ChristiaNet MallWorld's Largest Christian MallChristian BlogsFree Bible QuizzesFree Ecards and Free Greeting CardsLoans, Debt, Business and Insurance Articles

Humor Blog #10

Its time please Mod, "Humor Blog # 10!"

Join Our Free Dating and Take The Wisdom Bible Quiz
 ---NVBarbara on 12/18/05
     Helpful Blog Vote (9)

Reply to this BlogPost a New Blog

hear about the shortest guy in the Bible: Bildad, Job's friend, was a 'shoe'-height.
---john on 5/10/08

Six year old Erica was asked to say grace before a family dinner. She thanked God for all her relatives one by one.....Mommy, Daddy, Grandma, all her aunts and uncles and cousins. Then she began to thank God for the food. She gave thanks for the meat, the fruit salad, the pies and cakes and even the whipped cream.
Then she pause and after a long silence the young girl looked up at her mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, wont he know that I'm lying?"
---Virga5539 on 5/7/08

My husband used to make such strong coffee that when he would would go to Starbucks, he would say"I did not ask for water". It used to be so strong that I would think he was brewing coffee-turns out, he was in bathroom.
---Kella3336 on 3/29/08

NVB :: Excellent Idea who wants to bell the cat and put it to Congress start a regiment!!!we need Volunteers!!!
---Emcee on 3/28/08

A blonde on her first day in her new office job thought she'd make a good impression on her bosses, so she offered to go out and buy coffee for everyone. Grabbing a large jug, she hurried to the local coffee shop. Holding the jug up, she asked the server if it was big enough to hold six cups. "Yes, he said, it looks like it will hold six cups." "Oh good, sighed the blonde, give me 3 regular, 1 black, & 2 decaf."
---Irene on 3/28/08

NVB :: Excellent Idea who wants to bell the cat and put it to Congress start a regiment!!!we need Volunteers!!!
---Emcee on 3/28/08

NV Barbara~ That is really funny. I Think if I went over there, the number could be less. My husband would agree. He is a brave man to put up with me.
---Kella3336 on 3/28/08

I like the story of two "Smogarians" walking down a street. One says "Oh wow, look, a dead bird!" The other looks up into the air and says "Where, I don't see it!"
---timotheus on 3/27/08

You know I'm really sick of this war. I think if they sent about 300 women with PMS over there, it would all be over in a few days!
---NVBarbara on 3/27/08

Was 'Cains' wife a good woman, No! Was she a decent mate, No! was she a good mate, No! Was she a kind mate, No! Was she a dutiful mate, No! She was clearly not a prime--mate.
---len_k on 3/29/07

OK! I'll post a new Humor Blog that will be on the 1st page.
Don't forget to tell us some funny stories!
---NVBarbara on 2/9/06

To N V Barb. Is Humor blog over? In my country we don't give up on Humor. Everything else is snow and miles between us in other people, so we need humor. Humor is good, keep Humor!
---Vladimir on 2/9/06

So King James was a virgin?...KJV
---Eloy on 2/8/06

Yea Olie that might'a been it. We serve an HRK meal also. HRK stands for "Health Road Kill." It's made up of animals that only got hurt so the eater has to chase them to eat them thereby keeping healthy from all the exercise.
---Elder on 2/7/06

Howdy, Officer, If you let me sell these road kill donuts on this corner, I'll give you all you can eat and throw in some of Elder's coffee!
---Olie on 2/7/06

Olie, I heard a great joke. It was so funny I've been laughing every since Dec when I think of the punch line.
Here is the punch line, The Police Officer said, "Not on my watch you don't."
I can't remember the rest of the joke though.
Can you help?
Whoops! Gotta go...... stupid Coffee Pot is melting again.
---Elder on 2/6/06

Read These Insightful Articles About Bullion

Willow that is the whole problem, who told you to use coffee? The only time I use coffee grounds is when I don't want the mixture to stick together.
I went Dove hunting and got a case of the Bird flu. Everytime I shot the Bird flu.
I set a cup of my coffee on fire and they couldn't fly under the weight of the smoke but they still walked away.
I poured some in my trucks gas tank and it ran over itself trying to get outta the way.
It messes up the Police Radar something awful.
---Elder on 2/6/06

if the chicken came before the egg, then where did the chicken come from?

the rooster's rib.
---Eloy on 2/6/06

Somebody say somthin funny before I give out another recipe. Comon, Get-er-done!
---Olie on 2/5/06

elder I did a bad thing! In order to attempt to create you coffee I made a full pot using most of the 1pound can of coffee then I let is sit till the liquid burned away, then I added water. my daughter came over and poured herself a cup unknowingly, she yelled struck by lighting and ran out the mom called me from Ohio 30 minutes later seems trisha beat somekind of land speed record.
---willow on 1/30/06

