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Husband Will Not Provide

I am married to a man that says he is a believer, but he can't take care of our children and me. We are behind in everything. this has been going on for more than three years. I want to leave, but I don't want to disobey the lord, what do I do?

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 ---darlene on 10/29/05
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A man who will not support, take care of wife and children is worse than an infidel...I doubt that you would disappoint God if you left, however, out of respect for your Saviour, have a little talk with Jesus.
---catherine on 9/3/13

My husband squanders our money too. It's how he was raised and has no understanding of money's value. We continue to get in more and more debt. I'm very offended at our culture and their lax attitude about divorce. I plan on staying in this marriage for life as God intended the marriage covenant to be. He is good and faithful to us in spite of our sin just as we should remain committed and faithful in our marriage in spite of our spouse's sin. Mark 10:6-9. In the bible God only allowed divorce for marital unfaithfulness. Pray about your situation and have faith that God has a plan in spite of your difficult circumstances. Best to you.
---Judy on 8/31/13

While it's not a good solution, if we take from 1 Cor it is possible for you to leave, at least for a time.

We should pray that it will make him realize what is really going on, and maybe do something to fix it
---Peter on 10/5/11

A man or woman living at home with their parents over the age of 21 is suspect. Especially if they are not working or in college. They have deep issues that are going to cost some unlucky person, who is gullible enough to get caught up in that mess, some real trouble. Leave the little boys and girls at home with their moms and dads. They need to learn to cut the apron strings and grow up. If you insist on playing with the little boys,ladies, you have no reason to complain when they refuse to grow up and be a man to you. Same for the guys.
---Robyn on 10/5/11

I am married also and my husband before we got married deceived me. He was doing jobs and living with parents and told me when we got married he would have a better job being a teacher. Six years later he is teaching but ex-wife took him back to court and pays a lot of child support to her and I still have to provide for him. I'm tired of being the provider and he won't be able to until his daughter turns 18 in six years. I"M TIRED OF HIS MOOCHING OFF ME!!! What should I do?
---Michelle on 10/4/11

Was he like this prior to marriage? Someone that couldnt pay his bills. If so, that should of been a hint you should of known it wouldnt change after marriage. Live and learn I suppose.
---barba4758 on 4/14/08

Ma'am you need to know the truth according to St John 8:32. The truth you have married a loser and you need to separate asap. We are not required to stay in marriages that are no longer fruitful. If you have done all that you can do then you need to separate from this man. Have you tried working a job to contribute to the household? Is he a good husband to you? Are you and your family living above what he can provide? You need to answer these questions. If no improvement. I would leave.
---Robyn on 7/7/07

Jerry: You are telling the lady not leave. Stay with her spouse. Why? What in the world is your line of reasoning?
---Robyn on 7/7/07

Elizabeth: There comes a time when we have to get up off our duffs and our knees and do something about our situation, with God's help. This lady has a huge and annoying problem on her hands.Something needs to be done quick, or I am mighty afraid things are going to be bleak in her home for a long time to come. Praying is a wonderful things but we must do our part as well. She should separate and with God's help he will help her take care of herself and her kids.
---Robyn on 7/7/07

Don't leave.
---Jerry on 7/6/07

I am married to a preacher who has a gambling problem. He squanders his checks leaving me to struggle to pay the house note, all bills. I pray to God and beg him. I cry. He makes empty promises to do better. He lies to me ALL the time! I do believe when a man does not provide, he is disowning the faith. that divorces us in the spirit of God. Romans (excuse me I am too emotional to remember exactly what verse and chapter) says "Do whatever brings peace." I am leaving!
---Daretta_A._Williams on 12/2/05

Ella: I really wish that you would spell out the entire word. This is not a chat room, but a blog.
---Madison on 10/31/05

Could your husband perhaps be looking at pornography? I believe an increasing problem in our world today (including our churches) is described in Proverbs 5:1-10 (pay special attention to verses 7-10). Men who involve themselves in immorality (pornography??) are in grave danger of losing their vigor, their health, their energy, their wealth (or earning power).

Moderator - How about their eternal salvation?
---DoryLory on 10/29/05

My sister-in-law is going through the same thing. They have been married 16 years this Nov., have 3 kids, and are constantly moving, living in motels because her husband can't hold down a job, mostly because he's selfish and stubborn, and constantly gets fired for it.Unfortunately, she feels that divorce is the only way out because he never goes to counceling, or tries to change. I hope the two of you will be able to work things out. I don't suggest divorce. I'll be praying for you!
---Melissa on 10/29/05

hi darlene,God loves unconditionally,wants us happy serving Him. in ur present situation u cannot be happy, this is a hinderance in worship.u have to pray ask God's direction in ur life.i was in ur situation, won't tell u what to do, but i say if u were trying to save a drowning person,that person tries to pull u under, what would u do,that is what i was told to do.i asked God turn me back if i was wrong i have not turned back.
---ella on 10/29/05

I guess it really depends on the situation, does he work? Refuse to work? Gamble the earnings? Spend on other things? I highly recommend some couples counselling with your church or a good christian counsellor to discuss your concerns. It may help both of you. Does he show the fruit of being a believer?
---Maxine on 10/29/05

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1 Timothy 5:8 (Amplified Bible):
If anyone fails to provide for his relatives, and especially for those of his own family, he has disowned the faith [by failing to accompany it with fruits] and is worse than an unbeliever [who performs his obligation in these matters].
---Maxine on 10/29/05

Your are right in not wanting to disobey. This can be overcome with both going to counseling. I would recommend counseling first. If he is not willing-talk to a christian finance counselor by yourself. This would be a first step. Also, pray for Gods Wisdom in this.
God Bless you!
---Doran on 10/29/05

Barba: Hindsight is always 20/20, isn't it? I think this lady needs our support, prayers and possibly advice rather than our admonishment and telling her she should have known better. I too am in a similar situation. I knew my husband had debts, but did not know he was a spendaholic!
---Shanah on 10/29/05

Does he not know how to take care of you or can he not care for you and the children? If he is lazy, I would tell him to get a job and work or I was out of here.
---shira_5965 on 10/29/05

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prayer is the best answer for this type of problem pray without season and be patients God will grants you your heart desire .
---Elizabeth on 10/29/05

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