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What To Do About An Affair

What do you do when you find out that your wedded wife is having affair outside her matrimonial home. Worried husband.

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 ---Johnny on 9/25/05
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When People claim to love their spouse, they just had "indescretion" (yea right) they are putting that persons life in danger. These days, when you have sex outside of your marriage, you are at risk of contracting aids and passing it on to your supposed beloved, thus slowly and painfully murdering them.GET OUT and don't touch her with a 10 foot pole. The Bible is very clear on the fact that you can be divorced in that case! Praying "what do I do Lord" isnt going to change the facts!
---Pat on 3/21/08

Pray for wisdom. In between prayers, document everything, close out any joint accounts including credit cards and find a good attorney.
---ralph7477 on 5/7/07

My wife told me about a very brief affair 5 years ago that she had in 1983. We were married in 1979. My problem even after 5 years I cannot let it go. We both are born again Christians.
---wilmot on 1/1/06

We will marry soon, 12 weeks, after 10 years, things are much different, God has been my only strength, He gave me a personality, 'not to quit, until He gives me the peace to do so' - I am passionate about the same love God has given me, for my fiancee to experience.

This is not for everyone, this is my experience and story.

I am God's daughter, a King as my father, His princess, with God, NOTHING is impossible - His wisdom is the only thing I ask for each day, to live in this human world.
---bethany on 9/27/05

Lets not 'judge' Amy Grant, 'but for the Grace of God, Go I..etc.

I have experienced unfaithfulness, x3, each time the Holy Spirit told me, word for word, and I confronted my husband to be!

With the righteous anger from my heart, I blasted my fiancee with reasons not to disrespect himself, then I asked him 'why' he thought it was 'ok' to share intimacy with another.

A person's self esteem has every reason to do with 'stupid choices'.
---bethany on 9/27/05

Also, look at Hosea. God told him to marry Gomer - a "Harlot." God hates divorce - period. Even in cases of adultry it is wise to seek strength and wisdom in God before making the choice of whether or not to divorce.
---Marilee on 9/27/05

Yes, Amy Grant did commit adultry (at least in her heart) before dumping her first husband to marry Vince Gill. I agree that she is NOT a good role model, however some look at it as a lesson in forgiveness. If God forgives Amy Grant then He will forgive others who seek. And I too know that there ARE cheaters who change and would rather die than commit another sexual sin!
---Marilee on 9/27/05

Ralph: You may wish to complain to the radio station about their promotion of Amy Grant. Personally, I don't care to buy her stuff, and won't go to her shows. I saw her when she was married and thought she was a great example to our young people, but not any more.
---Madison on 9/27/05

The radio station could also make money by promoting night clubs, alcohol and casinos. They need to use better judgement especially when they bill themselves as "family friendly". Iva, I applaud you if what you say is true. You show great maturity. Keep it up because you are part of a very small minority.
---ralph7477 on 9/27/05

I agree Ralph, Amy Grant (if what you say about her is accurate) is not setting the kind of example our young people need. There are enough temptations in life coming from non-Christians trying to lure others over to their lifestyle without Christians joining in with this. We should pray for Amy Grant but not buy her records or tickets to her concert.
---M.A. on 9/27/05

Ralph: The radio station is a profit making organization. They are getting paid to promote the concert.
---Madison on 9/26/05

cheaters do change, Trust me I know, I was one of them. By the grace of God, asking for forgivness, keeping myself in church, drawing close to God. God will change everyone no matter who they are if we will allwo God to do so, and asking him for forgivness is a must, get in church serve God with all you have.. Yes cheaters change. One more thing, stay away from where temptations are. don't let youself be in a place of temtation..
---Iva on 9/26/05

While I'm on the subject, I just heard my local christian radio station advertise that they are sponsoring an upcoming concert by Amy Grant. I believe she dumped her first husband so she could be with her present country singer "husband". The promotion of Ms. Grant by the christian station disturbs me greatly. Am I being too sensitive to the issue?
---ralph7477 on 9/26/05

Madison I understand what you are saying. Unfortunately, just as somebody else wrote, cheaters usually don't change their ways. I did exactly what you suggested when I discovered the adultery and it only prolonged the nightmare. I have no more patience for people who betray their spouses. My feeling is to dump them and move on. Cold, perhaps but realistic.
---ralph7477 on 9/26/05

Ralph: I posted what I did because I believe that God would have us work toward restoration first and foremost. If that is not possible in the case of adultery, then this man has no choice but to divorce. To ask her if she wishes to save her marriage first is only right.
---Madison on 9/26/05

i don't know which state you live in, but prejudicially that has very great significance as to whether the man or the woman will win in court. i would pray about it first, and then confront her to explain. Are you both saved? Have you been married long? Do you both pray together?
---Eloy on 9/26/05

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This is a no brainer. I was married 11 years to a woman who couldn't even spell faithfulness from year one. When I found out she was having an ongoing afair with my brother, it took me about 5 minutes to leave. I have been a counselor for 35 years, and it's been my experience that seldom does an unfaithful person ever change, whether said person is a woman or a man.

---NaHoKa on 9/26/05

Just because you CAN divorce because of adultry doesn't mean you necessarily SHOULD. God hates divorce. If at all possible try to salvage your marriage. God will give you as much strength as you need if you ask & have faith.
---Marilee on 9/25/05

Document your source first - to see how reliable it is. (It may just be a jealous woman, a bragging man, gossip, etc..) There is nothing worse than to be falseley accused of something, especially this serious. If you are satisfield your source is accurate, confront you wife with what you found - and show/tell her of the documentation you have. If she does admit it, try to find out why she committed adultry.
---WIVV on 9/25/05

If you know for sure, leave. If my husband cheated on me and I knew for sure, he would not come back to me after he has been with another woman. I know God doesn't like divorces but you have biblical grounds for divorcement.
---Rebecca_D on 9/25/05

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What's all the talk about asking this woman what she would like to do? It's clear what she wants to do. She has taken her vows and thrown them in the garbage right along with her husband. She'll probably make him feel like it was all his fault and he drove her to it. Don't fall for it, Johnny.
---ralph7477 on 9/25/05

sir the bible says adultry is a sin. what do u think u should do. confront her and find out exactly where she stands. the truth sets u free. then get rid of her
---david on 9/25/05

Confront her and ask her if she wishes to stay married, and go to marriage counseling with you, if that is your desire, OR, get a good attorney and file for divorce. Those are your choices.
---Madison on 9/25/05

You should pray for her and pray without ceasing. Don't take matters into your own hands. Turn this over to God and watch him work it out.
---Rachel on 9/25/05

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If you know and you can prove that your wife is having an affair then act. I think you should talk things over first, ask her why is she behaving like that.There are many reasons why things like this happen. It could be your sex life,or your social life. Find out what it is first. It could be the man's fault and he may not know. If that is settled, can the both of you go for a second chance. This is hard becoz it requires a lot of strength to forgive. I dont think revenge is the answer.
---nika5465 on 9/25/05

CONT. And furthermore Ralph, if you were faithful, you deserve better than that. Don't let her unfaithfulness destroy you!
---pat on 9/25/05

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