Do I Give The Ring Back
Dated 10 years. He cheated-we split. He proposed-we went back together. He cheated again-we split. He chose the other woman.When we split, I offered him the ring--he did not take it. Now two years later he says he should have taken it. He broke the engagement. Should I give it back to him now?
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---dorothy on 8/3/05
Helpful Blog Vote (24)
If he wants the ring and you are a christian you will give it back because Jesus said you should.
Luke 6:30 Give to every man that asks of you, and of him that takes away your goods ask them not again.
But you are not legally bound to return it.
Why do you want it? It binds you to this person. Is it worth all the hassle? Get rid of it so you can be rid of him. If you do what Jesus says you will never be sorry. But it is your ring to do with as you choose.
---Exzucuh on 6/8/09|
Absolutely not! He didn't take it back even when you insisted him too! Just tell him it's his fault, and the ring has been your rightfully owned property now since the time he said you could keep it. Tell him he's acting just like he always does. He can never make up his mind! He doesn't want the ring, he does, he doesn't...He wants to be with you, he doesn't, he does...just tell him to bug off.
---Katherine on 6/8/09|
Why would you want it? If you have it why not give it to him? It signified an engagement. Let him get over his animosity.
---Betty on 6/7/09|
Miss Manners and Dear Abby would say NO and I am faced with a similar situation and torn about it. The only difference is that to add insult to injury the other woman is young enough our daughter and she is a fake. He was cruel and will not return the family heirlooms he has that belong to me unless I give the ring back. So I have no choice. They say sometimes you have to be willing to give up what you have for God to give you something better. In my case I want restoration of what I had...to pray about it and wait for an answer is the best advice.
---Donna on 6/6/09|
If it was bought for you then it's yours If his intentions was that you were to be his wife and he cheated then you should give him back his ring.
Why would you want anything from someone that would cheat on you thank God your away from him and stop communicating with him you sound like someone that likes drama.
I wouldn't want anything form a relationship that was based on infidelity, or the memory of the dude or his ring!
---Carla5754 on 7/18/08|
The rule is: you get to keep everything an ex-fiance gave you EXCEPT the engagement ring.
However, if you physically gave it back to him, and he handed it back and said keep it, you might have an argument for it no longer being an engagement ring, but instead just a present.
But I don't think just an offer would fly in court.
And if it was a family heirloom, you are absolutely obligated to return the ring, no matter what.
My recommendation? Send it back with a note saying good riddance.
And make him sign a receipt!
---Nancy on 7/17/08|
Give to Caesar what is Caesar's.
You dont need it and whatever you trade it for will only remind you of him. Give it back and move on.
---Deen on 7/8/08|
What if the guy owes you $40,000.00. Do you then keep the ring?
---Virginia_Marchuk on 1/11/08|
That's why you don't use that money to buy yourself a gift - you use it to pay bills, or buy groceries.
Pretty soon, the food you bought with it is in the sewer, and the memories with it.
---StrongAxe on 12/24/07|
Strong-axe, I was in that position years ago. I burnt letters and returned gifts. It took him a year to do the same. When I eventually got back the watch, radio, pen etc. I knew that they would be reminders as much as if I'd kept the things FROM him so I found new homes for every single item. All were greatly appreciated but I never had to look at them again. If I'd sold anything from him the item I would have bought with the money would have been as much a reminder as the original item.
---RitaH on 12/21/07|
If he wants it, give it back to him. Otherwise it could be considered stealing.
---catherine on 12/20/07|
Well, she doesn't have to keep it. She could sell it, and at least get a little bit of financial compensation for all the grief and wasted time.
---StrongAxe on 12/20/07|
I cannot understand why any woman would want to keep ANYTHING that had been bought for her by a man who then cheated on her. This is an old question so the matter is probably over and done with but, for anyone else in that position, I'd say give back absolutely everything from him and start afresh. Souvenirs are reminders of an unhappy past - who wants that?
---RitaH on 12/17/07|
Heck no, pawn it!
---sue on 12/17/07|
A wedding ring is a sign of an engagement "contract". It's a bit like a deposit on a car or house.
If a woman breaks the engagement (or the man does because she cheats, etc.) then he deserves the ring back, because he didn't get what he contracted for in good faith.
But if he breaks the engagement (or she does because he cheated, etc.) he doesn't deserve to get it back, any more than someone who puts down a non-refundable deposit but backs out of a deal.
---StrongAxe on 12/17/07|
By law you should give the ring back if you never got married.It is a promise ring.
Whether he didn't want the ring back or not ,you should have returned it and started a new life with someone else.
The ring is a bad memory.Why keep it
and harbor a dead cause.And not only give back the ring,but anything else that remind you of him.Read my profile, and keep in touch.
Iam jack8773.Iwould love to answer your
questions.Ispeak for the Almighty Himself.
---Jack_8773 on 12/17/07|
Forget about the ring. Forget about this man but keep praying for him. Put your trust in the Lord, serve Him wholeheartedly. As you delight yourself in the Lord, He will give to you the desires of your heart. May the light of God break upon your darkness. Amen
---Vin on 12/14/07|
That question was on Judge Judy. She said: The engagement ring is a promise or contract to marry someone. If the wedding does not take place, the contract is null and void. The ring must be given back by law. Why? until the vows are taken, it is still owned by the man giving it. That is the law in all fifty states in the United States. It does not matter if the engagement is broken one day or twenty years later, the law is the law. if it goes to court,ladies lose every time if they do not marry him.
---Dave on 3/19/07|
NO....NO....NO...HE BROKE IT OFF WHEN HE CHEATED ON YOU...if you dont want the ring pawn it ...im really sorry you were treated like this, GOD BLESS and dont let this sour you on men for there are Good ones.
