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I Love Two Men

Is it possible to love two men exactly the same way, at the same time and how do you tell which one God wants you to marry if both men are good christian men and both would make wonderful husbands?

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 ---Cece on 11/10/05
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Since people fall in and out of love, why not pick the one who will make you happiest when all crumbles apart. Do not marry for words or charm as charm is deceptive and words do not need to be true. When words are false and charm gone, you will want at least a handsome man and other assets.
---born on 3/22/13

Jordan: This is more of a note to you than to anything else in the site. I learnt that anyone who feels he/she loves two men/women is not being acted on by God.

God made us to love one, yes, there are times when we want two, I am just saying this saying this is not how God made us.

Jordan, if you read this, I am sorry if it makes you sad, and I am the last person to say I am 'holy', I am only passing on my flaws

---Peter on 3/16/13

I know this blog is over 7 years old. But seeing all these replies lets me know I'm not alone in this. Im 20, and have a bf of a year and a half almost. which is the length of the time I've known him. We've had our share of battles in the relationship. Lately though it feels like its not the same, feels as if were acting like only friends.
And im not sure if its cuz of my other friend I've liked.
This other guy I've had feelings for the past 3 yrs. he's been there through every break up I've ever had even before my current bf.
---jordan on 3/14/13

You may have been mistreated, strayed, forgave, now love two, love happens. No one is perfect. Live once. Don't settle being lonley. Insist on marriage councelling. Or leave. Don't drift along. Need to choose eventually otherwise, bad karma.
---Hm on 8/23/11

hey,God got a plan for you! I do not believe it is good for you to have your "emotions" all over the place! I do not judge you but, consider both the two folks preceeding me..They are correct! You can't love two men at the same time! My heart goes out to you.. I am living for the Lord solely,now, take time before God you are worth much more than you realize! The Devil uses emotions & sexual desire gone "awray"(not judge just guess'n) to keep you entrapped to these men. Put God first,Let God have His way! Don't rush!Love goes out to you! ELENA
---ELENA on 6/24/11

I don't think so. When it comes to romantic love I would say if you love one then there is no room for another. If you claim to love two then I would say it is probably infatuation and not real love.

One can be mistreated by one and then no longer love that one and fall in love with another but I think it impossible to truly love two men at the same time as far as romantic love is concerned.

One man at a time is wise. Finish one book before you open another.
---poopsey on 6/23/11

It's obvious that most of you don't know what you're talking about. I've never read so many cruel, thoughtless and un-Christlike replies. Love is NOT a choice. We cannot choose who we love. Commitment is the choice.

Many people do not know how to treat their spouses, and this is what causes someone to stray. If you're not getting what you need at home you're going to find it somewhere else. Men are the worst at not being the husbands God intended them to be. They criticize and complain that their wives are not Biblical wives. But it's because they are not being Biblical husbands. Women need a lot of love and tenderness. If husbands don't give it, they have no room to gripe if their wives find it from another man who is so willing to.
---Manifan on 6/22/11

well stop seeing both of them and pray about it - ask god to tell you which one is the one for you and marry that man.-
---lolita on 8/13/10

All three of you are misguided and certainly,don't love the Lord. If you did you would leave one or both of these men alone,until you come in line with the Word of God. You are out of line. If you are a christian woman. You need to repent and let one of these men---go! I hope you have not been fornicating with them--either. This is not godly behavior for a christian woman or man, for that matter. It is ok to date. But one man, at a time. Anything else, makes you look cheap and wordly. Your testimony is the pits and throws a very bad light on true christian women. Get your house in order. Or God may have to do it for you. You don't want that. I don't believe.
---Robyn on 8/13/10

Or.... Do you just love the attention.
"Vanity Vanity! Thy name is woman!" Shakespeare
---JOHN on 8/11/10

In the 6 1/2 years I have been married, there have been several men (co-workers, husband's friends) that have connected with me in ways that my husband never has been able to. Every time I tried not to take that as, "my husband must not be who I should be with!" However, my heart always burns brightest for my husband at the end of each of these internal battles. I just think of my life without him in it, and if I could stand hurting him in the worst possible way and that gets me every time. The other men, though I want to cherish and nurture them, I can live without taking things any farther than that. Seek within, trust in God's voice whispering knowledge through your heart, and the answer will reveal itself in time and patience.
---Shanna on 8/11/10

