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Overweight Female Relative

I have a female relative who used to be a normal weight. She is now grossly overweight, no will power where food is concerned, no energy, looks far less attractive and seems to do little to rectify any of this. Advice and comments please.

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 ---M.P. on 10/10/05
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Show her the unconditional love of the Father instead of trying to change her.
---Linda_Smith on 3/2/08

Has anything tramatizing happened to her or someone in the family? From what I understand, there is usually something behind it. I know this because my mom struggled with being grossly overweight for many years, because she was attacked and raped when in her 30's. She figured if she was overweight, no one would bother her.
---Melissa on 5/16/07

In regards to the comments about overweight individuals having difficulties getting jobs or finding love, I have to say that I did not see malicious intent behind those words. The fact of the matter is that people by nature can have a biased toward those who are more attractive. It is certainly unfortunate, but they have done studies proving this.
---Jenn on 9/8/06

Thanks Bethie. Another 2 weeks later and she's lost another 4lbs. Not a huge amount but she seems to be going in the right direction now. She actually looks different now and people are telling her this, which is very encouraging to her. Thanks all for your support.
---M.P. on 11/5/05

M.P. I am glad to see things may be turning around. Diabetes is a scary thing. It runs in my family and I am checked every 6 months for it. The complications of diabetes can be devastating.
Joe, you sound like a very nice man, I hope God puts a man that thinks like you in my life. :)
---bethie on 11/4/05

I am so sick of people believeing a stupid myth that if you are overweight you can't get a good job or a spouse. My wife is 300 pounds and has a great paying job. She's beautiful to me in every way.
---joe on 10/31/05

A little update. She's lost a few pounds and been to see me instead of my having to go to her house. She was told that she was a prime candidate for diabetes and all the implications of that. I think a turning point might have been reached. Yes she is married to the father and I don't think this has anything to do with post-natal depression but one never knows. I'm really pleased at the small advancement though.
---M.P. on 10/23/05

Thia sonds as if it could be post-natal depression.
How does she cope with the baby, if she is so overweight?
Is she married to the child's father? If so, goes he see this as a problem?
---alan8869_of_UK on 10/18/05

Charles: I weigh 302 pounds and earn $77,000 a year. I think you are wrong to make such a generalization as you have made.
---Overweight on 10/17/05

Need to tell her if she does not lose weight fast she is GOING TO DIE or going to be a very bad burden on her family and the tax payers. No offense if grossly overweight you are never going to get a good paying job or a worthhile man if she is single
---Charles_Tarkington on 10/17/05

Thanks Bethie, I'll keep you posted.
---M.A. on 10/12/05

M.P. I would say good luck with this, but you don't need good luck when you have a great God. So continue letting her know your there for her and worried about her. God Bless!
---bethie on 10/11/05

Thanks Bethie and F.F. and everyone. Bethie I would love for her to go for a walk with me but she can walk only a small distance and really doesn't want to try. F.F. yes she had a baby less than a year ago but had been putting on weight before that. The pregnancy made it worse and she just hasn't gone down in weight since. She has seen a doctor and dietician recently so I'll report any good news. She has admitted herself that hygeine might become a problem because getting OUT of the bath is difficult.
---M.P. on 10/11/05

1.'FF: I know plenty of thin people who don't take showers or bathe and their personal hygiene is horrible.' Madison so do I but their problem has nothing to do with this discussion. 2. 'If you were looking for tactfulness I believe you would not have brought this up.' Madison I sense you are looking for someone to argue with when there is nothing to argue about so I will not return to this post.
---F.F. on 10/11/05

It sounds like your relative is in a rut and can't get out. The problem with gaining weight, is you feel you can't do anything about it, then you get upset and eat more. And when other people bring it up to you, it also can trigger more eating. I don't know if it will work, but why not ask her to go for a walk with you a couple times a week. Even wandering around a mall for a couple hours would be fun and healthy.
---bethie on 10/10/05

I used to work for a doctor who specialized in weight problems. Morbid obesity can indeed cause cleanliness issues. My doctor had great compassion for the morbidly obese, teaching them how to lie down and clean carefully in the folds of their skin where it is moist and often harbors bacteria that cause odors. This person needs all our prayers but she also needs our understanding. Jesus loves her as much as he loves any of us.
---Alexis on 10/10/05

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FF: I know plenty of thin people who don't take showers or bathe and their personal hygiene is horrible.

If you were looking for tactfulness I believe you would not have brought this up. It sounded like a generalization made about obese people. I did see that you didn't say it would or could be a problem, and I appreciate that.
---Madison on 10/10/05

'personal hygeine COULD become an issue as well' is what I said Madison, not WILL or IS an issue. I know a lot of obese people, male and female where this is a huge problem simply because they cannot get into a bath or shower nor are they flexible enough to reach the parts that really do need a good wash. I'm extremely pleased to hear that this is not a problem for you but it certainly is for many and I was trying to be helpful in mentioning the possibility. Great tact is called for on this subject.
---F.F. on 10/10/05

Norma, this was not a complaint. Whatever made you think it was? It is a cry for help. Huge difference.
---M.P. on 10/10/05

Sounds like a mental health issue that needs to be addressed by a professional therapist.
---Madison on 10/10/05

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F.F. What does obesity have to do with hygiene? I am morbidly obese and very hygenic, clean and have no clue why you would say that.
---Madison on 10/10/05

It is important that you encourage her and not be someone who 'burdens' her. There has to be a reason for this significant increase in weight. Help her through whatever is causing this. Don't think any less of her because of this. Don't we all struggle at times with the flesh? Instead show the love of Christ, and pray for her and for opportunities to help her by showing the love of Christ. I wish you God's blessings in reaching out to your relative. What a great opportunity for ministering Jesus!
---Chris on 10/10/05

There are many reasons why people put on weight. Has she recently had a baby, been ill, or is she very worried about something? Is she overeating because she feels hungry or is it comfort eating? Whatever the reason she should see her doctor who will refer her to a dietician or whatever specialist could help her. Does she discuss her weight or prefer that it isn't mentioned? It needs to be mentioned if possible because personal hygeine could become an issue as well.
---F.F. on 10/10/05

Is this all you have to complain about? Why not pray for her, and ask God to soften your heart toward her. Support her in her desire to lose weight, even the smallest effort, but don`t push. It`s really not your burden to carry. Love her no matter what her size. Would you love her less, or be complaining if she were disfigued? I believe the problem is more with You than her. Be Sensitive toward her. Seek God in this matter, be sincere, and I know God will help you show His love to her.
---norma on 10/10/05

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