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New Humor Blog

Should we start a new humour blog? I keep losing the one we were on.

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 ---Ann5758 on 7/13/05
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I went to vote. I told the person at the desk I was a scratch voter, the person at the desk said ok. I walked in the voting booth, looked & then walked out without voting. The person at the desk asked, is there something wrong?, I said I was a scratch voter & the desk person said so. I went in to vote & there were No r e p u b l i c r a t - or - d e m o c r u b l i c a n tabs to punch.
---Lawrence on 9/7/10

Aft 5 yr's Tweedlydee & Tweedlydo stayed in Sat - night. Their neighbors were in the hosp, so there wasn't any Saturday night fights to watch.
---Lawrence on 9/7/10

My daughter asked if she could borrow the car so she could go to the library. I said yes, but be sure to bring me back some gas.

When she returned home, I asked her if she got me some gas?

My daughter said "yes daddy, I got you some gas". She handed me a can of beans.
---Rob on 8/9/10

Blond joke, hmmm.
For he & she.
Went to hi - lite their hair by using a yellow
p e r m a n e n t marker.
---Lawrence on 8/9/10

Whoa, 2005... Boy it is sure taking a long time to get rid of this blob... er... I mean blog.
If Listerine really kills germs on contact is it OK to spit it back in the bottle? (Another helpful "Green Earth" concept.)
Does "PETA" mean People Eating Tasty Animals? (I saw it on a bumper sticker so it must be right.)
I've never heard a blond joke. All of the things I've been told were true.
The most costly and expencive Barbie doll is the "Divorced Barbie." It comes with Kens, car, boat, home and money.
---Elder on 8/8/10

This little boy standing out in front of the store waiting for Mom to come out. This denominal minister came up & asked the lad, can you tell me where the post office is ? The lad pointed & said, right at the light & down 3 blocks. The denom - minister said thank you & then said to the lad, I pastor a church here in the City, why don't you come to sun - school & I can tell you how to get to heaven. The lad laughed the minister to scorn & asked him said, how can you tell me how to get to heaven when you don't how to get to the p - office.
---Lawrence on 8/7/10

Emcee: I was actually giving scripture references to IB's question of:

Jesus said the righteous need not fear. was not supposed to be humorous...sorry!
---Holly4jc on 9/7/07

Holly:: Would you consider your post to be humour may be the mod is having some by posting here .I like Bobs Bubba joke better.
---Emcee on 9/6/07

2 Corinthians 5:21
For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, THAT WE MIGHT BECOME THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD IN HIM.

Romans 5:17
For if by the one mans offense death reigned through the one, much more those who receive abundance of grace and of the GIFT OF RIGHTEOUSNESS will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ.

2 Timothy 1:7
For God has NOT GIVEN US A SPIRIT OF FEAR, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
---Holly4jc on 9/5/07

lb - no clue as to what your talking about but I'm sure its mor mon funny.

You do not need to fear the word of God if you are in the will of God.

jos Smith cannot protect you - if you open your heart and ask Christ to come in - then you don't need to fear any man.
---Andrea on 9/5/07

Bubba goes to revival. Preacher asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over. Preacher says, "Bubba, what you want me to pray about?" "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing." So the preacher puts one finger in Bubba's ear and the other hand on top Of his head and prays. After a few minutes, he removes his hands and says, "Bubba, how's your hearing now?" Bubba says, "I don't know preacher, it's not until next Wednesday."
---Bob on 9/5/07

Lori:: This ain't humour"IF You do not have divine revelation then you have Nothing"LDS's have natural self evident truthsbased on worldly values.
---Emcee on 9/5/07

My friend who is a LDS once spent thousands of hours creating a game called Eternal Pursuit. andrea, are you up to the challenge if I ask you two questions. They are true or false. They will come from one of two sources. The bible or the Book of Mormon. Jesus said the righteous need not fear. If you know the bible, you should be able to answer with no difficulties. If you answer wrong, you never attack anyone ever again for beliefs. that is only fair. just say yes I accept or no. Jesus will be watching.
---lb on 9/4/07

Signs that old age might be creeping up on you...
Your favorite section of the newspaper is "25 years ago today."
A big evening with your friends is sitting around comparing living wills.
Your clothes go into the overnight bag so you can fill the suitcase with your pills.
Your knees buckle, but your belt won't.
---Cynthia on 9/4/07

The LDS is not christian - Christians are not polytheists - Hindus are polytheists.

the lie Satan told Eve - you will be a god.
the lie Joseph told ---- you will be a god.
---Andrea on 9/3/07

Lori:: Lighten up it was a joke even My jokes bring out truth.I bettter quit while I'm ahead- But in reality room #8 belonged to SDA's,I goofed.
---Emcee on 9/3/07

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emcee, you said your blog in jest, but you are right. the only people inheriting the celestial kingdom of the father are LDS's. the most anyone here can hope for is the kingdom of Jesus Christ. LDS's have the whole truth, ordinances, doctrines and teachings. protestants have partial truths and deny many things in the bible. either the whole bible is true or none of it is. You either serve Jesus Christ with your whole heart or you deceive yourself and satan seals you his.
---lori on 9/3/07

The queu was long St Peter was checking each denomination assigning rooms with the admoniition "walk quietly past Room#8 & so it went on jewsRM16 episcopelians23 catholics29 baptists42Prodestants56 untill finally one person asked why quietly passed Rm8 st Peter replies "thats for LDS they think they are the only ones in Heaven."
---Emcee on 9/2/07