Cece, You "admire", "fancy" and are "attracted" to these 2 men(they are pleasing or pleasant in your eyes). What is happening to you happens to many people if not all. Even those who are married are sometimes attracted to others but it is understanding that saves them. If you really trust God, go to Him in prayers, tell HIM (1) what you feel about these 2 men (2) that you know that HE knows ALL things (3) to show you if one of these 2 is HIS plan for you OR somebody else that is not in your mind right now. Pray sincerely(Jer.29:13), pour your heart to HIM, God will surely answer you.
---Adetunji on 12/18/09

Aha you say you love these two men,what is love? see 1st corinthians please take an honest personal look at your love now that you see clearly what love is,make this your model and you wont need to 2nd guess at love is not static it moves and grows ask anyone who has been in a Godly relationship they will be more in love as time goes by.
Happy Christmas All.
---beany on 12/18/09

Joel ... Are you married? I so should you love all women in the way and as much as you love your wife?

In case you are not married, let me tell you that I was, until my wife died.

Should I have loved all women the same way and as much as I loved her?
---alan8566_of_uk on 12/17/09

Read Matthew 5:43-48, and you'll realize that you not only should love the two equally, but to love every one, including enemies, equally.

As far as wondering who God wants you to have, pray on it, you might even find that God wants you with neither, but with some one you don't even know. And when it comes to pass, you WILL know who God want's you with, "For God is not the author of confusion, but peace, as in all churches of the saints." (1 Corinthians 14:33)
---JoelV. on 12/17/09

I belive everyone loves differently. You can love someone and they can love you but that love is never the same as yours and just because a person views love differently it doesn't decrease the value of the love felt. You can also love two different men but the love for one is never the same as the love for the other. I have a great relationship of 19 years and 3 boys with a man that treasures me and I love him greatly. We have trust, and a working team in our relationship that respects each of our strengths. I am proud of this and know this is what I want. However I have to live with a guilt of loving his brother.
---christy on 12/17/09

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It is "possible to" lust several people "exactly the same way". Any one in this situation is unfit to marry, and would cause damage to the spouse. After knowing the situation, if either one of them still wanted to marry, I would explain to him that God wasn't calling them to be a Hosea. 1 Corinthians 13, and read all the Bible books that have John in the title.
---Glenn on 4/24/09

I am one of the two women my husband of 36 years says he loves . He was in the ministry for 30 years and lost that as a result. He met her within the last 2 years and we worked together in this ministry. They talked, texted and were getting too close when I realized I was seeing sparks when they were in the same room. I warned, screamed, threatened and prayed. I was told I was crazy until her husband walked in on them kissing. They both say that is as far as it went. I am not giving up on my 36 year marriage if I can keep from it but there is no such thing as loving two people the same. You love one more or you don't really love either one.
---Beckie on 4/23/09

Kandy :-"The Grass is never greener on the other side of the fence" It is an illusion.Better to stay with the one that you know than the one that you newly acquire .The new TOY will soon be Tarnished.REFLECT does the devil care if you refuse the bait Of course he does, but once taken you are in his power another EVE captured by his lying Bait of deceit.Did you not love your Husband from the pit of your soul when you married HIM? How do you know it will last ??besides breaking that itty bitty law of God.YOU want to chew on the apple of good and evil, and be another EVE?The axiom is "LOOK before you leap" You will end up in a bushof thorns.
---MIC on 4/17/09

I thank you for sharing.

I have struggled with this for a while now and am on the verge of breaking down. I don't know where to turn. I am a married woman who was never able to live her life because I married young and stayed with my high school sweetheart. Now that I am older, I have met wonderful people but not as wonderful as this one guy. He has shown me what I truly am looking for. We share common interests that my husband and I do not. It hurts. I keep lying to the both saying that I no longer communicate with the other knowing it is wrong. And I need help. I love this other guy so very much. I care about him from the pit of my soul. I feel his pain and his happiness. My husband and I treat each other as 'just friends'.
---Kandy on 4/17/09

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I too love two men and have chosen. I must now abide by that choice but find it painful. When one hasn't agonized on this topic it is easy to give advice. Imagine having to choose between one's two children. This is a situation of not what is right or wrong but what is right or right. I shall uphold you in prayer my Sister. I am struggling to deprogram at the moment and I understand your pain. Thank you for having the courage to share, thus giving me an opportunity not to feel alone or condemned.
---Willow on 2/13/08

Ask yourself questions: how does he relate to others when you two are together? How does he treat other people when you two are together out on the town or in a group situation?
---Steveng on 1/13/08

Cece, and others is the same situation, you are confused about what love is.

