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Do I Divorce My Husband

Non-believing husband left 2 months ago. He now asks if I want a divorce. I say no. He says he doesn't love me and if I loved him, I would have begged him 2 move back in (which I didn't). He plays mind games w/ me trying to place blame rather than work on marriage. I'm so frustrated! Do I agree to divorce?

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 ---Shanah on 7/10/05
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Friend God does not desire any of His children to be mistreated and abused in anyway. Your husband is a non-believer,number one. He moved out on you. He has told you he does not love you. You are frustrated with him and the marriage. You cannot serve God as you should in the state of mind you are in. This is your first priority. If he wants a divorce. I would give it to him. Life is too short. Move on. Too much Kingdom work to be done. No time to lose with this joker.
---Robyn on 3/31/08

shanah :The answer in no . For our Abba Father God will hold you accountable for only what you do . And your Husband for what His will do . Our Abba Father God still hates Divorces . A brother and friend in the love and compassion of Jesus Christ . Pastor Danny
---pasta_7394 on 3/31/08

Scritprue says you are free to divorce him...but it does not require you to.

God is longsuffering and the influence of a sanctified wife can have the effect of influencing salvation upon the husband.

The wayward Gomer is an example of how God is treated by His wayward people. Pray about what you need to do and ask the Lord to show you clearly His will.
---TS on 5/9/07

1Corinthians7:15 But if the unbelieving depart ,let him depart.A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases;but God hath called us to peace.This plainly shows you are to let him go,you are free of him in God's sight.If he asked for divorce give it to him.Praise God he is gone. He doesn't love you, he'll only bring more heartache.Don't ever be unequally yoked with nonbeliever again,only marry a Christian.
---Darlene_1 on 5/9/07

Yes give him the divorce, trust me I am in a situation similar to that only neither one of us will say what we really want to do. If he isn't happy then let him go, you will be happier in the long run as well.
---Ashley on 4/17/06

Read 1st and 2nd Corinthians.It is clear that if you are yoked to an unbeliever and they want to depart,then let them and do not be troubled because you do not know if you will be able to help save them.And if the unbeliever wishes to dwell with you,then stay with them.If your husband as an unbeliever wants a divorce,then it is clear to let him go.You are not the one cutting the ties, he is.Please read in the bible on this.You will want to read both Corinthians because it deals with marriages.
---Jennifer on 3/16/06

Christians please do not mix yourself with non believers and if you are going to then take him/her to church and guide them into your religion.You christians are the chosen ones by God!
---sun on 9/2/05

I am in a similar situation as you Shanah. My husband is a unbeliever too, you really need to seek God about your decision. Chances are he is just playing another mind game with you, and those games can make a woman crazy you don't want to come back to that. I think you agree to the divorce, if he is not wanting to come to the Lord and change his old ways.
---bess on 9/2/05

He is playing mind games with you. The minute you ask him to come back - he's got you right where he wants you. But, by the same token you can't divorce him, based on Matthew 5:32. But, as a retired marriage counselor, I've seen Christian marriages that improved the "second time around". My first advice is not to give him a divorce and see if some form of counseling is available. (If he refuses counseling, it's probably a good indication he's not interested in this marriage.)
---WIVV on 8/9/05

shana.. In your 7/10 blog you said that you put your husband first. You need to put God first in everything. I too am married to a non believer. Yes it is hard, but God does wonders. He is the Prince Of Peace. Through the Holy Spirit, it is possible. I attend church services by myself and my husband knows that the Lord is number one in my life. I will not sacrifice my relationship with the Lord for my husband. In all I do, God comes first daily!! Praise God. I will pray for you my sister.
---cyndi on 7/29/05

My husand knows that if he does not keep a job he can not keep his family. Counseling is not a bad idea. It sounds like your husband wants to stay married, but doesn't quite know how to make that work.-same as my husband. I am reading "Power of a Praying Wife." There is a prayer/declaration at the end of the first chapter...something like: I will not allow pride, miscommunication, bad moods, irresponsibility, or bad choices to end this marriage that God put together.
---Jacqi on 7/29/05

