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Evil Father To Give Me Away

My father is alive and well but due to spiritual reasons (he married two wives,my step mum who is my fathers favourite is fetish (evil), he can't keep any secret from her). I'm planning for someone else to give me away on my wedding day, but I'm not too sure its the right thing to do.

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 ---Sopha3774 on 11/16/05
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Do what you want to do on your wedding day. Ask a brother, uncle,couisin,good friend to stand in for your dad. It is acceptable. Let me add this: What he does with his life is really none of your business. You are borrowing trouble. Life is troublesome enough. Learn to forgive and forget.Keep the peace within the family. Enough families are torn apart, as is.
---Robyn on 9/5/07

To whoever receives this,
I feel really upset for you regarding your father! I know it is bad for lots of people like yourself who are planning their marriage. I'm sure God has blessed you with a very understanding and helpful lady. He will be a very spectacular bride! I give all my blessings and pray God will help you get through this.
---Christina on 9/5/07

You know how you feel and why. If you don't want you father to give you away, don't allow him to. It's not mandatory that he has that honor.
Sometimes the best way to honor parents or others who have hurt us is to keep your distance, therefore not dredging up old hurtful feelings, or starting new ones.
True he is your father, but don't become a double victim by giving in when you don't really want to. Remain prayerful and do what is right for you, the Lord will honor your honesty.
---lynet on 11/24/06

You can forgive your father whatever evil he has done and still not ask him to give you away at your wedding. Just because a person is forgiven for their wrongdoing doesn't mean they don't face consequences for their actions. Your marriage is between you, your groom and God. Let them help you decide whether your father should give you away.
---grace3869 on 11/24/06

I feel sorry for Sopha; as if having a twisted, sick father wasn't bad enough, she has many people encouraging her to continue to accept his mis-treatment of her and other women! Makes me more thankful I had a good daddy :)
---Mary on 11/24/06

Is your father a bigamist?
What do you mean by "favorite fetish"?
What are the "spiritual reasons"?
What sort of role do you want him to have as your father, and your groom's in-law?
When children come, what then?
Is any abuse involved?
Many questions will be answered when you can answer the above.
---John_T on 2/1/06

"Secondary head" is my term. The point was that the father does not lose authority, but his authority subordinates to her husband. Leaving the father's house does not eliminate his authority.

Also, I can't think of a Biblical example where the woman was killed for being raped, but it is true that some relatives will kill a raped woman for "shaming" the family. I am not aware of any Christians that practice this form of murder.
---a_servant on 2/1/06

Don't do that. You need to forgive your father. Try to get along with your family. I know its hard but you need to love them anyways. They will be there for you so be there for them. Try to sit and talk to them about your problem. Its wrong to hate them so love them.
---Ashley on 2/1/06

Dear Reply
i will like for you to forgive your father and show him from the word of God where is wrong. The bible said love cover the multude of sin so you can forgive him and aked him to give you away.Just do the wright thing in the sight of God.God bless you
---hyaca on 2/1/06

a servant...was not also the woman sometimes killed for having been raped?
---joe on 2/1/06

A Servant, where does it say in the bible that the father of a woman who marries is her 'secondary head'? The bible says to leave mother and father at marriage.
---M.A. on 2/1/06

God's women are always presented with a head over them, e.g., father, brother, etc. Her head gives her permission to get married, symbolized by giving her away.

Dt 22:29 . . . the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver . . .

When raped, the woman's father was paid the fine, as her head, not the woman.

Even today, father's don't lose authority over a daughter who marries. Her husband becomes the primary head, her father the secondary.
---a_servant on 2/1/06

God never rebuked Abraham, Jacob, David, Gideon, Elkanah or Moses for having multiple wives.

Here is a Scripture where God gives David more than one wife, when David already had many wives.

1Sam 12:8 And I gave thee thy master's house, and thy master's wives . . .

Is 4:1 . . . seven women shall take hold of one man, saying . . . let us be called by thy name . . .
---a_servant on 2/1/06

servant...I don't see where in the Bible it says its a father's BIBLICAL right to give his daughter away at her wedding. My Bible does in fact say polygomy is wrong.
---joe on 1/31/06

God also declares He is married to Judah and Israel at the same time. Jer 3:6-14.

Perhaps you have other justifications for denying your father his Biblical right to give you away, but having more than one wife is not.

Perhaps you could remember to be forgiving and remember the Lord's 5th commandment to honor your father. Even if he has been mean and harsh, you are still to respect and honor him.

May My Master Bless You
---a_servant on 1/31/06

First, all men are evil. No one is righteous Rom 3:10, 12, 21.

God is not against one husband having more than one wife, unless they are church leaders. The U. S. is against polygyny. Here is one Scripture

Exodus 21:10 If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.

Many of God's men had more than one wife at one time: Abraham, Jacob, David, Gideon are a few. God did not declare them evil because they had many wives.
---a_servant on 1/31/06

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My wife's father was very physically and verbally abusive to her when she was growing up. He is also an alcoholic. My wife chose not to have him give her away at our wedding. She chose to walk down the aisle alone. Our pastor said that's a personal choice.
---anonomous on 1/31/06

There are very little biblical guides here. It is considered a part of tradition that the father give the daughter away, BUT it will be the daughter's choice. What I'd do is tell your father you don't want him to give you away and why you don't. Then, see what his re-action is. He may not want to give you away. If he wants to, I'd let him, but first I make sure he knows why you object. (Who knows, it may be a turning point for him.)
---WIVV on 12/29/05

Do it. My girls had their step dad give them away..There real father gave them away years ago for drink and ungodliness.
---Lynn_Bedford77 on 12/26/05

sweetie, take it to Jesus...why not give your earthly father a shot. <>< :-)
---monique on 11/18/05

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