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Why Are Many Christians Cold

Where is the brotherly love? I can't seem to find a church with truly caring people. I have been to many denominations, and non-denomenational. God is love, so why are so many Christians so cold? I feel this is why unbelievers don't want any part of us.

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 ---Lynna on 2/2/06
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Hello! I love my church very much. They are not perfect but they show the love of Christ and that's what a church is all about. It's not about us, it's all about God. My church's motto is love God, love people and serve others and that they do. They focus everything they do there on Jesus..
---Christal on 1/5/17

Hi,Bro.Cluny,thanks!well,I had never been to a Catholic church
be honest we had a bad situation me & my kids we were just destitute,bad things happen even to Christians so you know a friend took me,there after some soul searching they always kind,not judgemental we just felt like we belong they are kind they don't gossip they try to help you,we have peace
---Elena_95555 on 6/27/16

Another thing very nice about the church where we attend they do not keep mess gossip going the priest is very nice kind I.have never heard no one gossip talking about the gossip never made mention of anything like that we respect if they see you need something like food or clothes or help they quick quietly will talk with you after service all very nice!! I love it there.
---Elena_95555 on 6/27/16

What does your new church have that your old church which you says is filled with wonderful people does NOT have, Elena?

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 6/27/16

Hi,I am elated to see this blog I have found a wonderfull wonderfull church.I will have to move sadly because they are such beautifull people very christ like lovable they treat every one good.I go to a huge Catholic church.I have been there for a while but I always love them,they have given much. I can only say good things about them yes Lord.I hope to keep in touch when we move.
---Elena_95555 on 6/26/16

Lynne, forgive me, but this sounds like a friend of mine.

She went from conference to conference and rally to rally. "Oh, I need the ministry of the body! Oh, I need to get fed."

But she NEVER settled down in one congregation--giving the same reason you are: claiming a lack of love.

Think about it.

Christ is risen!
---Cluny on 5/16/16

I have had the same experience - congregation after congregation of selfish, cold-hearted Christians who study the scriptures but do not practice what Yeshua taught - to work with, heal and help the poor, the downtrodden and the oppressed. I have prayed to understand their behavior and the answer received is that it is their choice. Free will. Being human. *sigh* I intend to create a breakthrough in living program for homeless and or low income people to support them to rise out of their victim mentality and move forward with their lives. It's do-able, practical, hands-on and low cost. I will do what I feel God wants me to do. Focus on what YOU can do to live in the image of Christ and let the others find their way.
---Laura on 5/16/16

By their fruits you know them. If you go to one orchard that produces rotten fruit it is time to get up and replant yourself in a healthy orchard that is bearing much excellent fruit. I think we all need to be good fruit testers before we plant ourselves in dead soil.
---Whisper on 9/9/07

Forget your organized churches, your denominational churches.

They are nothing but buildings having all kinds of services to cater to the self-centered human. They grow their churches using worldly marketing concepts. Denominations pit one Christian against another. Churches, especially megachurches, have a lot of people, but rarely teach about developing close relationship with one another. They teach superficial concepts of God rarely delving into the heart of God's word.
---Steveng on 9/8/07

The best church is the same type of church they started during the first two hundred years after Jesus rose - a home church. A home church having no more than 12 people where everyone develops a close personal friendship. Where each person is accountable to each other, encourage each other, grow with each other. Where one can develop a true personal relationship with God and with each other. This is the true church. All this is rarely found in an organized or denominational church.
---Steveng on 9/8/07

Unfortunately, there is someone else called Dave in this blog site. My contribution was accredited to him. My apologies for this.
It begins with, The reason why so many etc.
I shall now call myself Dave B in order to avoid confusion.
---Dave_B on 9/8/07

Most are professing something that are not trying to live. Christianity is a way of life. Everyday. We are known by the fruit we bear. If our fruit is green and rotten(worldliness,constantly sinning with no conviction) we need to check and make sure we are right with God. When we are truly born again we will reject satan and live for Christ. The coldness will begin to leave and be replaced with love. Until then, we are Christians in name only.
---Robyn on 9/7/07

The reason why so many church goers appear cold is because they have failed to understand what true friendship really is. If they would follow our Lord's example then other needy people would not become indifferent to them. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down his live for one's friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. John 15: 13 & 14. Sacrificing oneself belongs to friendship.
---Dave on 9/7/07

Ginette - I'm glad you have your peace with Christ and I hope you know that there is a real need for Christians on the internet. I thought it would be good to contact some orgs to see if their clients might be interested.
I too am guilty of not being in the homes of the needy. As much as I want to do His work I also want my time and its difficult - so many people get offended if you say something about thier needs.
Have you asked the pastor if someone would want to help?
Be blessed.
---Andrea on 9/7/07