Many people, including Christians, today live on the surface, rarely delving into the heart of things. There are three types of love, which one are you basing your relationship on? Agape, phileo or eros. You have found what true agape is. My suggestion...
---Steveng on 1/13/08

Suggestion #1: Take a sword and cut yourself in half giving one half to one man and the other half to the other. or...

Suggestion #1: Since your faith is weak, do it the traditional way. Have your friends and family meet them both (not necessarily at the same time) and get their opinions. Have your father talk to them separately and alone. Talk to the people he hangs out with. This may take several months.
---Steveng on 1/13/08

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When you come to the place where you love one and only one man, when you would rather please that man than yourself, when you are sure beyond all doubt that you want to spend every minute of the rest of your life with him alone, only then are you ready for marriage.
---jerry6593 on 1/12/08

You can love two men the same way, but shouldn't put yourself in that situation. You are not in the position to marry either one of them right now, if you can not commit to only one.
---rraea8898 on 1/12/08

God said "Love one another as I have loved you"That is to share His LOVE, with each other.Your encounter & AMOR for 2 menis ok provided it does NOT violate the plan of 2 in one flesh"not 3,4, 5 or multiples.That is His definition of love, your interpretation would be LUST.
---Emcee on 1/11/08

God said "Love one another as I have loved you"That is to share His LOVE, with each other.Your encounter & AMOR for 2 men is ok provided it does NOT violate the plan of "2 in one flesh"not 3,4, 5 or multiples.That is His definition of love, your interpretation would be LUST.
---Emcee on 1/11/08

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It's possible but if you feel that you could marry either then you shouldn't marry either right now. You can choose between them and focus on one. Know that marriage is not about love or romance - it's about commitment. If there's one that you're more committed to then maybe but only if you're willing to cut off contact with the other one because it's just not a good idea to hang out with a person you're attracted to or interested in when you're involved with someone else. Give it time.
---Ciara on 1/11/08

Holly. In certain men they often are incapalbe of knowing the value of what they have, until they see another wants what they have.

Some are addicted to the chase, or the "prospecting". Taking what you want from someone else can be a "fix" or a "high". The challenge: Get what someone else wants.
Your honest sensitivities can be used against you, when played as a weakness, by those who understand your "inventory".
---jhonny on 1/11/08

Every time I have posted recently, my name has been used in a derogatory way.
When we diminish others by stooping to childish maneuvers, eventually it all comes out in the wash. I can see that this has been a practice used for about 8 years, correct?

---Michelle on 1/10/08

That's odd, but it does sounds very similar to the situation of the woman in love with her husband's business partner.

Other Michelle, by reading through the blogs I can see we have one blogger that is responsible for taking the names of others and using them as a form of harrassment.
If you pulled this in any workplace, management would eventually fire you for slander.

---Michelle on 1/10/08

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Are you really a Christian, other Michelle?

A 'prophetess' would not normally stoop to these levels.

Are you really a prophetess, other Michelle?

---Michelle on 1/10/08

No, I am not Dr. Phil, but as an old fool, I see that "Elder" said to give it TIME, and I agree. I now wished I had given 'it' more time (my first wife divorced me) but please understand that 'love' is really not a feeling, but a choice. I also agree to put all your 'lovers' to a real test. Pray for guidence in this test and don't let emotions play a part.
---Dr._Rich on 1/10/08

I am in the same situation. I have been with my boyfrend for 2 years next month and am very much in-love with him. I started a new job 11 months ago where I met a very nice, well-grounded, good Christian man who I became friends with. A few months ago, he revealed to me that he felt there was more there then just a friendship and that he's in-love with me. I care very deeply about him, but love my boyfriend. I can't seem to keep myself away from my co-worker though. I've prayed and prayed..what do I do?
---Michelle on 1/10/08

It is possible to love many people at once but to not be in love with many people at the same time and in the same way. How did you get yourself in this bind? Its something very wrong with this situation. A lot of questions need to be answered. You need to step back, move away from these men and seek the Lord as to what you need to do. This is bad behavior for a christian woman to be caught up in. I'm sorry. Pray and ask the Lord. This is a toughie.
May God bless you and help you.
---robyn on 2/19/07

