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Who Pays For A Date

Who is supposed to pay the bills when on a date, male or female?

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 ---Lily9364 on 9/21/05
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I wished I have seen this blog a few years ago. this was one of my issues with my ex-girlfriend she wanted to pay for the dates. She started after dating for 2 years she did it before i knew what was going on and I confronted her and she still did it and confronted her a few more times before she stopped paying. I've never expierenced anything like it. I agree things have changed and some women make more money than a man as it was in my case. It would have been easier if it was discussed before she started paying. I felt my manhood was challenged and that it was a control issue.(She said when she goes out with her friends they always take turns paying. But this is different I was seeing her in consideration to marrying her.
---Randy on 6/14/09

Another view: The various answers here shows women and men have long since forgotten their places in society. If everyone knew their places, it would not be a problem as to whom would pay the tab.
A gentleman always pay the tab,at least,on the first date. Any other way would be disastrous and not worth another date,to a real woman. Knowing you have done the right thing carries a lot of weight and power, in itself. A true woman and gentleman know these things naturally. He gives his very best and she accepts his best,with graciousness,understanding and wisdom.
---Robyn on 6/13/09

Depends on what kind of date it is. Just friends,co-worker etc..each pays his own tab. Or the other may choose to pay both tabs(courtesy) If a man is courting a woman, he should pay for the first few dates anyway. When his intentions are clear and a commitment has been made to date and not see others, the rules can relax some. But he should at least be this much of a gentleman,in the beginning.
When someone intentions are right,everything falls into place,by itself. Just do the right thing!
---Robyn on 5/10/09

According to Random House Dictionary, Random House, Inc. 2009.

Date (n):
a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person.

It need not be any more complicated than this.
---Donna66 on 5/8/09

Thanks, Ralph.
It's never much fun to eat alone. I cook a little for myself, but I really enjoy going out to eat.

I'll give you a rain check for a few years. I won't even insist you wait til you're old enough for a senior discount!

---Donna66 on 5/8/09

Donna ...finding my post critical you sound like my daughters ...younger generation "dating" forever ...never for purpose of finding a mate

you call it "date" yet claim in other posts "just good clean fun" ....younger generation of women asking men out or paying when men INVITE them on a date then dismissing these men as "too insecure" because fun time "no commitment"

you say it doesn't have to be about marriage having a twenty-something approach to dating

term "dating" often describes casual encounters to "impress" with a careless attitude about commitment or seeking mate

if you don't care about marriage then just pay why get hung up on term
---Rhonda on 5/7/09

Donna, if I was 20 years older I would go out to dinner with you and let you pay. No problem. In fact, I would be thrilled just to have somebody cook a meal for me, let alone pick up the tab for a meal out.
---ralph7477 on 5/7/09

Donna:-I see you are putting old feet into new shoes or is it new feet into old shoes and stepping into a new age with pretty new shoes, devoid of chirping Twittering and hanging out your washing on the old Zeigfried Line.Yes why not I wonder How Eve would have responded if satan presented her with one of these new fangled inventions, TV would she go gaga and eat more than one apple accidently while watching TV!!From this you will know I have an extendinding imagination.
---MIC on 5/7/09

MIC-- I'm more comfortable with the old fashioned ways. It's how I was raised, too...but I'm not set in my ways! I've learned to do lots of things differently. I now commute and compute, leave voice mail and send e-mail, shop on-line instead of stand in-line at a bricks and morter store. I refuse to "text" or "twitter" though.(My fingers just can't do it!) ,) Blessings!
---Donna66 on 5/6/09

DONNA<:-) Thanks for the reply, but you know: Not to upset my dad, who would probably roll over in disgust in his grave & would say "where is the etiquette with which I taught you Make sure You pay the fisrt Few times.Ladies like those small niceities".So you see I learnt from a master,Of course Mum always carried the cash after that!! Just to make sure he did not squander the money .My Wife, God bless her loving heart, did like wise so that is why I lived as poor as a church mouse, scurrying from pew to pew.!!
---Mic on 5/6/09

MIC -- 48 in reverse? I like your attitude. It's probably keeps you young.

