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Huband To Approach His Mother

Mu husband is going to approach my Mother in law in the next day or two, because she has become real cold & distant with me for honestly nothing I've done at all. I told him I need him to address this. Please pray that she will listen & obey Gods command to love one another....ME

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 ---Heather_S.Cal on 12/6/05
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I'll be in prayer Heather. May God intervene and cause peace in your family. Are you both Christians? If you need to talk, I'm at 'barba7434' on ChristiaNet penpal. I get so much mail from young people, I think I've become a mother figure to many. That's fine with me!
---NVBarbara on 8/24/07

BBrrr.. there's nothing colder than a mother-in-laws love! I'm sure she loves you, or you would have figured that out before you got married. Is this a new marrage? If so..mama needs to cut the apron strings. If established marrage, then obviously she has seen or "got wind of" something she does not approve of. But in the mean time, "cleave" to your husband. He's yours now! Ohh..I will also pray for your husband. He's kinda stuck in the middle.
---Fred_S. on 3/6/07

You are welcome Heather. I finished this book this weekend. A little disappointed, but at least You will be able to recongize the traits of this spirit.
---Fred_S. on 12/12/05

Thank You! Appreciate it. Fred, sorry about the news. I'll keep you all in prayer. We were 'broken'after 2 months of maariage. It lasted for a month. We were basicly 2 people w/ such different yet dysfunctioal backrounds, coming togther to try to make it work without the knowledge of 'how to'. We sought therapy for the 1 1/2 yrs. I really learned a lot & keep reflecting back as I need. My husbands forgetfulness gets me to say every so often 'remember honey what we learned in therapy? <><
---Heather_S.Cal on 12/9/05

OK, the name of the book I mentioned is: Confronting Jezebel: Discerning and Defeating the Spirit of Control by Steve Sampson. You can pray for my family. Let's just say we are "broken" at the moment.
---Fred_S. on 12/9/05

My counselor told me I had a gentle kind loving heart who just wants to be treated the same way...funny thing is I don't like arguing but I'll argue or fight for peace in my life. oxymoron huh? I'd like to get that book you suggested. let me know when you find the name & author. Yes, I agree after a few kicks this dog will bite back!
You can't teach that old dog (Mom in law) new tricks but you can possibly teach her grown pup(my hubby) Ah ha! How ya like that Fred? How can I pray for you?
---Heather_S.Cal on 12/9/05

Hey Heather, You need to do some research on the "spirit of Jezebel". I think this might open your eyes. I have just gotten a book on this, but I don't have in front of me. I'll give you name and who wrote it. Just skimming thru, I reconized that this is what I am dealing with. It can be passed down thru generations.
---Fred_S. on 12/9/05

AMEN. You seem to have a kind, caring heart Heather. Feel assured you have done what needed to be done in yall's situation. You can't kick a dog but so many times before he's going to bite you back! You can't please all of the people, all of the time. Just love them in the LORD. Maybe the first of the year, he can try again after things settle down from holidays. Sounds like you have the necessary "tools" to deal with this. Sometimes it takes a total stranger to pick you up and dust you off.
---Fred_S. on 12/9/05

Your husband needs to remember that when he married you he walked away from his parents and became one with you. As long as he knows that you come first and not mama. Women can be very territorial or maybe she's having a bad hair day. I wouldn't approach her, I'd stay away from her and maybe she'll get the message or maybe she'll ask what the problem is.
---Nellah on 12/8/05

Yes,he talked with her but we hadn't the chance to talk about it. We were with the kids last night shopping w/ them till we dropped or at least spent a few two many dollars!! He also had a super busy day at work with lots of sress so I felt the timing wasn't the best. I think I'll hear about it tonite. Yes...I also invested many years in counseling books as well as 1 1/2 yrs at family marriage counselor/therapist. Bottom line is You either have 2 excuses for change CANT or WONT....Can I get an Amen?
---Heather_S.Cal on 12/8/05

Thank you Heather. (He didn't talk to her did he)? I, myself accidently found this site about a week ago. I do not usually blog. But for the last month, I have been in HEAVY intercessory prayer for my family and myself. Let's just say I have years of experience with the in-laws and the out-laws and MOM. I'm sorta caught in the middle also. That's why I can relate about your situation. Spent lots of time & money on counceling, and glad to share with you.
---Fred_S.N.C. on 12/8/05