Read These Insightful Articles About Menopause

I stayed outdoors all winter. Well, actually it was summer where I was, but it was winter in Australia!
---John on 1/26/06

Why are there only snowmen and no snow-women?
Becos only men are crazy enough to stand out in the snow all winter. Hey guys, just a joke...becool!
---Lisa on 1/26/06

If we were born knowing everything, what would we do with all this time on this earth.
---Lisa on 1/26/06

Woody Woodpecker was denied bail. They said he was a high flight risk.
---John on 1/24/06

Send a Free New Year Ecard

Willow you just don't know the whole story but I'll give you pieces of it as we go along.
I gave our favorite hen some of my coffee one time to make her lay eggs faster.
She went from one egg a day to a dozen.
The only problem was they came out at supersonic speed and would shoot through the hen house. They knocked a hole in the Pickups door. It was awful till we used the hen for deer hunting.
My ears still ring from the sound though.
---Elder on 1/18/06

nv you are right what a fool I am! we dont a meltdown and have that stuff make to the earths core. so elder please keep your coffee save in the only thing that it cant harm glass or your coffee mug..whew that was close .
---willow on 1/18/06


why does your friends wife make coffee sheesh don't you read the bible. man has to make the know HE BREWES
---willow on 1/18/06

Now I know why your coffe is memorable, Elder!
I was in the Army too and our cook used to get extra privilages for giving his secret coffee recipe to the Department of Defence.
---John on 1/17/06

Read These Insightful Articles About Christian Penpals

John the problem with your friends wife is that she is making her coffee to weak.
Tell her to put some punch into it.
As we said in the Army there ain't no strong coffee only weak Solders.
I do ship using plastic with mine though, cause when the plastic melts it gives the coffee a smoother texture.
By the way my coffee stays hot on its own. You don't hav'ta heat it.
I threw one cup of my coffee in the woods and Jed Clampet became a Millionaire.
---Elder on 1/17/06

My friends wife makes such terrible coffee. I tell her they would use it to clean the Space Shuttle, but it's too corrosive. Her coffee is so bad the fumes could burn your nose hairs right out. The last time I had her coffee, I was up for three days, in the bathroom. She was going have a gun in the house for protection, but I told her she didn't need it, she's got coffee.
---John on 1/17/06

Paper? Plastic? You must be kidding Willow! Elder's coffee would eat through both of those!
It has to be sent in one of those stainless steel tubes like they send dangerous chemicals in!
---NVBarbara on 1/17/06

well elder please send me a I can enlighten my father-in-law that others coffee is worse that mine. will you be sending it in paper or plastic.
---willow on 1/16/06

Read These Insightful Articles About Accounting

Like Elder said once, his coffee won't patch your roof, but it will make the rain turn around & go the other way. And our lawyers up here in Kannada wear black robes with white bibby thingies. No wigs, tho
---Ann5758 on 1/16/06

I can't think of any remarks to add to Elder's, I'm laughing too hard!
---NVBarbara on 1/16/06

Willow I will make him a cup of coffee that will make him lose his mind. That will take the thoughts off of that tooth. He didn't need that tooth anyway for one of two reasons;
1 he has 31 more or
2 he is from West Virginia........The land of plastic teeth and where the Satellite Dish is the State Flower.
Anyway if he doesn't like your coffee tell him I'll send him a slice of mine.
---Elder on 1/16/06

no nv but according to my father-in-law my coffee is pure acid.he claims that it caused him to lose a tooth.lololol
---willow on 1/15/06

Read These Insightful Articles About Fundraisers

The difference is Willow, can you patch holes in your roof with this coffee? Can you resurface your driveway with it?
You may have a ways to go before you can make the famous "Elder's coffee sludge!"
---NVBarbara on 1/14/06

I thought of you just now I was working on a sermon and my coffee got cold.. so I nuked it in the micowave,took one sip and I was reminded of that famous brew that you brew oh so well.
lolol GOD bless you my friend Aye it bonnie gud to be back!
---willow on 1/13/06

John, you need to ride, its so enjoyable! Actually I have 2 Nortons, a 1972 Interstate, and the '73 Commando. But my prizewinner is a 1966 Phelon Moore Panther-PRIMO condition. That was the last year they were made, and only 5 or 6 were made. Mine is mostly silver with red outlines on the tank, and of course the gold panther head imbedded in the Lucas light. It also has a tandem side car! Riding in the desert is awesome!
---NVBarbara on 1/13/06

Barbara, Those motorcycles that you mentioned are amongst my favorite classics. Other ones of my favorites that I used to ride alot are the BSA Lightning and the Thunderbolt. Very fast bikes of their day. Maybe we'll get another ride someday, Lord willing. I still have my motorcycle endorsement. Ride safe and enjoy!
---John on 1/13/06

