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Young Son Causing Problems

I have friends whose son of 14 years old is becoming impossible. He's now out of school and never at home. I really need advices of how to comfort the parents and give them hope. They are very good parents who care a lot for their children, I pray that God helps them to get back their lovely boy.

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 ---kalig8456 on 9/30/05
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It not the parents that need comforting - it's the 14 year old. The parents have allowed him to take control. A 14 year old needs guidence and wants guidence. He's getting it from the wrong source. To get control back will take time and some "tough love" on their part. The parents need help, not comfort. Encourage them, advise them and help them anyway you can - but comfort only puts the focus on the wrong subject.
---WIVV on 4/23/07

I don't agree that this behaviour necessarily started in the cradle. That might sometimes be true but to brand all parents that way is cruel IMO. Many children change beyond recognition at various stages - when they first start school, when they change school, when a new child starts in their class, if abused by an adult or older child etc. There are many influences that can turn a good child bad DURING life. They don't all start off that way.
---Xanthi on 10/1/05

How does the parents live? Do they fight? Are they raising him in church? Are they christians? Alot of times children do as the parents do.
---Rebecca_D on 9/30/05

Check online or in your phone book for help through community resources. My husband & I are full time houseparents for troubled teen boys and work for a wonderful Christian organization that does "Parallel Parenting" where both parents & child get individual help as well as together as a family group.
---Marilee on 9/30/05

I agree with Chuck ... advice is easy to give, living through it is something else. We have four sons, our second (who had been homeschooled his entire life, therefore didn't even have negative influences in his life at the time) just seemed to have it in his heart to become wayward. The harder we cracked down on him, the harder he rebelled. We learned that there are no hard and fast rules for raising children. Each one is as an individual and has to be treated so.
---DoryLory on 9/30/05

Encourage the parents to keep their faith strong (especially by listening to the spoken Word as much as possible - Romans 10:17). Remind them that they have a God-given, spiritual authority over their children and that the power of praying parents should NEVER be underestimated. Praying the Word is an excellent way to exercise authority. Write me at Dory7973 if you would like the verses we prayed for our son, who today is 20, has been back to his normal self for several years and is doing great!
---DoryLory on 9/30/05

AMEN Marla and WIVV! You took the words right out of my mouth!
A child doesn't get to 14 years old and in a flash becomes a nightmare, this started in the cradle!
---NVBarbara on 9/30/05

I would encourage consequences to his actions. No school means no socializing or allowance or TV, whatever works. Then write a contract with the boy that spells out what he must do to get back his privileges.
---Annie on 9/30/05

Unfortunately, these behaviors can be difficult to correct when they get to this age. The parents must be strong and set limits and they must do it NOW. In NYS, we have a program called PINS (People in Need of Supervison). It is specfically set up for this age group. Call your pastor, the department of Social Services, or talk to the juvinile court about programs that can help with this.
---NurseRobert on 9/30/05

The easiest thing is to give advice to parents about their children. Some children are destined for life's failures by their home environment. Others, have all the tools for becoming successes and take the easy route, getting the wrong friends, advice, role models, manners, lack of respect and habits. For parents tis hard to love them but they must- knowing their strengths and weaknesses, and what triggers them to better or worse. Somebody in this world can communicate with this sure loser. God is Good.
---chuck on 9/30/05

He is out of school because parents are not forcing him to be there. He is 14, he is still a child who needs boundaries and strict rules. Why does the parent not take him to school and stay there to make sure he stays in classes. They are the parents and need to remember this. They are the ones who NEED to ENFORCE some rules. Child will thank them later even if he doesn't now. Children NEED quidance without it they feel out of control and will thus act out of control
---Marla on 9/30/05

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