn on 4/9/07

Did you fake being saved or did he? If he did, then he married you under false pretenses and perhaps you can get an unulment. If you faked, then it's a just desert thing. At any rate, you will need God's wisdom if you are to leave. Talk to the pastor if you need to. Leaving isn't always the best thing to do.
---Steven_Wilkey on 3/14/07

My situation is similiar. I just left my hubby of 10yrs. He was verbally abusive to me, our 3 kids in public, private and in front of his family. The bible says you can divorce on 2 grounds: Adultery, if a spouse is prohibiting you from growing spirtually and service God
Therefore, I feel justified in leaving my husband
---Jackie on 8/13/06

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My husband also has BPD and it has been like hell on earth, mood swings, outburts, strippers, mean to my son (his step-son) we;ve been back and forth and now contemplating divorce...not sure what God would have me do but I feel like I'm dying inside.
---lisa on 7/5/06

The first line of your question reads as if you may have been the faker, and Eloy has assumed this and told you to repent. But the whole question indicates you may be the Christian, and your husband the faker.
Can you clarify before you get unhelpful answers
---Alan8869_of_UK on 8/3/05

I am in the same situation as you, my husband claimed to be a christian, but no fruit was ever coming forth and he had hidden sin in his life when we were engaged. I wanted to call the wedding off and he encouraged me to go ahead with it. He is childish and selfish and also treats my son (his stepson) very harshly. We have seperated for the 4th time in 2 years and this time he is not coming home unless he gets some help.
---Sara-Marie on 8/2/05

Be sure your sin will find you out, all sin has expensive consequences: When you faked being saved, so you'll have to pay the price. Also if you add sin to sin, then you'll have to pay for that too.
---Eloy on 7/8/05

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Shanah: Have you read "Stop Walking on Eggshells?" It is an excellent book for the family members of people with BPD. I also suggest you might want to consider therapy, for yourself. Living with someone with BPD can make you a little unsure of yourself at times. Someone once said they felt like they had PTSD after being married to a person with BPD for a while.
---Madison on 7/7/05

i dont know teelee, how do you know God was not in it from the beginning? where is the unconditional love, Jesus wouldnt throw you away because He didnt like something in you. seek more guidance from your Saviour. <><
---monique on 7/7/05

Shanah makes a marvelous point; You cannot judge the fate or faith of others, only God knows if he's saved.

If you were the Heathen I'd say get out and stop making this man's life miserable.

If I were you I'd insist on pastoral counseling (bringing to the forefront the issue of his salvation) while making it a stipulation for not separating from him.

If he won't submit to the church I'd say get out of there and watch him like a hawk.
---Pharisee on 7/7/05

Hi. I went through the exact same thing. I married him under the belief that he was saved (we actually met in church). He abused both me and my son, but I knew I could not leave because I had no Biblical grounds to do so. I prayed that if he wanted to leave he would. Eventually, he did leave us for another woman and is now thoroughly miserable. He's a habitual liar and does not know what he wants. I pray that he finds whatever it is so he can be at peace.
---Vanessa on 7/7/05

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You should probably separate temporarily while you pray him and seek God. You and your children were NOT created to be abused in any way. God answeres prayers!
---rebecca on 7/7/05


I am so sorry for what you are going through. I too am in a similar situation, but my husband has moved out (2 months ago). He too said he was saved and I discovered after the marriage that he probably isn't (only God knows for sure).

When I posted on here, most said to stick it out and honor my vows. My hub also has borderline personality disorder (hid this from me as well).

When is it OK to divorce?
---Shanah on 7/7/05

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