Sadly, I have found non-Christians more loving than Christians overall. I have a serious chronic illness. Christians from my last church have neither called nor visited me. A woman was dying of cancer. No one from that church spent time with her. But I'm not bitter. I made a decision awhile ago to focus on Jesus and not on Christians. I decided to allow Jesus' love to flow through me despite a church's coldness. It saddens me to see so many Christians unwilling to grow in the Fruits of the Spirit. Jewel
---Ginette on 9/7/07

Two other factors contributing to an uncaring Church: One is the pursuit of success and money where the 12 hour workday predominates. To be caring about others is to take a risk that even more will be demanded of us. The second factor is that the U.S. started out with a focus on the individual which leaves little room for healthy community building. Our films and the modern family reflect this. Each little family is an entity unto itself. This is not what Jesus taught. Jewel
---Ginette on 9/7/07

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[11] Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?

That cold attitude may be a manifestation that they are not in the Lord's marital bed even though they talk a good talk.

Maybe arogant unlike Ruth and refusing to be at the feet of Boaz or put away like Vashti for rebellion.

---Frank on 9/3/07

Who saids that these cold people are truly Christians. As high as perhaps 90% of church members are not truly saved, that is they have not been bought by the blood of Christ. In any case, it is God that we should be focused on, not people, and whether or not they like us. Your reputation with God is all that counts.
---catherine on 9/3/07

Lee: Makes a very good point. I have felt this way many times. This is why people don't like to give money,time and attention to the church. They feel snubbed,left out, dogged out and ignored. No one feels love in an atmosphere like that. The church has become a cold hearted place but it can be warmed by the fire of God. We must keep praying and waiting on the Lord.
---Robyn on 9/2/07

I believe that sometimes we are cold because we look at the outside of a person, and do not seem to realize that we too were once lost sinners heading to hell. Sometimes I believe that we are cold because some of us have a "high minded: attitude that we are better than anyone else. I know that our Holy God is not pleased nor Glorified when we act like this. And I believe that too much of the world has gotten into the churches today.
---Cynthia on 8/30/07

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Many are cold because the true Gosple has not been taught or preached. They are not set free from bondage. Jesus came to set us free. Lets not lose the joy of our salvation.
---duane on 8/30/07

There have been many excellent responses here and I would like to offer one more. Perhaps the coldness comes most simply because we need to spend more time in the intimate presence of the Holy Spirit. It is in that quiet place with HIM that we are changed, and comforted and challenged and so many other things, but one of the most important things that happens is that all coldness is driven out and we become hotly alive and saturated with His life, life that then flows freely to those around us.
---Deborah on 8/30/07

Mark, you said it so well. Bravo!
---joy9988 on 8/10/07

The problem is that we (in America at least, and many other places) live in a free and affluent society. It doesn't cost much to be Christian, so many "join" without counting the cost. In societies where Christianity is persecuted (like Islamic and communist countries, or ancient Rome), nobody in his right mind would be a Christian if he wasn't committed strongly enough to be willing to die for his faith. Harsh conditions get rid of the shallow wannabees and leave mostly genuine believers.
---Mark on 8/10/07

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Sorry to sound like an echo but there is only ONE TRUE church Jesus'sMatt16:17-19 where love handshakes community & feelings of belonging exist.His church of love But you do not believe & still want to do it YOUR WAY not His way .Pride cost The angel of light his Home in Heaven .I am just a small voice like the bleat of His lamb calling "Come to me all who are laboured & I shall refresh you"
---Emcee on 8/9/07

What you are looking for is usually found when you give it away. Try volunteering - needy people need people and hurting people hurt people.
---Andrea on 8/9/07

I think the problem of christians being cold is a result of people being self centered and worldly. Most chistians do not walk in love and are concerned about there own space. It has to begin with each individual person. I recently left my church because of this same problem. I am now going to a smaller chuch with believers who are more mature in the Lord which is exhibited by the things they do or how they attempt to embrace the whole body of Chirst. Joy9988
---joy9988 on 8/9/07

Exzucuh: Perhaps you might like a Believer better than a Christian. All Christians are not such evil creatures you described. Sometimes we see flaws in others that we ourselves possess. Show a little love and mercy. You might need it yourself, one day.
---Robyn on 8/9/07

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There are many loving and godly Christians around. Reach out and offer handshakes and hugs. You will begin to feel the love. Nothing happens overnight. It takes time and patience. Don't be put off. Keep trying.God is Love but Christians are not God. We make mistakes and use bad judgements,sometimes. We are just human. We have accepted Christ as our Saviour, but we are still sinners, saved by Grace.
---Robyn on 8/9/07

