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Unmarried Couples Serve In Church

Should couples who live together and are not married serve in the church as ushers or in music ministry? If they do, how will this effect the ministry of the church?

Moderator - No way!

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 ---cheryl on 10/29/05
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Im in agreement with your reply. Sinners who visit the church knowing the lifestyle of such persons will sense theres no reason for them to change. Do you have a YouTube video addressing such, or can you recommend one? Thanks and blessings!
---Ruby_H._McCray on 11/9/22

If the church the unmarried couple go to in not a Biblical oriented church but more like a country club, I would not find any objection to unmarried coupes serving in an capacity.
---ruth on 2/20/20


You wrote: So true Strong ax. They condemn the sins they are not committing.

That can be bad (e.g. Jesus said, "Let he who is free of sin cast the first stone"), but it often gets even worse than that. Many of them condemn the sins in public that they themselves commit in private. Many of the same priests, pastors and evangelists (and politicians) who scream the loudest about various sexually-based sins are often caught in adulterous affairs, or with prostitutes, or with pool boys, or abusing children, or even arrested for trafficking children.
---StrongAxe on 2/17/20

So true Strong ax. They condemn the sins they are not committing.
---Samuelbb7 on 2/16/20

Christians (especially very religious ones) are all too easy to condemn the more easily visible sins of the flesh (e.g. fornication), that Jesus himself didn't have too much to say about, while at the same time, they turn a blind eye to the less obvious but much more serious sins of the spirit, that Jesus did preach against constantly, like pride and covetousness.

Look at how many televangelists and megachurch pastors live in huge luxurious palatial mansions, and have have fleets of limousines, and private jets, and personal yachts - yet beg poor widows who watch them to send in money because they need yet another new private jet, and then guilt you into doing so because if you don't, you're "not showing your faith".
---StrongAxe on 2/15/20

1 Corinthians 7:2 - Nevertheless , To avoid fornication, Let every man have his own wife, and let every women have here own husband.

Colossians 3:5 - Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: Fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.

2 Thessalonians 3:14 - And if any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man. and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed,

2 Thessalonians 3:15 - Yet count him not as an enemy, But admonish him as a brother,
---RichardC on 2/15/20

My ans is simply yes.
Why? If their money is acceptable, why their service will not be acceptable?

Again,if their relationship is well recognize and accepted by the families, it is no longer a sin.
Also, the Bible does not speak against living together as concubines, even though it is good be wedded.
Lastly, we do not know the mind of God behind every relationship.
---Eric on 2/1/20

The unmarried live-in lovers (not couple) should be encouraged to go and marry first before they can be workers in the church.
---Adetunji on 4/22/14

Dear Kim, we are ALL sinners but those who are saved are saved by the Grace of God because of the sacrifice of Jesus. Anyone understanding and believing this knows that it is 'from the punishment due to us for our sin' that Christ saved us. That being so, we are told to cease from sinning. We all fail at times but this Q is about those who have no intentions of repenting and ceasing from sin.

Those who refuse to cease from sin should not be in a position of ministry BECAUSE THEY HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER those who are seeking God. They haven't found Him for themselves YET. Pray for them.
---Rita_H on 4/22/14

Should couples who live together and are not married serve in the church as ushers or in music ministry? No, but the problem can be far more complicated than this. Imagine this scenario: two people lived together without being officially married and they had children. Now woman comes to God and is saved and goes to church but the man doesn't and doesn't want to officially marry either. Also, do they do not want to move apart as they have children and they care about children and each other. Do we have any right to tell this woman not to take part of church' service or ministry? I belive, no.
---Marko on 4/22/14

No one who is living in sin should serve in any capacity in God's church. visit.... Yes. Be saved then be married. Yes, we should encourage everyone to go to church but serve? No way
---shira4368 on 4/21/14

I think almost everyone of you are wrong! Your self righteous and judgments gal! I wonder where you found out how to be this way? Was it in church? Do you all think that Jesus would send away sinners from the church! You should all go repent! And remember how you used to be before God. All you!! I wonder why so many people think so poorly of Christians and shy away from church! If a forincater is in church onece PRAISE GOD!!! IF THEY COME TWICE ! PRAISE BIM MORE AND THANK HIM FOR. BRINGING THEM BACK!!! AND GIVING YOU ANOTHER CHANCE TO LEAD BY EXAMPLE! How evil you are to say sinners shouldn't be allowed in your church! Remember it's not yours it's Gods
---Kim on 4/21/14

i do believe they should go to church and be welcome. we all need to hear gods word. that is if the word is coming from king james and not a rework bible. i do not believe they should be involved in guiding the church fuctions.
---wild_enough on 2/18/12

