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Struggle With Honoring My Mom

I struggle with "honoring" my mother. She was physically and verbally abusive, allowed sexual abuse from her pedophile brother, lies, manipulates and then denies. I forgave but can't forget. I have to keep my distance to have peace in my family's home. Am I wrong?

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 ---Caroa6864 on 11/16/05
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You are right on the money. Put distance between you and your mom,pedophile uncle and all relatives like them. For the sake of peace. This is not wrong. But do pray and ask God to forgive you,your mom and sin-sick relatives. This assures your right standing with God, keeps the anger and evil emotions from taking over your life.
---Robyn on 11/11/07

Honoring your mother does not have to look like most you see around you. It could simply be in forgiving her and speaking civilly to her if you should happen to communicate with her.

I hope you are in therapy, or have been, to help you work through your childhood trauma.
---Madison on 10/25/07

Humans do not have the ability and/or the capacity to forget just because we may want to. Forgiveness is KNOWING someone is wrong and agreeing in our heart to not use their offense against them for evil to them. Forgetting all you have experienced is not possible, not using the events to destroy those who have offended you is. Just because you remember does not mean you have not forgiven.
---Elder on 4/16/07

You sound so much like me. Even though I keep my mom at a distance for my own protection, I do honor her. But I have to remember: "Jesus is my mother, my father, my brother, my sister." I think the way I honor her is that I don't dishonor her to my nieces and newphews, and I don't react when she dishonors me in front of them. I guess my point is that I have to look at the ways I do honor her, because the "ideal" is not going to happen her. You are in my prayers.
---Maureen on 9/20/06

If I didn't know better I think that I had written this. I have the same problem with my Mom. I love her but don't respect her. She was good to every other child but me. I talked with my Spiritual Father about this and he said let Jesus take care of it. So, I talk to Mama, but stay away from her house. When I'm at her house, I have to bind demons in order to stay. It's hard to forget, I do forgive her.
---Nellah on 12/18/05

First:Put on the full armor of God every day. Second:Bind those unclean spirits, In the Name of Jesus demons will have to flee. We are doing warfare against all the things you mentioned..Believe Gods Word...It works. The Prince of Peace will deliver you. Your Mom really needs lots of prayer. I will pray for you and her. Please pray for my Mom...In His Love..Jesus ate with the sinners!
---Lynn_Bedford77 on 12/18/05

God's commandments are qualified. In other words, mitigating and extenuating circumstances apply to every mandate. As in this case, Honor your parents. (period). So what if my parent is evil like yours? Should we still honor them? No, God never honors evil, and nor should we. The evil person puts themselves under God's wrath and judgment, so why be a partaker of their plagues and wish them Godspeed when they are in error? Instead, pray that they repent, but never honor an evil person.
---Eloy on 12/18/05

There is nothing wrong in keeping your distance if she wishes to continue bringing up the past. As for care in her old age, she might need to be told that you have responsibilities of your own which might mean she gets care elsewhere. Do you have husband, children, full time job? People are living much longer now and care cannot always be given by their children who are approaching old age themselves. You are not dishonouring her by being frank.
---M.A. on 12/18/05

God commands parents to procreate and govern children. As those who have given you life, and as those who are under God's command to govern children, you are to give honor to your parents.

But always, God is your King and your final Authority. You are His property(Acts 20:28; 1Cor 6:20). Undeserving parents still receive honor because your Owner commands it. But you do not have to submit to sin or strife. We are called to peace (1Cor 7:15).
---a_servant on 12/17/05

There's nothing wrong with distancing yourself from someone who is repeatedly hurting you. I would even venture to call it wisdom. Forgiveness does not equal doormat. You can forgive someone for what they've done, and then move on with your life.
---Katie on 11/18/05

You ladies will be in my prayers also. Sometimes it helps us to know we're not alone and I know God knows our hearts and the situation. I use to work for MHMR as a caseworker getting clients on Disability. My mother ALMOST enrolled for services, but refused when she found out they keep a chart. "I don't want NOTHING I say to be written down!". Her words. *sigh* The biggest lesson I've learned is how NOT to be to my children. I've truly been blessed with wonderful children praise God!
---caroa6864 on 11/18/05

Are you sure we don't have the same mom? I wonder if it has to do with the time in which they were raised. I have come to accept that my mom is a little "off" and that I can't care for her. that being by her causes anger in my life. that if I keep space I am able to rewrite letters and not say things on impulse. pray for me also.
---wondering on 11/18/05

What you are describing is very similar to my relationship with my mom. I had to discuss her in therapy many times to work through my issues with her.

She could be suffering from a personality disorder, in which her denial would make sense.

Get yourself into therapy and discuss it all. If she is willing, maybe she could participate in your therapy with you from time to time.
---Madison on 11/18/05

3. Isn't respect "earned"? When I look back, I think, "What kind of mother would do this to her child?", and part of me never wants to see her again, and the other yearns for a mother (dad passed away in '93). Then I have this GUILT trip. She plays up the fact that most take care of their parents in their elderly years. (I live out of state). I honestly don't think I can or even WANT to take on this caregiver roll. I guess maybe I just needed to vent, and I'd appreciate your prayers.
---caroa6864 on 11/17/05

2. The "kicker" is, she DENIES ever having done/said things! I truly think she has mental illness going on, but even the most chronic schizophrenic person knows right from wrong! For some reason, her rage was taken out on us daughters, but when Sis married and left, I still had another 7 yrs. before I graduated and left. Sorry to whine here. I've forgiven. I don't dwell on it or wish evil on her, but to try to establish a daughter/mother relationship seems impossible. so.
---caroa6864 on 11/17/05

1. Thanks for the replies...especially yours elder. The problem I have, is over the years, I try to move forward in a relationship with her, but she wants to whine, gossip about fmly., or bring up the past. She resents it and blames ME! (I didn't say a word 'til I was grown). Anyways, I can tell her "let's just go forward", but she INSISTS on dredging up things to argue about. It's hard to go forward when she continues to do this.
---caroa6864 on 11/17/05

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How are we to honor people who do not honor us. my mother is simmilar. now that I don't live with her it is just mental abuse. I honor her by praying for her and keeping my words bible based. I say a lot of verses. In letters and phone calls, but can't bring my self to see her a lot.
---Laure5469 on 11/17/05

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