Read These Insightful Articles About Ecommerce

Alan, I think our courts would be more orderly and given more respect if we were a bit more formal like courts in England.
Lawyers aren't thought highly of here, and trials are often conducted like a 3-ring circus!
---NVBarbara on 1/10/06

Another strange thing here, nvB, is that our lawyers never say "Objection your honour" They say something like, "With the greatest respect, I suggest that might have been a leading question, and I invite my learned friend (by which they mean their opponent) to withdraw it"
---alan8869_of_UK on 1/9/06

I've only seen that in movies Alan, but it is a tradition in England.
Seeing someone like that here is strange!
---NVBarbara on 1/9/06

In the UK, lawyers wear capes, also wigs
---alan8869_of_UK on 1/8/06

Read These Insightful Articles About Jewelry

Maybe that guy's lawyer ONLY wore a cape, that would be a reason for stopping court!
Zero wore a cape in "The Producers" too! The cape and the EXTREME comb over was a hoot!
We're old....
---NVBarbara on 1/7/06

I'd much prefer a Triumph Bonneville Mike!
Just in case I needed to make "A great escape!" My Norton Commando will have to do, it can blow by a Honda anyway!
---NVBarbara on 1/7/06

The fairy god mother's cousin is the tooth fairy twice removed on the bicuspid side. The wisdom tooth knows.
---John on 1/7/06

King David must have had a very large motor cycle because his "Triumph" was heard all over Israel. The disciples had even a larger car because they were all in one "Accord"
---john on 1/7/06

Read These Insightful Articles About Furniture

I just had to bring this up because I thought it was appropriate for this blog. On another blog someone said that their lawyer wears a cape. I have heard this before with some eccentric lawyers. There was an old movie called "The Hot rock" with Zero Mostel who played a lawyer who wore a cape and a big brimed black hat. I think that it would be a trip to actually see a lawyer wearing a cape.
---John on 1/6/06

Accept that somedays you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue!

They'll get over it Moderator, I still think the "Fairy godmother" deal was funny!

Moderator - :)
---NVBarbara on 1/6/06

I heard one time there was a drought in south central Texas that was so acute one summer that for baptisms; the Baptist were just pouring, the Catholics were just sprinkling and the Methodist were just using a damp rag.
---Phil_the_Elder on 12/29/05

A blonde King Kong Eloy, that's a hoot! I think my ex. may have been related though. I used to have to vacuum the sheets between changes! If he was taller, he could have played KK without much for the costume maker to do!
---NVBarbara on 12/28/05

Read These Insightful Articles About Laptops

If i was an evolutionist, then King Kong would be my ancestor.
---Eloy on 12/27/05

John, send him to south central LA if he REALLY wants a scare!!
---NVBarbara on 12/27/05

King Kong and Godzilla were sitting on the Brookyln bridge, late one night. King kong says... "I'm tired of climbing all these tall buildings, there very intimidating"! Godzilla says.. "Tell me about it, I'm afraid to go into the south Bronx"!
---John on 12/27/05

Who could ever forget you Elder? You and Jeraldleen are in my prayers daily. I have a friend who was 'made' in Hong Kong!
---NVBarbara on 12/27/05

Read These Insightful Articles About Lawyer

Legend says King Kong had a son named Hong. When his son died he was so big the Chinese preserved him and used the inside of his body as a warehouse until today. There were toys and all kinds of things made inside of him. To prove it when you buy things today you will see a little tag that says Made in Hong Kong. Now you will never forget me so pray for me when you buy this junk.
---Elder on 12/27/05

Welcome back everybody! I pray you had a blessed birthday party for Jesus!

Hey guys, do you know what King Kong's last words were?

"Excuse me, I have a plane to catch."
Yeah, I know that's lame, but its the only thing I could think of.
---NVBarbara on 12/26/05

You're quirky Eloy, I like that in a person!
( I was raising Able!)
---NVBarbara on 12/20/05

notice how when someone yells and causes commotion, they'll say, "He was raising Cain." But how come when someone gives a compliment or brings peace, they never say, "He was raisng Abel?"
---Eloy on 12/20/05

Read These Insightful Articles About Dedicated Hosting

I hate it when this happens.
I had a stick of CAREFREE gum, but it didn't work.
I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble.
But as soon as the gum had lost its flavor,
I was back pondering my mortality.
---NVBarbara on 12/19/05

Yes, cain would not go for them neanderthal women, those women were not natural, if you know what i mean, they were not a good selection......
---Len_k on 12/18/05

Pickings were pretty slim Len.
Cain had to settle for what he could get!
---NVBarbara on 12/18/05

Copyright© 2017 ChristiaNet®. All Rights Reserved.