--- Rhonda you wrote,
....Holy Spirit was not with King David and he committed adultery and later had a man killed because of that adultery?

how absurd - you must read a very liberal Word of God that "allows" sinning OVER AND OVER AGAIN

Yet the King James version in Samuel 16-13 says
13-"Then Samuel took the horn of oil, and anointed him in the midst of his brethren: AND THE SPIRIT OF THE LORD CAME UPON DAVID FROM THAT DAY FORWARD. So Samuel rose up, and went to Ramah."
---mima on 10/6/09

I think most people assume that serving in the church is a privilege for the Christian. It puts people in view of the entire body. It presupposes that they have the approval of the pastor or whatever clergy is responsible.

While no Christian is perfect, living together in sin not an inadvertant "stumble". If the pastor is aware of their situation, I would have to believe he approves of it. I think any new believer or non-believer would come to the same conclusion.

I myself don't believe this is Biblical, so I would choose to attend elsewhere.
---Donna66 on 10/5/09

....Holy Spirit was not with King David and he committed adultery and later had a man killed because of that adultery?

how absurd - you must read a very liberal Word of God that "allows" sinning OVER AND OVER AGAIN

David REPENTED and TURNED AWAY FROM SIN he did not CONTINUE in SIN ...or is that missing in "your bible"

If one is LIVING in fornication has been for YEARS and continues to do so WHILE the are "attending" a church and this "church" allows them to MOCK Christ it would be The Synagogue of Satan

Matthew 7:23 ...will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity

you do understand inequity IS SIN?
---Rhonda on 10/5/09

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The Holy Spirit appears to have had a different role in the OT. The Holy Spirit could indwell and also leave an individual in the OT.
King David repented of His behavior, and he paid a price of infighting within his family for the rest of his life.

If we had to not have any sin when we come to Christ, no one would be able to come. However, Jesus said to "go and sin no more."

How could these people serve in the Church?
This is embarrassing for the "church." People can hide in the institutional/church. People would be better served by having "church' in small groups, so they can rebuke/encourage one another.
---Rod4Him on 10/5/09

--- Rhonda does your statement,
"If the Holy Spirit was IN their lives they would NOT be committing fornication".

Mean that the Holy Spirit was not with King David and he committed adultery and later had a man killed because of that adultery?

Can we reconcile the differences between what is in your statement and what happened with David?
---mima on 10/5/09

This must be talking about the Synagogue of Satan, not the Lords church, Ephesians 5:25-27, or it is a Revelations 2:4-5, 14-15, 20, 3:2, 5, 15-17 type of congregation. If you are in the first - run away. If you are in a bad church, rebuke them, and be prepared to leave.
2Corinthians 11:3-4, 13-15, Revelations 2:2, 9.
---Glenn on 10/5/09

Saturday a unwed mother(presently living with a man) was in my home. When I ask her about being sure of going to heaven she said I hope so. After witnessing to her I ask her did she want to pray for her salvation. Yes she replied, and I let her in a sinner's prayer.
I failed to mention to her about being an unwed mother(she has a two month old baby) the fact that she is living in sin at this very moment(although my wife did tell her that she that she and the man should get married)
which do you think was the most important me mentioning her sin(bringing on guilt) or witnessing to her about how she could be saved?
Or do you believe she must clean her act up she can receive salvation?
---mima on 10/5/09

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Instead of casting judgement on couples in these situations, we should pray for them and encourage them in thier relationship with the Holy Spirit.

WOW guess that is the new-age "liberal" christian way

It has NOTHING to do with "judging"

You do not "teach" the young and imprudent by ALLOWING them to continue in sin until they - by your wayward idea - come around to the Holy Spirit

If the Holy Spirit was IN their lives they would NOT be committing fornication

pray for them yes ...allowing them to flaunt their sins in front of the members and children is antichrist
---Rhonda on 10/5/09

Those who are not married should not live together. Whether they are serving in the church or not!
But stand by,
unmarried people living together will gain more and more acceptance in society.

Remember the blog that ask should we eat pork very shortly similar blogs will ask should we eat meat?