Yes, you may be miserable, but your vows were "until death do us part." Not "until you start to make me miserable."
THAT SAID...that doesn't mean you don't require certain situations in order for you to live together. You can leave without breaking God's law on divorce. My husband knows that if he does not take his medication and see his doctor that I will be living with my parents.
---Jacqi on 7/29/05

The scripture regarding non-believing spouses leaving is intended to aleviate guilt when a non-believing spouse chooses divorse and leaves. The believing spouse didn't get a divorce, he/she was left. Do not look for a reason to divorce. Look to heaven for the strength to continue.
---Jacqi on 7/29/05

Your situation sounds eerily similar to mine. Please read this advice all the way through. You may not like the first part, but read the second part too,pls.
I was given a piece of advice that I am sticking far. "How much are you willing to sacrifice to keep satan from winning?" "Satan wants to end this marriage. What are you willing to do to keep that from happening?" Remember, God never gives us a directive that is in opposition to His Word.
---Jacqi on 7/29/05

dear sister don`t let him play games with you
1. Cor.
7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
---Rose on 7/16/05

Your husband isn't paying for any of the bills nor for his child's needs - what responsibility IS he taking in the marriage? Sounds like NONE to me. HE is the one who left. Let him stay. And yes, I would allow him to get the divorce. At least then the court will order him to pay child support! Besides, if he states he does NOT love you, it will only be time until he seeks someone else... and who knows what he might expose you to then if you took him back. Only you can make the right decision for yourself.
---Janet7433 on 7/10/05

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Here is something new to add to the story.Husband came over this evening bearing gifts for me and my daughter.He brought me flowers.He didn't say sorry or that he wanted to try to work this out, so I really don't know what his intentions are.One minute he says he wants a divorce and the next day I receive flowers!HELP!!
---Shanah on 7/10/05

He sounds like someone I know.

I believe your responsibility is to not file for divorce. Tell him that if he wants to reconcile, fine, if not fine. Leave the decision to him on the filing for divorce.

I would make marital therapy a condition of reconciliation. I think his problem is more than just depression and anger.
---Madison on 7/10/05

Paul says if an unbeleiver leaves a beleiver, then the beleiver is not tied to him, but the beleiver is bound if he wants to stay married. If it is two Christians who have already gotten married then they are bound.
---Jessica on 7/10/05

Part 2

I believed him to be a Christian when we married.I felt so sure he was.After marriage though, he doubts that God even exists and if He does, then He hates my hub.

One minute, I am the enemy and the next I am everything to him.He threatens suicide.He is on mental meds (for depression and anger control), but won't take them consistently.I know he is sick, but do I fight for the marriage with an unbeliever that wants a divorce?
---Shanah on 7/10/05

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Xanthi: I did not throw him out. He just didn't come home one night. He says I should ASK him home if I truly loved him to prove I love him. It is childish.I have put him 1st in my life and put my own needs aside for 2+ years, yet he says I am unsupportive of his decisions (he decided to walk away from a job and I suggested he find another job 1st).He says I only care about money, but he pays NONE of our bills (not even support of our daughter).

---Shanah on 7/10/05

As he was the one who walked out, you didn't throw him out, you can let him go (if that's what you want). You are not tied to him. Maybe you are being given a get-out from a marriage that really shouldn't have happened (that is if you were a Christian at the time of the marriage). I agree with you, he seems to be playing mind games with you. Why should you beg when he left voluntarily?
---Xanthi on 7/10/05

If your husband is a non believer he is not held to the same standard as you are. So I don't think you'd be wrong in giving him the divorce. There is scripture that says something about that also. I don't recall it right now, but my friend had a similar situation and read that at the time
---Jay on 7/10/05

Your situation is very similar to what I went through. If he says he doesn't love you then it is better to divorce. Otherwise you will have pain staying with him. After you divorce things can change. Now three years later after the divorce, my ex husband has had a drastic change of heart and wants me back. Maybe he needs time to see how much you do mean to him.
---miche7878 on 7/10/05

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