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Don't Know Who Got Me Pregnant

14 yrs ago I got pregnant with a baby that could have been between 2 men, The 1 man that she believes to be her father I don't think is cause she favors the other man. Do I keep this secret to save a lot of pain or do I reveal this and have alot of heart break, when the other man didn't want her?

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 ---lynne2005 on 10/3/05
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DNA doesn't make a father. The one may be her biological dad, but if the other acts like the dad, I would drop it. It's not about you. It's about your daughter and the man that acts like a father. Don't cause them undue grief. He must love her, or he wouldn't act they way he does with her.

May the Lord bless all of you,
---trey on 9/27/07

just get a dna check on both men. and on her (secretly). then you can know for certain from a legal perspective.

However if you have kept both men in your life its kind of shameful. which one did you marry? or are you still active with both?
---david on 9/27/07

If you really did give your heart to Christ,then you DON'T keep this a secret!! For medical reasons you should find out the truth and tell her.Every child has the RIGHT to know who thier biological father is.If your worried about heart break ,God can heal any heart break!!Find out the truth and trust God!! Keeping this a secret can come back to HURT you!!
---benna5383 on 1/15/06

Drea ... You should be honest with all the others concerned. Your ex (husband?) should not bear the burden of a child that is not his. Your boyfriend (will you marry him?) should not be kept from the proper relationship with his child. And the child, the most vulnerable, who should be thought of first, should know and love here true father.
---alan8869_of_UK on 12/26/05

I have the same exact problem. My baby was born this year & looks exactly like the other man. Only difference he is my boyfriend now! He knows he is the father, but we dont discuss it. My ex thinks he is and my baby will also. You can tell right off she is my new boyfriends. I dont know what to do. It really pains me: (
---Drea on 12/20/05

Have a heart to heart talk with your daughter. Find out how she feels, give her the choice to pursue or not. She might not want to now, but after time to process she may want to. It will at least be a great opportunity to talk with her about what you learned from your mistakes, how Christ works in your life, and help her with her own choices in life. Most of all, pray for guidance and open your heart to hear Him. Only the Lord knows for sure what's best.
---Marilee on 10/5/05

It has nothing to do with having feeling for either of them,I don't even have contact with them. this was 14 years ago and now neither 1 is in her life, she is a great kid, good grades and involved in sports. I made mistakes when I was younger and I have turned my life to Christ, and everything has changed.
---lynne2005 on 10/5/05

Are you sure this isn't about your still having affection for the other man. Search yourself sister. I believe your daughters emotional/psychological development should mean more to you now. Am 33 and recently found out my dad isn't my biological father. I almost lost my mind at this revelation if not for my siblings and my pastor who stood by me.
---ijeom7677 on 10/5/05

Do the men ot others know the posibility? If so tell her. I'm 34 my Dad raised me & I love him dearly doesn't know 4 this reason I haven't tried to find out. This other man was the uncle you see almost never. His children wanted me to call him, who never did a thing 4 me daddy. I love my Dady who raised me & give thanks 4 him but still wonder if uncle is my biological,I'd know why I look how I do & my hair etc. Pray ask God for the answer. Ask him to guide you.
---judit4846 on 10/4/05

I was adopted and when I grew older for medical purposes only had to find my biological father. Also when my son was born it was even more important to have medical history of biological father. For your child's sake find out who biological father is. Finding out will not change who raises her and loves her.
---M. on 10/4/05

Key phrase "...when the other man didn't want her." This is your cross to bear, not your daughter's. Let sleeping dogs lie.

Behave. Stay away from the one she "favors" and hope she will grow up valueing chasity and a monogomous marriage.
---Rock on 10/4/05

Is the issue child support? Today, a paternity test would be the answer. If your daughter is happy and well adjusted and you have a life, I would let it go after seeking a counselor
---Ken on 10/4/05

You now have a daughter 14 years old and more than likely she is the daughter of one of them. Whose pain are you trying to stop? Yours, hers, or the fathers'? I just do not see pain, I see relief. You think it is the one who didn't want her.
---gregg8944 on 10/4/05

For Medical reasons you need to know who the real Father is. Have a DNA test done then you can go from there.God will lead you to do what is right.
---Lois on 10/4/05

I am single mother of 14 yr old. Son knows who father is as I was married to him but, around this age is when they start asking questions and they want to know who missing parent is. My ex had another child before mine and she came looking for her "real daddy" at age 15. A child has every right to know who their biological father is. A real father is one who raises the child BUT, they must know biological as well even if they have nothing to do with them. In future it will make a difference.
---Marla on 10/4/05

bastardize - to prove to be or proclaim to be a bastard.
-to make degenerate; debase
-of illegitimate birth

You have a legal or illegal situation on your hands - see a lawyer.

Most of us have liked parents that are not ours - especially during our teenage years.
---interested_party on 10/4/05

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You need to find out which for your own peace of mind and other considerations. as for who her dad is, he is the one who is there day in and day out. any buck can sire offspring, but the father is the one who is there to take care of her.
---ron on 10/4/05

Hi-- be truthful and you will be free
---stanley on 10/4/05

You may have a legal situation here. Your best bet would be to consultate a lawyer - and you can find one free through Legal Aid. If you find there is no legal problem, and it's possible, get in touch with the person you think is the father and ask him if he wants any contact. (If he doesn't, get it in writing so he can't cause you problems sometime in the futrue.) You can always have a DNA test to determine who the father is. But, at this point you need to consider your daughter's reaction.
---WIVV on 10/3/05

I suggest you discuss this with a good therapist or counselor. We have no idea who her "Daddy" has been for the past 14 years. You and a therapist can determine what is in your daughter's best interests.
---Madison on 10/3/05

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Does Dad#1 know he may not be the father? Would he remain her father if she doesn't share DNA? One option is: If Dad#1 is willing to be Dad regardless of the DNA, tell her. Tell her Dad#2 couldn't love her the way SHE needed to be loved. Remind her that this is not her fault. That she is lucky because not many kids have a parent who could choose them. However, first pray about it. Don't listen to anyone here unless led to by the HS. I don't know what blessings God will bring from this. But He will.
---Becca on 10/3/05

There is more to being a father than blood. If the man she believes is her father raised her and treated her well then he deserves the name Dad. Unless there is a medical reason. Let the two just keep what they know and treasure.
---Darla on 10/3/05

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