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Husband Has Drinking Problem

My husband has been saved for 8 years. Ever since I met him he has had a drinking problem. It comes and goes depending on his closeness with God. Now he is drinking at least 3 times a week. This will only get worse. Please let me know if you have any answers to this problem. Thank You

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I want to thank you again for showing me a very elaborate system of blogging.
A virtual round robin of commending, counseling, debating, personal one on one emails, with computers that are always breaking down - making it difficult at times.

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Most of all that was found through the articles, the quizes, and comments from the Moderator.
---Mike on 1/3/08

Helen "Because the Bible says so, that is why"
Please quote where the Bible forbids the Christian from seeking help from the medical profession for addiction problems.
Please explain how it is wrong for others to use doctors for such help, whilst it is OK for you.
---alan_of_UK on 3/11/07

AlanofUK - ("Why do you demand that the addict aschews all worldly help?") -- Because the Bible says so, that is why.
---Helen_5378 on 3/10/07

No Helen I was not drunk. It was in very hazardous winter weather.
The point you do not spot is that God saved me through my holding onto something that was not God Himself, and that the people who saved me were ordinary people, not even Christians.
Why should it be any different for those with addiction problems?
I did not say to God "I am not having anything to do eith this worldly method of saving my life" Why do you demand that the addict aschews all worldly help?
---alan_of_UK on 3/9/07

Helen: I have not posted here since 2005, please post me privately if you wish to dialogue with me. Madia3794
---Madison1101 on 3/8/07

Lloyd - That is wrong to say something like that. Many Christians struggle, sometimes enormously, with an addiction problem for sometimes many years before they go free. I continued to smoke my head off after I became born-again. Then Jesus set me free instantly and completely from it's bondage. Because I smoked did not make me any less of a Christian.
---Helen_5378 on 3/8/07

Madison - You really should stop pointing the finger when it comes to addictions in Christians. There was something you said you were still bound to. Would you like me to refresh your memory. None of us are perfect and are all in different stages of Christian maturity.
---Helen_5378 on 3/8/07

Alan8869ofUK - Were you drunk when you slipped and fell? I ask that because your question to me is strange given that this Blog is about somebody with a drinking problem! :)
---Helen_5378 on 3/8/07

Helen ... on one of my mountain walks, I slipped down a steep slope towards a high cliff. Somehow, God allowed my slide to go past some bush roots. I grabbed hold of those. God gave me the strength to hold on until the mountain rescus tean arrived and took me back to safety. The leader of that tean was not a Christian.
Should I have ignored the roots and the teams help?
---alan_8869_of_UK on 3/8/07

the only answer i have for you is your part continue to walk in love.god is a rewarder to those that dilently seek cant change him but you can stay before the lord for him.pray and fast and do your part as his wife and i believe that he will see the light.remember it wont be willing to fast and pray.
---carol on 3/7/07

Whoa--um, back up the train with that last comment, please; just because a person is an alcoholic does NOT mean they are not saved! I am a recovering alcoholic and I am saved! Am nearly 3 years sober; still want to drink but want God and life more!
---Mary on 3/7/07

Your husband has never been saved. He has to believe in Jesus. That He was crucified, died, buried and rose form the dead. Believe me if he was saved you would have seen some evidence of it by now. Changes in his life. Praying to God, reading and studying the Bible, maybe getting in a Bible Study teaching Sunday school or anything to grow in his faith. God can take him the way he is and save him from his sins. As long as he has breath it is not to late to ask God for His forgivness.

---Lloyd on 3/7/07

Helen ... What you say is not illogical
Why should the fact that God helps negate the value of other assistance that He guides us to?
---alan_8869_of_UK on 3/7/07

Madison1101 - Would like to know if the Madison who posted below on 9/27/05 is you? I am curious because in that particular post Madison says the power of God helped her stop drinking. That is opposed to how you now say A.A. is for all alcoholics including Christians.
---Helen_5378 on 3/7/07

I can only speak from my own experience; I was a functioning alcoholic for almost 35 years, and always, ALWAYS, deep inside I felt God wanted better for me than that. Finally, the last time I drank, I came to the Lord in humble and broken spirit and asked him to release me from this prison....this He did. Praise God!! It's now almost 2 years since my last drink.
---Walter on 3/7/07

Alan: what concerns me is Rebecca;s statement that an alcoholic cannot be a Christian, coupled with the hypocrisy of that fact that she is bound by nicotine addiction. I believe that both the alcoholic and the person with nicotine addiction can be believers who have addictions, whether they are active in the addiction, or have the addiction in remission.
---Madison on 9/29/05