---lea on 3/18/07|
After 8 years, I called off my engagement to my then, Christian boyfriend. I had no problems returning the engagement ring. I did have problems with a ring he gave me very early on in the relationship. My point is that a ring is a strong symbol of a soul tie with a person. Why do you want to keep it...I know I couldn't wear that ring and not think of the person who gave it to me. To release him from my life I HAD to give back the ring.
---shela8978 on 5/22/06|
Dorothy, did you wind up returning the ring? I am also in the same situation and my ex is now demanding the ring back. I tried to return it to him several times and he refused and told me to keep it, that it was a gift. Now he is threatening legal action...
---Anon on 4/8/06|
i seen a case very much like what happened to you on Judge Judy the guy cheated on her lied to her he broke off the engagement and Judge Judy awarded the lady the ring he was told to not bother her anymore case closed . And that is the law weather we are Christians or not.
---Lea on 8/4/05|
I think its up to you what you do with the ring,it was a GIFT and HE broke the engagement!
However, to be free of him it may be easier just to return it.
Put it in a small plastic container with a tight lid, with Sardines, keep it around a few days, wrap it WELL and mail it to him! Steer clear of him!
---NVBarbara on 8/4/05|
Question, if it's been two years, why do you still have it? Maybe it's best to give it back, unless you paid for it. If you refuse to give it back, even though justified, it could create a lot of drama that you clearly don't need. I would ask yourself this: is the drama worth the money, or is the money not worth the drama?
---Katie on 8/4/05|
Sounds like his new woman is behind him asking for the ring back. You know how women are :) but I'm wondering why you're still in contact with him. I hope he's not going to try and cheat with you, on the other woman....hmmmmm, I'd just take the higher ground and give it back and be done with the whole thing. Stop future contact also. No point looking back like Lot's wife. You may turn salty.
---lisa on 8/4/05|
I'd just give the ring back if you still have it. Even though he turned out not to be your prince charming it was given to you for a promise of marriage and the marriage didn't happen.Why keep something that has bad memories attached to it? If he's a really bigger jerk, he can sue you for the ring.I'd say give it back, it's not worth fussing over.
---EJ on 8/4/05|
You can sue for anything here in america. :-)
As Jesus said (verse??), give to ceasar what is ceasar's. Is he still with the other woman? The ring is his connection to you. I had a boyfriend that broke up with me, and he still owed me money. He would call and say he had it, but we would meet and he would "forget" it or something. Give it back, tell him God loves him and find yourself a guy that will treat you as the child of God that you are. Bless you.
---Tanya on 8/4/05|
Elder is it really true that in US he could sue her for the ring? Here in the UK, until about the 1960s I think, the girl could sue the man for 'breach of promise' (and many did) if he broke off an engagement. Alan, do you remember this?
---Xanthi on 8/4/05|
As someone said, this is a legal matter. I suggest you speak with a lawyer.
---Madison on 8/4/05|
Consider yourself lucky. At least he left you with something of value. When my wife and then later my fiance took off for greener pastures all I was left with were a lot of bills to pay and worthless junk. Donate the ring to charity and give him the receipt with a note explaining that he did something good after all.
---ralph7477 on 8/4/05|
you should keep it love x
---Graham on 8/4/05|
Give it back...
For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul? Matthew 16:26
For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost. Romans 14:7
---Pharisee on 8/4/05|
Give it back to him. It's just a reminder of the pain you went through. There's no reason for you to keep it. Unless, you want to be vindictive. However, let go of the ring, forgive, move on with your life and let God deal with this man.God bless -tessa
---tessa on 8/4/05|
I am sorry for you that this happened but it sounds like it was best for you.
The ring is/was a token of an agreement between the two of you for an upcoming marriage. Since the marriage did not occur and the agreement defaulted he has a legal right for the ring to be returned to him.
Do not dispose of it a suggested. He can sue you and make you pay for it if you do.
As rotten as it is that is the law of our land. Strange huh?
---Elder on 8/4/05|
This happened to me several decades ago. I sent back every item I'd ever had from him saying that without the love that had been given with the gifts, the gifts in themselves were nothing to me. It took him a long time to return the things he had had from me. If your ex refused the ring when you offered it to him I don't think he can demand it now, but is there any point in keeping it? I'd suggest giving it back anyway or selling it, but not keeping it and it's sad memories of him.
---Xanthi on 8/4/05|
Keep the ring unless he starts to make a big deal over it. It is not worth the hassle, but either way stop communicating with this man and ask him nicely to stay OUT of your life! He has used you, will continue to use you and deep down does not respect you at all. If he won't stay away, get a restraining order, he is poisen to your life and to your future!
---Michael on 8/4/05|
heres what you do.........give him the ring back wrapped inside another gift from you......put it in a nut dish and hand it to him because he must be nuts to treat you like that!
---rick on 8/4/05|
This may be a legal problem, so you should check with those better qualified than me. But in my personal opinion, you are under no obligation to return the ring. Did he state why he wanted the ring back, after a two year waiting period?
---Ray on 8/3/05|
No, you do not owe this man anything. Keep ring and loose the guy and pray that God will help him sort out his life and get it back on track.
You can do better with God's help
---Marla on 8/3/05|
Simply REMOVE him from your life! Please pray for strength and God's guidance. God bless you.
---Bebet3754 on 8/3/05|
Choose the path that will leave feeling like the bigger person in the end. I rather like this verse -
"IF your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head and the Lord will reward you." (Proverbs 25:21,22)
---DoryLory on 8/3/05|