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I was with someone I knew was "the one" for 6 years & we broke up. He began dating someone else & although I was still in love with him I felt the need to move on & found myself in love again, but still also in love with my ex. Now 8 mo later my ex says he's still in love with me & wants to get back together. There are 2 great Christian men that are madly in love with me. I'm in love with both. I'm so confused b/c I feel the need to choose, but know that someone will be hurt. Any advice?
---Holly on 2/19/07

Just dont be like Abraham and not seek God's advice. Be patient for God only acts in His own time. Pray and pray lots about it. No repeatative prayers either. Talk as you and I would ...just normal talk to God.
---bob on 11/23/06

Luck you! Now, put them to the Test, Cece..and See...which of the two will be True to you...Even after you reveal your imperfections and weaknesses...get past the Glitter...Who would make it through the Fire w/you...when Marriage isn't only about Butterflies and Roses...rachel
---Reiter on 11/21/06

Time.... that is it Time.
Haven't you heard Time will tell? Sure you have.
Keep yourself pure and wait until God shows you. I can promise you that one of these guys is NOT the one you should marry!
I cannot tell you which one you should but my old friend TIME can and will.
As long as there is any doubt wait.
Love can wait, Lust cannot.
---Elder on 10/17/06

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Wow, you all have great responses, but until each of you go through what this lady is going through it will be hard for you to give an objective answer. I certainly agree that it is possible to love two men exactly the same way at the same time. I know because I am in this very situation. To say that it is impossible to be in love with two men at the same time is wrong. Someone said, "only your heart knows."
---Renae on 10/17/06

John is right on! When your in love, your heart will know and there's no fooling it. It has nothing to do with sexual lust either. But I believe most people miss this because they are impatient and won't wait on God. This is why there is so much divorce in the world today. They are matched up with the wrong person.
---Diane on 11/12/05

(Part2)Your preference, will make you see that one is "heavier" than the other. But if you say that you still have them together as answers to all of the three questions, then BEWARE of your heart! Your heart might become the heart of an adulterous woman!
---Linda6546 on 11/11/05

If you claim that you are in love with two men at the same time, then test your self with the following questions: (1)If an event would make you to sleep together alone, then to whom would you like to be with? (2)If an event would make the two of them get sick, whom would you like to serve first? (3) If an event would make them both angry,with whom would you like to "apply your wonmanly devices" for the anger to disappear? (TBC)
---Linda6546 on 11/11/05

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You are not "In Love" with either man. You may love both men very much, but when you are "In Love" you will definitely know! There is a differance between Love and being "In Love". It is impossible to be "In Love" with more than one person at a time. When you are "In Love" your heart will know.
---John on 11/11/05

becky :) thanks.. your answer cleared things up for me.. your statement referring to who you can continuously love with all your heart really helped me.. thank you..
---natasha on 11/11/05

I think the reference used about having to masters doesnt fit here God tells us to love everyone not love one and hate on he was talking about love him and hate the devil or vice versa i was dating and i loved who i was with but i let him go because i had feelings of love for another and was confused dated both wanted to marry both but it was only meant for me to be with the first whom i love daerly i still love the other but its not meant to be
---andre9789 on 11/10/05

How is it that you came to know noth of them well enough to want to marry both? You probabaly should have chosen one to pursue and developped that relationship and not the other. anyway tho , love is a choice , you may have feelings for both of them but which one can you continue to love ( agape) no matter hat happens between you?
---BeckyH on 11/10/05

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wow.. i am in a similiar situation.. both platonic though.. would love to hear the replies :) all i have been thinking is that God knows our hearts better than we do, so He knows who will be best for us better than we do. I hope He will make the decision due to circumstances beyond my control/
---natasha on 11/10/05

It's not possible to love two men at the same time.Even the Bible says you can not serve two masters at the same,you are either loyal to one and hate the other.In this case you love one and pretend to love or force yourself to love him maybe because of his position,appearance or even possesion.
---Sunga3684 on 11/10/05

God can answer you if you come straight out and ask Him.My dad taught me that anyone can be nice if things are going fine but when a person gets really angry you will find out what kind of person he/she is. Have you seen them both angry?Another way to tell what kind of person they are is how do they treat their own parents and immediate family. This is,to a great extent how you will be treated.
---john on 11/10/05

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