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Funny Church Announcements

Do you know any funny blooper church announcements?

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 ---barbara on 7/22/05
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Bloopers from church bulletins: Part 1.
1. Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
2. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4. For those of you who have children and didn't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
5. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
---Mark on 11/15/07

Attention: all young ladies who are wanting to have children, please see the pastor in his office after the service. (This was suppose to be a spot on the bulletin to have a young mothers class)
---Rev._Keith on 8/15/05

Very good guys, had me laughing. Lets hear some more.
---Stephen_Gladwin on 8/15/05

- Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Cavalry Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

- The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.

- The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around house. Don't forget your husbands.
---DoryLory on 7/22/05

- The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

- Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

- Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
---DoryLory on 7/22/05

- Irving Benson & Jessie Carter were married on Octoer 24. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottle and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
---DoryLory on 7/22/05

- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

- Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

- This evening at 7PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
---DoryLory on 7/22/05

- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10:00 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the fellowship hall after the BS is done.

- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

- Low self esteem support group will meet Thursday at 7PM. Please use the back door.
---DoryLory on 7/22/05

- The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

- Weight watchers will meet at 7PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the wide double door at the side entrance.
---DoryLory on 7/22/05

Aw Mark, you had my whole list!
Glad you posted them though....FUNNY!
---NVBarbara on 7/22/05

There will be a meeting for the New Mommy's Club on Tuesday night at 7pm. Those of you who would like to become a New Mommy please see the pastor tonight after church in his office.
---Misty on 7/22/05

More things we say in church.
Someone come forward for prayer, 3/4's dead, and what do we pray? "Lord undertake for them!"
---mike6553 on 7/22/05

Bloopers form church bulletins: Part 2
6. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.
7. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
8. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church. Music will follow.
9. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
---Mark on 7/22/05

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