You are correct. Sinners see how christians live and they don't want to be a part of that. Churches are cold because they have dumped God out. They have replaced him with contemporary worship, ear tickling messages and there is no power in most churches. They are going thru the motions. There must be a church near you that is different. Where do you live? What state?
---shira on 8/9/07

Joe, I agree with those of you who feel left out, try the SDA church, they are a bunch of lovely loving simple bible teaching church...heaps of hugs and caring there..and free food...other churches too but I know SDA's do.
---jana on 5/27/06

Chistians are cold, they are mean, loud, they pray to much, they pray to little,they hurt my feelings,they worship their bible, they eat to much, they don't like my earing, Father forgive us our tresspasses as we forgive those who trespass against us
---Exzucuh on 4/11/06

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Once saved, always saved----Must be some primitive baptists out there.
---Thomas on 4/11/06

they don't know that GOD is Love
---willow on 4/11/06

If you stand a garage and call yourself a car, it does not make you a car, now does it? If you go to church on Sunday and sit in a pew or on a chair, does it make you a Christian? Christ said we would know them by their fruits. We are fruit inspectors and I for one love the fragrance of the fruit of a walking, talking, Jesus believing, bible teaching Christian! They are sweet to my soul and they are the picture of how we are to be, a sweet incense to our Lord. How can we be sweet if we are being stinky?
---Linda on 4/10/06

I don't doubt that AA is warmer and friendlier than many churches. In AA people are constantly aware of their powerlessness in the face of great obstacles. They know the need of help from fellow-strugglers. Church SHOULD be like that, but for many it has become routine and ritual. They deny their own needs and those of others. A home group is good, maybe a small church. God has a place for you. Ask His direction and keep looking.
---Donna2277 on 4/10/06

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There are so many denominations that know about Jesus, but even the demons know about Jesus and tremble with fear! Many of them have their own ideas of religion. They need to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ!
---bob on 4/10/06

I often sense that ministers in particular are rather cold towards others. Many seem to have an adversary relationship with their congregations, particularly those members that are educated in Bible. It is just a feeling that one gets but perhaps some people are just too busy to care about anything except the tasks at hand.
---lee on 2/18/06

Rebecca_D - yes one can fall from grace if one seeks to be justified by law (Gal.5:4) but that does not mean one forfeits salvation.

yes, I do believe that God is able to save one eternally.

Hebrews 7:25 Consequently, he is able to save to the uttermost {Or at all times (that is, completely)} those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them.
---lee on 2/9/06

Eloy, thanks for your suggestions on starting a home church. They were along the lines of what my wife and I have felt called by God to do. May I penpal you for futher discussions on this?
---craig on 2/6/06

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Madison, thank you so much for your words. And, I've never been to an AA meeting that they didn't talk about my God. So glad that you found a church that you are comfortable. After 21 years sober, I'm still looking for my home church, but I do have a home group. God bless you.
---Gwen on 2/5/06

1John3:9 Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin;. 1John3:18 He that committeth sin is of the Devil;. Romans6:16 Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey,his servants ye are, whether of sin unto death or of obedience unto righteousness. Romans6:6 - old man is crucified with Him,that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin.1Ti:3:8 Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear. Matt.10:22 He that endureth to the end shall be saved.
---Darlene_1 on 2/5/06

Lee; so you think that one can't fall from grace? And where in the bible does it say once saved always saved?
---Rebecca_D on 2/4/06

Maybe its not that christians are cold, maybe its that we have unrealistic expectations of what a christian should be when we know that we cant even live up to our own expectations. I was once told that when I see a fault in someone else maybe the Lord is pointing something out in my own life to be dealt with
---douglas on 2/4/06

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Rebecca... the Bible clearly teaches that salvation is a one time deal, by the grace of God and not by good works, lest any man should boast. So Mima is correct when she said: Once saved, always saved.
---joe on 2/4/06

I think that we as Christians fail miserably in expressing love toward one another. We often get wrapped up in our own little world and fail to stop and listen to others and help them with their needs.
---lee on 2/4/06

Well Mima; if someone was taught Once saved, always saved, then they would be taught wrong, just as you have been. That isn't why some people are cold, their cold because they don't love God, plain and simple. If they did, they would be on fire for him. They are not grounded in God's word like they should be.
---Rebecca_D on 2/3/06

I believe one of the best ways to change someone's behavior, is to pray for them. When you pray for someone, your attitude about them changes.
Proverbs 18:24 A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
---Ulrika on 2/3/06

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Gwen, I felt that way until I found my present church. My previous churches were cold and impersonal. I was more comfortable in AA, where the hugs were given freely and it didn't matter how you were dressed, or if your hair was neat. Unconditional love is there.

