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How To Treat An Alcoholic Relative

My granddaughter, who is an alcoholic, lives with me. I find her lifestyle and behaviour worrying and sometimes frightening. I feel that she is slowly killing herself. Others say don't criticize her actions, just love her though it. What would you do if this were your relative?

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 ---emg on 11/20/05
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Aree you sure she is not just a drunkard, drinking too much? That is not being an alcoholic.
An alcoholic is addicted, and the only way for her is to stop drinking, period. NO ALCOHOL AT ALL, EVER If she is addicted, even the smallest drop will start her again
Encourage her to go along to Alcoholics Anonymous. You copld go along yuorself separately to get help ideas.Are
---alan8869_of_UK on 3/1/08

Even true love must have boundaries. If you truly love your child, you will do what is best for them, not what makes you feel better about yourself. You must stop allowing yourself to be held hostage to her addiction. Lock the door behind her. Change the locks on your doors, move if you have to. Cut off every avenue of revenue that feeds the addiction. And tell her that you love her to much to watch her kill herself.
Do not be a co-dependent, chief enabler or you will be held accountable for her death.
---Travis_Knight on 7/30/07

I am in the same situation with my brother, he is slowly killing himself with alcohol. Everyone wants to be so nice to him so they don't make him worse. I am so tempted to be the one who treats him the way he does everyone else. I am tired of the sympathy towards him. let me know if anything works for you.
---sister_of_alcoholic on 3/30/07

1. Attend Al-Anon meetings. That is where you can learn from other family members of alcoholics how to take care of yourself and set healthy boundaries with your granddaughter.

2. Tell your granddaughter she cannot be drunk in your home. No alcohol can enter your home. She must be sober and not under the influence in your home. If she does not like this rule, she can move out. I set a similar boundary with my son, who had a drug habit. I ended up kicking him out and saving my sanity.
---Madison on 3/15/07

Does your granddaughter know that she is an alcoholic? That is step one for recovery..Just like if we do not think we are sinners we do not know that we need a Savior. Step one for recovery
---Lynn_Bedford77 on 12/26/05

Thanks all for your advice. I'm not sure that I can make an ultimatum as some suggest. I'd worry myself to death if I threw her out. Thanks for the suggestion of the Big Book. I know some one with a copy so am going to borrow it. I've been given negative feedback about Al-Anon so am dubious at the moment. Some Christians seem unhappy with the 12 steps programme but I'll reserve judgement until I've read the book. Thank you all.
---emg on 11/23/05

First of all buy the Alcoholics Anon Big Book, read it and study it. That's where you'll find your answers. Be very careful of Al-Anon. I learned more through AA's Big Book and living with an alcoholic. Tough love it what she needs and lots of it. Do not let her run over you. Let it be known that she cannot drink in your home or bring her friends there. I've had to deal with this too. Do not let her disease (demon) ruin your life. Study the 12 Steps of AA, so very helpful ... and pray.
---Nellah on 11/21/05

Mike ... the drunkard is not necessarily addicted, so would not be an alcoholic.

I know a drunkard who will go for weeks without drinking (so not dependent) then will go out on a real bender!
---alan8869_of_UK on 11/21/05

drunkard or alcoholic the dependency is the same. an untimatium will only force the person to do something they don't want; it almost never works. al-anon is my choice for you, at least you will learn how to live with this person and to find out if your an enabler or not. and just pray....
---mike on 11/20/05

I would attend al-anon meetings regularly! You can't control her, but you can stop enabling her. Al-anon will show you how. Another suggeston: Get a pamphet with a questionnaire for alcoholism, and another about AA. Leave them out for her. If she's alcoholic her curiosity will compel her to read them and possibly plant a seed of recovery. Pray for her and for yourself to do the right thing. Good luck.
---Kim on 11/20/05

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