Fred..I feel as though you coach people in some areas of life, is that so? ha ha Your a great help really! I enjoy our fellowship via blog! I found this site accidently! Hmmm another mysterious blessing the 'I AM' has bestowed on me. Can I specifically pray for your needs, while in turn I'll keep you updated in my walk & this whole in law thing. Have you been bloging long? Are you just sent by God to minister to others? Whatever the case again, I thank you.
<>< Jeremiah 29:11 <><
---Heather_S.Cal on 12/8/05

Amen sister! Been there, done that. Now that's the attitude I'm looking for. Glad to see you stop beating yourself up over "someone else's faults. We are only responsible for "OUR" own actions. It's a new day. Rejoice and be glad in it!
---Fred_S. on 12/8/05

Were to hold each other husband did such that. We are merely like clanging symbols or loud gongs of noise to God is we do things but NOT have love. If were Godly fed, we must be able to show it by his spirit right? I often check my fruits of the spirit, to see where I need to work on living it our more. I'll need God to show me this lesson he's trying to teach me through my Mom in laws behavior other than loving her by spirit...He has mysterious ways how he teaches! stay tuned Fred..
---Heather_S.Cal on 12/8/05

My husband's sister and his children do not like me. These "children" are in their 40's!! They are insecure about what will happen to them financially when he dies. I ignore it, invite them over often, and treat them with love, care, and concern. I don't have the time to be angry or upset of such matters.
---Tammy on 12/7/05

Yes, I gotcha Fred. I am soooo aware of all that it's hard to try to teach my husband this about his Mom/family. He thinks I'm trying to be his counselor. I must say though, that I have learned a lot of people's ways & myself psychologically not only with books, but we saw a counselor for our marriage troubles in the beginning. I pray that God gives him the vision of "what is" in his Mom/family like he has me with mine/myself. your so helpful!
---Heather_S.Cal on 12/7/05

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Mine was not an ultimatum. None of us want to be around the woman (but we love her). Simple as that. The sad thing is, my wife is a lot like in ways, but then in others, she is not. The one thing I have learned thru the years, The more controlling a woman is, the more insecure she is with her-self. The control factor comes in from her past, "from now on, I'm going to control all the circumstances so I will never be hurt like this again"
---Fred_S. on 12/7/05

Tune in tommorow Fred....
---Heather_S.Cal on 12/7/05

My heart goes out to him (glad it's not me). I just hope he is prepared to make the right decision if necessary between "mom" and wife. You do not have any reason to be sick to your stomach. You haven't done anything wrong. And that exactly the way her actions want you to feel (guilty!!!). And it's working. Some times mama's have a hard time letting go of their boys. You go have a wonderful day, and convience yourself it's not your problem!!!! It's her guilty conscience......
---Fred_S. on 12/7/05

Fred, did you constrict the time she spends with your family? Should I ask my hubby if she won't be kind to me she will miss us all at special occasions? Do we use ultimatums so she's kind? Is that reasonable? She's very controlling & an overwhelming care taker to others needs. Almost annoying. It seems to give importance to herself when she helps.Her Mom was an alcoholic & not a gooey loving person I hear from family friends. Please pray Mom in law is more transparent & more softer in heart. THNX ; )
---Heather_S.Cal on 12/7/05

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Fred..why do Moms in law get so crazy! Its like they fight with you to keep on top with their adult child. I beleive the Bible said to leave & cleave to eachother as we seperate ourselves from our family we came from. I am supposed to be first after God right? Please pray about this talk he'll be having with her more than likely later today.I'm sick to my stomache. I hope he uses the right words & along with being FIRM!!! keep you updated. : )
---Heather_S.Cal on 12/7/05

You guys are still honeymooning! I feel your pain. I too, have a mother-in-law who has never been wrong (or ever admit it), and is as perfect as Jesus himself. lol. Unfortunately, she does not get to participate in family functions anymore. Sees the grandkids for 30 min. at Christmas. Just keep in mind. You have to love her. But you do not have to like her ways!!!!
---Fred_S. on 12/7/05

We are Christians. Married 4 years. I just got a breast augmentation done with a happily agreed husband. I nursed! I stay at home with kids. She is too proclaiming being a Christian. She is very agressive though. She wears the pants in the family & the Dad wears the dress..not really! She is settled in her marriage of 25 years. I'm confused Thanks.I'll let you all know the outcome! <>< Heather on 12/6/05

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