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Beer itself is not sinful, because sin is in the heart of man and does not exist in any object of itself. It is the drunkenness that comes about when a man drinks too much that causes him sin. Advice him not to put himself in a trap, one glass is followed by more!Read 1corintians 6:9-10,drunkards are among people who will not enter the kingdom of God! Pray together, our Savior and Redeemer is always ready to listen to us and answer our prayers.
Be blessed!
---KALIGIRWA on 9/29/05

I accept your clarification, Madison.
I think the defining point is the dependancy on the alcohol.
Rebecca has confused drunkenness, which is a choice, with dependence on alcohol, which once it passes a certain point, becomes an addiction which stays often till the end of life.
the only way for sufferes of that alcoholism is to stay off alcohol entirely otherwise they are on the slipery slope again
---alan8869_of_UK on 9/28/05

For my clients, the rule of thumb is, how is your drinking, and drunkenness, interfering with your family, job and school? If it is causing a problem in any area of your life, then you have a problem with alcohol and need help stopping.
---Madison on 9/28/05

Alan: There are different degrees of alcoholism. The worst is the person who is drinking everyday, and needs an eyeopener to wake up with. There are alcoholics who get drunk every weekend, but don't drink during the week, they are just warming up for the daily drunks, but now there yet.

In Alcoholics Anonymous the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking. They don't have a preset requirement for extent of the alcoholism.
---Madison on 9/28/05

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And most alcoholics drink so frequently and regulary that they are so used to being under the inbfluence, that their bodies may not display the usual signs of drunkeness.
---alan8869_of_UK on 9/28/05

Xanthi ... as I understand it, alcoholism is the addiction to alcohol ... cannot manage without it .. very dependant, need the daily fixes. Must have a drink when getting in from work. Just like a drug addict, and it is a drug if misused.

But it is also possible to drink very heavily, and frequently get very drunk, without becoming an addict. They therefore are not alcoholics.
---alan8869_of_UK on 9/28/05

Xanthi,Not Alan ,but yes there all kinds of alcoholism.Even people who only drink on weekends but on a regular basis are alcoholics.I knew a man like that,every weekend he drank , and got drunk, but didn't drink during the week when he had to work.It can take all forms,thats why sometimes people don't believe someone is an alcoholic because they don't drink every day.It is the repeat pattern of their drinking to excess,on a regular basis, which lets you know they are alcoholics.
---Darlene_1 on 9/28/05

Alan, you seem to know something about alcoholism. I seem to remember you mentioning a friend with the problem some time ago. Would you say that someone who drinks very regularly and to excess, but can control it when necessary (for example because they have to drive the following morning) is an alcoholic or an occasional drunkard? My relative comes in this category but does drink very excessively I would say.
---Xanthi on 9/28/05

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Alan: There was one summer in 1983, where I was getting drunk every day, but then I broke free for a while. Believe me, when I would go back to it, the cravings were there. Problem was, my husband did not know about my drinking so I was unable to get the alcohol when I craved it. After my divorce, I had trouble stopping for a few months, but went back to AA.
---Madison on 9/28/05

Madison ... are you sure you were/are an alcoholic?
You sound as if you may have been just an occasional drunkard.
The alcoholic has an uncontrollable addiction to alcohol, and if you go back to drinking after a long break, you cannot just walk away again.
Was it like that with you
---alan8869_of_UK on 9/27/05

I did not know about the power of God that was available to me to help me stop. Once I learned of that, I quit.

Maybe you should learn of the power of God available to help you quit smoking, and stop pointing a judgemental finger at those of us who are human just as you are.
---Madison on 9/27/05

Rebecca: Are you living like Hell now? You smoke and have't quit yet. Just as you are having trouble quitting smoking, I had trouble quitting drinking. I did not get drunk every day. There were years when I did not drink, but didn't know I was an alcoholic. I would go for months and not drink and then get drunk once and then go for more months and not drink.
---Madison on 9/27/05

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Every one of us have a dark and bright day in our lives.
There are several habits that aren't sweetable for the Children of God.Alcoholism and smoking are not a habit and right for children of God.They are devil's distraction.You need to establish a holy tie with your savior and creator, where you will not be ashamed in haven by poisoning your body, the temple of God.
---John_Sekamonyo on 9/27/05

Thank you Madison, that is very interesting and helpful. Yes Alan, agree with you.
---Xanthi on 9/27/05

I am striving to quit, I smoke less and less each day. Madison I didn't say you are living like hell now, I was meaning when you was drinking. How was it that you came to God? Would you agree that you had backslide from God at that point when you were drinking alot? could it be that you just denied the fact that you was an alcolic?
---Rebecca_D on 9/26/05

Rebecca: I think it is interesting that you are such an expert on the subject of alcoholism. I have worked as an intern, providing psychotherapy, in two different treatment facilities working directly with addicts and alcoholics for two years. In addition, I have completed a Masters in Social Work and done extensive research on the problems and treatment of alcoholism and drug addiction.