I'll bet you would keep me laughing!
If two people have good clean fun and also share spiritual things, it doesn't much matter where the place or the cost... or if there is a cost. I'd be tempted to ask you out (and risk the ridicule), but some body might think I was robbing the cradle!
---Donna66 on 5/5/09

Donna:- You have the right idea going out to an appointed place and time is called a date. What exists in the mind of the accomplice is not a necessity or the truth.The object is to satisify the apppetite of the mind by good clean enchantment jokes apprecation is the theme This is GOD's way and I do believe this is what is being discussed Not innuendo as is suggested by some.I am sure I can keep you sitting on the edge of your chair with mirth and laughter.Even at the ripe age or48 in reverse.
---MIC on 5/5/09

It depends as to which spouse has the money. Usually, I ask my wife to pass me the credit card. While some people believe that it is proper for an engaged couple to date, it is better that single people don't make romantic dates. Dating tends to be a type of divorce practice. Most cities have various Christian groups that go out for various activities. Otherwise, pray, pray, and get the brethren to pray. Romans 14:17, 1Corinthians 7:8-9, 27-28, 1Thesalonians 5:21-22, James 1:12-16.
---Glenn on 5/5/09

If a gentleman, that I know well and is a Christian, asks me out on a date I think he should pay. If on the other hand you make the suggestion, then I would suggest going dutch. I am a Christian and have moral issues, when it comes to dating I find if he pays for the dinner he expects more than just dinner. This is why I choose not to date. I have dated some so called men that claim to believe in the Lord, but choose not to respect my moral issues.
---Norma on 5/5/09


Look, I'm in my late 60's. Age DOES make a difference. The people of my age, men included, are often more practical about money than when we were young.

Usually we don't try to impress each other, or anybody else....we're not necessarily looking for marriage either.
It's just nice to have someone to spend time with and to enjoy mutual interests including Christianity. Romance may or may not enter the picture.

The man asks most of the time but sometimes I do. For lack of a better word we call it a "date". What would you call it?
And why is your tone so critical?
---Donna66 on 5/4/09

If we suddenly change the rules and women ought to pay their way, then there is a chance that the pair of them will forever just date and never reach the next level of committment. Or at least it slows it down considerably as the man does not know where he stands and nobody knows who is taken out whom. The man who does not have to pay is onto a good thing, getting his enjoyment of her company without having to show special committment. A woman would be foolish to pay. She must be desparate if that is the situation. But women have such low self-esteem these days. They throw themselves at anyone who will have them.
---frances008 on 5/4/09

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Donna no matter what age purpose of "dating" is to get to know one another to determine compatibility for marriage ...REGULARLY spending time with someone is not "dating"

if subject is REALLY about DATING a women should ENJOY date and INVITATION for a DATE rather than planning WHEN she will pay for the next date she was invited on

if money is important than be like the world ASK men out on dates so you can pay and be MORE secure about yourself and your money

Christian men date for purpose of finding a WIFE to spend their LIVES with not to COMPETE with about money is still insulting to pay for a date when a man INVITES you on the date ...but money rules many peoples lives...
---Rhonda on 5/4/09

This should not be even an issue. If you are friends or colleagues you should have a fifty fifty agreement. One pays one time, next time the other. Or you split the bills.

If you are dating, the purpose of seeing each other is changed and your relationship is not the same. The guy pays to prove that he has sufficient means. There is a level of committment when you accept this arrangement. You are not free to go out with others. That is how I see things anyway.

I think this is old-fashioned but good. Why throw out the good things?
---frances008 on 5/4/09

MIC... your advice is what I usually do if I want to pay.
>>tell the waiter of waitress in ADVANCE to bring the Bill to You and 'keep the Plastic Handy'<< I usually don't need to say much that way.OR I may buy tickets to something and invite him.

This is the kind of "sneakiness" I use,Rhonda. I don't do it all the time. Never on the first invitation. I like to have my dinner paid for, too.
If a guy is offended by this occasional gesture on my part, he's too insecure to suit me.

If I know a guy is saving for something important or paying the expenses of a family member, for example, AND if I like him...why shouldn't I contribute to some dates if I have the money? It seems only fair to me.
---Donna66 on 5/4/09

I have encountered my share of women who abuse this. One of them would turn down dates like "dinner and a movie", but anytime I had something like tickets to see Itzhak Perlman or the Hartford Ballet (at $100 a set), she would be all over it with a million "I'd love to's".

One girl actually invited herself to New York City for her birthday to see the play Cats. We were not dating at the time and I was not interested in her, but that is what she wanted for her birthday. A $200+ dollar present!
---obewan on 5/4/09

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It's interesting when these recycled blogs pop up and you can read what you wrote many years ago. Wisdom does indeed stand the test of time. Ha.

Seriously though gentlemen, if you are looking for a mate via the dating route, you better pay because it will come back to haunt you if you let her pay. Even if she insists on paying, you are better off footing the bill.

