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How To Tell My Husband No

My husband wants to have an intimate act with me that requires me to go against God. I have done this act before I knew the truth. How do I not do this act without getting him upset, he is not a believer.

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 ---tina7868 on 7/21/05
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Amazing! I didn't know the blog was so old. Thanks for pointing out a long thread.
---sin5694 on 11/10/14

Leon: A question asked does not benefit the one who asked alone.
---Adetunji on 11/10/14

Aaaaa, who are you people talking to? Tina has likely left this blog many years ago!


---Leon on 11/9/14

It seems pointless to answer this question in a way which assumes that the questioner is still looking here for new answers. For us to ask her for more information - which assumes that we expect her to still be reading answers here - is ridiculous. Her last input was over 9 years ago, 2 days after asking the question.
---Rita_H on 11/10/14

Did you get your question answered, or do you want more Bible answers? Do you care to give more information to be more specific?
---sin5694 on 11/9/14

since this blog is almost a decade old, i hope you have found the answers and peace.
---aka on 10/20/14

Intimate acts with spouse that go against God. Onan did not plant, so God struck him dead. Genesis 38:9-10. When a woman has her monthly flow of blood, a couples are not to be intimate. Ezekiel 18:6 A righteous man does not have sexual relations with a woman during her period. Ezekiel 22:10 In you are those who dishonor their fathers bed, in you are those who violate women during their period, when they are ceremonially unclean. Such will be cut off from God's people. A woman is not to wear a man's clothes. Deuteronomy 22:5 A woman must not wear mens clothing, nor a man wear womens clothing, for the Lord your God detests anyone who does this. This may also mean objects resembling a man's part or a woman's parts. All acts as these are sin.
---sin on 10/19/14

Divorce're unequally're already going against God by even being married to him.

the women already went against God and married him. You do not correct a wrong by committing another wrong! And how do you know she was not an unbeliever when she married him, or as she put it she has done this before until she understood truth. The women needs to seek counseling with her husband this is not about being a believer or an unbeliever this is about having someone commit an act that is something they are uncomfortable with. Her husband is not respecting her as a human being let alone as his wife.
---Follower_of_Christ on 9/22/12

Divorce're unequally're already going against God by even being married to him.
---gloria on 9/21/12

Sister I can relate to your problem,stand firm in Gods word and yes it is hard to reject our spouses
Pray before and when you explain to him why
first ask the Lord to give you his words to confront that every thing from your mouth will be from God and you will see that he will recieve it alot better.
---DONNA3559 on 4/18/08

Good solution, Jared...and Yes...Love always respects [not violates]...rachel
---Reiter on 11/22/06

tell him no and give him reasons why and just inform him that it won't happen and if he keeps bringing it up then you will be turned off by all intamacy. Guys would rather have something than nothing. (and if he truly loves you he would respect your body)
---Jared on 11/20/06

Umm...get your own bedroom...rachel
---Reiter on 11/20/06

Darlene yes and to those who have the faith ,only by our faith can God move annointing your house.We must do it in Faith.
If you annoint with oil,But don't believe God can move on your behalf then you do it in vain.Trust God and know He can do all things and you will see Him change and transform your household.Pray believing try to see him as Christ see's him .Love is the answer and prayer,the hardest thing for a christian to do is to love those who hurt us and place us in tough situations.God bless
---Donna on 7/26/05

1stCliff,thanks for warning, but you are mistaken.Anointing oil has been part of Judeo-Christian Religion since God Himself instituted it to consecrate high priests unto God Levticus8:1-12.Also things of tabernacle anointed with oil Exodus 30:26.Oil was used also to consecrate/dedicate one's home to God to be holy Leviticus27:14.NT Bible directs to anoint the sick with oil before prayer for them.Anointing bed ,in faith/prayer,is to bring God's healing into marriage bed to make it holy/pleasing unto God.
---Darlene_1 on 7/24/05

Physical intimacy is not wrong or immoral, but sometimes one dislikes certain kinds of stimulation, and therefore the other partner who enjoys it should respect the others wishes to not participate: for that done without faith is an offense. The passages you quoted are rightfully against whoredom, adultery, homosexuality, and incest. Let your husband know that you do love him, but that you also will not sin for him.
---Eloy on 7/24/05