We are racing towards the end (that being the rapture to my way of thinking) and someone has left the engine wide open!!!
---mima on 10/5/09

for gods commandments for married and unmarried people start reading in 1corinthians chapter 7. The commandments god has for our people livng in our time period are listed in the books after the apostles, naturally becasue after christs resurection the laws for man were changed.
It is not your place to judge other people for their sins. In fact it is none of your business. Let he he who is without sin cast the first stone. Do you think adam and eve had a document of marriage from the courthouse before they had sexual relations, obviously not. Stop trying to control other people and tell them that they are sinners. When your closet is clean work on your bathroom, stay out of my house.
---sonofturbo on 10/5/09

We have all sinned and no matter what the sin we are all accountable for it. Is it ungodly to live together before you are married, NO, the sin is in the sexual immorallity that is extremely difficult to overcome, but with God, it can be accomplished. Instead of casting judgement on couples in these situations, we should pray for them and encourage them in thier relationship with the Holy Spirit. You do not know the things God does in the lives of others, but KNOW that those that live in TRUTH and admit thier situations are definately seeking solutions. Please pray and help them, not condemn them, lest you be like the Pharasees and Saducees.
---April on 10/4/09

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There is a difference between Civil marriage and a private marriage between God, you and your spouse and witnesses. I can just see God shaking His head over the foolishness of people believing they have to be married in a civil union with a license. There is NO license from God. So people, get over it!
---james on 6/8/08

No, they would not be setting a good example to others.
---julie on 6/5/08

No, but on the other side if they don't live together should they serve? NO, if and only if sin is involved. A sin is a sin, we all sin and come short of the glory of God daily. Romans 3:23 The main reason is to not promote a hiprocrite that is why so many stray from God and church. Get some premarital counselling and if you can't contain yourselves let them marry it is better too marry than burn in lusts.
I Corinthians 7:9
---KReid-Lewis on 6/5/08

Greg: You and your fiance are very sick. Seek help,right away.Your priorities are very mixed up and will cause you untold problems very soon. You need to be saved also.
---Robyn on 6/4/08

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GreG::To be totally Honest this is not a question that a normal man, would attempt to answer.Sins and judgement is not in the framework of a normal man.Only God reads minds He best knows what constitutes sin in His mind as well as yours.
---Emcee on 6/3/08

I'd say shacking up is a pretty poor reflection on your church, and your God! If you want to bring honor to your church and God, go by His standards. How can one be living for God while they are living in sin, willfully, knowing it's wrong?
---Todd1 on 6/2/08

I am living with my fiance. We are not having any sexual relations. Is this still a sin?
---Greg on 6/2/08

Absolutely NO WAY. Too many devils in the church, we do not need to promote them, unless it's out the door. You have retirement you've been promoted..Don't forget all the unsaved pastors. Teachers too. Thank you!+++
---catherine on 4/23/08

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Um, Moderator, maybe your two word answer needs a little more explanation (though it WAS seriously direct)?:) Church leaders (deacons and pastors alike) are to be above reproach. An unmarried couple living together is anything BUT above reproach; they're in direct violation of God's Word and have no place in a church's leadership.
---Heather on 4/22/08

Does Joshua,Ai and Achen ring a bell to anyone? Sin in the camp kept Joshua from victory in Ai.Can the same be said about today's Church? The only sin we cant be forgiven for is the one we dont ask,repent and turn away from. Leaders of ministries represent whom?. Will God use us if we are unusable? The Bible gives us ways to have a great Christian Walk with our Heavenly Father. If our walk is strayed,can the unsaved believe the Gospel without satan saying,its ok,keep living the way you were, they are??
---Roger on 1/29/07

No...God created marriage not co-habitation. If they never marry, then think of this...they have lived with another person's spouse! They need to live like Christians.
---wes on 12/4/05

Bible ,Jesus came to take away the sins of the world.I cringe every time I see a Christian say they can't be sinless, Jesus said be ye holy as I am holy?No room left for sinning after coming to Christ.Gnostics were a Christian Sect who believed only the soul could be saved.Believing a person can't be sinless sounds like Gnostism to me, Temptation to sin isn't sin until it brings forth the fruit of sin.Either sinner or saint.Saint;Bring forth fruit of righteousness. Choose this day whom you will serve.
---Darlene_1 on 11/1/05

