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My Husband And I Fight

My husband and I fight all the time and did before marriage. Now that I have a one year old son I need help.

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 ---jancy on 8/17/05
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Well I have two words for you - JENNY CRAIG. My ex-wife turned into a big fat pig after giving birth to our 4 children and that is why I left her for a younger, thinner, more attractive woman
---Jed on 11/27/10 on the "Im a big, fat pig" blog

Jed, is this a different Jed??

That's one of the problem with these blogs.. People can use the same names
---NurseRobert on 12/2/10

Jed, I do not know if someone was trying to defame you by posting in your name or it was an coincidence.

please accept my apologies Jed.

p.s. somebody just recently slightly changed my name to imply that i was the business end of the donkey that Jesus rode in on. But, honestly, it was funny and may be true somewhat.
---aka on 12/2/10

If you are not the same Jed who commented on the "Am I a Big Fat Pig" blog, then we heartily apologize. If you will take a look at that blog, you will notice an entry by a "Jed" that is so contrary to what you have responded here it bears mentioning. If you did not post that response on that blog, please inform us here.
---Samuel on 11/30/10

What are you talking about? I don't have an ex-wife! I have only one wife and we are married with only two children. We love eachother very much. There have been times when we have gone throught things, especially when we were first married that could have broken our marriage. But we stuck through it because that is God's way. We not only made a vow to eachother, we made a vow to God on our wedding day.
---Jed on 11/30/10

Jed, before you tell a woman she needs to obey her husband, how about you tell us how you LOVED your ex-wife like Christ loves the church?!
---Mary on 11/29/10

Jed, first, tell us about leaving your wife and four kids for a slimmer woman because you wife got fat. (am i a big, fat pig blog)

It makes every statement that you make here even more precious.
---aka on 11/28/10

I wonder whether Jancy managed to sort things out with her husband.

Did she leave him, or have they since had three more children?
---alan8566_of_uk on 11/29/10

How dare any of you tell this woman to leave her husband? This is not of God and this is not from God's Word. If you want to work this out, the only way you will do that is by first determining with your husband that divorce is not an option. You must let him know that you want to save your marriage! This will motivate him to change when he sees your honest effort and your commitment. You took a vow with this man to stay together for better or worse. God did not make arguing a criteria for divorce. Shame on all who said that, may the Lord rebuke you! You need to first make sure you are being obedient to God then you need to obey your husband.
---Jed on 11/28/10

Jancy: The most loving thing you can do is move on with your life. Stop fighting with this man. Separate and find a more satisfying relationship, for your sake and your son. Don't put your spouse down when you and he separate. Speak well of him, for your son's sake. Don't stop your son from seeing his dad. But do seek something better for yourself. Seems you and this man has never been or will be,compatible. Pray and ask the Lord to help you in whatever you need to do, to be free.You are living in terrible bondage. Blessings
---Robyn on 11/24/10

Well, one of you need to stop fighting. And I know that this is easy for me to preach. It is easy to give out advice. But, God does qualify me. Not healthy for the child, not healthy for you....Tell your husband if he won't corporate, you'll have no choice but to move it on out. Hallelujah. Thank You Jesus. HA.
---catherine on 11/23/10

I know that feeling, that's all I do as well. I think we have so much to talk about.
---Santo on 11/23/10

Well my friend. Again you brought this on yourself. Why in the world would you marry a man you argue and fight with all of the time? You should not have married this man until you both learned how to relate to one another. You did not pay attention to the big red flags and signals in front of you? A leopard does not easily change its spots. Did you think marriage would change anything? Very sad.
---Robyn on 11/10/10

A tough call when a child is in involved. You need God. You need to grow enough to be able to stop fighting with your husband. You need enough growth to not allow your husband, in-whom Satan is using, to not push your buttons. If you work at these things, do your best, and you see no change in your husband, then, perhaps, separation would be in order. But, before you take such a drastic step, do your best.
---catherine on 11/10/10

A lot of these responses are very unfair. This person is looking for help, not criticism. Also, running away to pray? If she's Christian and has been praying, clearly that's not magically solving all her problems. If you want to keep your marriage, you two both need to be on the same page about changing how you discuss things. Maybe he will be willing if he knows it is for your son. Soon - and even now - your son will understand when you're fighting and it will impact him. You can make a change. It might have to start with you. Maybe pray to God to give you the strength to debate with your husband in a different way - even when he reverts to yelling. If you're consistent, he may change, too. Be strong. Good luck.
---Heather on 11/10/10