It's like when a woman tells you not to worry about buying her a gift for (insert special occasion here). Don't fall for it unless you want trouble. She's expecting a gift. By the same token, she is expecting you to pay for dinner regardless. Her respect for you will diminish each time she has to cough up money.
---ralph7477 on 5/3/09

who asked who out?self explanatory I believe.You dont ask a women out then make her pay,thats discusting.And you dont ask a woman out if you cant pay,Unless you are beforehand both aware of the issues and agree.
---tom2 on 5/3/09


why would you want to insult a man ...or do something sneaky behind his back to pay ...seems like you're in a battle of who is going to lead in the relationship

it is insulting for gentlemen when women pay ...they work hard and want to indulge by taking a women out ...and she try's to one-up him by beating him to the punch and paying anyway? not one of my brothers has ever continued to date a women who did this ...they have all said the same thing it is underhanded ...if they ASK a women out they PAY ...expecting a women to pay when a guy ASKED her out is one very spineless male per my Dad

why not send him a thank you card AFTER every date? far more lady-like and keeps competition out of dating
---Rhonda on 5/2/09

I personally believe the man should pay, since this is the gentlman thing to do. However, if the man does not have a great deal of money, the lady could treat him to simple nice times, like a picnic in the park, or taking simple walks together, maybe she could prepare him a romantic candlelight dinner, or simply going out for coffee and long conversations. Hey...the simple things in life truly ARE the best things in life.

I love creative dating ideas that are inexpensive but crazy and fun.(hint:women love flowers, romantic notes/poems, cute thoughtful cards and a terrific sense of humor) These are the best and most memorable dates, and just takes a bit of creativity. Best wishes on your dating experiences whether you're married or not!
---Anne on 5/2/09

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Donna:- A good way is to tell the waiter of waitress in ADVANCE to bring the Bill to You and 'keep the Plastic Handy'.On its arrival put the plastic in the tray along with the Bill and he will whisk it away faster than you can say "Jack Rabbit"If you enjoyed His company say next time its on you and if there is 'no' next time, it is your decision.
---MIC on 5/2/09

Ditto to Ralph's comment. The man is expected to be the "provider" because that is how it has always been, but it invites a culture of "golddiggers" who are only looking for a "good provider".

That said, I have offered to pay for every date I have ever invited a woman on. Many of them refused that hospitality and some were even put off by it. But dutch treat makes sense if a low pressure beginning is what they are looking for. That also means they would be more willing to contribute to the family income.
---obewan on 5/2/09

In the beginning the man should pay. Then, if the relationship continues, the lady could pay too.
Being a lady, I'd feel really strange if a man asked me out on a date then asked me to pay for it too. It would probably be the last time I went on a date with that man!
---sue on 5/1/09

While teaching at a university in China and therefore being around young people I found all about this as the Chinese believe.

They believe that whoever, whichever, invites the other one is responsible for paying the bill. When I ate dinner with any person I always said," I invite you" thereby signaling to the Chinese that I was paying the bill.
---mima on 5/1/09

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I'm older than the average here, I'm sure.
I'd be happy to pay sometimes for a gentleman's ticket or meal. (My unconscious use of the word "gentleman" should tell you something)

But the men I go places with seem insulted if I offer to pay. Sometimes I find a sneaky way to pay before he realizes it. Can anybody suggest how I can offer to pay and avoid offense or awkwardness?
---Donna66 on 4/30/09

I believe it is whoever asks first.
Old fashioned doesn't mean he pays,if you were truly "old fashioned" that way then you would have no rights like in the old days.
You would be bare foot and pregnant.

Sadly socety always takes only the good things and forgets the bad ones.

The man's time is just as important as the woman's so don't say he is buying your time,unless of course you are a Hooker.

All that is owed of each other is respect,period.To think one or the other owes you this or that just makes you Sexist.
---John on 4/30/09

I just KNEW this had to be a female question! I like to consider myself feminine and like to be pampered as well but, I think it is the desecent thing to make an offer to go "dutch" on a date. However, anything more then 50% of the bill and you are being taken advantage of and should move on.
---Cyndy5683 on 4/19/07

If you are just starting to date a lady you are going to pay but if you two are dating for a while no problem with you two taking turns paying. Also depends on the lady some of them rather just take turns paying off the bat-that way they dont feel like they owe the guy anything and also no issues regarding money come up that way in theory
---Charles on 10/17/05

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Ewwww! I am not paying for anything if you asked me out. If I did ask you out, I'll pay if you are female, if you are male you'll still pay....LOL!
---Lily9364 on 9/27/05

It'll be riduculous for a guy to ask me out then expect me to pay for the expenses! But nowadays it happens some guys have no shame/pride at all!
---emma4399 on 9/26/05