Yes Ashley...that is rather humorous, an LDS knowing the true Jesus Christ...what a hoot!
---Anonymous on 9/1/07

there were three men. a Jew, a born again christian and a LDS. the Jewish man obeyed all the traditions of his faith, but never accepted Jesus as the Christ. the born again christian professed Jesus but then indulged the world. The LDS knew Jesus as the Christ and lived separately from the world in all ways. A man arrives saying I am here for the disciple of Christ. the Jewish man turns his back. The christian is excited but ignored. The LDS is kneeling. why, only one truly knew him as Jesus Christ.
---ashley on 8/30/07

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I think that is fine and we shpould number it.
This should be BLOG #3
---Elder on 8/30/07

Ann do you want me to start that "Elder" blog also? (I had to do the last one for you.)
There are some things I would like to learn about me.
---Elder on 7/20/05

Altogether there are 5.

MODERATOR! Can you PLEASE combine these 2 and call it #4? This is confusing!
---Kathay on 7/19/05

i just stumbled in but hey i dont know what u all drink or what kind o meds you take but you sure this is a blog or is it a Fog hmmm?he he real cute huh..i counted and i think this is #6 Blog.
---lea on 7/18/05

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This one is actually #4 because it was posted before Elder's...not some "transitional blog", not some "limbo blog"..this is a REAL blog..*sheesh*...I have to one-up on him somehow...maybe we can dedicate this as the "let's jump all over Elder blog"....
---Ann5758 on 7/18/05

It SAYS #3, but count the old ones, its #4. That would actually make this #5!
Are you off YOUR meds, or just grumpy 'cause Jeraldleen has you sleeping in the doghouse again?
---NVBarbara on 7/18/05

nvBarbara there is no blog 4. I thought we had covered that already.
Take your meds. NOW!!
---Elder on 7/18/05

Yessir, I'm going back to Blog 4 and stay there! C'mon John, Ann,Bob,Mike, Dawn and anyone else I may have missed. This hopping back and forth is tiring!

Ok John, "Jump in the line, rock your body in time; OK I believe it" LOWER that Limbo pole!
Just like on a Carnival Cruise!
---NVBarbara on 7/17/05

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This is the blog between the old humor blog and the new humor blog. I call it the limbo blog. so let's take limbo lessons before vacation! Just don't lower the stick too much. I'm not a kid anymore, I just act like one.
---John on 7/17/05

I told you I knew what you had done. I saw it the first day.
Now forget coffee and get back on your medications.
You know that all this posting is causing this blog to grow.
I don't know if I can take that.
---Elder on 7/17/05

When my baby was about 4 months old, I took him to the store with me. There was an elderly lady and a girl about 4 or 5 standing with her behind me. The lady ooo'ed and aaahh'ed over my little one and asked his age. I told her and the girl said, "WOW ... he doesn't even have an age yet!"

My baby has learned to "rasberry" recently ... how fun. Just how is one supposed to teach an 8 month old that it isn't polite to SPIT in mamma's eye?!?!?
---dawn-3656 on 7/17/05

HA, you finally found it! PLEASE just don't torture me with your coffee!
---NVBarbara on 7/16/05

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Hey, nvBarbara do you know why most Blondes have blue eyes?
So they can see the buildings they walk into.
Or should I just call you ...........NVArabrab.
Ya just don't catch the ol' man lying girl.
I saw a blond one time. The lights were on but no body was home.
---Elder on 7/16/05

That's not funny mikeas a blunder boy.
---John on 7/16/05

You NEVER found it Elder, I'd have never heard the end of it! (but I did it on purpose, and NO ONE mentioned it!)

Isn't Bob just a sweetie! You could learn a few things from him! Huggs Bob from this blonde 'airhead!'

On my way back to your 'how stupid can one person be' on Blog #4 (even though it says 3!)
---NVBarbara on 7/15/05

You know you've been watching too much TV when......
you pray, instead of saying "Our Father who art in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name" you say "Our Father who art in Heaven, Hollywood be thy name."
---mikeas on 7/15/05

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Barbara I did find it. You are soooo sensitive I just didn't reveal it.
You didn't find mine till I told on myself. One more mistake like this and no more coffee for you.
Now ya got Bob taking up for the blondes.
By the way this ain't the first time my spellcheck bounced.
And, I don't want this blog getting ahead of my #3 sniff sniff..........after all a Boycott is just a place for guys to rest.
---Elder on 7/15/05

Thank you Bob!
Elder is just jealous because his hair is wavy, each hair waves at another as its falling out of his head!
---NVBarbara on 7/15/05

Leave her alone, she's BLOND!
---Bob on 7/15/05

Caught you Elder! I will refer to this when you criticize my misspelled word! And you even use 'spellcheck!'
You NEVER did find my GROSS intentional misspelling on Blog #3!!
---NVBarbara on 7/15/05

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Dear Ann as I promised here is a post for your blog.
My blog is better than your blog.....My blog is better than yours...... my blog is better than your blog..cause I feed it nvBarbara wit.
Hey how do you pronounce shpould? (Check my 1st post.)
---Elder on 7/14/05

you all are to much. smile 4 me T.
---Tess on 7/13/05

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