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Did Anyone Marry A Little Boy

Has anyone been married to a man who never grew up "Peter Pan" - wouldn't take responsibiity, procrastinated on serious issues, had temper tantrums, unable to communicate, wanted his needs met before anyone else's, couldn't parent the kids? Love to share your story and outcome.

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 ---Fiona on 8/9/05
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how could any women marry a man like that ...didn't you COMMUNICATE PRIOR to marriage?

did you even date prior to marriage?

another feel sorry for myself unhappily married so-called "christian-women" belly-aching with her "poor-me-syndrome"

problem with women today is they truly believe they can CHANGE a man once they marry him - how sad they do not LISTEN to the people around them who are TELLING them otherwise

don't see the "christian-love" in gossiping about your own husbands immaturity - even if it is anonymous blog post ...YOU KNEW what you were getting

misery sure does love company
---Rhonda on 11/6/11

to answer the question, My wife did, luckily for her shes a wendy in disguise. Thank God we have children who can run the family.
---andy3996 on 11/5/11

My husband and I were married when I was 16, he was 17. We both had to grow up. I believe I matured much faster. There was many years when his fun came before family, I never gave uo on him. He turned out to be the best daddy and husband anyone could ask for. One of the main problems in marriages today is that people give up on each other because they think it is easier. I thank God everyday for the 40 years I had with Mikel. I wouldn't trade my memories of our life together for anything on this earth. I am blessed,
---Linda on 11/4/11

when my husband and me married, he married a little girl and I married a little boy. We grew up together and lived happily together for 50yrs. I am thankful for my little boy.
---shira4368 on 10/27/11

Ah Yes! Another Squawking Hen forum!
---John on 10/26/11

A very sad but eye-opening question. A lot of us did marry this type of person. But it goes both ways, to be fair to the little boys. The way we begin these relationships are usually the way they will end. We should learn to discuss certain subjects(during dating) beforehand, and hope his true feelings come out, before we commit. But life has a way of turning the tables on us and mess happens. There are no guarantees in life. We take chances,pray and hope for the best.
---Robyn on 10/22/11

I feel terribly guilty because i am a Peter Pan figure.
I look around and there are so many responsible people out there that they seem to be light years ahead in maturity. How can one catch up?!
---Ed on 4/10/07

I am married to a man like this now. Refuses to parent my kids, refuses to pay bills (would rather buy iunker cars and video games) steals from me and lies when he gets caught doing something he has no business doing. He sold a car that was in my name and the dealership came after my check to the tune of 300/pay day after he didn't pay them. I am trying to forgive, but there is no longer trust. Please help
---Evelyn on 4/10/07

I get sick of walking into the home where the girls are helping out their mothers and the boys sit around waiting for their food, watching football on tv and have no responsibility. Their mothers do their beds and wash their clothes and persecute the girls if the house work is not done. Not in my house all have to put their hands to the plow!
---Carla5754 on 4/9/07

Yes. My husband came into the marriage with alot of baggage from his past. He never forgave anyone who hurt him. He wanted everyone to do for him, and wanted to do NOTHING for anyone, including his wife, including working full-time. We went to counselling for a year, went through 3 counsellors, we ended up in divorce because he turned violent on me (went out and bought a gun, he got arrested, got charged, etc.,). He is STILL the same today, 7 years later.
---donna6598 on 4/9/07

OK my husband has got PPS - I just realized it today. Our marriage is at a make-or-break point and he doesn't know how to overcome it! I am really frustrated at the lack of information on the web on how to overcome PPS - lots of into on ID-ing it but that doesn't help us! ANyone dealt with this and overcome it?
---Bethany on 4/8/07

I think alot of the problem is that we all think marriage is the solution to whatever the problem is in a relationship. We try to make people what we want them to be rather than find someone that makes us happy the way they are. Sometimes things are good in the beginning, but one may mature and the other remains. In my marriage I turned to God and my ex-wife turned to the world. Don't stop works!!! You may not get the results you want, but you get the right results, God's results.
---Robert on 9/1/05

Steve ,that theory sounds like speculation . Women respect men because they had fathers-male relatives who treated them well. Dad never corrected me but twice in my life, I thought he hung the moon.I respected him because he respected me.He treated me like a lady.My Dad-the men on both sides of the family made me feel secure as a person.No one ever said I couldn't do certain things because I was a girl.I was included, male and female activities, because I was loved/respected and I loved/respected back.
---Darlene_1 on 8/19/05

, in my male studies class, we are learning how men have failed to discipline their daughters, so these girls grow up spoiled, with a contempt for men that they take out on their husbands. thus, men have little incentive not to be peter pans.
---steve on 8/12/05

Fiona wrote..I have had enough. He has met with our Pastor, been told to step up to the plate (as he was in his first failed marriage) that marriage failed for same reasons. I don't get people, they do their own thing instead of submitting to the word of God and when it don't work out, what do they do? take the easy way out. welcome to christiandom :-D
---mark585 on 8/12/05

, whatever happened to the old-fashioned way of choosing a husband, where women actually found out who the man was BEFORE they rushed into marriage?
---steve on 8/11/05

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, the peter pan syndrome includes many in today's society. feminists seek their own goals without caring for others, yet they are not called peter pans. but when a man disagrees with his wife, he gets the label.
---steve on 8/11/05

I think it has a lot to do with how their mothers treated them, over mothering, surrogate husband, companion (when own husband wont step up to the plate), i've heard it said that men marry woman who resemble their mothers so they can continue in childhood throughout the marriage and here you have it folks, the classic Peter Pan syndrome. Buyer beware!! Check out a man's r/ship with his mother before you marry him.
---lisa on 8/9/05

