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Separated From My Wife

My wife seperated from me because of the way I treated her and her child, I am repeating my past as I lost my 1st marriage for similar reasons. She says I need to deal with my issues but I don't know why I don't. I don't know how to win her back, I am sitting doing nothing and losing her forever.

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 ---Wesley on 8/27/05
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Well, well. How wrong I was!!!!
---RitaH on 2/8/08

God will not make you able to overcome your problems so you can have a woman who is not your wife. You gave your word you would love the first one, but you did not love her by treating her the way you did. So, you possibly have no right to go on to another woman. And what about the support that is due the woman you vowed to love? You promised you would give her love and support, it doesn't matter if she divorced you, your word stands, doesn't it? If your word is no good, you can do nothing.
---Bill_bila5659 on 2/8/08

You were able to get her to marry you, in spite of your issues...which perhaps you managed to hide for a while. She fooled herself into marrying you > **this** is an issue **SHE** needs to deal with, or she could fool herself in some other way...if she's still able to...does not just need to be concerned about how you are a problem, I would say. This goes for me, too, if I fool myself.
---Bill_bila5659 on 2/8/08

Many questions like this one would die a natural death if allowed to do so. It is the resurrection (with new date) which caused a new flurry of interest. I'm guessing the posts keep coming back with new dates to compensate for the smaller number of new questions being asked recently. Something has to be done to keep an interest in the website and this is the chosen way. I'm guessing this contribution will not see the light of day.
---RitaH on 2/8/08

Alan...don't you understand....the same questions...have been revisited...month after month...and year after year...for 8 years...
But the frequency and increasing like a 8.0 magnitude earthquake.
---Cindy on 2/8/08

A wife who separates from her husband -- first of all has an issue with the Lord. God forbids this. Her spiritual condition needs to be your primary area of prayer. But give her space, pray for her, and if she responds well to your occasional contact -- continue that. Remember the old saying -- "if you want her to run, chase her." Avoid too many calls and gifts. You want her to come back because SHE wants to return. Trust Him.
---Eric on 2/8/08

Cindy ... Don't you understsnd how the resurrection of these blogs works.
"Years have NOT been spent blogging about" this subject.
The question was asked on 8/27/05
Crystals rewsponse was on 9/29/05
Jan's post was probably around the same date, but redated when the blog was resurrected by the Moderators on 4/6/07
Delores posted shortly after, but her post was redated when again the blog was resurrected by the Moderators on 7/2/08.
---alan_of_UK on 2/7/08

How well we know, every miserable detail of this never ending misery.

While years have been spent blogging about it, it would have been a better use of time if the marriage had actually been worked the time to this marriage and to your children. There are no repeat performances for child rearing. They leave home and look back and unless parents gets a grip on life, their history will be repeated through the children. Sitting, doing nothing and losing them is not God's will.
---Cindy on 2/7/08

I would suggest that you pray, go to a good church and get some counseling. if they are that important to you, you will do it not only for them but for you.
---delores on 2/7/08

why don't you ask your wife if she would go to counseling with you. seek God focus on him more too. renew your mind with the word. his divine will be done in your situation
---jan4876 on 4/6/07

Ron's right! It's very rare (but possible with the Lord's help) for stepparents to love their spouses' children as their own. It happens most often when that stepparent comes into the child's life very early. In ministry to step families, I've noticed that the majority of success stories are a result of stepparents realizing that it is best when they are there for those children in a friend/supporter role, physically and emotionally, and avoid the disciplinarian role leaving that to the natural parent.
---Crystal on 9/29/05

satan is keeping you from doing what is right. you are putty in his hands and he is loving it. you need to committ your life completely over to the Lord, trust in the Lord and he will handle our battles that we go through. God is the only answer to all of our concerns.
---linda on 9/28/05

i wouldnt pay too much to crystal, she doesnt know what she is saying.. people can and do love thier step children as their own... i should know.
---ron on 9/27/05

Do I understand? Have you twice married women with children not your own? If so, I have news for you. You will never, never love those kids like they were your own. That being said, you can still treat them well, but you have to attempt to be their friend. This is the best possible scenario for step-parents. Step-parents who do otherwise inevitably fail. If you love this woman, you can save your marriage by understanding this and practicing being a "pal" to her child.
---Crystal on 9/26/05

Wesley, First off you don't need a psychotherapist! This is what the world says but this is not a good Christian approach. Corinne has the best advice. There are good Christian counslers available. Your Pastor should know and there are a lot of good Christian orginizations. Don't listen to the enemy, listen to God's voice. God bless you in a wonderful way!
---Edward on 8/29/05

Turn from your ways.Repent my son and be baptized fill your mind with the Word of God be taught and counselled in His ways and God will change you into a new man.If this has not happened then you have not repented fully.If you want your life back Trust and obey.If you love me you will obey my commandments
---Christine on 8/28/05

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Get yourself into psychotherapy. It sounds like you have some serious problems. Your marriage is just a symptom.
---Madison on 8/27/05

The best advice I can offer you my friend,is to pray over a Christian Counselor. Find out through your Minister or join a support group for men who have issues with anger/domestic violence. "Seek and ye shall find,knock and the door will be open." Blessings,+corin3666
---Corinne on 8/27/05

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