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Let Him Restore The Marriage

My BF and I met while he was separated, but divorce not yet final. It now is, and God has been speaking to both of us, to surrender to Him. I feel it is to live a Godly life together, he feels he needs to "restore" his marriage, even though that covenant is broken. Advice on this?

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 ---marlena on 8/4/05
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A wife is bound by law to her husband as long as he lives. a wife must not separate from her husband, but if she does she must remain single or be reconciled to her husband and a husband must not divorce his wife. anyone that divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. and if she divorces her husband and marries another man she commits adultery. a man will leave his father and mother and join to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. there for what God has joined together let no man separate. If she marries while her husband still lives she shall be called an adulteress. by the way, Adultery is sin against marriage and God. Adultery does NOT brake the convent. Only Death brakes a convent. Have a nice day :)
---Sam on 9/20/10

I'm sorry to be the one that has to break this to you...your bf was never yours to begin with. He belongs to someone else and has since he said "I do". Maybe your call IS to lead a God-ly life...I'm certain that it is...but, living with someone else's husband (divorce, seperation, adultery, etc does not absolve anyone from their covenant with God) is not living a God-ly life. Please do the right thing and remove yourself from this situation..however hard this may be for you.. and allow this man to reunite with his wife and lead his God-ly life. There are plenty of men out there, don't allow temptation to cloud your decisions or pull you from the God-ly life that you are being called towards. Good luck and God Bless.
---Sonia on 6/8/10

I would not be too quick to dismiss what the Lord can restore.

At a church I used to attend, there were numerous testimonies of couples - some of whom were even divorced - who got back together and built wonderful marriages with the Lords help.

One of my friends was kicked out of the Air Force for cocaine addiction. His wife divorced him. He became a Christian. He tried to date several women at the church singles group, but was advised to consider reconciling with his first wife.

That is what he did, and she and their kids all became Christians. I was at their second wedding ceremony and reception. It has been 10 years and they are still very happy together.
---obewan on 6/23/09

so lets say you are this man's ex-wife

will you be praying that the man returns home?

did he go through the devorce because of his relationship with you?

Is God happy with your interference in this marriage?

what comes around goes around

snatching another's husband is not godly

ask God to bring you your own partner too
stay blessed
---patie3447 on 6/23/09

Vows have been broken, but not the covenant. Only death separates what God has joined together, not divorce and not re-marriage. Christians are surprising me by this willingness to divorce and remarry at the drop of a hat when it is clearly not of God to do so. It's not rocket science. The Word is clear on this subject. And by the way poster "Harold", that guilt he is feeling is called "conviction". You seem to be saying, just stifle that conviction and go on your merry way. It's obvious that God is calling this man home...back to his wife and family. You should back away and let this man follow his leading. Do not become a stumbling block for God's intentions.
---michele on 6/23/09

The teaching of Jesus is simply :- "What God has joined together, man must not put asunder." (Matt. 19:6, Mark 10:9) "Fornication" alone can provide a cause for divorce. Any other divorce is merely a man-made dissolution of what God has joined together, and is forbidden by Jesus. (Matt. 19:9, Mark 10:11, Luke 16:18) Mark 10:12)(Matt. 5:32, Luke 16:18) (Matt. 5:32) "Fornication " is the Greek word "porneia". "Adultery" is the Greek word "moicheia". The two words are not the same. In the case of "adultery by remarriage", God's view of the situation is clear. Men may regard the marriage as legal, but it is forbidden by God.
---SHIRLEY on 1/3/09

If he left his wife to be with you that is adultery. If he is a believer he is commanded by G-d to NOT divorce (1 Cor 7:10,11). Yeshua (Jesus) said it is adultery to marry someone that is divorced UNLESS their divorce was initiated by them as the innocent spouse. If he divorced her for any reason other than her adultery, it is adultery to marry him. And in any case, back to 1 Cor, if he is a Christian then NO reason for divorce is acceptable because of the command to NOT DIVORCE.
---Ramon on 6/4/08