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Be perfect-Matthew 5:48;Hebrews 10:14;I Thessalonians 5:23;Mt.10:24,25
Be righteous-Deuteronomy 6:18;Matthew 5:20
Be good, and bear good fruit-Matthew 12:33;Matthew 5:44;James 4:17;3 John 11
Be obedient-Deuteronomy 13:4;Jeremiah 7:23;Romans 6:16
Sin not-John 5:14;8:11;Romans 6:12;I Corinthians 15:34;II Timothy 2:19
Be clean-Isaiah 1:16
Be pure-James 4:8;I John 3:3
Be holy-Leviticus 19:2;20:7,26
Lie not-Leviticus 19:11;Colossians 3:9
Bless, and curse not-Matthew 5:44;Romans 12:14
---Eloy on 11/1/05

Heather please read my response rather than trying to read my mind. Nowhere have I said that private sins are less of a sin that public ones. My response was saying exactly the opposite. I feel that those with the 'private' sins e.g. not paying taxes (and the gossips mentioned by Madison) should NOT be serving in church either until they repent.
---M.P. on 11/1/05

M.P. and Madison-I haven't seen anything anywhere that says church members are sinless; in fact, what has been said on various blogs repeatedly is that we are all sinners. You're right, this is a more public sin that's being asked about, but a sin committed privately is no less wrong than one committed publically. In both cases the one(s) perpetrating the sin lose fellowship with God.
---Heather on 10/31/05

We had this situation come up. An older couple came wanting to help with the music. She played the piano, he the guitar. We became suspicious when she couldn't remember when their anniversary was or where they got married. After checking the state data base and finding no marriage recorded, my husband, the pastor, confronted them. They got angry and never returned. Turns out we were about the fourth church they tried the same thing with. They did admit that they were not married.
---Sally on 10/31/05

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Your answer is in I Cor 5
Note v. 11-13 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a FORNICATOR, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat. For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within? But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.
---Bruce5656 on 10/31/05

I believe its between God and these unmarried couples. Only God should judge. What is more harmful than having these people serve in church, is a church that closes its door or removes priviledges from those who live less than perfect lives. Hey, that's all of us, isn't it!
---clark on 10/31/05

no! there living in sin. my gramma just left a church where a guy and chick lived together and people said it was all hunky dory but shedidnt leave cuz of that, she left cuz God told her to leave to go to the new churchthat this church had mothered..
---angie on 10/31/05

If you open the doors of your church wide all can come in. That is good. If you open your Bible wide, those who read will see examples and rules for life and order. Let the Bible be the base line for those who will read it and hear it preached. Therein is a real clue to your church's dilema. Modern day man excludes God from the church bylaws and observences too often so they can conduct "business" in God's name. (my opinion)
---mike_fl on 10/30/05

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You who have not sinned can cast the first stone. In our church every one is welcome to serve the Lord. We can't seem to find any perfect ones. It's nice when everything is just right but we don't seem to find too many like that. Jesus had Judas as a disciple. He sent him with the 11 to spread the Gospel and heal the sick.Judas was also the treasurer. And Jesus had the Lord's Supper with him on the very night He was betrayed.
---john on 10/30/05

I was such a couple. I couldn't continue, God dealt with me, I had to leave the church until I could give up my sin. Once I did, and it took me along time of wrestling with myself, because I loved him.I left him, God restored me. He, tho, saw nothing wrong with it, still very much in ministry. But that is up to the church/God/him to face. I did the right thing at great cost.People saw that I left, that he didn't.
---bobba on 10/30/05

M.P. I agree with you. I also wonder, how many of the church members are gossiping about the people who live in sin, and are not lovingly confronting them, instead of posting their sins on a blog.
---Madison on 10/30/05

marriage is a covnet between man, woman and God. That takes place then they join toghter as one flesh. Who are you to say that they must have a cerimony and a man made peice of paper. Pray before you assume they are out of the will of GOD.
---vickie on 10/30/05

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Living together without being married, being an unmarried mother, committing adultery are usually very public sins. When a church knows these things they say these people should not be serving the church until they repent. However, I wonder how many of those serving the church beat their wives, avoid paying taxes, drink or eat to excess - need I go on? Let's not fool ourselves that all church members, except those who sin publicly, are pure as the driven snow.
---M.P. on 10/30/05

Couples in this situation should not serve in church. The church should welcome these people,and point out to them the error of their ways in the eyes of the Lord. When they are led to the truth through scripture, and put things right in the eyes of the Lord. Then by all means they should be willing to serve Him and encouraged to do so. Timothy gives guidlines. He died for forgivness of sin,not to allow us to live in it.
---tom on 10/30/05

Cannot,because church leaders are church model & they are not good example 4 church members. God Bless!
---kim on 10/30/05

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