It will have to start with you. You cannot change, or control your husband and nagging will just make it worse. I would recommend that when an argument arises..shut your mouth..and if you cannot..go shut yourself in a room and pray. You are going to have to walk in is your choice.
---melanie on 5/29/08

What you did while dating will not change when you get married. Have you ever thought that you liked it before?? I'm not coming down on you but there are a lot of women who play the victim role, when in essence that man has no idea what is going on b/c that's they the way you 2 are.
---Senya on 5/28/08

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Several questions: 1) What does fighting do for you? 2) Do you get what you want when you fight? 3) Are you aware how this is programming your baby to be a fighter? 4) Who usually starts the fight? 5) Were you/your husband raised in a family that fights instead of communicates calmly? 6) Do you and your hubby enjoy fighting? 7) Do you really want to stop, does he? Get professional Christian counseling and STOP! Remember it takes two to fight, so if you stop, he won't.
---Elsie on 5/28/08

Again, are you a Christian? I know God wants peace for His people. And God wants peace in His house which is the inside of you. "Quite peace." You can still have joy, just don't expect from other people, to give it to you . In other words, other people are not responsible for your joy.
---catherine on 4/30/07

Now you need help????? Sounds like you needed help before you got married...I strongly suggest that you both seek counseling as soon as possible as your son will hear the fighting and believe me, it will affect him as he will grow up thinking this is a normal environment when it isn't...I also suggest you seek the counsel of your Pastor and spiritual leaders and friends as well...
---fran6775 on 4/30/07

do you both know Jesus personally? do you both love Him? then let Jesus love come through you so you can love others, Proverbs says a soft word turns away wrath, two wrongs dont make right pray and ask God to give you an even greater love for your husband and show it, love can overcome anything,look at what Jesus love did for us'
---michele on 9/21/05

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Well, why don't you be a bigger person and stop the fight? Verbal fights usually leads to physical fights, so when they start verbally keep your mouth SHUT. I assure you, he'll get tired of talking and just shut up! A person cant fight themselves, it takes two or more.
---Lily9364 on 9/21/05

3. I really thought is was a simple answer. Just stop fighting and start acting like great Christians and be examples for others. Stop making excuses and get to it. Every minute they waste is less time spend for God. Their focus is only in themselves. to much pride to give in, someone has to humble.
---lupe2618 on 8/18/05

2. Melissa, I am not been mean. I am been truthful. Many people already know the answer to their own question. I don't think it is a mystery that couples fight. I use to go to my room and lock the door. Sometimes it takes work Melissa, but no number of words will change them but themselves. They have to want to make the marriage work. Look at all the questions that are coming out now. It is all the same thing. They have to work their relationship. I cannot make them and you cannot either.
---lupe2618 on 8/18/05

If you tell them to pray, do you think they both will? Prayer is great when talking to God for something you want Him to do for your life. He expects you to do what He commands you to do as a Christian. But you have to act. God will not put your shoes on but He can surely take them away, and you won't have any. This couple is fighting. Do they need to fight? No. Can you make them stop? No. Can God make them? Yes, it might not be what they expect and might be worse. So my suggestion is to stop.
---lupe2618 on 8/18/05

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Lupe, people cannot just "stop fighting". It takes prayer and time. Speaking of which, since no one has mentioned it yet, I will.
Jancy, it is very hard to just stop. What you need to do is pray. Pray every day for the Lord to speak to the both of you and help you understand the reasons for your fighting. Pray that the Lord will bring peace to your home and that your son will not be affected from the fighting done already. I will be praying for you!
---Melissa on 8/18/05

Well, here is my help, "stop fighting." You don't have to ask us for help. We cannot stop for you. you have to do it yourself.
---lupe2618 on 8/17/05

Jancy, what kind of help do you want? Scripture? Counselling? Encouragement? Someone to push the right button and just fix it for you? :) (You do realize that it will take determination on your part to change, don't you?)

Does your husband want to stop fighting? Are you and he both born again or saved? Do you pray together?
- jeffr5976
---Jeffrey on 8/17/05

, all fighting is wrong because it involves two opinions that are too stubborn to be right. insist that both of you stop this habit immediately. you don't want your kid growing up to think it's okay.
---steve on 8/17/05

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In a marriage team building I use to give, there was a statement, "I have to change myself, I can't change my mate, but he will will change in relation to my change". So write down what causes the fights. Write what you can do to change yourself. For example: if you have to say something unpleasent to say, just say it and leave the room. Don't argue the point or try to convience him. He'll get the picure you aren't going to argue. If he has no one to argue with, he'll stop.
---WIVV on 8/17/05

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