Not divorce/remarriage ends the first marriage. God said to Israel after He had given her a certificate of divorce, "For I am married to you" (Jer. 3:14) So, in remarriage adultery occurs as if there had been no divorce. God's desire is that the first marriage partners leave all other partners, return, and be reconciled to each other. God said, "Yet return to me" (Jer. 3:1) Romans 7:3 states clearly that remarriage doesn't end the first marriage/only death ends the first marriage.
---Shirley on 2/27/08

I read several comments from women about how "he" must restore "his" marriage. Since when is it all the man's responsibility to establish and maintain family? David was mad at his wife Michael, because she insulted him, and she never had a child (i.e. he never slept with her again). Get the man an old wise practical Christian counselor, who will help him get over the guilt that is being placed on him. Then marry the big lug, and keep him warm at night.Live in forgiveness.
---harold on 6/30/07

Technically he is still married and under a convenant. You are committing adultery as well as he. You need to allow him to restore what the enemy has tried to destroy. It is not the will of God for you to be with a man tied to another woman, nor try to seperate what God has brought together. I believe that the enemy is also deceiving you if you believe this lie. Please do not stand in the way of God's work. God will send you your own husband, and you deserve nothing less.
---cosei on 6/29/07

Yeah right. He wants to restore his marriage now because you are calling him down on the spiritual carpet. This man is playing you but now the tables are turning on him and he wants to get off.
He probably misses wifey now. She was letting him do what he wants. You are asking him to do something he does not want. You go figure. I would let him go now! He will never be the man you need him to be to you. Stop it now rather than later. It will be easier to handle now.
---Robyn on 5/21/07

He must be freed to restore his marriage. That is his first responsibility. To get involved with a married man is foolish, even if he is separated. Let him go back to his wife. If you love God you will let him do that.
---Madison on 5/20/07

I say this as gently as I can. He is not yours. He has a wife. Man has no business trying to separate spouses. Society may tell you differently, but it isn't what society says that will get us into Heaven. Read 1Cor 7:(verses 10-15), along with Jesus' (red ink) words in Matt 5:31-32, Matt 19, Mark 10 and Luke 16:18 and Malachi 2:14-16. And then read Elizabeth Marquardt's book "Between Two Worlds". Marriage is til death parts them, not divorce. God bless!
---Marlee on 11/20/06

He has to work this out before he can really be free. I think he's probably mistaken about the possibility that his marriage can be "restored", but that's something he can only find out for himself. The fact that he still wants to restore his marriage shows admirable loyalty. If you love him, and really want to be with him, give him some time. He'll be a better husband, if you do. If he does reunite with his ex-wife, be glad for them.
---Billy on 8/5/05

Love him with a greater love, and let him restore his marriage. Read and study God's word. Know what God's will is, and ask him to give you the strength to do the right thing. Let him go.
---Katie on 8/5/05

love one means to set him free.
---dsda on 8/4/05

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My dear, you have been having a relationship with a married man if he is not divorced.
---Pattie on 8/4/05

Let him have it his way! You go and make things right with the Lord and ask Him to help you to find the man you need, hopefully one without the "baggage" of a previous marriage.
---Pierr7958 on 8/4/05

What a corner you are in!!A man broke his marriage vows to be with you. You made a committement to the relationship. He did not but went thru with the divorce. Now, he is having second thoughts about ex-wife. He has you and wants her back. If he changed his mind about wanting her back to marry or freeload your affection, how could you trust him a month or year or five years from now. Idea-get out of this sick situation before you get hurt badly.
---chuck on 8/4/05

"Can two walk together except they be agreed?" Amos 3:3 Your BF is emotionally attached to his wife & the future of a healthy relationship with you is unrealistic. He has to work through his feelings & possibly exhaust the possibility of restoring the marriage until he can 'move on' & thrive in another relationship. I've been there. I chose to restore my marriage & not grow another relationship that my heart was clearly not in. Pray for God's will & be willing to accept whatever the outcome.
---Shelly on 8/4/05

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