What is your actual experience and training in this field?
---Madison on 9/26/05

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Cont: Yes, they refer to "God as we understand Him." That is not a problem for me, because my God is the God of the Bible, with Christ as my saviour. It has given me opportunities to share my faith on occassion with people who are trying to figure out who God is for them.
---Madison on 9/26/05

Xanthi: As there are many Christian self-help groups, including some that use AA's 12 steps but refer to Christ as the Higher Power, I would recommend them first if they are available. However, 15 years ago, they were not available to me, so I went to AA. AA is available all over the world now.
---Madison on 9/26/05

Xanthi ... if there was no reference to God, those "some Christians" would have nothing to complain about.

But when we open up the group with no Christian faith (yet) and suggest there is a God out there who can help, the objections arise!
How odd that this encouragement to get people to seek their god and give Christians to the opportunity to talk about our GOD, should be condemned
---alan8869_of_UK on 9/26/05

Madison would you definitely recommend A.A. to a Christian? I have heard such conflicting advice on this. Some Christians have advised me not to recommend A.A. to a relative because of a phrase they use in the 12 steps, something along the lines of 'Believing in God however we perceive Him to be'. I'd say that's better than going to a self-help group where others will try to convince us there is no God at all. Could you enlighten me a little on this subject please?
---Xanthi on 9/26/05

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Madison ... as well as my Christian alcoholic friend, and my Christian gambling addict friend, I have Christian friends who have quit smoking, but acknowledge that they are tobacco addicts. They have not smoked for years, but know that if they had a cigarette now, they would immediately be right back to high level smoking.

I wonder how Rebecca will cope if/when she stops smoking?
---alan8869_of_UK on 9/26/05

Unfortunately, there are many self-righteous Christians who would scare an alcoholic away from God with judgemental attitudes like yours. That is why Alcoholics Anonymous is so great. There is where I learned that God's power could release me from my addiction to alcohol.
---Madison on 9/26/05

Rebecca: Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic is true. The physical alcoholism does not leave a person at salvation. The person, at salvation, has available to awesome power of God to release that person. They may not know about it, or understand it, but it is there for them.
---Madison on 9/26/05

Rebecca: How am I still living like Hell?

Did you not read my post explaining that I did not know about the availability of God's power till 1989?

I was 16 in 1974. I had my drinking problem then. I did not even know I was an alcoholic till 1989. The devil is insidious and lies to believers and unbelievers equally. It took me until then to find help and get help, and even then I had relapses because of the emotional and physical cravings.

Rebecca: Do you smoke cigarettes?
---Madison on 9/26/05

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Rebecca ... once again I say ... being saved does not necessarily change your physical medical condition, and that is what alcoholism is.
You have heard about my friend ... who was given a laced drink, and back came all the craving. You cannot deny this. You have never been there.
---alan8869_of_UK on 9/26/05

Greetings in Christ!
Madison, I think it's a Awesome
testimony to the Faithfulness of
Our Lord!! And I appreciate who you are IN Christ! Bless you Sister!
---Mary_D on 9/25/05

Once an alocolic always an alcholic? Since when God stopped changing people? I once was sinner but I got saved, therefore I am no longer a sinner. Old things pass away behold ALL THINGS BECOME NEW. How old was you in 1974 Madison? The reason why you could't break free from this, is because you didn't want to. If you did then you would have gotten help from God. Help from God is avaliable 24/7.
---Rebecca_D on 9/25/05

My bible says Old things pass away behold all things become new. Meaning what I used to do as a sinner I no longer do as a child of God. So therefore I am no longer a sinner.
Getting saved changes everything about a person, the outer person as well as the inner person. Tommy: I'm sorry but when a person get saved they are a changed person. I wouldn't call them seminars but preaching from the word. Madison: how can one be saved and still live like hell?
---Rebecca_D on 9/25/05

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Rebecca ... do you still have your smoking addiction?
---alan8869_of_UK on 9/25/05

Nancy: Furthermore, don't criticize my comments without being specific. I am not ashamed of anything I have posted here. I have posted nothing but the truth about myself and my God.

As for referring to me as a devil, you have a lot of nerve doing so. You are referring to a blood bought child of God with that phrase.
---Madison on 9/25/05

Nancy: You obviously have no clue what an addiction is, and how it works in the lives and bodies of people saved and unsaved. I was not partially saved, I was fully saved in 1974. I did not know about the power of God that was available to me till much later than that, and therefore was unable to break free of the alcoholism that I was stuck in. Once I learned of God's awesome power and accessed it, I was free of the addiction.
---Madison on 9/25/05

Nancy ... alcoholism is a medical condition, not a choice.
Once an alcoholic (or gambling addict) ALWAYS an addict.
Even an unknowing drink will bring back the craving.
The addict will be an addict even if refraining from drink or gambling to the end of life.
Do not confuse alcoholism with drunkeness
---alan8869_of_UK on 9/25/05