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Dear Steve, So all this comes down to respect? I really don't understand what a mans sexual desire, that by human nature can not be controlled only through being saved, can have anything to do with respect. For the unsaved don't know the difference. Am I to do the things he wants or chose to follow God? I chose to God.
---tina7868 on 7/23/05

, if your husband respects you, he will never ask you to do anything you feel is wrong.
---steve on 7/23/05

Darlene1; There's no magical power in a drop of oil ('cept maybe to lubricate your sewing machine) it smacks of "ritualism" like voodoo, Christians don't need props. Don't go there!
---1st_cliff on 7/22/05

Well put, Billy.
---Ginger on 7/22/05

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Thanks again for all the replies, I can use all in some text or other, good advice. And Billy, so sorry for jumping the gun there on a word. I will pray on all advice and see what God holds in store for me and my husband!!!
---tina7868 on 7/22/05

Relations between husband and wife are suspose to be a pleasure to both.An act which either thinks is unacceptable the spouse should be loving enough to understand.Tell him if you have to comply ,it ruins making love for you.Perhaps just telling him you no longer enjoy it and won't do it.Don't bring religion into it.He won't understand.Secretly annoint his pillow-the 4 corners of the bedsheet with tiny drops of oil,and fervently pray there will only be love and peace in your bed in Jesus Name.
---Darlene_1 on 7/21/05

A fight will only focus his attention on the act and create resentment between you. You don't want that. Refuse firmly but lovingly, and don't make an "issue" of the fact that he asked. Just say no and then drop the matter,using the technique I described in my last post. If you consistently do that, eventually he'll probably stop asking you. It may take a while, true, depending on how stubborn he is, but it WILL work eventually.
---Billy on 7/21/05

Since you say your husband is a nonbeliever at present, perhaps rather than pointing out Scripture to him (which he may resent), perhaps you could just tell your husband you are uncomfortable with a particular thing and would rather not participate in that. Just a thought.
---Ginger on 7/21/05

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But I want to be helpful, not criticise. Try this: In sex, men are usually playful and easily led. Deflect his attention from the sinful act by showing your enthusiasm for another sexual act that isn't sinful. You can probably "manage" him that way without causing a fight. If he asks for the sinful thing, refuse him with a smile and lead him into the other thing. The less often he thinks about the sin, the less interest he'll have in it.
---Billy on 7/21/05

Tina, I always research what I say, for I know the danger of a careless word. I didn't say there are NO guidelines about sex. The verses you quoted don't apply to married people having sex with each other, though. If you mean including people/beasts outside your marriage, then I completely agree that's ungodly. And there really is such a word as "interruptus". It's Latin, and the whole term refers to intercourse in which the man spills his seed on the ground, usually to avoid pregnancy.
---Billy on 7/21/05

Dear Billy, I do appreciate your response, and yes I am Sure it is a sexual act that God would not want in my life. God does have specific guidelines for us when it comes to sex. Sexual perversion can be found in Deut.22:22-29, Deut.23:17, Lev.18:6-18, Rom.1:26,27, Deut.27:21. Oh and Billy there is no such word as interruptus, please be more careful when it comes to giving information without researching the fact, for it is dangerous for the weak. Thank you , in Christ, Tina
---tina7868 on 7/21/05

First, are you sure it's really "against God"? How do you mean "against God"? And how do you know that? Scripture doesn't specifically forbid any willing sexual act between a married couple, with the possible exception of coitus interruptus (which I doubt seriously is the act he wants). It may be you have less of a problem than you fear.
---Billy on 7/21/05

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Dear Pastor Wayne, Thank you so much for offering your help. I do need to know where I can find the scriptures to back up my saying NO, but in a loving way. Thanks to all that replied, the love and concern shown me is very encouraging.
---tina7868 on 7/21/05

Hi Tina:

the best way to tell your husband is during a bible study....look up the scriptures that talk about how sex is not to be perverted. pray that he understands, and will seek not his fleshly desires but the desires of God. if I can be of any service to you please write and let me know

---Pastor_Wayne on 7/21/05

If you know it is wrong and against God, then I would be afraid of doing this act. You may not be able to tell him without him getting upset, since he is a nonbeliever. You need to tell him NO, and stand your ground. I would much rather have my husband mad at me than God, for God has the last word.
---Rebecca_D on 7/21/05

Going against what God wants is not intimate.You've open doors for him to make him think it was ok so he thinks it's ok now. Just explain to him you are not interested in that no more. This way you won't have a guilty conscience.
---Harold on 7/21/05

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