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This Is Humor Blog #8

Hey how 'bout it Mr. Moderator....

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 ---NVBarbara on 10/15/05
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I myself used to be a lil bigger that what I am now.

Possible red - neck.
This man went into a rstrnt & saw men & women sitting that looked like as if they weighed 300 - 500 lbs each. Your a red - neck if you ask the waiter or waitress, is this for real or are all these people wearing fat suits?
---Lawrence on 8/9/10

A red-faced judge convened after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn't true. "I'm as sober as you are, your honor", the man claimed.

The judge replied,"Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentanced to 30 days, hick."
---John on 5/28/07

Here's a toughy. What's black and white and red all over? answer= a newspaper. It's read all over.
---Eloy on 11/14/05

It has been said that Arnold's toes are straighter than his words.
Also when he puts on his shoes they have to call a Tow Truck.
And then there is the Green Cheese problem.
---Elder on 11/13/05

How did we crawl over here?------> Or did we get pushed?

Wow today at the store I saw a forklift lifting a crate of forks! Man, it was so literal!
---NVBarbara on 11/12/05

nvBarb, you're too funny. excellent.
---Eloy on 11/11/05

I'll bet Arnold the Governator has bigger toes!
---NVBarbara on 11/11/05

We need some more gravy here. Pass the mashed potatoes also, please! Yes the plural form of potato is potatoes. Speaking of toes. What's the biggest toe in California?
---John on 11/11/05

What's up in here? Did everybody have their funny bone removed??

Don't let your worries get the best of you, remember, Moses started out as a basket case!
---NVBarbara on 11/10/05

I don't care whay you say, "that's funny"!
---John on 11/6/05

Which one Willow?
Kids! A 4 yr. old was in church with her Mom. At the end of the service the minister started a heartfelt prayer. With his arms extended towards the heavens, with a rapturous look on his face he started, "Without you Lord we are but dust", he would have continued but in a VERY audible voice the little girl broke the silence when she leaned to her mom and asked, "mom what is butt dust?"
---NVBarbara on 11/5/05

nv..its nice you using the sermon title I been working on.
---willow on 11/4/05

John, I think Olie has taken leave of his senses, WAIT, that happened LONG ago! He still thinks that Sushi was his idea because of all the stink bait he eats!
You can tell he's a redneck, his computer is on blocks, and he refers to his mouse as "critter!"
---NVBarbara on 11/3/05

Barbara, olie is talking about recipes on the What's up. This time there real strange. At least for olie. I don't think he's feeling well.
---John on 11/2/05

Thought for the day:

Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set!
---NVBarbara on 11/2/05

OK Willow, name ALL the Marx Brothers, lets see how much trivia you know!
What was Margaret Dumont's name is "Animal Crackers?"
---Capt._Spalding on 11/2/05

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Barbara- On vacation? Get er done! Last vacation me and the little woman took, was out to Swamp Hollar. It was delightful! The moon was out and the bull frogs were background music to our ears.
* Remember- Some days your a farter and some days your the fartee. The former are the good days.
---Olie on 11/1/05

Hey Barbara, God bless! We miss you too, but please have a great time. Go for it, enjoy!
Some days your a gnat and some days your an eagle. You just have to avoid getting swatted on the days your a gnat.
---John on 11/1/05

nvBarb, Hello there Barb. ((((o)))) to you too.
---Eloy on 11/1/05

nevada gulp! yes way to much trivia but not normal enough to win anything!
---willow on 10/31/05

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Awwwww, I miss you too Elder, I miss all of you! I'm using my raggedy old laptop, but not much!
(((((((())))))) BIG OLE' HUGS TIL I GET BACK!! I love all of you!!!!

Thought for the day: The best things in life aren't things!
---NVBarbara on 10/31/05

I have been in my room sitting by the window looking out crying cause my friend Barbara is gone off somewhere.
Sniff sniff all I see is rain everywhere sniff.
---Elder on 10/31/05

WHERE IS EVERYBODY???? Elder? Olie? John?

Hiya kids, am enjoying my visit in S.C. I'll leave in a couple of days to visit the Fla. Gulf coast and my son.
Love you guys!

*Remember! Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue!
---NVBarbara on 10/31/05

Capt. Jeffery T. Spalding, do you know what the T. stands for?.......Edgar!
My kind of guy Willow, you know all the insignificant things I do!
---NVBarbara on 10/26/05

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ok captian spalding have a safe and blessed trip.(hurray hurray hurray)
---willow on 10/26/05

Everybody, wave bye to Barbara!
---John on 10/26/05

Oops, hit the wrong key!
To reiterate, I'll miss you fellow loonies,
I love each and every one of you. Pray for traveling mercies please!
Give this joint a cleaning while I'm gone eh?

I'll try to check in from one of my
sibling's computers.

Huggs all around, love and prayers to all.
(That means you too Moderator!)
---NVBarbara on 10/26/05

Helloo....I must be going, I cannot stay I have to say I must be going...I'll stay a week or two, maybe the summer thru, but I am am telling you..I must be goinggg...
Any Marx Bros. fan will know that tune!