Praise the Lord, my current church is also warm and accepting.
---Madison on 2/3/06

I believe that the reason most Christians are cold is because they have not truly comprehended their state of sinfulness and the grace that has saved them. As such, they don't experience God's awesome love in or through them.
---Madison on 2/3/06

Because they aren't serious with God. Too many play "church" instead of being the church. Too many don't praise and worship God like they should. In order to worship God you have to learn to praise him. There are alot of people who use God as a crutch and their thinking that is okay. Some people are cold and some are lukewarm, thinking their hot (on fire for God).
---Rebecca_D on 2/3/06

Lynna: You want "brotherly love"? Give brotherly love (philia, agape)! You want to find "truly caring people"? Be a truly caring person -- fast, pray, BREAK THE ICE! Hope this helps you sis. :) (Luke 6:38)

Ann5758: What you said is really cute; but, profoundly true. :)
---Leon on 2/3/06

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I have found more love, care, compassion and concern in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous than I do in any of the churches in my area. It's also where I found God.
---Gwen on 2/3/06

craig, pt 1: pray about it first. Advertise by word of mouth, on public bulletin boards at grocery stores giving a date and times, "Christian meeting" or "Christian fellowship". Then write a syllabus (outline) on the service you want to lead: Pray about picking a topic (ie: prayer; salvation; gifts; etc.); research the Bible for relevant passages; pick some songs that match the topic;
---Eloy on 2/3/06

pt.2: print copies of the song words and Bible passages for the people; get some low cost copies of KJV Bibles so everyone uses the same Bible; get some olive oil in case of anointings; may hold hands and bow for prayer time and requests and needs; worship time; invitations to receive Christ; closing prayer and blessing; invite to return; can use Christian music from CDs, etc.
---Eloy on 2/3/06

Mima,with due respect, you are mistaken to attribute a lack of friendliness with a lack of belief in a denominational teaching OSAS. As most know, I never believed OSAS. I always had peace about my salvation. To have friends one must show themselves friendly.Friendliness comes from brotherly/agape love, not beliefs. All the churches I have atended have been very friendly. Perhaps, Lynna, it is the area of the Country where people are more reserved. Southerners are very welcoming to newcomers.
---Darlene_1 on 2/3/06

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Craig; instead of starting a church would you consider being a church, winning people to the Lord, enlarging the kingdom? This is possible! For 20 years I worked with churches and some people(maybe 150) were saved. Last August in an eight-day period three men saw over 2100 people accept the Lord at a fair. You can contact me mima 3783 at penpals if you're interested.
---mima on 2/3/06

Boy, I don't know where you people live but there seems to be lots of dumping on the chruch here. If you were asking me about this area, I could eaisly recomend you to a number of evangelical churches that would give a warm welcome.

The way the question is posed makes me wonder: When you go to "many" different churches and NONE of them are warm and inviting, perhaps the common denominator is not the churches being cold but the person seeking to be accepted.
---Bruce5656 on 2/3/06

I agree with Mima. To narrow it down, a lot of churches (people) do not have a "HEART OF COMPASSION". I think Col. 3:1-17 explains a lot of today problems.
---Fred_S. on 2/3/06

ELOY, I've always liked the idea of starting a church in my home. Any idea how best to do this?
---craig on 2/3/06

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Many demominational churches are very traditional and the members are like pharisees. Its all about acheievments and looking good in front of others. You need to go to a real Bible believing, Bible teaching church where most of the congregation are everyday folk.
---joe on 2/3/06

5:15 says Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. 16 Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven. Our Christianity should show in the way we speak and act and if people are not noticing that we are different they are not likely to want what we have. If the difference they see is not nice they won't want it anyway.
---M.P. on 2/3/06

I know how you feel. If you have a house you could start your own christian church, I know that I would without any hesitation. I suggest you try the pentecostal and charismatic churches. Check under "churches" the yellow pages in your local phone directory, they're usually broken down by denominations. But it really depends on the pastor if he is born-again or not, rather than the denomination. If you have a unregenerate pastor, than you won't get the gospel or fed spiritually there.
---Eloy on 2/3/06

Why are so many Christians cold? Because they don't live in the Son.
---Ann5758 on 2/2/06

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Yes! Too many cold Christians! Why? To many Christians never come to the realization, never become settled in their minds that their salvation is a settled deal. Sealed up, finished. another words they were not taught "once saved always saved". And consequently they are never at peace in their mind.
---mima on 2/2/06

Maybe they are dead.
Many Christians do not live in the real world and do not study to be able to give an answer.
I have found that one of the hardest things for Christians to say about the Bible to a questioner is, Sorry I don't know the answer for you but I will find out.
If you notice Lost people do what lost people do and a lot of the Saved people do what lost people do also.
---Elder on 2/2/06

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