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Expect More From Godly Kids

God says, bring up children in the ways of the Lord. I did that. Have a daughter and her husband who pastor a church. I hardly ever hear from them. I feel hurt because of the lack of concern from children. Am I wrong in expecting more from her?

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 ---Carolyn on 7/23/05
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All I can say about this is that I am the only caretaker of my mother, who is 88. She had 5 kids. I've seen her cry because she miss's her other kids. They only see her on Christmas, her birthday maybe on Mother's day. One son doesn't even come that often. She was a good Christian mother. It breaks my heart because it hurts her. She cant make the first move anymore, it's up to them and they dont care.Go see your parents or at least call them!
---sue on 6/3/07

The bible tells us to honor our parents. Calling and showing concern for them is part of that honoring. Of course, parents should also be concerned about their grown children. It makes for a very wonderful relationship. A lot of parents do not understand this or say they do not. We do not have to agree with our parents but we should show respect, at all times and vice versa.
---Robyn on 6/2/07

Expecting more of what? She and her spouse is clearly unconcerned. Perhaps you may need to make the first move toward them. Even though this should be unnecessary. Kids are not like kids use to be years ago. Most of the respect and honor is gone from relationships, of all kinds, these days.You said you brought her up right but that lesson did not take effect. Sometimes Christians are the worse people to deal with. Their fruit is green or outright rotten. Phew! No offense. God bless.
---Robyn on 6/1/07

, make the first move, and call her. maybe she has been very busy. maybe she has no idea you miss her. young people can get caught up in this and that and forget about keeping in touch.
---steve on 6/1/07

How do you know they are not concerned about you? Perhaps they are praying for you everyday. Honor comes in many forms. If you are expecting your married daughter to provide you with your happiness, I smell selfishness. Remember marriage takes priority over the parent/child relationship. What's wrong with you giving her a call?
---exasperated on 7/26/05

I did not say that the children should neglect their parents. However, scripture does say that the man is to leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife. This assumes that the wife cleaves to him in return.

I am realistic. Young adults who have busy lives are extremely overwhelmed. Parents need to be realistic. Her dialing finger isn't broken or she wouldn't be posting here. If she can type to us, she can e-mail her daughter, or call her.
---Madison on 7/24/05

(2)1Timothy5:4 But if any widow have children or nephews,let them learn "first" to shew piety at home ,and to requite their parents ;for this is good and acceptable before God.Ephesians6:1 Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right(could include staying in touch ).Proverbs 23:22 Hearken unto thy father who begat thee,and despise not thy mother when she is old.Parents are not to be ignored or placed last on our list of things to do. Neglect kills relationships too.
---Darlene_1 on 7/24/05

Ephesians 6 says that parents are not to exasperate their children before telling children to honor their parents. The responsibility for maintaining a healthy relationship with grown children lies with the parent not the child.
---Madison on 7/24/05

(1)Madison.No there's nothing wrong with a parent making the first move,but when I remember all my parents did for me when I wasn't able to do for myself,I wouldn't ask mine to.It isn't unrealistic for a parent who has nurtured,loved,provided for a child to expect that child to be there for them.How is there honor for someone when one ignoes them for months.This is what the Bible says;
---Darlene_1 on 7/24/05

Darlene: It is possible to honor one's parents without always calling. I see nothing wrong with the parent who wants to hear from the child making the first move. Relationships are ruined by unrealistic expectations.
---Madison on 7/24/05

Honor thy father and mother that thy days upon the earth may be long,hasn't changed.No not wrong to expect her to keep in touch. No excuse for not keeping a close connection to parents.Sometimes parents cause children to put them last,they have expected too little of them,and given too much,children only have learned to receive not give back.Tell her you get lonely to hear from her.If pastors let their own family down they have failed the love test.Loving means keeping in touch.God does.
---Darlene_1 on 7/23/05

Thanks Pharisee. As we consider how much we "owe God" and how little attention we give, we better understand how to relate to those who may "owe" us something. Every person at the foot of His cross honestly and truly owed everything they had, were, and could be to Him. We often just think others owe us something. He acted as we should act, as we should speak. That triumphant cry at the moment of death, the mangled and bloody body spoke of love and power--not selfish self-pity.
---Wayne on 7/23/05

Yes, simply because the life of a pastor has more demands than that of the normal Christian.

What's further, it's wrong to expect anything, even when people owe you something who are you to say that it's time that you receive your due.

I understand the hurt, but with your mind on yourself that's bound to happen.

Colossians 3:1 If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God.
---Pharisee on 7/23/05

Well now, she is the pastor's wife and he is the pastor. I guess that means she is very busy but still has to call you first? I don't sit around waiting to hear from my kids. They all have lives of their own and are very busy. I have an unlimited long distance plan so I can call all of my kids any time I want. Is there something in the kids' rule book that says they have to call us first?
---Madison on 7/23/05

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