......He does not father his children and wants the kids to even meet some needs. I have had enough. He has met with our Pastor, been told to step up to the plate (as he was in his first failed marriage) that marriage failed for same reasons. What on earth do I do. He is repeating the past.
---Fiona on 8/9/05

..... I think what is more relevant, is unmet needs in chilhood from a mother figure and then the wife becomes the substitute to "fill the holes" - which is of course not Gods plan. I carry all responsibility in our home, budget, pay bills, think and plan for our future. He gets up goes to work comes home, he pouts, has tantrums and is impossible to communicate with as he takes everything the wrong way.
---Fiona on 8/9/05

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DoryLory - I don't think your post is actually relevant to my situation as my husband never engaged in pre-marital sex prior to marriage (quite the opposite personality type)
---Fiona on 8/9/05

, a major cause of trouble is that many subscribe to evolution, and thus have strange ideas about how men's primary urge is carnal. these people won't be able to see the difference between good men and "carnal" men.
---steve on 8/9/05

, part of the problem is that women tend to marry men who are not old enough to be ready for marriage. they think that they can change him, while he gets the idea that she is accepting him as he is. women cannot fix men, they must learn to look for mature men.
---steve on 8/9/05

God is real and ALL christians should be able to tell others about How Real God is!
God can be revield, thru you , me and everyone.
Babies, the creation, the sun, the moon, the stars, the skies, my goodness! This list can get quit endless! So stop telloing people that you can't prove that God is real. He's very real. You are here are you not?
---Ms._Cj on 8/9/05

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I married a little boy too, who always put his needs before others. I have never felt cherished or protected throughout our marriage which is now at seperation stage. I fought against the idea of separation but he has been unfaithful, unsupportive nor has he been a loving father to our children. He does not have a true faith in Jesus either.
---Judie on 8/9/05

No, I married a little girl that always wanted things her way just as when she was a child. She was so spoiled just as when she was with her mom and dad. She did grow up though and became one of the greatest mother and wife. And is now with the Lord. Praise God
---lupe2618 on 8/9/05

I believe there is a problem with men remaining relationally immature in society today. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I believe the brunt of the problem stems from the mindset of a world that feels that immorality is without consequence. People think that they can sleep around with whoever and "If it feels good, do it."

But that's wrong. There are consequences to fornication and adultery and many marriages and families are suffering because of it.
---DoryLory on 8/9/05

I posted this a few months ago but I believe it bears repeating due to the nature of the question & for all the newcomers to this forum. I apologize for the length but I think it's an important issue, so here goes.

Women are relationship orientated. It's a God-given need that compliments their nurturing nature. They watch romantic movies, read romance novels & watch soap operas because they are relational beings. Movie producers & book publishers understand this but few husbands seem to.
---DoryLory on 8/9/05

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Men, on the other hand, have been created with a nature for self-preservation. Little boys play cops and robbers, king-of-the-hill and even as they grow-up are still contantly competing with each other (sports, etc.) because they are born with a conquering nature. They have an inborn desire to overtake and win which is utterly important for the self-preservation of mankind. Unfortunately this instinct is not relationship friendly.
---DoryLory on 8/9/05

It's about "self"-preservation ... it's focus is on self & not the giving that's required for a healthy relationship.

Because guys are not (generally) relational, selflessness & being respecful of other people's feelings are mostly learned traits.The frightening thing is, until a guy learns these, he will remain trapped in a realm of selfishness & immaturity concerning relationships. He may look mature & grown-up but inside he will have a tendency to reason like a selfish child.
---DoryLory on 8/9/05

A truth from Scripture (Proverbs 5:7-9), is that the single, most important experience necessary for young men to acquire the characteristics of selflessness and respectfulness comes from abstaining from premarital sex. The male species must learn to conquer his own strongest drive and desire in order to conquer "himself." You see, until he conquers himself, he won't have the ability to put the needs of others before his own.
---DoryLory on 8/9/05

Society today, does not understand how damaging premarital sex is. Guys are designed for strength, they are designed to be the protectors, the ones who bring strength into the relationship. We can see this plainly in their physical bodies. Men have a much higher percentage of muscle mass than women. But it's only with the growth and development of those muscles that the strength comes.
---DoryLory on 8/9/05

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And what does it take to develop those muscles? It's exercise, most especially in the form of resistance. The greater the resistance the greater the strength. Resistance always leads to greater strength. This is true in the physical sense, it is equally true in the sense of developing strong character.
---DoryLory on 8/9/05

A guy acquires selflessness through resistance, through the conquering of his own "self" ... which may very well be the most challenging conquest of his life. A guy who resists his own greatest desire and need, for a girl's right for respect and honor, is the making of a man of maturity and character who will be capable of nourishing a marital relationship. A husband that is incapable of nurturing a relationship is certain to have a lonely and unhappy wife.
---DoryLory on 8/9/05

I did and I am younger than my husband. I have have to step up by supporting our family, paying the bills, etc. so these things get done. It has been trying to say the least. Hind sight is 20-20.
---annie on 8/9/05

The outcome has been an awakening through God's word what a father, husband is supposed to be. It has taken lots of prayer and patience.
---Shelly on 8/9/05

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Yes. It would take too long to go into detail but my husband has since shared with me his feelings that I 'grew' up after we married and he didn't - his words. Until he could see the need to step up and be more mature, it hurt our marriage terribly. Joy, laughter, happiness etc. have their place but so does paying bills on time, not buying whatever you want, not disciplining children properly, not getting angry and pouting etc.
---Shelly on 8/9/05

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