If a gal asks a gal to go shopping & dinner, wouldn't they both pay? If a guy asks a male friend they also would normally pay their own, yes? SO, what is the guy paying for when he asks a gal to dinner & a movie? Think about it. SO, wouldn't it be more mannerly for each to offer to pay as they go (& have the money ready), then if one insists the other can graciously accept? After all don't we all hear about equality in rights & salary nowdays? Is it about dating or courting? I see the 2 different today.
---mike_fl on 9/25/05

Now, Ralph, you made me laugh! If I am the woman you asked for a date, then you had me pay for the expenses incurred,you won't be paying for me for the rest of your life! I am among the group who believes that the one who invites must pay for the expenses. Of course if I invite you, you have no worry regarding expenses.
---Bebet3754 on 9/23/05

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If the man is serious about the girl and wants her as his future companion, he should pay for the dates unless he's short on cash. In that case, they should go dutch. I think it's okay for a woman to pay every once in a while if she really wants to but she shouldn't feel like she has to.
---Nock on 9/23/05

I like going "Dutch" right off the bat. It keeps the seriousness out of it. Eventually in time, I will assume the role of payer.
---Tom145 on 9/22/05

I feel it is whome ever that asked the other out. If the lady approaches she can pay unless the gentleman offers and vice versa. But reguardless both should have money in their pockets just in case.
---judit4846 on 9/22/05

at first guy should pay becoz it shows
1. he are really serious on the girl
2. he can be depends on or not
4. he is gentlemen

but later on, the girl should consider to pay to shows;
1. she is not 'money hunter',
2. she is sincerely to the man
3. to show you have the good wife potential (as in psalm)

but after all, it's all about love and tolerate.
---mrslo on 9/22/05

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Ralph, you bring us smiles!! On the question, the one who asks should certainly be prepared to pay. I would certainly feel real strange and take it as a real warning if someone asked me to enjoy something with them and then they acted as if I should pay. Certainly there could be mutual agreement on what was expected, but I know when I invite someone to share some time with me, that I expect to pay for the costs of that sharing. If they want something else, then I expect them to pony up!
---Wayne87 on 9/21/05

I say let the girl pay for dates. It seems only fair because if she is able to eventually get the guy to marry her he'll be paying for the rest of his life. :)
---ralph7477 on 9/21/05

On the first date, assuming the male did the asking, it would seem appropriate for him to pay. On following dates, they should consider going dutch or take turns paying. If short on money, consider fixing him (or her)a home-cooked meal and rent a movie to watch at home.
---Allie on 9/21/05

In the old days, the man would ask the woman to go out on a date. However, now a days, woman are asking men out on dates. Going dutch is ok, but I would also think it should be the one who did the asking. Why ask, then expect someone else to pay?
---geraa7578 on 9/21/05

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It depends on who invited who out I guess. But as the relationship continues I would think the guy should pay.
---Becky on 9/21/05

The person that is doing the asking or it could be a decission made by the two that are dating.
---Margaret on 9/21/05

the male pays or at least i do
---Graham_Catlow on 9/21/05

The one who pays is the one who does the asking, male or female.
---Annie on 9/21/05

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1. Dutch treat - everyone pays their own expenses
2. When in doubt consult before going out on the date.
3. Generally the male asking pays everything.
4. Sadie Hawkins - female pays everything.
5. After this ask Dear Abbie or Miss Manners.
---barbara67 on 9/21/05

Dutch treat - everyone pays their own expenses
When in doubt consult before going out on the date.
Generally the male asking pays.
Sadie Hawkins - female pays everything.
After this ask Dear Abbie or Miss Manners.
---barbara67 on 9/21/05

Cyndi-you have it. On the first formal date, the guy should pay. If he can not afford it, you (good girl) can not afford him. Afterwards, dutch or male pays. If this is a problem, you have a red flag for bigger differences. Pas auf
---chuck on 9/21/05

I'm all for going dutch if it's a couple or a few friends getting together and going to a movie (or whatever the case may be) to hang out, but, if it's a date, it's up to him to pay (unless she does the asking which is another question altogether).
---Heather on 9/21/05

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When I first stated dating, the male was expected to pay for everything. Today it's different. Normally if it's a first date, the males pays, but as time with the same female progresss into more dates, it not too unusual for a date to be "dutch treat". (It possible to do this on the first date - if it's understood that's the way it will be.)In some ways, the female feels more comfortable with this since she feels she is not obligated to the male. (Todays date can cost up to $100.)
---WIVV on 9/21/05

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