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I agree with you madison. It seems to me that the people who are condeming you have no concept of alcoholism. Once you are an alcoholic, you are ALWAYS an alcoholic. The temptation to drink is always there and always will be. By the grace of God, you make it day to day. Now to those who are condeming Madison... how many of you are overweight and out of shape? How many have other habits that they can't seem to shake? Who was it that told me to remove the log from my eye first?
---NurseRobert on 9/25/05

Hmmmmmm half and half but that goes with the ways of the World. A little bit drunk and a little bit saved. Come off it Madison Adults know right from wrong i would be too ashamed to post the comments on this blog that you post here and if anyone is judgemental, it is you ! Rebecca dont ever compromise for the truth ....i know people lived in church that arent saved. Many ( Pharisees)will split hell wide open because of their self righteous ways i dont play patty cake with these devils.
---Nancy on 9/25/05

Rebecca: I have been a saved Christian since 1974. I do not have to answer to you for my problems with alcohol. I just know that I have been saved since 1974. I have been free from alcohol addiction since Sept. 25, 2001. God is good, all the time.
---Madison on 9/25/05

Rebecca, I see that, by your postings here, you've got this "christianlty" thing all figured out. Why don't you develop a seminar whereby you can share this "wonderful" gift with others. I'm sure we would all like to know how it's done. Seriously, I'm glad Jesus and the Father don't look on my failures as harshly as you are looking at these.
---tommy3007 on 9/23/05

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God bless you Walter & Madison!HE's always there in our 'weak' times.
Don't point fingers unless there is one with NO sin among us! I have been saved since 1976,I don't, nor ever have been a drinker. Although I have 'fallen off the wagon' in other ways,and I always come back to God for forgiveness. Sin IS sin, we all have that in common. Besides alcoholism is an addictive illness, no one just decides one day to become an alcoholic!Praise God for the healing of those who have been healed by God's grace.
---NVBarbara on 9/23/05

#2 Presumably when you sayn he is drinking at least 3 times a week, you mean he gets drunk?
Why does he do this? Is it to escape work or home problems, or to socialise with his mates?
Even getting drunk 3 times a week does not mean he is necessarily an alcoholic. unless he has become addicted.
---alan8869_of_UK on 9/23/05

#1 Being an alcoholic does not mean you still drink.
My friend does not drink ... but is still an alcoholic because if she DID have alcohol (even unknowingly) the body would react to it, and bring back the old cravings.
And she is the sincerest Christian you could know.
Being saved does not always change your body, and alcoholism is a bodily disorder, not mental or spiritual
---alan8869_of_UK on 9/23/05

You kept asking forgiveness over something over and over and over again? Right there you knew it was wrong or otherwise you wouldn't have asked for forgiveness. You just didn't have the faith in God to help you. Just going to church doesn't mean your a christian. I think you knew better and you knew it was wrong or else why ask for forgiveness time and time again?
---Rebecca_D on 9/22/05

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Rebecca: You didn't need to say my name. You made a blanket statement that someone cannot be saved and be an alcoholic. I went to church every week, and repented each time I got drunk, but didn't know I had a serious problem till I was in therapy in 1989.
---Madison on 9/22/05

Did I say your name? You may have been saved, but somewhere along the line you backslide from God. I know you are where you need to be with God now, or otherwise you couldn't help someone else out.
---Rebecca_D on 9/21/05

Rebecca: Unless you have walked in my shoes, don't judge me. I know I was saved in 1974. I didn't know I had a drinking problem till 1989. Stop judging and start loving.
---Madison on 9/20/05

I just don't see how one can be both, at the same time.
---Rebecca_D on 9/20/05

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I have been a Christian for over 30 years, and had the same problem up until 15 years ago, when I found Alcoholics Anonymous. You can be a Christian and drink and not be unsaved. It's called being a carnal Christian.

First, you go to Al-Anon for support and to meet other people with alcoholics in their lives. Then, you ask your husband to seek help by attending AA. I didn't get drunk every day. It was sporadic. He also may need therapy.
---Madison on 9/19/05

I agree with Annie. Please go to an Al-Anon meeting as soon as possible. You will find caring friends who have the same problem. Good luck and God bless.
---allie on 9/19/05

And he is saved? It comes and goes depends on his closeness with God? Sounds like he is a christian wanna be flirting with the devil. Pray that he finds Jesus for real this time.
---Rebecca_D on 9/19/05

Whether he will admit to a drinking problem or not, you should go to Alanon. It is a 12-step program for those who have an alcoholic in their lives. At first the idea of going to Alanon aggravated me because I thought my alcoholic was the one with the problem, not me. But living with an alcoholic will leave you with issues. You should go.
---Annie on 9/19/05

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