I leave on a red eye tonight, and will be in SC in the morning. I like quiet night flights, they put me right to sleep!
I'll miss you all, look for me about the 6th or 7th
---NVBarbara on 10/26/05

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Never angry at you Olie, grossed out, wellll, sometimes!
I still think the diet plan would be a good idea!
It could be very lucrative, and a way to get rid of all those varments you have!
---NVBarbara on 10/26/05

Looks like Barbara is angry with me or I just grossed her out. Sorry sister Barbara. Hope your not squeemish.
---Olie on 10/25/05

Barbara, I already have a head start on that one.
---John on 10/25/05

Thought for the day boys and girls:

"Don't waste time, start procrastinating now!"
---NVBarbara on 10/25/05

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Barbara. My cookin is "To die for". "That's a killer recipe". Got my eye on a new pooch. He looks like he has a strong constitution. Do you have any idea of a name for him? Maybe I'll wait to see how he takes to my stuff. If he's a takin to have gas alot I don't know what I'll do. I had a dog one time and I had to keep him in front of an exhaust fan. Come to think of it the little Mrs. is always tryin to put me there. When I let one go people think I passed an intestine.
---Olie on 10/24/05

Include me out Olie on sending that recipe book of yours!

HEY! you could start a group like 'Weight Watchers' where the participants could only eat your food! There would be a lot of awfully slim people around!
You could call it something like ummm..."I'd rather die that eat that!"
---NVBarbara on 10/24/05

Wait a minute,....... what blog is this? I think I tested some of my own first time tryin recipe. Hooo Weee! I'm feelin numb and am startin to halucin.. Oh you know what I mean. Since when did they start puttin spots on this blog? That was Baaaad chili! Got to get me another dog.
---Olie on 10/24/05

That's so cute John! Missing that 'little girl' aren't you? Just wait for a grandchild to come along, you can relive all the great moments of childhood, and have new ones too!
AND you can hand them back to Mommy or Daddy when the smell gets funky!
---NVBarbara on 10/23/05

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Are you sure Eloy? (Looking for old science books!).
---NVBarbara on 10/23/05

One of these recent blogs reminded me of when my daughter was 4 years old. It was Sunday and I had a toothache and of course all dental offices were closed. She says... "Why don't you go to a seven day dentist, daddy"? She overheard us talking about someone who was a Seventh Day Adventist.
---John on 10/23/05

Your wrong on this one Barb. It's really 186,000 burnt out light bulbs for every second of darkness traveled. We are lights though, I'll give you that.
---John on 10/23/05

i am a light. Dark is minus the twinkling of an eye, so the speed of dark is negative 186,000 miles per second.
---Eloy on 10/22/05

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Nobody knows the speed of dark. Not enough light.
---John on 10/22/05

I know the speed of light is 186,000 miles per second.
What is the speed of Dark?
---NVBarbara on 10/22/05

Druggist asks one of his store clerks if he noticed a gentleman leaning against the wall for a very long time! Yes the clerk said he came in with a very bad cough so I sold him a strong laxative! Druggest You don't treat a cough with laxative....clerk; oh no?just look at him he's afraid to cough!
---1st_cliff on 10/21/05

If you want an ear John and just cut loose and complain all you want, my light is always on!
Writing all you want to B about and getting it out of your system is good therapy!
---NVBarbara on 10/20/05

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Sorry Barbara, I usually like to joke but the last couple of days have been heavy on my mind.
I just wish some people wouldn't act like jerks, especially at the rare time I'm not being a jerk.
---John on 10/20/05

Hell00ooo, sure is empty in here,I hear an echo!
I had a call from my son today, that's always a good day,he lifts my spirits and we joke a lot.Suddenly we're back in his teen years laughing about some of the goofy things he used to do.
I think maturity is greatly overrated!
He can say things with a straight face while I'm doubled up laughing.
Once we were at a drive-thru at McD, and he asked if they had a 'McSquid sandwich!'

We don't suffer from insanity, we enjoy every minute of it!
---NVBarbara on 10/20/05

Blond and her friend watching evening news. Friend, "See that man standing on top of that building?" Blond, "Yes." Friend, "Do you think he is going to jump?" Blond, "I don't think so." Friend, "He will." Man jumps. Blond very upset. Friend, "Don't feel bad. I watched the noon news and saw him jump." Blond, "I did too. But I didn't think he would do it twice."
---Sally on 10/18/05

How many flyin Elvis's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. one to hold the bulb, one to spin him around and the other to say..."Thank you very much."
---John on 10/17/05

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natasha, you got a laugh out of me on that one.
---Eloy on 10/15/05

There was a story about the old Baptist preacher that used to time his sermons by sucking on a throat lozenge, he preached for 2 hours and 47 minutes one Sunday before he figured out he was sucking on an old suspender button.
---Phil_the_Elder on 10/15/05

Just as long as its not Elder with his cauldren of coffee, you're okay!
---NVBarbara on 10/15/05

My wife only had two complaints. Nothing to wear, and not enough closet space.
---ralph7477 on 10/15/05

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man and woman arguing over who should brew the coffee.. after arguments such as, you get up earlier, you sleep later, i do the washing, i change the lighbulbs, the woman says.. the bible says the man must do it!! quite suprised the husband says "prove it"... she opens it to Hebrews and says "HE BREWS!!!"
---natasha on 10/15/05

Want add; talking dog for sale! A guy answers the add. "can I see the dog?" "ya he's out back" "what's your story dog?" Dog says .well I worked for the CIA as a spy for 8 yrs,listened to conversations etc. then I retired and settled down raised a family. "how much for the dog?" "oh,50 bucks" "why so cheap?" " because he's a liar, never did any of those things!"
---1st_cliff on 10/15/05

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